Why ‘the shoe on the other foot’ doesn’t work.
March 30, 2014
I have grappled with the issue of pitting and comparing the actions and/or adversities of one gender by using the other to illustrate, for a long time – but it simply does not sit right with me.
It is like comparing apples with oranges.
For the most part, I believe the intention is generally a positive one (which is a refreshing step toward good), but when perceptions and customs related to gender are so profoundly entrenched, it falls short of accurately addressing the deep-seeded issues of gender disparity.
Exhibit A:
This is a familiar visual representation that now seems to be common practice in highlighting gender-label ridiculousness – namely, a female’s.
There are two issues I have with this sort of juxtaposition:
1. Females have always been represented in this way – used as (sexual) ornaments. Males never have. So when we look at the females in the images, we see ‘normal’ and when we scan across to the males in similar poses, we see humour.
Steve Carell, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert recently did a photo shoot, emphasising the ludicrous poses females are encouraged to do:
Its intentions are admirable but – it’s not the same. It’s just funny.
That humour can (ultimately) also work negatively for the females they’re trying to help, by making them look stupid for participating in their own exploitation; for posing that way in the first place.
I recently saw a snippet of reality TV the other day – one that does renovations on houses. There was a moment where all the contestants had an impromptu dance-off, which lead to the inevitable circle where they strut their stuff in the middle. One of the women chose to be semi-provocative by doing some fetching grinding moves against her partner.
Next was a male. He also did a bit of a provocative dance. It was funny. Everyone laughed.
2. The biggest issue, however, is vulnerability.
When a female is posing sexually, she is vulnerable – her breasts may be practically exposed; she may be bending over something with a short skirt; she may be wearing impossible-to-walk-in-heels (not easy to escape anyone in high heels btw) – you follow my drift.
The males in these representations, however, are not vulnerable.
Their only place of vulnerability is their penis and that is (as always in this current paradigm) *fully* covered.
Everywhere; every time.
How ironic that we seem to find comfort in the male gender – dipped head high in privilege – outlining the woes of the ‘lesser’ gender. Double irony? In most cases it’s statistically males pushing females to pose this way in the first place.
OK, let’s turn the tables; in format as well as gender reversal.
Let’s look at how men are represented and doing the switch.
Exhibit B:
The image above is from the show, Beauty and the Geek. Never before have I witnessed such a blatantly sexist prime-time show; super-gluing more gender stereotypes to an already fragile equation.
Female = sexy, hot and DUMB;
Male = be who you want to be, you can still get a ‘hot’ female.
Can you imagine a show – heck, a REALITY – where we see females who are daggy/geeky/nerds of various body shapes, together with ‘hot’ males?
I can – but know it’s a concept that is (for the most part) a flash in the pan.
I remember through ads that Glee had a moment where an overweight girl was coupled with the hot football player.
I wonder how many people were genuinely comfortable watching that visual?
I say visual because that’s all ANY of this is based on.
It’s irrelevant whether personalities gel or if people have a profound connection, because ultimately that’s not the message that wants to get taught; there’s no money to be made, if females are secure within themselves, after all.
I intensely wish for a more equal and balanced playing field for females and the bottom line is that females are more than just being the packaging for males’ sexual fantasies.
Question #199: Isn’t this world ready – YET – to unlock the wonderful array of possibilities – just by getting past that horrifically limiting idea of females?
I’ll leave you to think.
My next post is my 200th Question.
Bring your thinking caps along.
Deep Breath.
x
The Internet + my 11 year old daughter.
January 29, 2014
This year, our school has started down the technology education road and we’ve had to purchase an iPad for my 11 year old daughter. It has been a mildly tiresome and frustrating transition, having both girls wanting their turn on it and playing games.
A few days ago, I found out that one of the games Ms 11 has on her iPad (that I purchased for her) has a feature for playing with strangers within the app (not through Game Centre). I was not aware of this until I found out she had interacted with two people – one who claimed to be a 10 year old boy from Germany and another person who called her some nasty names.
Now my daughter is pretty mature for her age – but she is still only just turned eleven.
When I exclaimed a bit of shock about her online interactions, saying she had NO idea who the person was, she replied, “No mum, he’s really nice.”
I flew into a mild panic because even though I engage in many a conversation with her, over a gaggle of issues regarding Internet use, I still have to remind myself that she is still ONLY eleven. Maturity or not, her response above only proved she was acting exactly her age – with trust.
With heightened alarm I explained how predators know exactly how to speak to children – they’ve been doing it for a long, long time.
They know what to say; they know how to groom.
To illustrate the point, I decided to show her how easy it is to lift a photo off the Net, with which to create a fake profile. I wanted one of a girl her age. I used my laptop to do this – not her iPad.
This is the moment where we hit a horrific snag.
I went to google images and wrote ‘girls’. With weary predictability, the images that splashed up on the screen, were mainly of scantily clad (mainly adult) females – nothing they don’t see virtually everywhere related to media and advertising.
So I thought I’d narrow down the search and looked for images of ‘school girls’.
I can’t believe how fast I was in covering the screen with my hands because it wasn’t the fact that now there were even more images of (mainly adult) females in their hyper-sexualised ‘school uniforms’ – it was that the second image that appeared on the whole page, was of a beheaded young girl; her body was on the right, her head on the left, facing her shoulder.
I sent my daughter out while I checked other images and then started to cry.
That image wasn’t the only one – there were a few others – peppered amongst the ‘naughty school girls.’
I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but I still wonder:
Question #198: Why has the world become so callous and cruel?
Violence and Porn. Everywhere. Everywhere.
I quickly composed myself and after thoroughly checking content, I called her back. I showed her videos and discussed Internet Safety in terms of:
1. Not knowing who you’re talking to;
2. Being very, very careful about what images and/or videos they put up (in the future).
Many of my 11 year old’s friends have Instagram – something I emphatically do not allow my daughter to have, due to the alarming statistics regarding the use of images on the Internet – that once it’s posted, one loses control of it.
She’s only eleven – halfway there to full cognitive brain development. Halfway.
The Internet certainly gave us a slap.
These are the videos I showed her. You might want to show these to your children too.
This is for young children who don’t know who they’re chatting to.
This is a great and simple video with two 11 year old girls as the protagonists.
This one is more for teens losing control of images. I think it’s well done.
Big Deep Breath.
x
A weighty issue.
October 19, 2013
Weight.
Women’s weight.
Girls’ weight.
Your weight.
Her weight.
An entrenched obsession – incessantly being discussed in all forms – being passed on from adult woman to intently watching and learning girl.
Chelsea, a fan who follows my Facebook page, sent me an email due to the following meme that I found and put up on my page:
I LOVE the message of it but I also questioned whether the body in the image was the most realistic for the message. Chelsea wrote:
I’m a naturally slender and tall woman. I can gladly say I am proud of my body just the way it is but I’m sometimes made to feel guilty about this. It’s becoming increasingly common for people like me to be called unnatural or unrealistic. I know that what is portrayed in the media is often not a healthy image but I think we should be starting a movement of acceptance that we are all different in so many ways and that it’s important to be healthy and happy rather than still trying to paint a picture of what ‘real’ women look like.
This is part of what I responded to her:
I want – with all my soul – to live in a world where women’s bodies are not even an issue; that it’s just a vessel which houses an amazing human being.
I may sometimes focus on the larger figured women on this page, to help those who feel shame about their size and to hopefully help them start having more positive thoughts about themselves.
I am a naturally slender and tall woman too and lost 10 kilos (2 and a half years after giving birth to my second child). Many said I’d lost too much weight – although for my height I was well within the healthy weight range. But people still passed judgement.
I didn’t really do much to lose that weight – it’s like my body became that way with a few minor changes to diet but a major change to my attitude toward my body. I loved it.
That’s what really worked.I know many healthy women who are both overweight AND underweight – it’s just the body they have.
I similarly know women who do no exercise and eat poorly but are ‘slim’ . However, they may have issues down the track with their health.
A lot of the time – weight has little to do with health.
*** AND NOTHING TO DO WITH BEAUTY ***
Beauty is a state of mind.
I agree with Chelsea that the term, ‘Real Woman’, can be damaging because we are ALL real women – even slender ones.
The following is from a wonderful series of cartoons from Colleen Clark’s Body Image Comic. This first one hits the nail on the head:
I have to admit that it was only recently that I had a moment of clarity with my own daughters’ figures, purely due to how different their bodies are. Polar opposites.
My eldest has always been an eager eater…from birth.
I (and my husband) have always looked out for her – purely from a health perspective; an intake of too much food (or too much of the wrong foods) would cause imbalance in the body.
She is nearly 11. She is tall for her age; a muscly, solid, amazonian girl.
My 7 year old is another matter entirely. Some may describe her as skeletal.
Her weight is fine for her age, but her height is quite a bit taller – hence her slim shape.
Both my girls are unique. Their bodies are unique. As each woman’s body is unique.
They eat well and are always on the move – yet they look completely different.
I’m sure, however, that both – especially my eldest, will be judged.
They will see, as a gender, women (and girls) being miserable with the way they look – endlessly comparing themselves to the few who fall into the ‘beautiful’ category.
But it is simply a category – one that’s designed to instil insecurity for the pure purpose of making billions of dollars – forever making us doubt our worth.
Question #188: Why do women believe so heavily in all this and participate in its perpetuation?
Well, I will not do it to my daughters.
Their figures are what they are and I will simply guide them toward their bodies being nurtured as healthily as possible.
I want this to be the lesson:
Deep Breath.
Now exhale.
You’re radiant just as you are.
Now go be a great role model.
xxx
How I see Malala.
October 13, 2013
I’m finding my mind swimming – literally swimming – with thoughts and perceptions that I want to articulate in a coherent and succinct manner. But there are so many and sometimes it just doesn’t help that I want to shout and use a shit-load of profanity.
I’m getting so weary and disappointed at our microscopically slow pace of change, that I have this to say:
One important lesson to gain from Malala (not the obvious one).
Yesterday I read an article that had a great impact on me.
It says:
This is a story of a native girl being saved by the white man. Flown to the UK, the Western world can feel good about itself as they save the native woman from the savage men of her home nation. It is a historic racist narrative that has been institutionalised. Journalists and politicians were falling over themselves to report and comment on the case. The story of an innocent brown child that was shot by savages for demanding an education and along comes the knight in shining armour to save her.
The actions of the West, the bombings, the occupations the wars all seem justified now, “see, we told you, this is why we intervene to save the natives.”
I agree. It practically looks like a PR stunt and I don’t like that Malala looks like she’s being used as a pawn in this seemingly deceptive agenda.
I also agree that there are A LOT more Malalas out there.
But this is the point where I want to deflect and add something important.
It’s not just that these girls need urgent saving – and they absolutely do – the motivation that has to power the movement of change, is the realisation that:
This world NEEDS girls and women like Malala.
It’s the missing ingredient for things to improve.
Girls and women.
NOT to take over. Equal representation.
If women – according to the Patriarchy – are supposedly the nurturers and carers, then the question shouldn’t be, ‘What have we got to lose?’ (because the only answer is money) but:
Question #187: What have we got to gain?
Simply, I think a great, great deal of good.
When are we going to evolve?
Don’t we want a happy planet for all, instead of this realm of greed, despair, rage and destruction?
I just want to finish by saying, that I think Malala is astonishing. A true hero. An inspiration.
I don’t care in the foggiest that the western world has made a big fuss about her – she absolutely deserves our full attention.
What a wonder she is.
Now let’s WAKE UP and channel that toward educating our children – in schools and at home – by teaching them to be the cogs of change.
Our youth is the answer – with our guidance.
If you’re thinking that you’ll give it a try (which would be awesome) – I would also like to respond with the famous words of Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back:
“Do or do not; there is no try.”
What are you going to do?
Something.
Anything. However small.
We must start to act as a collective.
Deep Breath.
x
Question for men – #6: If I put it this way, will you understand?
September 26, 2013
I really hope so.
Although, this is for women too – of course. I’m sure there are many who will disagree with me.
I apologise for my absence of late – it seems the strains of life as a full-time working mum have pockets when they take their toll. I’m sure many working mums can give me an exhausted ‘amen’ there.
This bit’s for the guys. (You can listen in, though, gals)
Last week, I escaped with Hubby and the girls to a National Park for three days, with zero phone reception and no Net. It was sublime and enormously relaxing – which was just the ticket, as I think I was heading toward a ‘system overload’ situation.
Having access to the world would have rendered the whole mini-break pointless, as the crappy things that are going on profoundly affect me.
So, my first ‘me’ activity on the first day, was to pluck the hairs off my legs.
Mmmmmm – I hear ya – exciting stuff.
Now I know that I said in my last post on this issue – A hairy moment – that my only manner of removing leg hair was through shaving, BUT I had purchased a new ‘machine’ and after recently slicing the top off a toe knuckle with a razor (infuriating and bloody painful), as I attempted to balance in the shower to shave, I thought I’d give the ‘hair yank’ another shot.
Exfoliation and cream galore will be needed to stop the usual ingrown hairs.
So as my legs started to welt – Exhibit A:
– my daughters entered the room, looking quite perplexed, and asked why I was doing that. Like I was a crazy person.
At that moment, guys, what am I to say?
The truth? – that less than a hundred years ago, this became the ‘fashion’ and sealed our doomed fate to constantly undo what nature has given us?
Or our truth? – that they simply have to and will spend a truck load of money in the process?
I sat there – blinking (with the sounds of crickets) – and just looked at them.
Blank.
Question # 184: Do you see the conundrum we’re in as women?
At every turn – it’s JUST about our looks.
And that attitude permeates everything to do with women.
I want to instil in my girls – in ALL girls (and dare I dream it; boys and men) – that beauty absolutely comes in all shapes, colours…and (heaven forbid) hairiness.
But how can I teach that when I’m sitting there – intentionally – ripping the hair off my legs, leaving them in welts?
I felt a bit like a fraud.
So, I’m still a feminist who will not let my leg and armpit hair grow, because it’s entrenched in my views of beauty – BUT can you understand the frustration?
Before some of you guys say you have an equal problem because you have to shave your faces – I’ll respond with. ‘But by beauty standards you don’t have to.’ Exhibit B:
We have to…and it’s a bummer.
OK gals, this part is for you AS WELL. (Don’t go anywhere yet, fellas)
No, hair removal is not the number one issue that women face – by a long shot – women have much graver and more horrifying problems to face and deal with, on a global scale.
I wrote about this because I needed to explain the simple frustration of women (with the means – like myself) choosing to shave their legs, at the expense of all our wallets – men’s and women’s – AND the environment.
Imagine the plastic (as an example) we’d have saved from being produced, if this weren’t the fashion for women?
And the resources to MAKE that plastic? It’s mind-boggling when hair removal is a billion dollar industry.
All for what? Hair?
Sadly, the logic doesn’t translate to the already converted – like me – but:
Question #185: Should we really be doing this to ourselves and imparting it onto our kids?
It’s like men can be as hairy as they want to be and are steered away from their feminine aspects (which balances them out) – being ridiculed for being a ‘girl/woman’ in any way.
Whilst women have to rid themselves (preferably) of all body hair – except for the hair on the head, of course, which has to be long and cascading locks. (Another extreme beauty expense, BTW)
Women are being steered away from their wonderful, rugged strength (which balances them out) because those masculine traits – whether they be physical (looks) or in attitude – deem them ‘unladylike’.
We’re missing out on the best of ourselves.
We’re a bunch of idiots.
Deep Breath.
x
Bringing up daughters.
January 11, 2013
The following article has resonated with me deeply.
It’s fantastic.
I connected with this piece as a mother, as a mother of daughters, as a teacher of young women and as a girl who grew up with the same social ideals – just not as intense as they are now.
As a mum, I’ve often felt this and written about it:
Most girls lack a grasp of basic feminism to help them understand that many of their experiences are the result of growing up in a profoundly unequal world, and therefore not their own fault. Parents can only do so much.
I’ve heard the cliché often – that if they’ve good morals at home, the kids will be right.
Well, that would mean that my girls will be great – but am I enough against the ever-infiltrating, predatory world around them?
As a teacher I have always said the following to my teen students:
And I see how so many young women still assume that their needs come behind those of the boys they form relationships with, absorbing the message that they are lucky to have been chosen at all, when they are the ones who should be doing the choosing.
Young women and teenage girls have lost that power – it’s been given away and only women can get it back – the right to choose. They seem quite chuffed with merely being chosen and then work really hard to maintain being the chosen one.
I know. I’ve been there many times before.
Read this article. See if there are any entrenched ideals that can be shifted within you.
Imagine the profound effect on the world, if we just let our daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, aunts and grandmothers be their true selves.
One that doesn’t just revolve around looks and sex – or more to the point nowadays:
Looking sexy (no age restrictions).
The perils and pitfalls of bringing up daughters
Question #133: What passions do the women/girls in your life have?
Ask them. Then encourage them.
Deep Breath.
x
PS The book Raising Girls by Steve Buddulph looks pretty awesome.
“Raising Girls is a beautiful new book written as a response to the crisis in the mental health of girls. Girls are under assault from an exploitive, harsh culture, and need our help to become stronger and freer. This book is a guidebook for your own daughter at every age, and a call to arms in the wider culture. ITS EASY TO READ, HAS MANY POWERFUL STORIES, AND COVERS BABYHOOD RIGHT THROUGH TO ADULTHOOD.”
I’m going to get one.
Birthday #1 – A sum up of 2012.
January 10, 2013
To start with a cliché – if I may – I can’t believe how this past year decided to get really serious with us and hit that turbo button. It felt like it was jammed, through every crevice, with work, responsibility, the pursuit of balance, mixed with pockets of frenzy.
Relief in sight? I’m not really seeing how – society, on the whole, appears to want to give us a run for our money…literally.
A year ago today I started this blog in the early hours of the morning. My intention was to start in on the 9th, but it took me so long to write and re-write that first post, that it tipped me into the 10th.
As I took that first tentative but excited step into the blogging world – already preceded by three women friends of mine, with well established, fantastic and unique blogs (shitonyourplay.blogspot.com, www.allconsuming.com.au, bumpyroadtobubba.com) – I wondered two things:
1. Will ANYONE read it? (every blogger’s primary fear, I assume)
2. Will I run out of things to write about?
Well, I’m happy to say that although I only have a small following, a following it is. I’m not sure if my stats are ‘good’ but I have engaged in some wonderful debate and perspective changing conversations.
In terms of point 2 – there’s no way that I can possibly run out of issues that need to be discussed – investigating the infinite tapestry of actions and viewpoints that make up the human condition. In fact I have so many posts in draft mode (29) – I’m not sure I’ll ever get to some of them, as another morsel of importance invariably pops up.
So after the last year, what are the primary questions that are racing through my mind? The following is the nutshell (if you can call it that):
1. Why do women earn less than men?
This is the first and fundamental question. Women have to work approx. 60 days more a year – that’s two months – to earn the same as men. Why? This MUST be the first step of change if we want to even presume we live in a fair, balanced and just society.
2. Why do women not share the equal balance of power and decision-making?
We all have brains and women have incredible, and repeatedly proven, intelligent ones. Pity men don’t see it that way – they are stopping the chance of equilibrium and a more harmonised existence to maintain the status quo.
97% males in positions of power in publishing, communications, marketing…how can that be considered good, by anyone?
3. How are women’s attributes perceived?
No one wants to be a girl/woman – as who we are and what we have to offer is not considered valuable – emotional, weak etc. (unless it’s to be a ‘mother’ in some form or another), so we’re all encouraged to be like boys/men to get to the top, as it’s the ONLY way things can ‘work’.
4. How are women represented in the current popular culture?
We are represented as being grossly and obsessively insecure, vain, fickle and hyper sexualised. TV shows, movies, video clips and Reality TV shows, like The Shire, have played a huge role in this. In terms of advertising, we have always been force-fed the phrase, “Sex Sells” and taken it as law. The only problem is that it’s only our sex that’s being sold.
5. Why are women being exploited for money? Worse still, why do women play into it?
Women are instilled (soon to be from birth – the final frontier) with a sense of massive insecurity. We are painted an ever unattainable picture of what we have to aspire to, to be considered beautiful. To say the perception of beauty is a constricted one, is an understatement. The only way to ‘get there’ is to shell out insane amounts of money, as well as revere those who can afford it…who look like plastic. (???)
My logical brain cannot compute how women allow themselves to be duped in this manner. All of this only sets women up to fail, hate themselves and, in turn, spend more money. We pay more for EVERYTHING – clothes, shoes, haircuts etc. – and yet, look back at point 1.
What about our boys/men?
6. Is the internet teaching our youth about sex in a detrimental manner?
I think so. Especially for boys as it’s in their nature to view porn. As I’ve always said, I don’t think the feelings and hormones have changed since the days of yore – but the internet and its reach did not exist in the past. Porn is much more explicit now. How are boys going to establish loving and respectful relationships with women when they’ve seen woman after woman dehumanised as merely a sexual object? Sex…education?
7. Why do we have a culture actually named, Rape Culture?
Rape everywhere. In every corner of the globe.
8. Why are men’s responses to these issues so defensive?
I find it a tad frustrating that many men take comments made about their gender personally and some even start to actually argue for the (right??) to perpetuate the derogative labels lumped on women: Bitches, Sluts etc… at home, in jokes, in games, in shows, on drinks’ menus…
9. Where are the voices, and faces, of all the good men?
We know you’re there, but we can’t hear you!
So this is the big 10th question for my first birthday blog:
Question #132: What is our legacy going to be?
What can we do to look back and feel proud of how we, as a village, raised our children by moulding a more balanced world for them?
The pivotal word there is BALANCED.
We have to stop looking at the typical cliché, “That’s the way it’s always been and nothing’s going to change.” In terms of how we feel inside – yes, that’s true – but we are in a critical state of denial if we think that the information that is available to everyone, of every age, as they sit at their computer, is not having a detrimental effect.
I believe, wholeheartedly, that we can create change – but it must start with the individual.
Thank you SO much for joining me this year. I eagerly look forward to more passionate debates, discussions and fiery conversations with you.
Deep Breath.
x
What about the male gender? Part #1: Boys.
December 26, 2012
I hope everyone had a magical Christmas – especially if there were little ones amongst the celebrations. It feels like Christmas is the last frontier of innocence.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the sons being raised in this current climate, as they are being bombarded with the same damaging images and ideals. These lead boys and young men to feel pressure; to work out who they are in this world.
I have always believed that boys and men can pretty much do whatever they want, without judgement (unless they do something unintelligent, of course) – wear whatever, do whatever – and generally with a band of merry men in their team or by their side, making the rules and saying, “Yes, you can.”
However, the pressure to conform to social norms, especially in this current pop-culture, is seeing our boys being demonised for having any ‘feminine’ traits and are subsequently pigeon-holed into a small corridor of what it means to be all ‘man’.
The biggest issue is (obviously), how this is being represented – especially in the places our youth gravitate towards – watch – and learn. This is when neural pathways are formed and entrenched.
A curious point: When I was young (the 70s), I used to feel sorry for boys. They couldn’t do what we could do – we could wear the same things as boys AND dresses and we were encouraged to play with whatever we wanted. They couldn’t play with dolls.
They’re still not encouraged – not ‘manly’ enough, it seems.
A very sad testament to our intelligence, that we keep teaching the same stereotypes; continually being pushed.
As one of two daughters, I found that my father had a positive influence on my sister and me – opening up another world. We played with toy cars, had a train set and a figure 8 race car track, Dad showed us how car engines worked and we rode mini motorbikes and three-wheeled trikes. This just added to the rainbow of how we played and developed, on top of our world of dolls and other ‘girly’ pursuits.
You probably would have categorised us as ‘Tomboys’. My maternal grandmother was one. So was my mother. At the time, and as I grew, I wore the label with pride – but not anymore. I just think I was being me.
I look at my two daughters now and I see more of the same. My 6 year old LOVES cars and Spiderman. My 10 year old LOVES dinosaurs and space.
They also love playing with their dolls and ‘cooking’, are sporty, draw, play Lego etc. but it’s the wonderful mix that’s important. Funnily enough, my sister got a sticker book for my 6 year old (sticker nut) for Christmas and had to get her the ‘boy’ book which is called ‘Brilliantly Blue’ and has a little photo of a boy on the cover. It’s HEAPS better than the ‘girl’ one – in that it better matches my daughter’s likes and interests.
Isn’t it cool?
Buying presents this Christmas for kids was quite disheartening, as the girls were saturated in pink, dolls, prams, easy-bake ovens etc…all with photos of girls only enjoying the toy.
What about the boys?
Boys will turn into men, who may have children. Boys will turn into men who can, and do, cook.
So why is it discouraged?
More importantly, what is being encouraged through boys’ toys?
Violence?
The following quote is from the Huffington Post:
“Girls are typically given dolls while often boys are discouraged if not entirely prohibited from playing with dolls. This is gendering. Playing with dolls is one way that children can learn to nurture. Why then would we only teach half of the population to do that? … Our popular culture continues to equate violence and intimidation with power, for males. This is consistently seen in television, movies, video games and the news. As long as physical prowess and violence are legitimized as paths towards power, we will continue to see extensive male violence (of which mass violence is just one form)… from constant images of war, both real and fictional, first-person shooter video games and the proliferation and normalization of other images of violence throughout the culture, it is not surprising that people have become desensitized to real-life violence. People can’t understand how a man could stand before a child and shoot them, and while it feels inconceivable, it needs to be addressed in the context of larger issues of desensitization… While certainly not all boys and men are violent, all of the mass killings that have terrorized the nation–even before Columbine and through to Sandy Hook–have been committed by males. This simply cannot be ignored. “
Question #125: When will we do something about how our children’s lives are being directed towards stereotypical and limiting likes, wants and lifestyles?
Deep Breath.
x
Physiology.
December 14, 2012
A week or so ago, my family and I had a bit of a Christmas gathering as it was the only time a lot of us were going to be all together. It was so lovely because it was a rare collection of loved ones who were all able to make it on that day only.
One of our dear family friends said a very elderly neighbour had recently passed away and that his children had finally gotten around to sorting out his belongings – some of which they kept and some, thrown out.
This friend rescued a full set of Children’s Encyclopaedia Britannicas and asked if I wanted them. To say I was chuffed was an understatement. They were published in 1970 – the year of my birth. I also got a four volumed set of The Cycle of Life – looking at the birds and the bees and titles such as, ‘How do you know it’s love?’ and all from the 60s.
They are truly wonderful and a treasure. and the smell of them – old and musty – is just divine.
A few friends had asked why I would want them as all the information would be outdated. Well some would be, but not all of it. Picasso is Picasso; the basic information would be the same.
I – or more importantly – my daughters can pick up a volume and read through some bits and pieces. I did that today, when I picked the volume with ‘Paintings’. There are beautiful, colour, glossy pictures of famous paintings – I found a beautiful, hand drawn illustration of the Pied Piper of Hamelin…it just goes on.
See, the stuff you get off the net is what you look for specifically and there are generally millions of pages presented to you – that flash up when you’ve typed in your search engine term. Millions. So most go with the top couple and that’s it.
But these books have intriguing, snippets of information – some information hasn’t changed and the areas that have, have you looking on with wonder at how much our society has progressed over the last 40 years or so – especially (obviously) in the area of technology and engineering. In other areas, however…
Basically I keep stumbling upon things that, more than likely, you can’t find on the net.
As I was flicking through, I found Physiology (the study of how our body works, like a machine) – which inspired this post. One part reads:
Everyone is born with the power to do these [automatic] reflexes without thinking, but people can learn other reflexes, such as riding a bicycle and feeling hungry as a mealtime draws near. These are called conditioned reflexes. Much of what a person does – that is, their physiology – is made up of automatic and conditioned reflexes.
Fascinating…and sobering.
Why? Because I think society is allowing businesses to feed on our automatic reflexes to make money – but are in turn creating conditioned ones. Bad conditioned ones…and there appears to be no end in sight because most people think ‘everything’s fine’.
Example? The recent discussion on the net over the Playboy Bunny bedspreads in the arts and craft shop Spotlight, had many people, of both genders, saying to relax – you just tell your young child that it’s a regular, ol’ bunny. Yes, you can, until it’s everywhere and the association of what it really stands for becomes quickly embedded and comes at a much, much earlier age.
At this moment I realised how little we go to the past anymore.
Noone looks back. Just forward.
Just more.
Pushing that line with an ever growing army.
While we stand idly by.
Let’s look back to our youth and its artists.
I looooved Duran Duran. I may have mentioned this before, but I was convinced that Simon Le Bon need only look at me (with my braces aged 14) and know he had found the one. But even though I was surrounded by posters of Duran Duran, I still knew of older artists and their contribution to music:
The Doors (another love), The Beatles, Elvis, The Stones, The Eagles, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Easybeats, The Monkees, The Style Council, Bob Marley, Simon & Garfunkle, Christopher Cross (don’t laugh), Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra…etc.etc. etc. I could go on.
Question #121: Who are our youth listening to today? And what are the messages in their songs?
Because there seem to be a lot of similar looking videos – hyper-sexualising girls and young women all wearing the ‘gagging-for-it’ uniform, as they writhe around the screen…and who can forget the famous lyrics:
Man: It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes.
Woman: I am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off.
As well as the plethora of references to being nasty, freaky, hot, sexy and many more delightful terms. I heard a new song from Kanye West and the chorus goes like this:
Ain’t nobody f*ckin’ with my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
Ain’t nobody fresher than my muthaf*ckin’
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
As I look around, they don’t do it like my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
And all these bad bitches, man, they want the…
They want the…They want the….(Insert the word dick)
Your kids may be listening to this song. It’s Kanye West.
Question #122: Is our youth’s conditioned reflexes changing their physiology for the worse?
Deep Scientific Breath.
x
Question #100
September 24, 2012
It’s time to practise what I preach. I am always telling you to sign, to stand up, to voice objection – well, I’m about to do just that.
I have something that’s been slowly stewing inside me. I’ve written about this before – but now it’s time for the next step.
Preamble: The pull that the television has on my girls, is strong – however, I want them to have as much of an ‘old school’ childhood (like I had), as possible.
Outside – drawing – playing.
Yes, TV was a part of my life growing up, but it was minimal – only 4 channels and transmission ended at around midnight. TV shows included, Play School and Sesame Street (Channel 2 – no ads) and then Romper Room, Humfrey B Bear and Fat Cat all on the commercial channels. In that time the ads were classified as well – all toy ads (pretty much).
Today: Not only are the classifications of shows going down the toilet – things that are PG now, would have been M when we were younger – or worse still – R…a rating that seems to have all but vanished nowadays.
I have a big problem with the ads television stations are airing. More specifically, I have a problem with the television shows that are being coupled with such ads.
A big problem.
The common, knee-jerk response to a comment like this, would be that I don’t have to watch television. I can just turn it off. Well, yes I can – but why should I?
We don’t have Cable TV here at home and we don’t have a DVD shop nearby. So when a good kids’ movie comes on, I think it’s nice for the girls to be able to watch it. Then the dread sets in because I know that I’ll have to be vigilant about the ads the station will air, while my 5 and 9 yr old watch. Sometimes I flatly turn off the TV during ad breaks and other times, we record the show and the girls watch it later.
But I repeat – WHY should I have to do all this??
It’s starting to really get under my skin. So much so, that I’m going to take action. I hope I can get people to take a stand with me.
The most disconcerting factor for me is that, for the most part, it’s not even what they’re saying that has me in this agitated state – it’s what we (and our children) see.
My level of indignation is growing daily because there are times when I turn to see my girls watching something like the following ad on Channel 7, promoting the show GCB – which translates to: Good Christian Bitches…yes, bitches:
Now I had to say to my eldest to stop watching, while I frantically looked for the remote, but it was too late. She saw a jealous woman (suspicious of her husband participating in some adultery) by giving him all he wants, by sticking some fried chicken between her breasts.
Please.
There were also the images of the protagonist working in a Hooters-type place (coming down a pole, no less); not to mention the way the women look and behave – plastic, overly made-up and jealous, catty and bitchy.
Fantastic role models.
And ALL this information from the ad above.
We therefore, DON”T have a choice – except to turn it off.
I wrote, in an earlier post, Ready, Fire, Aim!, about how an ad for the lead up to The Shire appeared as my girls and I watched The Sound of Music. How much more ‘G’ can a film be?
The ad for the following movie was everywhere – it has a teddy bear dry humping a super market scanner. This one was hard to avoid – it has a teddy bear in it!
A few days ago an ad for Puberty Blues appeared through an airing of Monsters v Aliens – on Channel 10. It also had a Thomas the Tank Engine ad – WHY BOTHER? They just witnessed a man about to cheat on his wife in the ad.
What about, Snog, Marry, Avoid? My daughter told me about this show – so it was on through the kids’ shows time.
OK, you get the drift. Hopefully you agree that it’s something we need to address…and actually make these VERY rich marketers take responsibility for what they show our kids.
These ads are not only promoting a show, they’re promoting a way of life. A mono-style of life where the pursuits are the same – vanity, greed, envy…sound familiar?
Question #100: Should ads have classifications, just like shows? Should we demand new restrictions?
I’m going to delve into a bit of research.
Then I’m setting up a petition.
Stay tuned. I need your help.
Deep Breath
x
PS I’m off to Japan in a few hours, as a chaperone to 19 students with the Japanese teacher. AAaarrrhh!! What an experience it’s going to be! I doubt I’ll have time to post anything…but we’ll see! I always get a bit twitchy when I don’t write for a wee while…
Questions for Us 