Should porn sites be advertised in music videos?
November 14, 2014
Due to the overwhelming amount of media attention that Redfoo has gained for creating such a sexist and degrading video – Literally, I can’t – this very important part of the video has been overlooked in the media’s conversations. This video promotes a porn site.
This would mean that Redfoo (as the video has been published under his own label) has received payment for using product placement to advertise and condone its exploration. In an on-air radio rant today (blaming bloggers and feminists for this ‘negative attention’ (that’s obviously come out of nowhere, right?), Redfoo was quoted as saying:
I have kids from everywhere, not just Australia, and they want to be like Redfoo. They love Redfoo and I love them. I love the families, I love everybody.
If this were true then he would want the kids to emulate – what – his love of porn? It’s. In. The. Video. Nothing can be argued against that.
Question #215: Should this video be taken down from YouTube?
I remember in the late 80s, Madonna’s video ‘Justify my Love’ was banned from being played on MTV. Does that mean that ‘Freedom of Expression’ was different then? I think not. Obviously, it was deemed inappropriate enough to censor it from the TV.
The Internet, however, has no limits or boundaries and as a parent and teacher, I feel an ever-growing despair at the dangerous sites that will surely cross paths with our developing youth. That’s just chance – this video, however, has advertised porn in a video that not only has a limitless audience on the Internet, it will be aired on normal music TV shows. In an article titled Internet Porn: an entirely new child’s game, it states:
Quite likely porn – internet porn – is the problem, not the solution. It likely originates a decade back, in childhood, and is likely a dysfunction not of the penis, but of the brain. Putting such a boy in front of porn is like giving your drug-addled kid heroin. We’re so messed up about children and sex. On the surface, an adult can barely photograph a child without suspicion of paedophilia and if children’s literature even mentions flirting or nudity it will face school-and-parent lockout. Yet in the real world every bus ad and TV soap is awash with meaningless sex and many children, especially boys, are hardcore internet porn regulars by third grade.
If you feel as I feel; that we need to make a statement about this particular betrayal on Redfoo’s part – and it IS a betrayal on so many levels, knowing how many young fans he has – then please sign my petition. If the general community feels that a moral and ethical (if not legal) line has not been crossed – so be it. I, on the other hand, will feel complete disillusionment with the direction we’re collectively taking as human beings. Please help me raise awareness of this white elephant that seems to have been massively overlooked.
>>> Sign Here <<<
Deep Breath. 
I’ve changed my name.
January 17, 2014
I have to say that this journey has been cathartic.
Looking back at who I was two years ago and the reasons for starting this blog – to hopefully find answers to the questions I had for myself about this life, why it was the way it was and how I was to navigate through it – along with my daughters, husband, family, friends and the big wide world – it’s quite incredible; I am quite a different person today.
My journey has seen me connect with such an extraordinary cross-section of inspirational and brave feminists – all with their unique angle of what the issues are for women and girls in this world and who work tirelessly to create some positive change.
I feel humbled to have met you all – you have had a profound impact on me.
So here I am – having just had my unoriginal epiphany about the chronic and habitual gender roles both women and men are assigned from birth – and I realised that I had a problem with the name of this blog.
Why did I name the blog Questions for Women? Because at the time, I understood women (and men) to be in categories. I myself (still) participate in it, although some shackles – like how I perceive beauty in myself and all those around me – have been dropped.
But who are these ‘women’ I want answers from, exactly?
Since posting my last question – What IS a woman? (yes, we all know it’s a female adult, I mean in terms of the label) – it became abundantly apparent that, really, there’s no such thing.
So this blog will now be known as: Questions for Us – questionsforus.com
The future can only be changed through our children / younger generation – by Us.
Being the ‘grown-ups’ of the equation means we have to step up – do much more than we are now.
Most of us adults are too far gone in our deeply-rooted mantras and practices to completely change the narrow gender moulds we’ve designed (and keep whittling at into smaller and smaller representations) but kids are different; essentially they are a clean slate.
Today, however, they’re a clean slate surrounded by a world selling them something sinister in its core and wallpapering their existence with it.
Question #197: Can we now embrace the phrase, ‘It takes a village to raise a Child’?
In my heart of hearts, I bloody hope so! We need it now – more than ever.
I sincerely hope to have you on board in discussions, as I don’t have all the answers – but I’m not blind to what I see and will question it.
Deep Breath.
x
Question #195: Is it *all* just for a compliment?
January 1, 2014
The moment after Christmas dinners and lunches were fully consumed, my Facebook page got littered with images like the following:
…from women.
No men indulged me with feelings of having to diet or comment on the weight they had gained over Christmas. Just women. Then there was the plethora of women friends commenting on said images, also participating in the merry-go-round of the standard, “Oh, I KNOW! I’m exactly the same.” rigmarole – like it’s the secret password for entering an exclusive club.
And it is exclusive – only women seem to want to wholeheartedly enter. Just listen, especially around the ‘festive’ season (particularly when they’re around other women) and see how long it takes before kilos / stomach size etc. is mentioned – even for a moment.
It consumes females’ lives. C’mon…we’re smarter than that, aren’t we?
What does one gain from having the ‘perfect’ figure?
My real question is:
Is it all just for a compliment?
Don’t get me wrong, I like to look unique to me and do my best with what I have and if that receives a compliment – that’s nice! – but it’s not the reason why I dress and groom myself.
There have been moments in my life when my weight has blown out a bit (74 kg being my heaviest) but as I am tall, I have always looked pretty good. This is because I have thin legs and any weight gain went on from my stomach and up – the legs and thighs never changed. To the outsider, my legs camouflaged what was going on up top to a degree. Funnily enough, all I could see was my rounded face when I was at my heaviest – which ironically is what I really notice about people; their faces, not bodies.
How do I know I looked good? Because I was complimented as such – even as so far as being called lucky; lucky for having thin legs.
On an intellectual level – isn’t that ridiculous?
I just want to state for the record that the only luck my legs have given me is their ability to take me from place to place – just like every other able-bodied person on the planet.
That’s it.
Furthermore, ever since being at peace with all my bits – which has been quite a few years now – I’ve noticed that if I ever mention anything about my body (not complaining), I am quickly interjected and shot down with phrases such as, “You have nothing to worry about” or “I WISH I had your figure.” I have to say that it’s bloody frustrating not really being able to simply discuss changes one notices (and we know that it’s always happening with our complicated but wondrous bodies, ladies) without the obligatory “You’re fine” commentary. There are parts of me that sag, bulge and roll; I have wrinkles and skin pigmentation on my face; I have dark leg hair which is the bane of my existence to remove (see? not so perfect legs) and I have no butt. Side on, my stomach is about the same size as my bottom – very ‘attractive’… Etcetera and so on.
We’re women.
We all know our flaws (we’re good at believing what we’re told – that it’s how we think of ourselves) – and we all (yes, ALL) have them, because it’s personal and it’s entrenched.
But this is where I want to say that it is exactly our ‘flaws’ that make us unique and beautiful.
My body has not given me a free pass to anything – I have a mortgage (a 70s house in the western suburbs that I got aged 39; you’d think my body would have let me own a house sooner than that); I have a full-time job, two daughters to raise – who can both be very demanding; and the usual ups and downs of life. I can emphatically claim that my body afforded me no special privilege. Nothing.
The things I have gained in life have come from the person within (who is also flawed, by the way).
So if we are just looking for some verbal validation (from as many people as possible):
Question #196: Is it truly worth all this anxiety and self-hate?
Why not try something different when thinking of New Year’s Resolutions?
Please don’t let it have to do with altering yourself. So you over-indulged over Christmas and New Year; you know what to do to balance it out.
Walk tall, don’t negatively talk about your body and see the beauty in every female body you see – especially yours. Imagine the change, if our daughters saw the beauty on all sorts of shapes and sizes the way YOU do. Don’t judge other women or compare yourself, just cultivate your own temple. How about we women, collectively, make the New Year’s Resolution to blow these soul-destroying and self-hating beauty standards out the window.
I have been using a new word to compliment women and it’s not beautiful – it’s radiant.
Happy New Year, radiant ones!
Go forth and SHINE! x
Deep Breath.
PS I’ll leave you with a clip of Aussie ‘plus-sized’ model (which is ridiculous – she’s a goddess), Robyn Lawley. Forget what she looks like and just listen to her words. Soak them in.
A weighty issue.
October 19, 2013
Weight.
Women’s weight.
Girls’ weight.
Your weight.
Her weight.
An entrenched obsession – incessantly being discussed in all forms – being passed on from adult woman to intently watching and learning girl.
Chelsea, a fan who follows my Facebook page, sent me an email due to the following meme that I found and put up on my page:
I LOVE the message of it but I also questioned whether the body in the image was the most realistic for the message. Chelsea wrote:
I’m a naturally slender and tall woman. I can gladly say I am proud of my body just the way it is but I’m sometimes made to feel guilty about this. It’s becoming increasingly common for people like me to be called unnatural or unrealistic. I know that what is portrayed in the media is often not a healthy image but I think we should be starting a movement of acceptance that we are all different in so many ways and that it’s important to be healthy and happy rather than still trying to paint a picture of what ‘real’ women look like.
This is part of what I responded to her:
I want – with all my soul – to live in a world where women’s bodies are not even an issue; that it’s just a vessel which houses an amazing human being.
I may sometimes focus on the larger figured women on this page, to help those who feel shame about their size and to hopefully help them start having more positive thoughts about themselves.
I am a naturally slender and tall woman too and lost 10 kilos (2 and a half years after giving birth to my second child). Many said I’d lost too much weight – although for my height I was well within the healthy weight range. But people still passed judgement.
I didn’t really do much to lose that weight – it’s like my body became that way with a few minor changes to diet but a major change to my attitude toward my body. I loved it.
That’s what really worked.I know many healthy women who are both overweight AND underweight – it’s just the body they have.
I similarly know women who do no exercise and eat poorly but are ‘slim’ . However, they may have issues down the track with their health.
A lot of the time – weight has little to do with health.
*** AND NOTHING TO DO WITH BEAUTY ***
Beauty is a state of mind.
I agree with Chelsea that the term, ‘Real Woman’, can be damaging because we are ALL real women – even slender ones.
The following is from a wonderful series of cartoons from Colleen Clark’s Body Image Comic. This first one hits the nail on the head:
I have to admit that it was only recently that I had a moment of clarity with my own daughters’ figures, purely due to how different their bodies are. Polar opposites.
My eldest has always been an eager eater…from birth.
I (and my husband) have always looked out for her – purely from a health perspective; an intake of too much food (or too much of the wrong foods) would cause imbalance in the body.
She is nearly 11. She is tall for her age; a muscly, solid, amazonian girl.
My 7 year old is another matter entirely. Some may describe her as skeletal.
Her weight is fine for her age, but her height is quite a bit taller – hence her slim shape.
Both my girls are unique. Their bodies are unique. As each woman’s body is unique.
They eat well and are always on the move – yet they look completely different.
I’m sure, however, that both – especially my eldest, will be judged.
They will see, as a gender, women (and girls) being miserable with the way they look – endlessly comparing themselves to the few who fall into the ‘beautiful’ category.
But it is simply a category – one that’s designed to instil insecurity for the pure purpose of making billions of dollars – forever making us doubt our worth.
Question #188: Why do women believe so heavily in all this and participate in its perpetuation?
Well, I will not do it to my daughters.
Their figures are what they are and I will simply guide them toward their bodies being nurtured as healthily as possible.
I want this to be the lesson:
Deep Breath.
Now exhale.
You’re radiant just as you are.
Now go be a great role model.
xxx
The Man Box
July 10, 2013
I had a chat with my husband the other night about how I write about men, if men are the focus of that particular post. It came up because I asked him why men seemed hard to get through to – the good ones – because the first reaction is to somehow take it personally.
My husband was saying that I can’t bundle every man into the same box – which I completely agree with. I explained that in my mind, I absolutely don’t – but that it’s hard not to when I’m writing of the problems we face, based on statistics that come with with men’s actions.
How else can it be done?
It’s important to also understand that I hover the magnifying glass over women just as closely – if not more so. Therefore crying misandry is a mute point here.
I know – I really do – that the good men (like my husband) find the act of rape abhorrent, for example, and I also know they would never lay a violent hand on a woman – just as my husband has never laid a hand on me or on our two daughters.
They want the best for the women in their lives.
I’m afraid, though, that it’s no longer enough.
The fight has to spread beyond the walls of our home; as the horrifying outside world encroaches ever so much closer to touching our own lives – especially our girls.
How am I to express to you good males – from my/our perspective (because it counts) – the effect the male gender is having on its partner?
Partner, not enemy.
The Yang to its Yin:
‘Yin and yang are in pairs, such as the moon and the sun, female and male, dark and bright, cold and hot, passive and active, etc. But yin and yang are not static or just two separated things. The nature of yinyang lies in interchange and interplay of the two components. The alternation of day and night is such an example.’ *
Statistically – in the BIG scheme of things – it’s a mean, sad and violent union with females:
* Personally: domestic violence + rape + VAW
* Politically: low % of women represented in government + legislation on women (only) and their bodies and
* Economically: >10% of women in clout positions in all top areas of media, publishing & business + lower pay (77c to a male’s $1).
When you step back and read the above statistics – logically – it doesn’t resonate well.
It’s unfair.
It looks like a bit of a boys’ club.
Don’t the good men feel that women and girls deserve a fairer shake of the stick?
I have often recognised and asked for the assistance of the good men on this blog.
I reach out for advice.
Sadly to deaf ears it seems, as I never actually receive suggestions of what approaches might be taken that may work on the men doing their gender a MASSIVE disservice or on the young boys who are suckling on a teat which teaches them, from an early age, to objectify women and therefore see them as less.
You live in the male realm – I don’t.
* Is it all the fault of males? No.
* Are women to blame for contributing to the imbalance? Of course they are.
You can’t have a porn t-shirt, showing a woman’s objectified body, without the woman’s participation. But we are still, ultimately, comparing apples to oranges.
The following video is a Ted Talk called MAN BOX by Tony Porter.
This is a good man, speaking up about the traits boys are raised on and how that has affected HIM personally. Boys need to see more of this.
So back to you good men.
Question # 174: Do you permit the imbalance to continue, through your silence?
I feel there are good men/bad men; good women/bad women.
I imagine a bell curve where the big, bulging, bell part is full of goodness.
But the voice, the shout, the outrage; predominantly bellows out of women. Men at times agree, of course, but where are the EQUALLY loud male voices and blogs calling out for a transformation to this paradigm?
Careful not to stumble on and trip over all the Facebook pages about sluts…
Using the Nanny State excuse leaves us hopeless because there must be a moment where the line is crossed.
Haven’t we already crossed it?
I thought I’d leave you with this collection of comments left on people’s Twitter accounts about the Female Wimbledon Champion Marion Bartoli.
THIS is hatred.
Many of the comments were left by men with images that suggest they’re in a relationship.
How do we change this, guys?
Deep Breath
x
* chineseculture.about.com
A day at the movies.
July 3, 2013
As I stepped into the cinema complex – it was utter chaos.
School holidays. What a nightmare. Kids everywhere – excited – and asking for everything.
I took my 10 yr old, her school friend and my 6 yr old, for a stint at the movies, to see Monsters’ University.
The cinema was full to the brim of super-energized children and their parents.
Nothing was on the screen at this stage.
It’s funny that when you go to a kids’ movie, you tend to get there early.
Why is that? So loud. Kids kicking into the back of your seat…
The first ads started to roll out – the still-photograph ones – promoting the local area.
To my horror, one of these ads was for pole dancing classes, with images of women dressed as strippers – one hanging upside own with her legs completely spread apart.
Behind me, two 7ish yr old-looking boys exclaimed, “Whoa!”
All the while girls and women are being told, it’s great exercise!
So why not in sports’ gear?
Bollocks.
It’s grooming girls and boys. It’s Porn Culture.
So that was Gender Studies Lesson #1 for a lot of the children in that cinema.
Did they all see it? Or get it?
Who cares.
The two, 7 yr olds behind me certainly felt a reaction that their brains computed and filed somewhere, and I know my daughters saw it.
I was gobsmacked. It almost feels like they’re taking the piss.
Then we came to the ads for future kids’ movies. Coming soon!
- Planes (from the makers of Cars) – animated scenes from Top Gun in the ad. Boy planes talking about other boy planes.
- One about a snail (a boy) who wants to be fast and his dream comes true (fancy that). That one’s called Turbo.
- Smurfs 2 with ONE female – who needs rescuing from all the men.
- And a behind-the-scenes movie following One Direction around their world tour.
This leads us to Gender Studies Lesson #2: Almost all children’s movies will be about boys, leading boys fulfilling their destinies and boy worship.
Not girls or women. They can only (generally) be a support to helping him.
Yes – we did have Merida from Brave and what a wonderful, sassy, girl she was. I say ‘was’ because Disney are now remodelling her to look more ‘princess’ like, with a smaller waist, big doughy, cat-like eyes with long eyelashes…see below *sigh*
Left = After – – – – – – – – Right = Before.
It feels hopeless. They give us a wonderful story about a brave girl and her relationship with her mother (of all things) and then take it away again by wrapping her up in Barbie.
And then there was the actual movie, Monsters’ University. It was good in parts – it was about boys, boys, mateship, boys, boys, brotherhood, boys, boys, teachers…and one dominant female role – the meanie Dean of the University. Witchy like, but who was the best ‘scarer’ of her time. Can’t have it all (be the best AND nice), like the boys.
When we left the cinema, I did chat to the girls about why we keep seeing children’s movies that are SO male heavy and what ‘type’ of women/girls we all – boys included – soaked in.
In the few hours of our cinematic journey, the female representation we observed, was as follows:
- Ad: Stripper – sexual pleasure machine
- Upcoming movies: The only substantial amount of girls seen, in only one of four trailers aired, were screaming out their undying love (male worship) for the cookie-cutter boys of One Direction – the other needed rescuing.
- Movie: A secondary role of a mean, witch-like Dean of the University
- Movie: An even lesser role of a mother, in curlers, a mu-mu and doing the laundry
- Movie: There were some all-girl frat houses, but collectively were on-screen for about a minute.
That’s it.
I honestly can’t convey my disappointment.
Boys are so fortunate to see the same positive reinforcement over and over again – showing them how to tackle problems with the brotherhood…
Question #172: Where are the movies for our girls? Where are their role models?
And another thing – even though it could be done without it, they didn’t use the opportunity to use the plural possessive apostrophe after Monsters in the title. The perfect chance to teach everyone its use – like for Mothers’ Day.
So no grammar lesson for the kiddies either.
Deep Breath
x
PS I lodged a complaint with the cinema and the Advertising Standards’ Board. I’ll keep you posted.
What my daughter said to me today.
February 25, 2013
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking – pondering – reflecting – over the last few days.
I’m feeling quite disillusioned (on a grand scale) but it’s not upsetting me…I just want to figure out what the next step is. There’s an aimlessness to my thoughts.
I know, through social media, that there is A HUGE amount of us standing up and voicing our objections to things that seem ludicrous to be even out there in the first place – but they’re flatly being ignored.
A few days ago it was about the hateful and violent images and memes that Facebook allow to remain online – despite protest – and then the latest atrocity being the adult club billboard in front of a boys’ school that the Advertising Standards Board has deemed appropriate to keep up – despite protest – grooming our future’s sexual tastes.
I won’t go on because the list is literally endless and too dispiriting.
Many of us have written and complained, but to little or no avail. There have been some small victories but it’s not on the scale necessary to bring about change.
So today I found myself thinking – what’s the point? (bad of me, I know)
Today I had a hectic afternoon in the car driving up and down, picking up and dropping off etc. when I heard the following song for the second time on Triple J. The first time I only caught the end of it and what attracted me was the divine voice and music – today, however, when I heard it in full, I listened to the lyrics.
The song is ‘God-Fearing’ by Sarah Blasko, from the album, I Awake.
You’ve got a nerve, you know you make me hate
One thing I’ve learned, you try to take away
I’m not beaten down, I won’t behave
Just listen this once or you will rue this dayYou have no respect
For me tonight if you’re not listening
It might be unkind but it might be right
But you’re not listeningSet them up, knock them down
Cast them left, cast them right
God-fearing tonightBiting my lip and holding my tongue
Was the most stupid thing that I’ve ever done
Got carried away, let myself down
I’ll shoulder that blame if you’ll admit what you’ve doneYou have no respect
For me tonight if you’re not listening
It might be unkind but it might be right
But you’re not listeningSet them up, knock them down
Cast them left, cast them right
God-fearing tonight
I adore this song. It resonates so strongly with how I feel.
Completely frustrated that I – WE – are not being listened to. Not respected. Second-class.
The lines I put in bold are the standouts for me (and I love that she sings them looking straight at us in the video).
I played it to my 10-year-old daughter in the car. It was just the two of us.
I’m in her ear about certain topics – I have to be.
After all…we live in a society which allows porn billboards to go up in front of schools. I have to prepare her.
So we talked about the lyrics of this song – about not keeping quiet when the wrong thing is being done and that responsibility needs to be taken by the parties that do wrong, for change to happen.
I parked the car in the driveway and we just sat there listening to the magical sound of the violins (we both love them) waiting for the song to end before getting out.
As we got out of the car, she said to me:
“I want to thank you for raising me the way you are…helping me…(paused)…I don’t know how to explain it.”
I said, “You just did,” and gave her the biggest, massivest bear hug.
Lump in throat; heart swell…you know.
All this from one song – so I thought I’d share it.
Question #148: Feeling inspired (and equally indignant) to use that voice of yours?
Deep Breath
x
Sarah Blasko
Mila Kunis on Ellen
February 17, 2013
While I was sitting in an empty hospital room, waiting for my husband’s return from his surgery – I turned on the TV and I stumbled upon Ellen.
I have to say, that although I don’t really watch the show (don’t watch much TV at all), I do really like Ellen and what she does – yes, very similar to Oprah.
What I like about these women is that they spread a message of happy and that’s not a bad thing. We need more of it.
What makes Ellen different, of course, is that she is who she is and dresses comfortably – leaning towards a more masculine look – which I love.
Her female guests, however, are different. In the past, I’ve seen many (not all) come out wearing the ‘uniform’ – cascading locks of hair, over made-up faces, skimpy, barely-there outfits, very high platform shoes etc etc.
On this particular day, Mila Kunis was the announced guest and I watched with interest.
1. Mila came out looking stylish – pants and a white top. Nice.
2. Ellen’s first words to her are: “You look fantastic” and launches straight into the fact she must feel pressure now that Esquire has named her the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ – pulling out the magazine which dons the following cover image of Mila:
After a bit of banter, Ellen says that there must have been a lot of pressure to pose for the cover of the sexiest woman alive.
Mila’s response was gobsmacking: She said,
“The only reason I did it, was so that when I’m 80, sitting in my little chair, I can say – SEE, Grandma was really hot one day!”
Ellen responded with, “That’s why you did it?”
A pocket of women in the audience started to yahoo and cheer – of course – and with that validation Mila continued, saying that she was sure her grandmother was a “sexy little thing, but there was no photographic proof.” (???)
She holds up her cover and says, “Look grandkids – PROOF!”
Dear me.
Ellen then guides the talk towards her outfits in everyday life saying she appears to be down to earth and doesn’t seem to ‘worry about what she looks like when she goes out’ (?????) and a whole minute dedicated to her use of cargo pants.
After tediously trying to get Mila to admit she’s dating Ashton Kutcher – the topic FINALLY turned towards her craft – the movie she’s in.
However, in the 8 minute interview – the discussion of her movie lasted 30 seconds.
I have to say, it was disappointing – again – to see how this interview fixated on and perpetuated society’s (women’s) obsession with the physicality of women such as Mila, and how we applaud and revere them.
More disturbing, however, is how Mila herself – a young and beautiful girl – needs to find validation through men voting her the sexiest woman alive, hyper-sexualising herself and slapping it on a cover for all to see…
…including her future grandchildren, no less – topless and with a provocative finger over her lips.
What hope do our daughters have with self-esteem and empowerment, when women’s looks are the only topic of interest?
Question #144: How can what girls do with their minds be in the forefront of discovering who they are, when noone cares enough to represent it?
Remember: “You can’t be what you can’t see”
We’re certainly seeing a lot of young, hyper-sexualised women like Mila, which does nothing for the sisterhood and the true empowerment of our girls.
Deep Breath.
x
PS Hubby’s operation lasted four hours and had five surgeons. It seems to have gone well.
The Male Privilege Checklist.
January 23, 2013
The following is a list compiled by a blogger named Barry Deutsch.
His list looks at how men are the privileged gender of our world. In his preface he states:
“Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.
In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.”
Whenever there are arguments about equality, there are always men who talk about how many men get the short end of the stick (a comment in response to this list does this).
We know that it’s true. But the (sometimes mortifying) obstacles women face – especially the more exposed or on-show they are – far, far outweigh those of men. Most times the injustices men face…come from other men.
So here it is:
Of course, I’m sure, there will be some points you may not agree with, but I have personally experienced quite a few of the inequalities listed because of my gender.
No longer is it some unspoken, secret boys’ club – feeding the dog of sexism under the table – it’s now infiltrated into our representation in all corners of the media; teaching a whole new ‘connected’ generation, with a reach that has, up until now, been unfathomable.
…and it’s working very, very, well.
Just look around. It’s an emergency.
Question #139: How do we turn around such entrenched perceptions and practices?
Guys?
Deep Breath.
x
Use-by date by 40? Or Best Before?
January 20, 2013
Question #138: Why is ‘young’ the only flavour on offer for women?
I am a 42 year old woman, just shy of my 43rd birthday, and I have a huge problem with the way females negatively discuss their age around the start of this decade. There is little doubt that the money-crunching wheel out there has had a lot to do with this toxic epidemic, as it’s at this time where a woman’s invisibility occurs in her representation – once she hits her ineffectual use-by date. 40.
Even if women see themselves as ‘Best Before’ 40 – it’s still a completely disheartening state of affairs. That’s a lot of sad females not reaching their amazing (and needed) potential in this crumbling social world, at the midpoint their lives.
From the article – The mysterious case of the disappearing women – comes the following:
“Try climbing through higher education, motherhood, self-employment, years of self-improvement, gyms, diets, abstinence of everything enjoyable – from ciggies to Magnums to suntans – to selflessness, to finally reach the summit of womanhood, fit, exultant and ready to fly – to find . . . a generational wipeout,” she ruminated in a column in The Sun-Herald.
“Visibility: zero. Scream ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’ all you like, but don’t look to the movies, the media or airwaves because, aside from Gillard, Germaine on Adam Hills in Gordon St Tonight the other week, glimpses of Jenny Brockie and Jennifer Byrne, Kristin Scott Thomas and Juliette Binoche buried deep within the bowels of a French film festival, there’s barely anyone out there who represents my age group.” Ouch.
Ouch indeed.
The documentary Miss Representation, disclosed statistics showing that although women aged 40+ comprise a large chunk of our gender, we are microscopically misrepresented in the media – especially in film.
What we are being saturated with, are images of women in their 20s – generally looking perky and ‘hot’. The damage this does to our developing young girls alone, is something that should inspire us to act in a more positive light towards our aging bodies. But no.
Even though women in their 30s are still attractively visible – there’s no denying that it’s the decade when it all starts to trickle down to being transparent. The irony is that many women who are in the limelight, struggle through that decline kicking and screaming, disfiguring their faces with injections and surgery, only to still end up on the ‘too old’ scrapheap. Double irony? Their male counterparts are doing just fine in their (generally) natural, greying and lumpy selves. And they don’t look freakish.
It’s been said a million times (which just imbeds that frustration in a bit further) but this is happening because a woman’s true value and efficacy is being packaged to solely be attached to her youthful glow and, in turn, her sexual allure. Can’t be older AND be sexually attractive! Goodness me. That’s simply not possible.
My eyes! My eyes!
Doesn’t it infuriate women to know that even though they spend billions on ‘improving’ themselves (just like they tell us to), it hasn’t afforded them any more airtime?
How sad that for many females, in this time when they are truly coming into their own skin and really start to understand who they are; where they want to run out onto the street and toss their hat up in the air like Mary Tyler Moore – is the exact moment society doesn’t want to know. I found myself feeling vital and energised when I turned 40, in many areas of my life and I know that there are many, MANY women who feel the same – so where are the tales of my fellow sisters in the same proverbial boat?
It would be simply marvellous to actually hear the stories of women’s life experiences – with a spectrum of what’s possible – not just witness the same narrative over and over again, where the story is about the male and his destiny and the young and ‘gorgeous’ girl chases guy for love (or support), or worse still, we actually DO see the wonderful achievements of women, only to have them be overshadowed by her outfit or cellulite issues.
We’re ever so much more.
I would also like to strenuously point out that if, on average, we live to the age of 80:
Are we really saying we’re going to be depressed for HALF our lives about our age?
>>>> Half our lives?? <<<<
Surely NOT!
Embrace the magnificent being you are and get out there and enjoy those next 40 years! That’s an order.
Deep Breath.
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