Let’s talk about sex…

March 27, 2012

I need to start this post by saying that I’m SO embarrassed. When I checked the number of hits I’d had on Friday night, I failed to realise that it was a few minutes past midnight…hence why there weren’t any hits. FAIL. I must admit, though, that my brain was in the mushy stage by then, especially after the previous 24 hours. So all is good. *smile*

I also want to give an honourable mention to my BFF (who I met 35 years ago and has been a constant in my life ever since), for joining me on my mini-break. It was  just the ticket. In just over a day together, we talked, did some shopping in the quaint, antiquey, Blue Mountains shops, saw The Three Sisters, drank, ate, laughed…and talked. We discussed our kids, our strength as mothers – our flaws – and gave each other support. I came away feeling peaceful and blessed. Thank you, Katy.



As I usually do in discussions like this, I’m going to go ‘back in the day’, as it’s the only benchmark I have.

I remember in the 90’s, when I was in my 20’s, I used to buy Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines pretty regularly – it seemed to have everything a young and vibrant girl like me needed to know! *insert ‘wow’ face*

It was also designed to confuse the hell out of us, but hey….what’s new. We went from ads with skinny and gorgeous women modelling clothes, makeup and jewellery – to the harrowing story of the girl with anorexia – to “How to lose your tummy in 10 days!” exercise regime – to some story about loving a star’s new curves. Yep. Mixed message central.

And this was the era of no photoshopping! I know – hard to believe or imagine nowadays. If anything, at least they were selling us real women – unlike today where the women are practically digital.

So, yes, the core of what we’ve been ‘sold’ over the decades, hasn’t changed. What has changed, however, is the saturation of the current ‘look’ and the worst part is that our young girls are LAPPING it up.

What does this have to have sex? I hear you ask….

Well, in the same way that us girls have always been sold an image to conform to, now it’s being used to sell a ‘common’ sexual image – for men.

Back to Cleo and Cosmo for a moment. Along with all the above-mentioned features, there was always a section devoted to how to ‘catch a guy’ or ‘please your man’ – generally with ’10 ways’ to do it. Funny – I’m not sure what magazine is out there for the guys, with tips on how to please their woman…

…oh, that’s right, there isn’t.

Question #26: Why are women perpetuating the sexual image, that’s a male fantasy?

With the introduction of the internet, it seems that (again) there is one predominant image being splashed about in everything we see; young girls and women, dressing like they’re ready to go – and a lot of them are. A friend recently said to me that a young, male relative of hers told her how easy it is for a guy to end up with a girl, “without having to do anything.”

But the word that keeps rearing its head, is young.

You have ads, like the following, where child star Dakota Fanning, is looking a little more grown up, a little less innocent – and giving up her ‘flower’ to sell perfume…that’s sitting in her crotch.

This ad was banned in the UK.

Or there’s this 10-year-old in French Vogue…

It’s obviously not enough to target young women in their 20’s, through to teenagers, to make a buck – now, to feed the insatiable lust for making money, we need to start training our girls in Primary School. What leaves me dumbfounded, however, is that there seem to be A LOT of mothers behind the new trainees.

Please watch the following clip. It features Melinda Tankard Reist, the warrior fighting the sexual exploitation of our young girls. This link contains images of a dance show in America called, “Dancing Moms” and how girls as young as eight are doing a burlesque dance – with the ‘appearance’ of being topless.

Besides the disturbing fact that pedophiles just won – AGAIN – these girls are being trained to express themselves in a sexual manner – aged 8 – for ratings. There is nowhere else for these girls to turn, because as they start to grow and watch music videos and movies, there’s just more of the same:

  • Girls looking and acting like they’re naughty girls – because that’s what men like,
  • Girls who are willing to give sexual favours AND be good at it – because that’s what men like,
  • Girls who ‘don’t want a relationship’, just sex – because that’s what men like.

Ever noticed that if there’s a soundtrack to represent sex – it’s just a female voice you hear moaning and panting? Never a man’s – because men don’t like that.

Deep down, girls don’t know how else to behave because they’ve been fed the same story from the start – your validation comes from your looks.

Girls can’t really get validation from their friends because girls/women secretly (deep down) compete with each other. So they turn to the men and in this competitive market, how else are girls/young women going to catch that boy’s eye, if it’s by not by giving him what he wants?

We’ve always been a confused bunch – navigating our way through everything that was thrust in our face – but now it’s a whole new ball game and it’s up to us, ladies, to start turning things around through education and protest.


8 Responses to “Let’s talk about sex…”

  1. Verina said

    great stuff, and
    I agree. It reminds me of the T shirt by “one angry girl” that says
    “do not participate in your own exploitation”
    Why women take part in degrading other women and call it empowerment, is beyond me!
    We need to stand together and see the lie for what is it. Men getting us to do what they want, and convincing us it is our choice/ idea!

  2. Lisa said


    I saw a van that had sprayed on the back “Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care!!

    It has made me think since then, why do we make men feel like they do such a great job (and in my past experiences they weren’t) and they give a half arsed effort or none at all.

    We should encourage young girls/women to satify themselves not by boys/men, and when they are ready (old enough) and confident to say what works for them.

    Most older women would prefer to not have sex with their partner as much as they used too. Men are just too stupid and selfish to actually find out what women like and what gets them going.

    The general gist is, we have to do everything to satisfy them and honestly does the average guy care about turning a women on.

    “Wham bam thank you mam” says it all.

    I am making a real effort to talk openly about sex with my children as well as what I have been telling them to friends. Trying to encourage them to talk about sex with their children, and they are. It’s going to take a long time to turn things around, hopefully one day:-)

    Thanks Paula for getting me fired up to get that out, have been thinking about it for some time.

    • questionsforwomen said

      What you said is ABSOLUTELY spot on! Women have to do all the ‘performing’ to satisfy and it appears like minimal -if ANY – effort is being made in return.
      Thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts and telling us about that foul message on that van.
      It’s time to take a stand and say no to all this crap, as well as do what you say – teach our children about healthy, respectful sex lives.

  3. Claire Cappetta said

    I just found your blog and love it! Thanks for the ’90’s memories, but I’m really confused…We are told young and vibrant is hot and sexy and then Helen Mirren gets voted the sexiest woman alive…Huh? I think it’s about time men thought about trying harder, my husband decided too after I kept drooling at the David Beckham commercial (Please don’t ask me what he was advertizing…who cares?lol)

    • questionsforwomen said

      HAHAHA!! Very true! Yes, young is the flavour, isn’t it? It’s something I’m going to ‘chat’ about soon – amongst my long list 😉
      I’m glad you like the blog – it’s nice to know I’m not just standing on a soap box…talking to myself *Biiig smile*

      • Claire Cappetta said

        Know the feeling about the soap box, wouldn’t it be great though if it changed around and older mature women were classed as sexy more… I think we’re getting there! 🙂

      • questionsforwomen said

        I hope so 🙂

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