May 6, 2012

Thank you for the supportive comments that I’ve received so far about my sometimes ‘hostile’ environment at home. I take some comfort in knowing that it’s normal for siblings to go at each other, over everything – especially when they’re in the mood for it…but there’s one important thing I forgot to add to the last post – which I think I alluded to, but didn’t quite spell out.

And that is that I hate the person I become when they finally tip me over – and that it’s the ‘mother’ they see more often. I worry that with the frequency in which I find myself refereeing, setting boundaries and/or disciplining, will create (is creating) a negative experience for all three of us.

Them – because they’ll see me as continually being unhappy with them and in a bad mood;

Me – finding myself not wanting to be around them. I hate having that feeling…but I shamefully feel it.

My youngest now mirrors the way I act when I lose control – she shouts and screams so loudly, you’d think she was being attacked. But as head-strong as she is, she learned it from me.

I know it has to start with me…but after days of me doing things in the ‘right way’ with them – I get angry when I don’t (think I) see an effort being made by them.

That’s when I feel like a fraud – because my intellectual mind knows what needs to be done, I do it…and then it doesn’t work. My head then spins into…

WHHAAAAATT????…What did you just say to me??…You did WHAT??…

…but then, they’re only kids – so young. I know.

Question #41: Would mothers really sign up for this, if we actually knew what it would be like?

I know the answer to this is ‘YES’…because we would always think that it would be different with our kids.

I talk to my mother often about this and after a few responses of, “I know” from her – I asked her why she had never told me what it was really like to raise kids. Well, the simple truth is, I wouldn’t have listened because my girls are my one and only lifelong dream – come true. Having kids was all I EVER wanted.

Time to take a deep breath…again.


4 Responses to “PS…”

  1. You will be pleased to know my eldest niece is 36 next one 35 they fought like cats and dogs when they were young ( imean pull each others hair out as they got older said the most horrible things to each other my brother would send 1 to our house for time out now they are thick as thieves talk up to 10 times a day work together and live 2minutes from each other .They say patience is a virtue always in a woman never in a man

    • questionsforwomen said

      Thanks Helen. Yes, my patience is better than it used to be…but there’s still a way to go! 🙂

  2. MsLJ said

    I used to fight a lot with my 2 sisters. It was always two is OK, three is war. My Mum would lose it at us. There was always lots of yelling. I never felt like I could do the right thing. I pretty much thought she was a miserable cow.

    Then I became an adult and something changed. We get on really well now. So don’t beat yourself up too much. If you make sure you have times when they know they are loved, you’ve got nothing to worry about. 🙂

    • questionsforwomen said

      Thanks Leonie! It’s comforting to hear how it was with you and all those girls!
      I’m also one of two girls and my cousins were two girls too! Bit of a man drought in my family! 🙂

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