What I don’t get about the fight AGAINST feminism.
April 6, 2013
“When women participate in the economy, in peace-making and peace-keeping, we all benefit. Giving women and girls a fighting chance isn’t a nice thing to do, it’s a core imperative for every society…This truly is the unfinished business of the 21st century, and it is the work we are called to do.” – Hillary Clinton at the Women in the World Summit.
Yes.
It’s not about being nice.
Who made men the boss of us all?
We’re two halves…why is that so hard to fathom?
It’s for EQUALITY for our gender – the other half.
And to be equal exactly as we are – not equal due to being more masculine.
We can’t be more like men, we have to balance out the male characteristics and qualities.
That’s why we’re here. Otherwise it would just be all men.
Who made physical strength THE only trait to be valued as the best?
Because one can physically bully for how they desire things to be?
A woman’s strength is impenetrable.
Just look at what we do and/or survive daily; globally.
Why we don’t use this different type of strength to our advantage, just leaves me gobsmacked. It stamps the stupidity of our species more deeply into our psyche.
We’re in this inequality together, in some form or another.
And regardless of gender, it will most definitely affect someone you love.
It’s moral and ethical cancer – and yet, here we are.
The fight for the right to be richer and more controlling than others, is louder than all of us getting a slice of an equal existence.
I have to believe (and do) that there are more good people out there, than not.
Question #154: So why the fight against this?
Deep, bloody breath.
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Questions for Us 
Engaging in ad hominem attacks against those who disagree with you may not be the best way to gain our support. You say that women who are not feminists are essentially just begging men to fuck us; do you always demonize women who refuse to obey you?
I am not a feminist because I don’t want to work with women like you, and I definitely don’t want to go into combat alongside a woman like you. Most women are too nice to be that blunt, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe most women don’t like feminists, and maybe, considering the way you talk about us, we have good reason to dislike you?
I apologise for that final PS, Judithann, and I have taken it out. It was sent to me by a friend and I wanted to know people’s thoughts.
It was not meant to categorise all people in the same bundle (it never is), although I think there are many women who do idolise men’s dominance and their standing and diminish their own. It’s their potential to do more for this world that disappoints at times. It makes it hard to fight for equality when there are so many women who DO believe they are below men.
However, your comment is simply an angry reaction to that last part and you haven’t understood the essence of the post.
I am saying that women are strong – in our own unique way – and that we deserve the equal standing that men are afforded in different forms. You included.
Who am I attacking?
What orders am I dictating that haven’t been obeyed?
I just can’t believe we’re still fighting for human rights in this day and age and have simply asked some questions.
You haven’t explained why you are not a feminist, except to say that it’s because of people like me.
Well, I am fighting for a balanced existence and I certainly don’t hate anybody – not even men. I believe we need the good guys to join the fight.
This is the sort of feminist I am:
http://questionsforwomen.org/2012/02/24/so-what-sort-of-feminist-am-i/
It seems you have taken this very personally.
We’ll have to agree to disagree.
But I thank you for your comment.
I get the feeling that you aren’t interested in further discourse; I have devoted an entire blog to explaining why I am not a feminist; anyone who clicks on my gravatar will be led to it.
The short answer is, in order for you to achieve total equality with men, large numbers of women, including me, have to live a lifestyle that we don’t want to live, or else disappoint you, as you put it. Drafting women into combat positions against their will has been a main goal of the ERA for a long time; when you associate yourself with feminism, you are definitely giving orders that I will not obey.
I love discourse and will gladly continue to converse with you.
I have read one of your latest posts about your definition of feminism. I admire your strong stance but find it ironic that you rip to shreds with an air of contempt at all other women for their ‘delusions’ about what they believe feminism means.
A gentleman wrote a comment saying that it indeed needs to be flexible. And it does.
I truly, truly believe we are all here (male and female) to fill a position in this natural world and that you’re born with gifts and passions that should be fulfilled. Men are generally afforded that opportunity without much (if any) hinderance. Women don’t. Even if they chose to stay home and bring up their children, is the government truly supporting her with assistance? Medical help?
I am not from the United States and can see that being drafted in the Army is a big point for you – as noted in your comments here and in your post. I think it would be tragic to have ANYONE drafted into the Army against their will, let alone mothers. I’d be devastated if that were to happen to me.
Aren’t there any good initiatives for women from the ERA? Is drafting women seriously their main goal? (I’m actually asking – I’m Australian)
If you reread what I wrote you will see that I make it a point that women need to be women – not men – to balance things out. I even underlined, ‘That’s what we’re here for’. Be it in the home, teaching, leading…whatever – but as WOMEN. Not men.
I loathe the idea that the only type of woman who can ‘make it to the top’ is due to her essentially demonstrating male characteristics. I strongly believe we need women – as women – to be in that boardroom, providing our crucial perspectives and providing insight as to how we would tackle problems of society – that encompass US too.
I see men and women as the two different sides of the brain – you can’t just shut one side down when making serious decisions.
When I write about equality, I see the effects of a life run by men in the boardrooms of our lives.
I see the harrowing statistics on domestic violence and rape and the shaming of women when these things occur or the justice system that supports the criminal more than the victim.
I see a society being slowly but surely, being overrun by porn – where younger and younger boys (also victims) are having their neural pathways altered to desire sexual wants that are manufactured for consumption and unhealthy relationships with the women waiting for a ‘nice guy’. The average age of first porn encounter is now 11. The availability on the Internet is numbing.
I see women being sold the notion that they are never, ever good enough physically and I see the machine that spends billions keeping girls and women insecure and holding an ever impossible image to live up to. I’m a high school teacher and see the effects of this industry on an ever-growing army of insecure girls. I have also seen many of my friends suffer at the hands of this – including myself.
I want equality for them. I want it for my two daughters.
I want to empower girls to navigate through this muck but I also want a world which respects the female mind, respects the female body, rejects the devastating world of prostitution and porn and finally one that allows women to feel safe in a world that would nurture her to be all that she wants to be.
I don’t believe I’m preaching a ‘lifestyle’ (as you put in your comment – I’m not sure of what lifestyle you think I’m promoting) because I think a woman – just like a man – has a right to whatever lifestyle they please, as long as it doesn’t hurt others or the fabric of our existence.
I’m not giving orders – who am I to do that? Each to their own, I say. Live and let live. I just want a safer and fairer world for women and girls – around the planet.
My post does not point the finger at anyone specific (as you appear to have take it) as it has been decades of conditioning and desensitising that has gotten us to this point – it merely points out that life’s out of balance due to men running the show and that women are the predominant victims.
Do you disagree with that?
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my comments; I made some assumptions about you that I should not have made, and I apologize for that. Basically, I assumed that you were American (I know, I am sorry), and that you support the agenda of American feminists. At this point, the only reason to pass the ERA is to draft women into combat positions- something that American feminists are determined to do. The feminists I encounter in the U.S. are on principle opposed to the idea that men and women may be different- they think any apparent differences are just the result of socialization- and they want women to be just as much like men as possible. It is good to know that you don’t share their view.
However, I still disagree with you 🙂 You say that “life’s out of balance due to men running the show and that women are the predominant victims.” I agree that life is out of balance, but I don’t think it is due to men running the show. Women are often victims, but men are often victims as well, and women can be perpetrators too; the world is a crazy, messed up place. I don’t believe that putting more women in the boardroom will make it any less crazy or any less messed up. And I don’t care to be in a boardroom anyway. I don’t think that men are conspiring to keep women out of power; most women just don’t want to be in power.
I share your distrust of the elitist men who currently rule the world, but replacing them with elitist women isn’t the answer; women can be just as evil as men. Women are just as likely to abuse power as men. I don’t know what the answer is, but I don’t think that feminism is the answer.
Thank you for your response. 🙂
I agree that men are victims too and that there are crazy women out there – in the spectrum of life that’s a given. Ironically, they are also necessary to create balance. BUT there are much more women who suffer due to the patriarchy. That’s fact, not belief.
Should women rule the world? Absolutely NOT! And I have always been clear about that through many of my posts. That would also create an opposite tilt in balance, as one predominant gender cannot possibly provide an equal and fair perspective and representation for all its people. Yet men are the predominant power. I believe in 50/50.
I don’t want to be in the boardroom either…well maybe I do if it’s a room where there are less than 10 women out of the 100 in there. But I know I won’t have a chance of getting in there, if I don’t fulfil a certain masculine criteria – as it’s the men hiring.
It’s essentially a boys’ club and unconsciously (I think) they are keeping women out. The final cherry on top of that cake is if a woman were to get to the top – she would earn less than her male counterparts.
That’s inequality for those women. Even if the majority of women don’t want to be in power, as you say, those women who do reach the top deserve to be recognised for their brain being equal to her male collegue’s and paid equally…and they deserve our support.
Surely no woman would feel that’s fair – regardless of whether she wants that particular role or not.
That’s my type of feminism.
I think men are just as important a key in changing the paradigm, as women. We need our good men because it could be their wife, or mother, or sister or daughter who find themselves facing laws that render them less important in life, in some way or another.
I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you.
🙂
Thank you, I have enjoyed chatting with you too. Obviously, we perceive things differently. I don’t feel that powerful women are representing me or standing up for me; that is one of the reasons why I don’t feel obliged to support them. I believe that children need stay home mothers whenever possible; powerful career women who are also mothers are saying through their actions and often with words too that what stay home mothers do is totally unnecessary. I don’t appreciate that; it isn’t that I think they are less than human, I just think they don’t have their priorities straight. There are lots of men I disagree with about lots of things, but I have never felt that any man viewed me as less than human. To the extent that some men disapprove of career women, maybe it is because they value motherhood. I just don’t perceive that men hate women, or that they want to oppress us.
Goodness. I never mentioned anything about women being treated less than human – I’m sure we’d be sisters in arms, if that were the case. 😉
You’ll probably hate me for saying this, but I think you ARE a feminist – you’re fighting for a better existence for the women who value their place at home.
I value ALL women – the mothers who stay at home, the mothers who work full-time (like myself), the women who want to represent us in government, even the ones who desire a more untraditional lifestyle.
We are so amazingly strong and intelligent, that we can’t possibly be pigeon-holed into one role. I wouldn’t expect all mothers to stay at home in the same way I wouldn’t expect all mothers to work. Each woman must forge her own journey and we must all support each other.
I think being a stay-at-home mum is a valued and important role and I think it’s wonderful. But I also think I’m doing a valuable job with my daughters as a full-time worker (high school teacher). My economic status doesn’t afford me the chance to stay at home – although I’m not sure I would if I did have the chance either. I love my job and teaching young minds.
It’s sad to think that the feminist/anti-feminist argument seems to be pitting women against each other. Anyone who has made you feel that your role is unnecessary at home is the true antifeminist – like anyone who hinders a woman from fulfilling her own destiny.
As for the men? The ones in my direct life are great. However (just a few examples from my life) I have survived an attempted rape, I have missed out on a job promotion, due to an archaic belief that I was not capable due to being a mother (I have since been promoted a few times and kicked butt 😉 ) and EVERY single day, the most common search engine term that gets people (men) to my blog is, “Twelve year old sluts” (no lie). The fact that 1 in 4 women – globally – will experience violence from men is truly alarming.
BUT I don’t hate them. No way. I don’t hate anyone, actually. Too toxic.
I just believe we need more education and the feminine mind in higher areas – not just the home (although the home IS ground zero, so to speak).
Finally the role of the father – fatherhood – in the family unit is enormously underplayed from the home equation. The absent father – either physically gone or just never around due to being the ‘bread earner’ etc – can have devastating impacts on some families because children aren’t getting that balance at home either. I think it’s probably too general to say that men who don’t like career women value motherhood – they should equally value fatherhood.
So everywhere I look – whether in the home or in government – our society needs 50/50 representation for a well-balanced existence.
🙂 x
This is the thing: you say that you aren’t sure if you would be a stay home mother even if you could afford it. This says to me that you think that stay home mothers, strictly speaking, are not necessary, and when you say, either through your actions or words, that stay home mothers aren’t necessary, you are undermining them.
In order to support you, I have to agree with you that what housewives do is unnecessary. I am not willing to do that.
Well, I suppose we’ve reached an impasse.
You’re saying I am unnecessary outside my life as a mother.
If every mother had to stay home, then all the wonderful teachers like me, for example, would be lost to the world. Who would take their place? Men?
I find it so limiting to say that the ONLY way a child can be raised successfully is with a mother at home. Limiting for the child AND the mother – not as an individual case but as a global attitude. Where’s the equally important father’s role?
In order to support you, I have to agree that mothers only belong in the home and have no other important contribution to make. I am not willing to do that.
I wish you well and support your life-choice whole heartedly. It’s a shame you don’t support mine.
Peace.
Paula, I just want to say that you are an amazing influence for women everywhere. Finally, I feel a familiar voice. A voice speaking the fair and honest truth. Thank you, you give me strength.
Thank youuu! You have no idea what your comment means to me.
It warms my soul to know I have a like-minded sister like yourself.
Lots of love to you.
xx