Yesterday I created some discussion on my blog’s Facebook Page about the #putyourdressout movement – where women around Australia got out their wedding dresses, took a photo of it and posted in on social media, with the above hashtag – to honour Stephanie Scott on the day she would have been married. Stephanie was horrifically murdered six days earlier.

I’m always trying to teach my daughters – especially the one that just entered high school – to think about the core reason for doing anything – mainly due to her recent small engagement with the online world. I tell her that that’s what drives action and that even though her actions may change as she gets older, the core reason behind them, may stay the same. It’s an important thing for all of us to identify, I think.

Yesterday, when I saw the first few wedding dresses pop up on Facebook, I thought about taking out mine but then questioned the action when it didn’t sit right with me. I believe it’s a very well meaning and touching tribute (organised by her friends, so I’ve been told), but after 28 women having been murdered by male violence before her – I felt like I needed to show my respect for her differently. Plus, to be honest, I couldn’t imagine the family perusing through the wedding dresses of others and gaining comfort from them. I may completely wrong here but it’s what stopped me from doing it and think it’s an equally caring action.

My Facebook post prompted a friend to wonder if it was the same as when people put Cricket bats out for Phillip Hughes’s accidental death. I think it is very similar in sentiment, but ball parks away in context. Phillip died due to a freak accident, playing his beloved sport and was honoured as such. Stephanie, however, was the 29th woman murdered by male violence, (or suspected male violence) in Australia so far this year and today the tally went to 30*; a teacher at school in the holidays setting work (like so many of us do). She was a fellow Drama teacher and we may have met one day in the future, at HSC marking perhaps, if her life hadn’t been tragically taken. It’s hit us all in our own way. This is what I did write on Twitter to show my respect:

My post was never one to put this movement down but truly question what the drive was for the action. I won’t go into detail about the responses I received, as most mainly explained the sentiment –  which I reiterate, I understand – but others wrote it’s to create awareness.

This is where it hit the wall for me. Awareness? As a good friend of mine said to me – Awareness we have –> the rate of female deaths from male violence has gone up from one per week – to #OneEveryThreeDaysfrom one year to the next; a little more than double! A few weeks ago I started that hashtag to attach all the stories containing Male Violence Against Women; which is at epidemic proportions. Another one started online was, #MysteryIsMisogyny, a category Stephanie’s murderer falls under – the ‘he was such a quiet man’ or ‘it’s a mystery why he did this’ blanket. These hashtags could actually create more awareness, but sadly, they won’t be as popular as #putoutyourdress, though.

And there’s the conundrum for me. It’s action we need.

As I was pondering this, I read a piece written by my good friend Lily Munroe from REAL for Women titled: While men decide what they stand for; we women must be warriors. Bam!
Just the title alone birthed two thoughts about the #putoutyourdress movement:
1. Are women collectively being warriors about the situation we’re finding ourselves in?
2. Women also need to decide what they stand for.

Well, I stand for a society that finds the spike in male violence against women – against ANYONE – abhorrent and I’m sure most of you do too.
So, what’s next?
The dresses are up and they gave needed comfort to many. But that was yesterday.

What about tomorrow?

Wouldn’t it be a sight if every person who found this murder – and the 28 before Stephanie’s – an insufferable blight on our psyche and safety, marched in every major city demanding a tightening of laws? Check the #OneEveryThreeDays hashtag and see how many men of position charged with sexual assault, have walked free on bail recently in Australia. Legislation was changed due one man’s death due to a King Hit – ads telling guys not to engage violently with other men – but only the sound of crickets is heard on the news and in our timelines about our shameful tally of female deaths.

Look around at what wallpapers our lives and stories; females (girls and women) demeaned as mere sexual objects, whilst males are hailed as heroic through their hyper-masculine toughness. When females are deemed, through representation, as less worthy and merely objects – violence and murder becomes easy (and even condoned to an extent) by the silent society that lets it all slide.

Let’s not forget those first 28 women:

Image from 'REAL for Women'

Image from ‘REAL for Women’

and of course, Stephanie.

Stephanie Scott

Stephanie Scott

May she – may they all – Rest in Peace.

Paula x

PS Up for a kick-arse march? Let’s fill the streets like they do overseas when a few people are killed by terrorism. THIS is terrorism – by our own.

* There has been some confusion about the actual tally. For those using the Destroy the Joint tally, this includes women killed by other women (three this year). This is not to diminish those deaths in the slightest (in the same way that male violence against males is also not to be ignored) but as Male Violence Against Women is the issue that needs a searing spotlight, I use the tally linked in the piece as it follows the #countingdeadwomen campaign of the UK, started by Karen Ingala Smith. Only male murdering female)
Notice the UK tally stands at 25 and they’re three times the population…

My 8 year old gets it.

March 18, 2015

This morning, on my way to school with my 12 year old, I was talking to her about how frustrated I was that over the last two weeks or so, there has been constant reporting on how one man followed another man back to his place and stabbed him to death. Every night, another report about the case. I commented to my daughter that there should be more reports about the 24 women who have been murdered so far, this year (11 weeks) – two murders per week here in Australia.

As we were having dinner tonight The Project DID do a story (we both shot a look at each other), discussing that although the numbers of murders have come down in general of the years, it is a different and alarming story when looking at the increasing statistics of violence against women – with murder obviously being the worst outcome but that a very high percentage of women (87%) experience abuse at least once in their lives; whether it be verbal, physical, at home or out in the streets. The discussion also mentioned how the conversation has to be turned away from victim blaming – although nothing was said about the fact that it predominantly occurs at the hands of a male.
As a society we seem to tip-toe around that glaring fact. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because the discussion generally gets sidetracked with the #NotAllMen arguments and what we should really be dissecting slips away again.

After the story wrapped up, the panelists had a discussion and one of the females said that it angers her that when she goes out into the carpark, she doesn’t feel safe. I can relate to that. Another panelist brought up victim blaming again, saying how we shouldn’t be discussing this issue with statements such as, ‘She shouldn’t have been out getting a taxi at 2am’.

At this moment, my eight year old daughter – who just caught that last sentence – said something along the lines of, ‘But she should be alright because the taxi driver is with her.’

I responded, “These sort of things can happen anywhere and by anyone. What happens if it’s the taxi driver that hurts her?”

She said, “Well then it wouldn’t matter if she got the taxi at night or in the day because that person is a bad person and would do it anyway. So people shouldn’t say that about what time it was.”

Exactly. My eight year old makes a simple deduction – bad people will do bad things regardless, so it’s not the victim’s fault. I was chuffed with her simple logic.

I started to think about what she said in terms of ‘bad people’. If, statistically, violence against women – all violence, actually –  is predominantly done by men (in the United States 90% of murders are committed by males) – how are we to curb this? I’d say that making ‘jokes’ about it, is not the solution; in fact it’s incredibly damaging.

After dinner, I opened up my laptop and lo and behold, one of the most disgusting and dangerous slogans Wicked Campers have (which I thought they had removed) is still being used (Seen in Darwin on Feb 25 2015):

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When violence against women is used as a joke, it only does two things:

1. Creates a sense of permission to feel that women are lesser beings to be violated and hurt – and for the wrong person (like my daughter mentioned) – enact on those sentiments;

2. It creates a sense of dread and fear for women to navigate through this world.

Question #226: Can we please acknowledge that none of this is a joke?

Simply, we are fearful. Our daughters are in danger because society keeps claiming Freedom of Speech, over their – our – safety.

Just last year, a Townsville woman (irrelevant) posed for this image that was for her step-mother’s car – again claiming it was a joke:

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How is it funny to depict a woman tied up with a shovel to bury her? How can we have no compassion for the way this image may trigger women who have endured being tied up – terrorised – trapped – powerless?

I’ll leave you with a post showcasing advice for lads – that includes the following image; amongst other ‘hilarious’ sentiments towards women.

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Whilst these types of expression are continually given oxygen to forge perspectives and attitudes, I’m afraid the future is looking bleak for females. One only need look at what’s happening right now – two women a week are being murdered by men.

Question #227: Can a moral line be drawn? 

Or is it just business as usual?

Deep Breath

My friend Lily Munroe – who was my partner in crime in launching our campaign against the positioning of Lads’ Mags in newsagents, petrol stations and other similar establishments a year ago – is writing an Open Letter. Still a work in progress.

Part of her letter, however, looks at the intimidation and threats women who speak up receive online and she asked me if I were willing to share any.

I was never going to publish these, but I did keep the most horrible comments made by the same man, in response to the Wicked Campers campaign back in July.
Why did I keep them? Because I’ll never forget how they originally made me feel – but the re-reading of them, on occasion, lessens the impact of those sentiments and helps me strengthen and arm myself against any future expressions of deep hate.

I publish them today to help a worthy cause – which I will keep you updated on.

During that campaign, I received over 300 (mostly positive) comments on this blog, and I responded to just about all of them. Only a few were missed because I couldn’t keep up with the incoming flow, but a few I barred from publishing because they merely insulted and didn’t contribute to the discussion. But the following thoughts – from the same man – were pure venom.

As I was reading this first one, I reached the end of the second paragraph and thought – ‘Isn’t that what I did?’
And then the penultimate paragraph knocked me for six:

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Then he followed with this:

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A myriad of responses may come to your minds as you read these, from: ‘Suck it up, he’s just a troll’ to maybe understanding how it must have felt to ‘hear’ those words – but all I have is how responded.

It was deeply alarming to me – especially how he imagined my brains being blown out in the first comment. It made me catch my breath as I read it, even though a few had had a fair go at it – but this one was different. There was so much hatred in his words. It upset me.

I also had a man in Queensland make a ‘Wanted’ poster of me, lifting an unclear image of me (lucky) incorrectly identifying where I lived (lucky) and saying that if anyone saw me around, that I needed to be ‘taught a lesson’.

Question #219: Imagine if I hadn’t been ‘lucky’ in the first two instances?

I would have been in real danger. Well, I already was, a little.

When women who ASK for something better – not abolished; just better – like getting rid of some particular slogans off a camper van or asking one retailer to remove the horrible game GTA5 from sale in their family store – the bitterness and rage that comes cascading down is something to behold.

And all because we dare to ask.

BUT – more and more articles are being written about misogyny, more conversations are being had and some campaigns are even being won – which is bloody brilliant.

Greens Senator Larissa Waters wrote this piece titled, Australian women can’t and won’t be silenced. She references my petition against Wicked Campers and how it inspired her to take it to The Senate. The motion she put forward, condemning Wicked Campers, was voted on unanimously – just four days after the petition was launched.

Activism works – even though, you might get winded from time to time.

A great way to work those abs, though, right?
Each ‘hit’ will only make one stronger.

Deep Breath.

As some of you may be aware, Target Australia was petitioned, in the last week, to take down the video game Grand Theft Auto 5, off their shelves. The attention was drawn from an advertisement from Target, placing the game on the same page as children’s toys.

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Survivors of violence, Nicole, Claire and Ket, started the petition due to the graphic sexual and violent nature of the game – most notably towards prostitutes – which cements perspectives of violence against women.

I felt it was important to share the petition because even though I don’t own the game, YouTube was dutifully able to provide me with a sick commentary of how to pick up a prostitute (woman). Of course, one can choose whether or not they’re going to run her over after the first-person sex, set her on fire and finish her off with a blast from a machine gun.

Yesterday, Target Australia listened, agreed and stopped the sale of the game in its stores; demonstrating integrity with their business standards.
I believe it was the right thing to do.

With emotional issues such as this, many choose to clutch the time and tested clichés of yore. In this case, those who oppose Target’s ultimate decision have two common arguments:
1. It’s just a game
2. Parents are to blame for children having it

I’m not going to go into the first point because the reason/s why a person chooses to play this game is a whole different kettle of fish. I’m not a psychologist nor a judge and it would be going down Alice’s rabbit hole for me to try and understand it.
The second point, however, is where the crux of this lands with me.

The main argument is that this is an R-Rated 18+ game and that the simple solution is that parents should not buy it for their children.
Yes. This is true – BUT, it’s not the simple solution.

Parents are always the easy target in arguments like these, but to be fair, the common cliché has lost its potency in this day and age because of the context of the world we’re living in. We are ALL being bombarded with a pornified and hyper-sexualised world and yet somehow, it’s up to the parents to ‘simply not buy it’?

I think this has become very difficult for parents; to actually deal with the pressure of filtering the ever-encroaching, adult world for their children. To do this successfully, though, one would have to be next to their child at every given moment and that’s impossible – and quite frankly, who would want to raise their child like that anyway? Not me.

As a parent, I am very aware of this paradigm and am doing my utmost to help my girls navigate through it, regardless of whether it’s aimed at them or not (and more often than not it isn’t – but they’re still being exposed anyway). My last post gives examples of the child exposure to this game – and it’s widespread in Primary Schools.

What we need is for the adult world to meet us half way and in my mind, Target Australia has now done just that.

They are a family store and being a family store means it comes with responsibility.
If they had ultimately chosen to keep stocking R-Rated games, then they would have needed to create a section where children can’t access the products; making it very clear it’s for adults only. Ultimately, though, what family store would want to attract attention to the fact that they sell products for adults only?

You’re more likely, as a parent, to be shopping with your children in a place like Target, Big W, K-mart (who should also follow suit and not just this game but all R-Rated games), as they sell children’s toys near the games section. To a child, one ‘game’ is the same as another, so:

Question #218: Can we just have some space that’s safe for kids?

Sadly, we have the fact that many young (predominantly male) children are actually playing this game and although it’s easy to pass the buck on parents – it’s not always their fault.

This decision makes it easier for the parents who are not aware of the game and its pretty horrible contents and who simply don’t notice the rating. We are human, after all, and not noticing a rating when your mind is full of a million other things, is far more forgivable than the bigger picture of all this.

And for all those who cry foul about not having their violent, porn games available in every store they want – at their fingertips – I ask them to step away from their own sense of privilege and think of reducing the temptation of having something rated strictly unsuitable for children, in a place frequented by children. It’s at their fingertips too.

UPDATE: Kmart have in fact now followed Target Australia’s lead and have also pulled Grand Theft Auto 5 from sale. That’s two.

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For those who aren’t Aussie, ‘Cooee’ is a loud call which is used when one is lost – generally in The Bush; nature – or to attract attention. I’m using the latter.

I’m calling for reinforcements. A call to arms.

I’m calling on writers, politicians, people who know of Internet law – anyone – YOU ! – to have an intelligent discussion – to see if anything can be done.

I wholeheartedly believe that one of the biggest problems we face today, lies in two areas:
1. The ‘Freedom of Speech’ argument that seemingly has no limits whatsoever
2. The big companies that give hateful and violent perspectives a platform from where to spread their hatred. Like YouTube.

An abhorrent action happened a few weeks ago and it has been missed in the general conversation. Those who read my last post will know what I’m discussing here – the latest Redfoo song, and accompanying video, Literally, I can’t.

My first reaction was to ride the same wave for obvious reasons – its depiction of females to ‘toe the line’ and do as they’re told, i.e. drink, perform girl-on-girl action, dance (twerk), or be told to ‘Shut the Fuck Up’ repeatedly – and was something that incited a loud outcry; including my own.

I won’t write any more, as I have already expressed my thoughts about it and it has been covered extensively in social media.

But something even more sinister occurs within the video which, in my mind, encompasses everything that is wrong with pop culture today. Product placement has now become rampant in recent big name videos (a complete, greedy cop-out) and Redfoo’s video is no exception.

However, instead of merely advertising a set of speakers, Redfoo advertises a porn site.

So, we have a 39 year old ‘mentor’ on X Factor Australia, loved by many – especially kids and teens – advertising this porn site in his video, a video which ALSO (funnily enough) tells females to ‘shut the fuck up’ for not complying to their misogynistic ideals.

Question #216: Is this OK with you??

Well, it’s not for me and I started a petition to YouTube a few weeks ago:

>>> Here <<<

As I said above, this is not about Freedom of Speech because I am not saying Redfoo can’t make the song and video, I’m not even saying he can’t publish his song and video – what we have to stand up to are the companies like YouTube who give them a platform to spread their dangerous perspectives – like ADVERTISING PORN – regardless of their Community Standards. Facebook falls deeply into this category too.

Today, another example.
I viewed a YouTube video that is linked in a petition (which has since been won) – written by three survivors of male violence – to ‘family’ store, Target Australia, (which is advertising the R Rated 18+ video game, Grand Theft Auto 5, in their brochure for Christmas next to Peppa Pig) to take the product down.
Regardless of this rating, kids in Primary School often engage in talk about the prices for sex and blow jobs within the game because they play it; I hear this from first-hand accounts from various schools. I also know of a family whose 8 year old son had a lap dance performed on him, playing this ‘game’, witnessed by his 12 year old brother.

On offer with this version of the ‘game’, one can have ‘first person’ sex with prostitutes – and then kill them horrifically afterwards, if it pleases one.

(*TRIGGER WARNING* with this video. It is quite disturbing.)

If you don’t want to watch, I will tell you that there is a commentator going through this particular part of the game he’s playing and tells us that we’re going to see ‘Michael’ have sex. Some quotes from the commentary include:
“Michael is a married man but hey, a man has his needs”
“We are getting all three services from the prostitute. I don’t know her name, who cares what her name is, she has a job to do.”
The commentator then goes quiet as we watch – from a first person perspective – the sexual services performed. She – of course – acts like it’s the best sex she’s ever had in a car, in an alley, and even says to him in the end – “I feel like I can really talk to you, come back and see me?”
Finally the commentator says, as the prostitute walks off:
“Now in classic GTA 5 style – you can’t let her get away with your money, so we’re going to go ahead and back this bad-boy up” referring to his car as he runs her over twice – then sets her on fire, listening to her screams and finally shoots her with an automatic weapon. You may also choose a number of weapons to kill her with, including an axe.

My reason for this post is simple – just these two examples are proven to be embedded in too many young children’s social and pop-world lives – and they are on YouTube.
If the images and issues I’ve included here are shocking to you – then don’t you think something has to be done?

This is becoming the foundation of who we are as the human race because they’re the lessons that are truly getting through to our developing minds.

Why do companies like YouTube have Community Standards in the first place, if they’re not upheld? What’s the point of them?

It’s all slipping through the cracks and many kids in Primary and High School are being well and truly desensitised to the depravity they’re watching. These children will one day want to shape relationships and simply won’t know how because it’s been modelled for them in this toxic manner that surrounds them; it’s the common narrative.

Please sign my petition to YouTube. Maybe this isn’t the answer, but simply the start where we ask companies to have our back first and we’ll have theirs.

Question #217: Do you have any other suggestions on how we can have companies stand by their own standards?
[also MASSIVELY; Facebook]

Deep Breath…

COOO-EEEEE !!

>> Sign Petition to YouTube Here <<

A chilling experience.

May 29, 2014

Whilst discussing the need to look at the actions that are plaguing our existence, an illuminating response came from a wonderful follower and artist blogger, Godtisx.

In the big (mammoth) scheme of things, this is just one microscopic drop of an experience that happened to her.
But it’s not a small deal – because this seemingly ‘innocent’ interaction has happened to a friend; can and does happen to far too many females; it could happen to me.

Godtisx wrote:

You know the problem is entitlement, and society is now constructed in such a way that men feel we are partnering in their thoughts towards access. So many women are overtly sexualizing themselves in such a way who can have a reaction.

I.e. The other day I was in the supermarket, and this really handsome man (and well dressed too) came up to me and started chatting me up. Soon I wanted to get to shopping, so I tried to conclude the conversation with saying we’ll see one another around for sure. I was interested. But then he grabs my hand and starts saying stuff like I’m so attracted to you, are you attracted to me. *Awkward/forced.* So I even said you’re nice looking… but was already feeling uncomfortable w/ the sudden handling?

Then he says I wanna take care of you will you let me? So me being a bit of an introvert, didn’t catch it. I laugh and say, we’ll see each other around, see how it goes blah blah. Then he goes, I wanna take care of you just tell me what you want. So now I am confused. And he goes what do you want? Still not getting it.

Finally he goes I wanna f–k you. How much do you want.

I go — WHAT? You think I’m a hooker? Then I get, no no. I just wanna, and fumbling. I pull away and tell him with a different attitude now, I’ll see you around. With him, trying to apologize and me continuing to move away from him physically. But as I was leaving I thought, I better be careful. That’s the kinda guy that will wait around the corner for you or something. Every woman has to go through this kind of stuff sometime in her life. And unfortunately, it doesn’t turn out positive for some. 😦

How horrible. Seriously.
That feeling of wondering whether a person, who is so forward, is capable of more.
Can they get angry? Have I used the right tone with this complete stranger, to not trigger a negative reaction that may cause harm?

One simply never knows.
And it’s not that ‘every male is like that’, either – it’s that the statistics are stacked against us.
I think the tweet below explains perfectly:

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The other important issue (and the apparent white elephant in discussions), is the one thing that truly does separate the sexes, and that is that males are stronger (in general) than females. And that strength is used against us.
When I was attempted raped at university and the sobering moment hit – that it was actually commencing – I knew that the only chance I had, was to use my wits. He had already threatened me with his strength, saying he didn’t want to ‘get violent’ – so I knew I wouldn’t succeed that way.

#NotAllMen but #YesAllWomen

Question #206: Is the argument clear?

It’s urgent that people understand it because there really is no other way to put it.

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Deep Breath.

Not *all* men.

May 27, 2014

A fabulous Twitter hashtag firestorm has been born.
It’s #YesAllWomen – a powerful and indignant reaction to the murders committed in the US over the weekend and a response to the usual male cry, when crimes like this occur, of ‘Not ALL men are like that.’
This argument is the endless battle toward a sense of equilibrium. It exhaustingly halts all debate and progress, as the manner in how we tackle issues, like violence against women, becomes the focal point; predominantly how it’s Not. All. Men.
I remember discussing this with my husband because I couldn’t (and still don’t) really comprehend how that argument is deemed more important to deliberate, over the crucial issue/s at hand.

Yes, it is true. Not all men are violent; not all men are rapists.

But it must be understood that, Yes – all women live in an ever more dangerous world.
All females are at risk of male violence. 1 in 3.

The incident mentioned above, that occurred in Santa Barbara on this last Friday 23 May, has left the world in reeling shock. In case you’ve been on a media freeze over the last few days, 22 year old Elliot Rodger stabbed, shot and killed 6 people and then himself, after leaving a 141 page manifesto (with the date of his planned attack and how he was going to execute it) and various video blogs, obsessing about his virginity and loneliness.

He ultimately sought “retribution” on women in general; wanting to “punish” them for rejecting him. His manifesto outlines his desire to put all women in a concentration camp and sit in a tower to watch them all starve to death; saying, “If I can’t have them, noone will.”

My reaction was one of unsurprised horror – but not as much for the shooting and stabbing acts themselves (although my heart aches for those innocent lives – of both genders – cut short due to him) but for what he said, before following through on his hatred, in a kind of ‘suicide note’ on video.
The depth of bitterness this young man harboured and let fester, is psychopathic and his obsession over what he seems to deem is ‘owed’ to him – a woman’s body for sex – is what ultimately drives him to savagely murder and take his own life.

So now the debate begins – or does it?

Exhibit A:
There are those who defend this man and say he’s a legend. MRAs – Men’s Rights Activists.
A Facebook page was started called, ‘Elliot Rodger an American Hero’. I urged my followers on Facebook to report the page to them. It’s been taken down twice, but then the author just starts up a new page. The page creator has said he’s developing a game called ‘You can’t doge the Rodge’ and has asked for funding. (We all know who will get shot in this game).
According to him he has received $500 already. **

One responder to this page wrote:

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So we all agree this is all a tad evil, no?
One man; one crazy mind?
No. It’s much, much more. Just one person saying they may do the same as Rodger, due to females not allowing them access to their bodies, is terrifying. It could be anyone.
The sense of entitlement is crippling.

Not all men are violent; but all women live a life of risk.

As the usual method of debate is proving to be largely useless, due the heavy cloak of clichés and the status quo, I believe there are only two questions we need to be asking as a species:

Question #204: What is the action?

Question #205: Who is doing it?

Regardless of gender.

Once a problem has been identified – in this case, Violence – the only port of call is to look at who is doing it – whether male or female and punish according to the action.
Isn’t that logical?
Statistically – in this current paradigm – it’s males. Males are violent.
Is it conditioning? Absolutely.
But this is not to say that there aren’t males who suffer from violence – but again one must ask, Who is doing it? Some are females; more are males.

I leave you with the image below that I found on the Internet:

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Most (all?) females would feel a sense of dread in a situation like this.

The points to ponder are 1. Why do females feel this way and 2. how can perceptions and practices be changed so that all we see in this photo, are just people?

Deep Breath.

 

** At time of publishing this post, Facebook had taken down all pages associated with Elliot Rodger. The irony is that I reported many of the statuses within the post and I’m still receiving messages from Facebook telling me the hate speech on the page is not hate speech – on a page that doesn’t exist!

But never fear – IT’S BACK and this time they want a civil suit against the Sorority girls who didn’t ‘service’ Rodger. The email contact is a female – because that’s going to give the movement credibility now.
So I repeat – what is the action and who is doing it?

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*Serious Trigger Warning*

April 13, 2014

This post contains my 200th question; an important moment.

I have been avoiding writing it, to be honest – finding justifiable reasons why I should leave it till later. This question is a big deal and a hard one to articulate; but it needs to be heard.
It must be heard.

I’ve chosen this post to lay it all down, the best way I can, and hope it resonates in some – any – way…maybe even cause an awakening in some.

My question is:

Question #200: Who is looking after females? 

The attitudes, perceptions and (worst of all) laws revolving around females have worsened worldwide. Actually worsened.
The people who make up the largest chunk of the Bell Curve, however, don’t see it – they choose to watch the sensationalist, fear-inducing ‘Big Brother’ news on the TV; news that’s especially selected for viewing conditioning.
However, on a daily basis there are countless more examples of atrocities occurring to females in developing nations, war-torn nations as well as in the so-called ‘developed’ world.

Developed.
Now there’s a word that brings with it a whopping case of irony when used to describe nations with wealth. I don’t see we’re developed at all, especially when it comes to the equality of half the human race.
Seeing as wealthy nations are only about making a buck – and is ultimately the SOLE thing that’s respected in the mainstream mindset (something in which we all participate, to varying degrees) – females in this realm of enlightened living *cough cough*, are an urgently needed commodity; who are represented as being available ‘on-tap’.

The so-called ‘Beauty Industry’ is the developed world’s teat, off which a huge bulk of consumerism suckles. Of course there’s also the destruction of the planet and the cruelty to animals, such as factory farming, to add to the mix.
We consume, destroy and discard rubbish to within an inch of oblivion; all with a mindless privilege that sickens the soul.

The environment, animals and females – the merchandise for the making of money. Check.
That’s the ‘developed’ world.
Congratulations.

But what about something that unites us all?
In what way do we link hands, as a species, in a common practice around the world?

Porn and prostitution.
(Porn –> prostitution with a camera; Prostitution –> the raping of females)

Anyone who argues that the use of female bodies for the purpose of ejaculation (yes, as it is ultimately the only purpose it serves) is a-okay, is contributing to this insidious modern-day emergency – through direct participation, indifference or both.

Our ‘humanity’ is flailing in quicksand, as the toxicity of this violent and hateful underbelly spreads.

This is a small snippet of Gail Dines on Q & A, discussing porn and counteracting the usual, exhausting and typical argument – “I haven’t seen it, so the problem doesn’t exist.”

Gonzo Porn – as Gail mentions – is violent and hateful and constitutes most of the type of porn that is made and accessed today.
In the following tumblr post titled Porn Statistics – amongst the harrowing statistics, female sex workers describe their horrific circumstances:

The first shoot I did was with a man who was probably 40 and he was as thick as a soda can. He held me down and shoved it in me with no lube tearing my vagina. When I started to tear up and cry he flipped me over and continued from behind be so they wouldn’t get me crying on film. He pulled my hair and choked me over and over again even when I told him it hurt and I could barely breathe.”

While the pornographers say this:

“My whole reason for being in this Industry is to satisfy the desire of the men in the world who basically don’t much care for women and want to see the men in my Industry getting even with the women they couldn’t have when they were growing up. I strongly believe this… so we come on a woman’s face or somewhat brutalize her sexually.”

Recently, I read the most succinct and powerful piece by Fire Womon called:

Prostitution, Pornography and the Illusion of ‘Choice’

This piece echoes my exact sentiments about Pornography and Prostitution.

“My problem – and the problem for all prostituted women – is that there are feminists who claim to be ‘pro-sex work’, which basically just means you agree to women being paid fuckholes. Some of these same feminists claim radical feminists such as myself are ‘anti-sex workers’. I hereby state emphatically that not to be the case. I am anti-sex work. There is a huge difference.”

The face of prostitution and porn has changed since the Internet graced us with its presence.
It is more violent. It is more degrading. It is hateful.
It lusts for younger and younger girls.
(My most common search engine term on this blog is ’12 year old slut’. That doesn’t include the variety of ages like 10 year old slut that I receive, as well as more horrific searches such as, ‘put your dick in my 12 year old pussy daddy video’ {word for word})

The most frightening part? The consumer is insatiable.

Males.

From Prostitution; An Abolitionist Perspective, come the following harrowing statistics:

“In prostitution the conditions that make consent genuinely possible are absent: physical safety, equal power with customers and real alternatives.”

A 2004 study of prostituted women in nine countries (Canada, Columbia, Germany, Mexico, South Africa, United States, Thailand, Turkey, and Zambia)  89% of the women surveyed reported wanting to exit prostitution but did not believe they had any real alternatives. A 2005 study of prostituted women in Vancouver found that 82% were sexually abused as a child, while 72% endured physical abuse. 54% of the participants reported entering prostitution while under the age of consent. In addition 86% were currently or previously homeless. 95% of participants wished to exit prostitution but did not feel as though they had any other viable option.

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Choice?

There is little choice bar a small percentage of women. It’s not ‘Pretty Woman’. Those women are a microscopic minority and we simply cannot use them as an argument against the statistics of female, human misery at the hands of males and their drive to ejaculate inside them.

The following comes from an Open Letter to the UN asking for prostitution to be abolished:

You need only read or hear the testimony of women who have been bought for prostitution to find that, day in and day out, what men do when they buy women is “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment.” Men pay to ejaculate and urinate on women’s faces, to hurt and humiliate them with any other kind of sexual perversion they had in mind, to not wear condoms.

As no human being should ever be treated that way, it follows then that PROSTITUTION IS A CORNERSTONE OF ALL SUBORDINATION OF WOMEN AND DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN WORLDWIDE. It supports sexual exploitation which is what customers buy. It is a reserve labor force that allows the economy to not have to fully employ all women seeking paid work. Prostitution structures families differentiating between wife and whore, pitting women against each other in ways that protect male dominance in the family as well as on the streets and in brothels. The list is as endless as is male domination and patriarchy. It is based on the recognition that women are a class hence what affects women in prostitution affects all women. To that end, to see that prostitution is recognized as a universal violation of human rights is to assert the right to human dignity in all of its meaning….. whether or not it is chosen or coerced, whether or not it is trafficked or pimped or is self-imposed by women themselves.

Now for the difficult part.
The following is the link to a site that publishes the opinions of male consumers (‘Punters’ slang) of prostitution in the UK. It outlines how much they paid for their female vessel and discuss their rating of the sex-worker’s performance.

** I must warn you that this may upset some people – but at the same time, I think it’s imperatively important to read the reality of this situation – straight from the horses’ mouths.

The site is called The Invisible Men – Let’s talk about his choices.
The image below is an example of what appears on this site – some are worse. Please read.

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That poor wife.
Porn and prostitution always affect marriages and relationships – in a multitude of varying ways – but always none-the-less.

If one puts Internet porn aside for a moment (a beast that is completely out of control),  the ‘ground-zero’ for us is the popular culture that supports this soul-destroying industry; through consumption by the pedestrian masses – lads’ mags, ads, TV shows and movies that use hyper-sexualised females to support physically, intellectually and/or monetarily heroic males and a pop culture which dictates a fashion that pushes for a look that is sculpted from porn – labiaplasty (of all things!) and plastic surgery are sadly still on the increase.
The worst part for females is the abhorrent rape culture that now exists; as the realities of porn violence seep into the minds of males and are enacted upon the bodies and minds of girls and women everywhere.

Some of these factors are fantastically explored by Gail Dines (again) and Julia Long in the article, Moral panic? We are resisting the pornification of women. It reads:

But feminists who organise against pornification are not arguing that sexualised images of women cause moral decay; rather that they perpetuate myths of women’s unconditional sexual availability and object status, and thus undermine women’s rights to sexual autonomy, physical safety and economic and social equality. The harm done to women is not a moral harm but a political one, and any analysis must be grounded in a critique of the corporate control of our visual landscape.

So I repeat – WHO is looking after females?

I don’t fight for me – I fight for a balanced and equal existence for all.
I fight for my daughters – that they not suffer – and I fight for yours.

I also fight for your sons.

Deep Breath.

The answers to the quiz.

September 17, 2013

Here are the answers to the quiz Who said it? Rapist or Lads’ Mag?

1.  ”Use a nylon cord, tie them down and…use them.” RAPIST

2. “Persuading her to fellate you can be a bit of a challenge.” LADS MAG

3. “In the bedroom there’s only one boss…she’ll like you taking charge like a real man.” LADS MAG

4. ”It’s good to [anally penetrate] women because when you have s-xual intercourse with them in the v-gina, they may not feel it.” RAPIST

5. ”You have to keep reminding them that c*ck is king.” LADS MAG

6. “Married women are frequently an easier prospect than unmarried ones.” LADS MAG

7. ”If they conduct themselves as a lady, they don’t have to worry.” RAPIST

8. “You want to pick the loosest, skankiest one of the lot, fetch her a drink and separate her from the flock.” LADS MAG

9.  ”Girls purposely put up a bit of a fight before s-x to not seem easy, even if they want s-x …they enjoy the back and forth of having the guy ‘try’.” RAPIST

10.  ”If she is drinking, that’s already a point in your favour.” LADS MAG

11.  “I eased my way into the ranga and banged her senseless. After a few minutes me and my mate swapped and his girl was a real good f— too. I… finished up all over her [breasts].” LADS MAG

12. ”Cut your ex’s face, then nobody will want her.” LADS MAG

13. ”You think [she is] so dewy-eyed she’s never sucked d*ck before? She knows how it works.” LADS MAG

14.  “Is she fragile? Then how about you let her know she’s being f—ed?…Women just really want to get f—ed.” LADS MAG

15. “All women that get turned on enough will try anything.” LADS MAG

Yes. Only four out of the fifteen were said by convicted rapists.

Question #183: Do you still want these magazines available for our sons of any age?

Do you want men to think of our daughters in this way? And then act?

We have to get rid of them.

Please help.

Challenge newsagents, petrol station owners – ANYONE who perpetuates the spread of this evil.

And yes, I do believe it’s evil because when a man’s advice is that a woman needs to be reminded that ‘c*ck is king’ then it could be any one of us that gets that reminder.

That’s misogyny – hatred.

It’s sick and it’s in a magazine with no age restrictions.

Deep Breath.

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