A chilling experience.
May 29, 2014
Whilst discussing the need to look at the actions that are plaguing our existence, an illuminating response came from a wonderful follower and artist blogger, Godtisx.
In the big (mammoth) scheme of things, this is just one microscopic drop of an experience that happened to her.
But it’s not a small deal – because this seemingly ‘innocent’ interaction has happened to a friend; can and does happen to far too many females; it could happen to me.
Godtisx wrote:
You know the problem is entitlement, and society is now constructed in such a way that men feel we are partnering in their thoughts towards access. So many women are overtly sexualizing themselves in such a way who can have a reaction.
I.e. The other day I was in the supermarket, and this really handsome man (and well dressed too) came up to me and started chatting me up. Soon I wanted to get to shopping, so I tried to conclude the conversation with saying we’ll see one another around for sure. I was interested. But then he grabs my hand and starts saying stuff like I’m so attracted to you, are you attracted to me. *Awkward/forced.* So I even said you’re nice looking… but was already feeling uncomfortable w/ the sudden handling?
Then he says I wanna take care of you will you let me? So me being a bit of an introvert, didn’t catch it. I laugh and say, we’ll see each other around, see how it goes blah blah. Then he goes, I wanna take care of you just tell me what you want. So now I am confused. And he goes what do you want? Still not getting it.
Finally he goes I wanna f–k you. How much do you want.
I go — WHAT? You think I’m a hooker? Then I get, no no. I just wanna, and fumbling. I pull away and tell him with a different attitude now, I’ll see you around. With him, trying to apologize and me continuing to move away from him physically. But as I was leaving I thought, I better be careful. That’s the kinda guy that will wait around the corner for you or something. Every woman has to go through this kind of stuff sometime in her life. And unfortunately, it doesn’t turn out positive for some. 😦
How horrible. Seriously.
That feeling of wondering whether a person, who is so forward, is capable of more.
Can they get angry? Have I used the right tone with this complete stranger, to not trigger a negative reaction that may cause harm?
One simply never knows.
And it’s not that ‘every male is like that’, either – it’s that the statistics are stacked against us.
I think the tweet below explains perfectly:
The other important issue (and the apparent white elephant in discussions), is the one thing that truly does separate the sexes, and that is that males are stronger (in general) than females. And that strength is used against us.
When I was attempted raped at university and the sobering moment hit – that it was actually commencing – I knew that the only chance I had, was to use my wits. He had already threatened me with his strength, saying he didn’t want to ‘get violent’ – so I knew I wouldn’t succeed that way.
#NotAllMen but #YesAllWomen
Question #206: Is the argument clear?
It’s urgent that people understand it because there really is no other way to put it.
Deep Breath.
Not *all* men.
May 27, 2014
A fabulous Twitter hashtag firestorm has been born.
It’s #YesAllWomen – a powerful and indignant reaction to the murders committed in the US over the weekend and a response to the usual male cry, when crimes like this occur, of ‘Not ALL men are like that.’
This argument is the endless battle toward a sense of equilibrium. It exhaustingly halts all debate and progress, as the manner in how we tackle issues, like violence against women, becomes the focal point; predominantly how it’s Not. All. Men.
I remember discussing this with my husband because I couldn’t (and still don’t) really comprehend how that argument is deemed more important to deliberate, over the crucial issue/s at hand.
Yes, it is true. Not all men are violent; not all men are rapists.
But it must be understood that, Yes – all women live in an ever more dangerous world.
All females are at risk of male violence. 1 in 3.
The incident mentioned above, that occurred in Santa Barbara on this last Friday 23 May, has left the world in reeling shock. In case you’ve been on a media freeze over the last few days, 22 year old Elliot Rodger stabbed, shot and killed 6 people and then himself, after leaving a 141 page manifesto (with the date of his planned attack and how he was going to execute it) and various video blogs, obsessing about his virginity and loneliness.
He ultimately sought “retribution” on women in general; wanting to “punish” them for rejecting him. His manifesto outlines his desire to put all women in a concentration camp and sit in a tower to watch them all starve to death; saying, “If I can’t have them, noone will.”
My reaction was one of unsurprised horror – but not as much for the shooting and stabbing acts themselves (although my heart aches for those innocent lives – of both genders – cut short due to him) but for what he said, before following through on his hatred, in a kind of ‘suicide note’ on video.
The depth of bitterness this young man harboured and let fester, is psychopathic and his obsession over what he seems to deem is ‘owed’ to him – a woman’s body for sex – is what ultimately drives him to savagely murder and take his own life.
So now the debate begins – or does it?
Exhibit A:
There are those who defend this man and say he’s a legend. MRAs – Men’s Rights Activists.
A Facebook page was started called, ‘Elliot Rodger an American Hero’. I urged my followers on Facebook to report the page to them. It’s been taken down twice, but then the author just starts up a new page. The page creator has said he’s developing a game called ‘You can’t doge the Rodge’ and has asked for funding. (We all know who will get shot in this game).
According to him he has received $500 already. **
One responder to this page wrote:
So we all agree this is all a tad evil, no?
One man; one crazy mind?
No. It’s much, much more. Just one person saying they may do the same as Rodger, due to females not allowing them access to their bodies, is terrifying. It could be anyone.
The sense of entitlement is crippling.
Not all men are violent; but all women live a life of risk.
As the usual method of debate is proving to be largely useless, due the heavy cloak of clichés and the status quo, I believe there are only two questions we need to be asking as a species:
Question #204: What is the action?
Question #205: Who is doing it?
Regardless of gender.
Once a problem has been identified – in this case, Violence – the only port of call is to look at who is doing it – whether male or female and punish according to the action.
Isn’t that logical?
Statistically – in this current paradigm – it’s males. Males are violent.
Is it conditioning? Absolutely.
But this is not to say that there aren’t males who suffer from violence – but again one must ask, Who is doing it? Some are females; more are males.
I leave you with the image below that I found on the Internet:
Most (all?) females would feel a sense of dread in a situation like this.
The points to ponder are 1. Why do females feel this way and 2. how can perceptions and practices be changed so that all we see in this photo, are just people?
Deep Breath.
** At time of publishing this post, Facebook had taken down all pages associated with Elliot Rodger. The irony is that I reported many of the statuses within the post and I’m still receiving messages from Facebook telling me the hate speech on the page is not hate speech – on a page that doesn’t exist!
But never fear – IT’S BACK and this time they want a civil suit against the Sorority girls who didn’t ‘service’ Rodger. The email contact is a female – because that’s going to give the movement credibility now.
So I repeat – what is the action and who is doing it?
Humbled and distressed
February 22, 2013
*MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING – graphic images in this post*
I’m not sure how to feel after yesterday’s events. Numb, I guess.
After publishing my last post about my love/hate relationship with Facebook – predominantly about the content they allow to infect – I started to receive comments on my QFW Facebook Page from women, protesting about the number of times they have reported hateful and violent images only to be told by Facebook, that they deem them appropriate.
In yesterday’s post, I discussed the graphic meme of a woman – appearing to have been stabbed over not doing the dishes – which caught the fury of Karen Pickering when she was told it was fine by Facebook.
A friend sent me the following image she had reported and was told did not breach Community Standards:
It says:
* know your place
* shut up when a man is talking
* proper fellatio technique
Facebook states in their ‘Community Standards’ in the section of Hate Speech:
Facebook does not permit hate speech, but distinguishes between serious and humorous speech. While we encourage you to challenge ideas, institutions, events, and practices, we do not permit individuals or groups to attack others based on their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, disability or medical condition.
So they have distinguished this as humorous speech (hahahahahaha) and NOT an attack on gender. Interesting to know what they would deem an attack.
Under Graphic Content:
People use Facebook to share events through photos and videos. We understand that graphic imagery is a regular component of current events, but must balance the needs of a diverse community. Sharing any graphic content for sadistic pleasure is prohibited.
This image is not for sadistic pleasure then?
Sadistic means to derive pleasure from extreme cruelty and this image ticks that box. It’s funny right? Funny = pleasure.
When I saw the image above, I was filled with such indignation, that I started a FB page where people can post the images they’ve reported, but told it didn’t breech Facebook’s Community Standards.
After only a few hours, I shut it down. I couldn’t look at one more photo.
The most haunting one I received, of the young toddler below, came from a site called ‘Anti-slut Patrol‘. I immediately reported it to Facebook for Graphic Violence.
Facebook were quick to reply that it was fine:
What I just noticed, however, is that they have – since last night – changed their Standards. I reported this photo under Graphic Violence (as it says in the screen shot) and now it’s called Graphic Content. I wrote them a response to their ‘ruling’ asking them to explain how the image is not graphic violence and what, to their standards, is.
I guess they just answered; change the Standard to comply with letting people publish this toxic waste.
I asked Facebook what they wanted their legacy to be – obviously it’s ensuring that depravity prevail and keeping those masses happy.
I am now humbled by the massive, unfathomable enormity of this.
And again feel helpless.
Victims of violence not only have to live with the horror that is their life, they must also reconcile with the fact that companies with no soul, like Facebook, will never have their back – or anyone else’s for that matter – because they would rather make money off malice and pass it off as humour.
Question #146: How can we create change, if our pleas continue to be ignored?
I finally want to add that I know many of you may think – it’s OK, it’s just a joke – and that if every picture that was reported was taken down, we’d live in a Nanny State.
My response to that is – WE NEED BALANCE.
Noone is saying that we have to have a dictatorship run by ‘mummies’, but a respect for the unimaginably, abhorrent lives some people have to live, without making a ‘joke’ of it, would start us on the road toward OUR LEGACY – one that we can leave for our kids to continue with.
Deep Breath
x
I see a gender issue.
September 19, 2012
There have been serious clashes worldwide over this anti-Islamic movie, that by most accounts, is of bad quality and is now notorious and has been made VERY important – because all those protesting have ‘blessed’ it with that honour.
The thing that I simply can’t fathom, from a humanitarian point of view, is why these protesters have placed SUCH significance and attention on something that could have quite as easily gone through undetected.
All of this for WHAT? Wanting to change how people think? Do they think violence is the way to change people’s minds?
We all seem to be on the same page about the obvious feelings that the Sydney protest (that turned violent) has stirred. Despite living in a huge melting pot, most people have been positively forging connections with other cultures. This last weekend’s events, however, have set this back substantially – giving those less tolerant the fuel they need to validate their feelings of racial hatred.
An absolute pity.
As I watched (stunned), I found myself disconnecting to what was being said – pressed mute, if you will – and just observed the images before me.
And I saw a sea of men. Men inciting violence.
Of course, there were women in the mix, but for the most part, you must agree that the reaction is a masculine one. Heated and violent.
I found it interesting that the one person in the Sydney riots who received the most singular attention, was a woman. A mother who was photographed taking a picture of her child with a placard calling for the beheading of those who insult the prophet Mohammed (one copy of a gazillion of the same placard).
The photo was an horrific sight. Truly. No argument from me. The fact that the next generation of children – from both sides (let’s not forget the Cronulla riots) – are being groomed to hate, is terrifying. The boy, however, is not old enough to read – so here’s hoping that he was oblivious to its writings…
The part that intrigued me, however, is that this woman handed herself in to Police the next day, to sort things out.
Any of the men do the same? The violent and destructive ones?
Remember that I’m observing – like a David Attenborough from another planet – having a peek.
So, I looked at what was happening around the world – and yes, it’s more of the same.
“This insult touched off the second wave of Islamic awakening and we hope that this wave would grow into a tsunami which would annihilate the US,” Ayatollah Ahmad Khatami, the top member of the Assembly of Experts, told thousands of clerics in the holy city of Qom on Sunday.
Sea of men.
Question #98: Can we ever achieve a peaceful existence, when the predominant masculine reaction is paving the way?
I’m not implying that ALL men are this way – in the same way that I would never profess that women are incapable of violent acts.
You all know what I mean.
Deep Breath…
(Maybe a lot of these people should have started with a deep breath and this issue could have been rationalised logically – that an idiot made a video.)
What about the following?
Maybe I’m naive, but I like the cartoon.
A girl can dream, can’t she?
x
Questions for Us 