Not *all* men.

May 27, 2014

A fabulous Twitter hashtag firestorm has been born.
It’s #YesAllWomen – a powerful and indignant reaction to the murders committed in the US over the weekend and a response to the usual male cry, when crimes like this occur, of ‘Not ALL men are like that.’
This argument is the endless battle toward a sense of equilibrium. It exhaustingly halts all debate and progress, as the manner in how we tackle issues, like violence against women, becomes the focal point; predominantly how it’s Not. All. Men.
I remember discussing this with my husband because I couldn’t (and still don’t) really comprehend how that argument is deemed more important to deliberate, over the crucial issue/s at hand.

Yes, it is true. Not all men are violent; not all men are rapists.

But it must be understood that, Yes – all women live in an ever more dangerous world.
All females are at risk of male violence. 1 in 3.

The incident mentioned above, that occurred in Santa Barbara on this last Friday 23 May, has left the world in reeling shock. In case you’ve been on a media freeze over the last few days, 22 year old Elliot Rodger stabbed, shot and killed 6 people and then himself, after leaving a 141 page manifesto (with the date of his planned attack and how he was going to execute it) and various video blogs, obsessing about his virginity and loneliness.

He ultimately sought “retribution” on women in general; wanting to “punish” them for rejecting him. His manifesto outlines his desire to put all women in a concentration camp and sit in a tower to watch them all starve to death; saying, “If I can’t have them, noone will.”

My reaction was one of unsurprised horror – but not as much for the shooting and stabbing acts themselves (although my heart aches for those innocent lives – of both genders – cut short due to him) but for what he said, before following through on his hatred, in a kind of ‘suicide note’ on video.
The depth of bitterness this young man harboured and let fester, is psychopathic and his obsession over what he seems to deem is ‘owed’ to him – a woman’s body for sex – is what ultimately drives him to savagely murder and take his own life.

So now the debate begins – or does it?

Exhibit A:
There are those who defend this man and say he’s a legend. MRAs – Men’s Rights Activists.
A Facebook page was started called, ‘Elliot Rodger an American Hero’. I urged my followers on Facebook to report the page to them. It’s been taken down twice, but then the author just starts up a new page. The page creator has said he’s developing a game called ‘You can’t doge the Rodge’ and has asked for funding. (We all know who will get shot in this game).
According to him he has received $500 already. **

One responder to this page wrote:

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 12.46.46 pm

So we all agree this is all a tad evil, no?
One man; one crazy mind?
No. It’s much, much more. Just one person saying they may do the same as Rodger, due to females not allowing them access to their bodies, is terrifying. It could be anyone.
The sense of entitlement is crippling.

Not all men are violent; but all women live a life of risk.

As the usual method of debate is proving to be largely useless, due the heavy cloak of clichés and the status quo, I believe there are only two questions we need to be asking as a species:

Question #204: What is the action?

Question #205: Who is doing it?

Regardless of gender.

Once a problem has been identified – in this case, Violence – the only port of call is to look at who is doing it – whether male or female and punish according to the action.
Isn’t that logical?
Statistically – in this current paradigm – it’s males. Males are violent.
Is it conditioning? Absolutely.
But this is not to say that there aren’t males who suffer from violence – but again one must ask, Who is doing it? Some are females; more are males.

I leave you with the image below that I found on the Internet:


Most (all?) females would feel a sense of dread in a situation like this.

The points to ponder are 1. Why do females feel this way and 2. how can perceptions and practices be changed so that all we see in this photo, are just people?

Deep Breath.


** At time of publishing this post, Facebook had taken down all pages associated with Elliot Rodger. The irony is that I reported many of the statuses within the post and I’m still receiving messages from Facebook telling me the hate speech on the page is not hate speech – on a page that doesn’t exist!

But never fear – IT’S BACK and this time they want a civil suit against the Sorority girls who didn’t ‘service’ Rodger. The email contact is a female – because that’s going to give the movement credibility now.
So I repeat – what is the action and who is doing it?

Screen Shot 2014-05-27 at 10.32.01 pm



11 Responses to “Not *all* men.”

  1. godtisx said

    You know the problem is entitlement, and society is now constructed in such a way that men feel we are partnering in their thoughts towards access. So many women are overtly sexualizing themselves in such a way who can have a reaction.

    I.e. The other day I was in the supermarket, and this really handsome man (and well dressed too) came up to me and started chatting me up. Soon I wanted to get to shopping, so I tried to conclude the conversation with saying we’ll see one another around for sure. I was interested. But then he grabs my hand and starts saying stuff like I’m so attracted to you, are you attracted to me. *Awkward/forced.* So I even said you’re nice looking… but was already feeling uncomfortable w/ the sudden handling?

    Then he says I wanna take care of you will you let me? So me being a bit of a introvert, didn’t catch it. I laugh and say, we’ll see each other around, see how it goes blah blah. Then he goes, I wanna take care of you just tell me what you want. So now I am confused. And he goes what do you want? Still not getting it.

    Finally he goes I wanna f–k you. How much do you want.

    I go — WHAT? You think I’m a hooker? Then I get, no no. I just wanna, and fumbling. I pull away and tell him with a different attitude now, I’ll see you around. With him, trying to apologize and me continuing to move away from him physically. But as I was leaving I thought, I better be careful. That’s the kinda guy that will wait around the corner for you or something. Every woman has to go through this kind of stuff sometime in her life. And unfortunately, it doesn’t turn out positive for some. 😦

    • Oh NO! What a horrible experience!
      Do you mind if I post this up?
      I feel like we need to flood the system with the experiences of females.
      The pivotal and worst part is that YES you can’t tell who is going to be a nice person and who isn’ – further embedding the culture of fear for females.
      Big hug to you x

      • godtisx said

        Horrible. I couldn’t believe it. Offensive, then I got a little kind of scared. Like, “Make sure you don’t get followed home by this guy leaving.”

        Yes, we do need to flood the system with the experience of women, this way it will normalize speaking up about it and hopefully educate guys who don’t really see women as people (human). But fun time.

        Right!!! You can’t tell who is going to be some creepy weirdo. You can’t!!! Exactly. Further embedding the culture of fear cuz now you’ve got this extra thing to be aware of, always. Like always being on the defense.

        Yes, post the comment up. By all means.

        Big hug to you. x

      • I have put the post up – I hope it reads well.
        I referred to you as Godtisx. If you want me to change that in any way, please let me know.
        Lots of love to you. xx

      • godtisx said

        I saw the tweet of it. It’s fine. But thanks for checking in… Lots of love to you. xo

  2. Verina said

    Well articulated again!
    It is a very sobering piece and very true..
    I saw this on the Sunrise FB page yesterday and in the light of what happened and the comments on the terrible page.. it struck me hard and made me think

    Stressed 5-year-old struggles to choose between 3 girlfriends. Watch the adorable video here…


    I questioned if it was a good thing to be encourage this and suggested he just have friends instead..
    the usual comments followed.. “he’s a kid” ” He’s only 5″ and the inevitable “lighten up” and this one…

    ” This is a 5 year old child that obviously enjoys the company of 3 other children to label them his ‘girlfriends’. He is 5 for goodness sake! He doesn’t know what the meaning of a girlfriend is and I’m sure he will get over it by the end of the week. The kid is cute, it’s a video that shows basically what every 5 year old kid goes through. Some of you obviously do not work with children and have never learnt to accept the fact children will be children. Let it be for now and when he and his family are ready they will teach him what is wrong and right.

    Shut up with your femenestic views and stop making the world about you. He is cute, the video is cute. End of!”

    It was the encouraging of the sense of entitlement that really bothered me, and whist all children go through the “boyfriend/girlfriend ” thing.. I wonder if we should change our attitude…
    these “men” on this website have a sense of entitlement to women that is staggering and makes me wonder just where it comes from..
    maybe we are now starting to see just how young it starts… 😦

  3. surfsimple said

    Would you post the “I hate this situation” poster if it featured a white person surrounded by black people?

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