Looks can be deceiving.

April 16, 2012

I went out with some ex-students of mine last night – a boy and a girl (Paul and Blair) – around 24 years old. I never thought I’d ever have a connection with people so young – but, when I think about it, I’ve had a lot of special friendships throughout the years, that have been with people who have been a lot older than me, as well as younger.

It just goes to show that age doesn’t really have much to do with things – it’s simply people connecting. And we have!

…which is great for me because it means a boogie on Oxford St whenever we get together! So much fun, with two great people.

Yes, I felt a little ‘old’ at times – my feet and bad knee were certainly feeling the ‘nanna’ – but I looove to dance…I can’t keep still when there’s a good dance tune on – and I certainly kept up with the young ones!

If anything I felt like I was cramping their image a little…considering they had the suburban mother and high school teacher in tow. Haha!

But, I think that I hold my own when I ‘go out’ – I look good for my age and I dress well….what I mean is, I like to dress in a way that doesn’t look like I’m going to work (sometimes a challenge) – so, it’s pretty much jeans, some sort of heeled shoe and cheap bling.

More importantly – I’m not trying to be something I’m not. I’m not in my twenties, as some women strive to be (whether older OR younger) and I’m not communicating that I’m ‘ready to go’ sexually. These two seemed to be the predominant ‘goals’ held by a lot of girls and women, when socialising within the current ‘culture’.

Now, last night’s observations were certainly an experience – it’s not often an oldie like me gets to go back to ‘those’ days – and through these wiser eyes, I certainly did observe – and found it intriguing.

I couldn’t help thinking, as I drove home, that a lot of our young people are in a self-destructive, state of affairs – regardless of sexual persuasion. Whether it was the overtly sexual manner in which many men were dancing with other men or the girls I saw walking along Oxford Street, emulating that second goal in a, ‘MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR’, kind of way – it all looked a bit sad to me.

Sad because whether in a trendy hotspot, private party or gay bar; north, south, east or west; lower, middle or upper class; straight or gay – there seems to be an obsession with sex and being ‘chosen.’

Maybe it’s not sex that’s really wanted – but to be the chosen one. Sexual allure is just a means to an end – as it is for a lot of things.

The problem here is that we ALL want to be chosen – I mean, who doesn’t? It’s that primal desire we all have – but is insecurity about finding ‘that special someone’ making young people look and behave in a generic and seedy, sexual way?

Question #31: What does one really get for looking good / hot / sexy / or all of the above?

Last night Paul and I were discussing looks and he commented on what a good looking couple my husband and I make. I agreed with him, of course, because we do! *wink*

But then I said to him, “So what?”

Even though I may ‘look good’ – it doesn’t afford me any luxuries or privileges in life. Never has. I’m still a full-time worker, wife and mother of two, with a mortgage and the usual struggles and joys of life.

So you want to be chosen?

That’s cool – just be chosen for the things that make you, YOU.

Your uniqueness – I love this word.

The right guy or girl will see this and be captivated by you, for all the right reasons – but if you go down the other road, the wrong person will just want what you’re offering. The first option sounds better, doesn’t it?

So, this is Nanna signing off – but remember kids – I was the most insecure one of them all, when I was growing up – so what’s my advice?

Good things come to those who wait…and those who don’t sell themselves short – but embrace the bits that nature gave them.

Be confident that there are many people out there who will want and desire you, for the exact person you are. *smile*

Deep Breath.


PS I found the following text conversation on the net and thought you might enjoy the giggle!

2 Responses to “Looks can be deceiving.”

  1. It’s interesting reading the perspective of someone who is in a stable relationship, even with the problems of normal, everyday survival. I think it’s easy for you to say “there’s someone out there for everyone…” I wonder if you’d be so quick to judge the actions of others if you had to walk in their shoes. Come home to an empty house every night for year after year and see if you don’t begin to question your image, dress sense, personality, sense of humor etc etc. All well and good for someone who has never lived it to judge from their lofty tower….

    • questionsforwomen said

      I don’t remember writing or inferring that – “there’s someone out there for everyone” – because I don’t believe that’s true. It’s illogical.
      I am in no lofty tower and don’t judge – I just think it’s sad that so many people believe they have nothing to offer another person, except their bodies.
      I went through the things you described in my 20s. Just about everyone does, don’t they? I went through terrible doubts about the future and whether I’d ever find someone – marry – have kids…I also made some bad choices along the way.
      I don’t blame the girls (and guys) I see – I DO, however, blame the ‘upbringing by mass-media’ our children are receiving – and it’s hard for parents to shield their kids from it because of its reach. I’m very concerned about the effect this current form of media is having on the development of our youth – I saw it on Saturday Night. It is feeding on the doubtful feelings we’ve ALWAYS had and is cashing in on them – “It’s all about your looks.” What’s the effect? A vast army of insecure women AND men, who are living a melancholic (at times) existence because they don’t stand up to the ‘tick-a-box’ ideal. I find that terribly sad.
      But, couple the insecurity of my 20s, with the current wallpapering of a hyper-sexualised youth …well – I think that if I were a young adult in this age, instead of the 80s/early 90s, I’d probably be like one of these girls too. That’s why I’m speaking up – not judging.
      Ironically, it is you who has judged me, without having walked in my shoes – but I hope to give you all a turn here and there.
      Thanks for your comment *smile*

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