Question #195: Is it *all* just for a compliment?
January 1, 2014
The moment after Christmas dinners and lunches were fully consumed, my Facebook page got littered with images like the following:
…from women.
No men indulged me with feelings of having to diet or comment on the weight they had gained over Christmas. Just women. Then there was the plethora of women friends commenting on said images, also participating in the merry-go-round of the standard, “Oh, I KNOW! I’m exactly the same.” rigmarole – like it’s the secret password for entering an exclusive club.
And it is exclusive – only women seem to want to wholeheartedly enter. Just listen, especially around the ‘festive’ season (particularly when they’re around other women) and see how long it takes before kilos / stomach size etc. is mentioned – even for a moment.
It consumes females’ lives. C’mon…we’re smarter than that, aren’t we?
What does one gain from having the ‘perfect’ figure?
My real question is:
Is it all just for a compliment?
Don’t get me wrong, I like to look unique to me and do my best with what I have and if that receives a compliment – that’s nice! – but it’s not the reason why I dress and groom myself.
There have been moments in my life when my weight has blown out a bit (74 kg being my heaviest) but as I am tall, I have always looked pretty good. This is because I have thin legs and any weight gain went on from my stomach and up – the legs and thighs never changed. To the outsider, my legs camouflaged what was going on up top to a degree. Funnily enough, all I could see was my rounded face when I was at my heaviest – which ironically is what I really notice about people; their faces, not bodies.
How do I know I looked good? Because I was complimented as such – even as so far as being called lucky; lucky for having thin legs.
On an intellectual level – isn’t that ridiculous?
I just want to state for the record that the only luck my legs have given me is their ability to take me from place to place – just like every other able-bodied person on the planet.
That’s it.
Furthermore, ever since being at peace with all my bits – which has been quite a few years now – I’ve noticed that if I ever mention anything about my body (not complaining), I am quickly interjected and shot down with phrases such as, “You have nothing to worry about” or “I WISH I had your figure.” I have to say that it’s bloody frustrating not really being able to simply discuss changes one notices (and we know that it’s always happening with our complicated but wondrous bodies, ladies) without the obligatory “You’re fine” commentary. There are parts of me that sag, bulge and roll; I have wrinkles and skin pigmentation on my face; I have dark leg hair which is the bane of my existence to remove (see? not so perfect legs) and I have no butt. Side on, my stomach is about the same size as my bottom – very ‘attractive’… Etcetera and so on.
We’re women.
We all know our flaws (we’re good at believing what we’re told – that it’s how we think of ourselves) – and we all (yes, ALL) have them, because it’s personal and it’s entrenched.
But this is where I want to say that it is exactly our ‘flaws’ that make us unique and beautiful.
My body has not given me a free pass to anything – I have a mortgage (a 70s house in the western suburbs that I got aged 39; you’d think my body would have let me own a house sooner than that); I have a full-time job, two daughters to raise – who can both be very demanding; and the usual ups and downs of life. I can emphatically claim that my body afforded me no special privilege. Nothing.
The things I have gained in life have come from the person within (who is also flawed, by the way).
So if we are just looking for some verbal validation (from as many people as possible):
Question #196: Is it truly worth all this anxiety and self-hate?
Why not try something different when thinking of New Year’s Resolutions?
Please don’t let it have to do with altering yourself. So you over-indulged over Christmas and New Year; you know what to do to balance it out.
Walk tall, don’t negatively talk about your body and see the beauty in every female body you see – especially yours. Imagine the change, if our daughters saw the beauty on all sorts of shapes and sizes the way YOU do. Don’t judge other women or compare yourself, just cultivate your own temple. How about we women, collectively, make the New Year’s Resolution to blow these soul-destroying and self-hating beauty standards out the window.
I have been using a new word to compliment women and it’s not beautiful – it’s radiant.
Happy New Year, radiant ones!
Go forth and SHINE! x
Deep Breath.
PS I’ll leave you with a clip of Aussie ‘plus-sized’ model (which is ridiculous – she’s a goddess), Robyn Lawley. Forget what she looks like and just listen to her words. Soak them in.
Mothers’ Day – #2
May 12, 2013
A stirring day, Mothers’ Day.
From what I read, see and feel – it is a day where mothers around the world are held in the highest esteem.
Earth Mother.
Nurturer.
Giver.
Lover.
All these beautiful, soulful and necessary traits that humankind relies on – and they’re attached to us. Women.
The role of nurturer is entrenched into the fabric of our existence and that responsibility largely tips toward us; falling into our arms.
Why?
Why trust women with this tremendous role?
I believe it’s because we are needed for this. For balance.
It’s a momentous, paramount and brilliant thing.
It also benefits everyone.
Unfortunately, this is where I feel we hit the snag:
Question #158: If mothers are so revered, then why is there so much violence and persecution against them – all around the world – in endlessly different ways?
Just something to ponder.
We must evolve and save Mother.
Save women.
So today, I salute you ALL – mothers, women and girls!
Last year, my first Mothers’ Day post was a little self-centred in that I was only looking at the life of a mother and woman from my western armchair – but today, I want to recognise the great rainbow of mothers, including those who are forgotten, or worse, ignored.
You’re all heroes of strength and the pillars of this world.
To single mothers (extra big hug to you) – I can’t imagine what it must feel like to do this alone and sometimes with little help – whether monetary, emotionally or both.
To those mums, like me, who work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To mums who don’t work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To those who have lost their sweet babes – whether a lost pregnancy or child.
Unimaginable. Much love to you.
To those who have lost their own mothers – xxx
Finally, to the heart-sinking number of women around the world:
- who are looking for food for their child to eat
- who are protecting their children from bullets and bombs
- who have been trafficked
- who suffer from physical violence on a daily basis
- who are risking everything to have a life lived without fear and come by boat:
I think of you every day. Not just today.
Today my husband told me to go to my laptop and see what my present is. I didn’t ask him for anything, so I excitedly wondered. This is what I saw:
I cried.
It was the most perfect gift.
So Happy Mothers’ Day!
Much love to you all – especially you, mamá – you’re all remarkable.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Such a rewarding day. Totally chuffed.
April 18, 2013
On Friday, the last day of term, my colleague and I ran a workshop with our Yr 10 and 11 girl students (aged 15-17 yrs old). We looked at the objectification of girls and women through the media and ran lots of workshops to help them navigate through the tripe they’re being fed, looked at what is beautiful (them – exactly as they are) and how to be a voice in this saturating, hyper-sexualised society.
The boys, of the same year groups, were in a separate location, journeying through the harms of pornography and participating in workshops to help them with all the issues they face as young men. They are also being fed false ideals about what it’s like to be a ‘real man’ and are also in strife. The wonderful feedback I got from this workshop is that the boys drew up a contract, their words, as to how they were going to treat women and they all signed it.
Fantastic.
The dynamic psychologist and teacher, Collett Smart of FamilySmart (and who was one of the original board members of Collective Shout) came to talk to both the boys and the girls together. She reinforced a lot of what we had covered up until lunch…and more.
It was such an inspiring day, that I’m still a little giddy from how good it felt to run a part of it.
I was up first and for an hour or so I covered what the girls are being sold by the media – more importantly, how they’re being represented and whether they were happy with it. My aim was to incite discussion and reinforce some Media Literacy with them.
To start off with, I asked them what characteristics we had that made us women. Two interesting things came out of this.
1. The first few characteristics were physical – boobs, curvy, vagina.
2. When I steered them towards non-physical, they came up with some beautiful ones, like compassionate and strong – but I was the one who wrote up intelligent (with lots of arrows pointing towards it).
From this point I launched in to a visual smorgasbord of examples of how women are represented in the media today. Basically one way – hyper-sexualised and objectified.
But it’s not just about ads, shows, movies etc – it’s also important to discuss the effect and consequences of a saturated paradigm, like our current one.
Objectification is the issue. What the girls needed to understand is that once you are seen as an object, anything can be done to you without remorse.
It’s a complete disconnect and is why the argument, “That could have been your sister” (for example) doesn’t work. Their sister is their sister, whom they love. An object is an object.
As Collett later told them (and the boys) – the Porn Industry now has to compete with the Porn Culture of our media. The images looked at in the dirty magazines of yesteryear, are now on billboards selling sunglasses/jeans etc.
So in order to keep their addicted masses, mainstream porn has to be bigger and far more violent. Women’s bodies are the commodity; bodies which only last between three to six months, before they’re tossed aside. Broken.
I showed the girls the following clip from Canada which covers a lot of what I wanted to discuss:
Notice how ludicrous it is to have the men portrayed that way?
We can’t do anything else but laugh about it because it’s not a reality for them – although they do have their own fair share of issues.
We watched the following Lynx ad by Unilever, being discussed in the States. The reason I showed this clip is because there is one female panelist in a studio full of men. Watch their reactions (nothing surprising).
What’s interesting here is mainly the woman’s take on it. It seems like everyone agrees – if it makes money it’s OK.
And the men’s reactions? Well, nothing out of the ordinary. Does that mean that we are also desensitised – seeing ‘boys just being boys’?
This led me to discuss the Porn Culture which surrounds us and how that’s become the ‘fashion’ now. I showed them more clips and what it means to them. I discussed this concept in my penultimate post: The fine line. A chat with teens.
I could have talked about this FOREVER, but time was short. I finished with the trailer for Missrepresentation – the wonderful documentary I hosted a screening of last year – which perfectly encapsulates the serious issue of our gender’s representation in the media.
My colleague then tackled, What is Beautiful?
We looked at photoshopped images and got the girls to do an activity, where they put stickers on each others’ backs with positive phrases about their characteristics.
They loved it.
We talked in groups about some possible party scenarios, looked at sexuality and relationships and finally encouraged them to be a voice – to call out injustices and be a sisterhood to each other.
After lunch the boys and girls came together to listen to Collett Smart.
She discussed issues such as the truly damaging effects of child pageants on young girls (affirming from a very tender age that the only validation a girl can have is through her looks) through to hearing the tragic story of a teen girl who survived a rape.
She reaffirmed many of the issues we had discussed with the girls earlier in the day, which gave those messages more strength – Yay!
But there was one important point that Collett made, that stayed with me – it resonated:
She said the path toward a better social existence between girls and boys; women and men – is mutual respect. There seems to be a huge portion of the responsibility laid on boys and men to respect women, but women and girls also need to respect men.
Bang.
Question #155: Are women truly respecting men in this hyper-sexualised, porn culture?
It’s a tough question, but we need to step back and look at this through a balanced perspective.
Both genders play a role in perpetuating a state of existence.
Both men and women. Boys and girls.
Something to ponder.
At the end of this day, I hoped our girls left feeling a little more empowered about their whole selves – not just what they look like – and will become more united as women to cultivate that word – RESPECT – in themselves and those around them.
So it was no surprise that I actually cried a little when I saw the following messages from some of the girls, on my Questions for Women Facebook Page:
“Hey Miss,
I just want to thank you and Miss Fitzgerald for your talk today. I honestly feel so empowered to change the society we live in. I feel so much better about myself and I really want to make a difference in the world. Thank you for opening up my eyes to the world we live in. Hearing what people had to say about me in the sticker activity made me feel so good about myself. To know that people like me for something more than my looks is amazing. You are an inspiration to me and so many others. xx”
“Thanks so much ms. You really are an inspiration xxx”
“MISS ! thank you so much for today ! It really made me think twice about what i do now and the way i see my self. you are a true inspiration and we’re all so lucky and grateful to have you at our school.”
“Thanks so much for today miss! It gave us such a great message in a very fun way. It was really eye opening to many of the girls and it was really good to realise we all empowered each other as women. We love you miss!”
“We’re so lucky to be surrounded by such empowering women!”
My message to these girls was:
“May your love, intelligence, strength and compassion be what shines through and gives you true validation. That’s what makes you beautiful.
You’re all necessary and needed just the way you are. xxx”
I wish I could do this every day. My soul feels full and alive.
Deep Breath
x
What I don’t get about the fight AGAINST feminism.
April 6, 2013
“When women participate in the economy, in peace-making and peace-keeping, we all benefit. Giving women and girls a fighting chance isn’t a nice thing to do, it’s a core imperative for every society…This truly is the unfinished business of the 21st century, and it is the work we are called to do.” – Hillary Clinton at the Women in the World Summit.
Yes.
It’s not about being nice.
Who made men the boss of us all?
We’re two halves…why is that so hard to fathom?
It’s for EQUALITY for our gender – the other half.
And to be equal exactly as we are – not equal due to being more masculine.
We can’t be more like men, we have to balance out the male characteristics and qualities.
That’s why we’re here. Otherwise it would just be all men.
Who made physical strength THE only trait to be valued as the best?
Because one can physically bully for how they desire things to be?
A woman’s strength is impenetrable.
Just look at what we do and/or survive daily; globally.
Why we don’t use this different type of strength to our advantage, just leaves me gobsmacked. It stamps the stupidity of our species more deeply into our psyche.
We’re in this inequality together, in some form or another.
And regardless of gender, it will most definitely affect someone you love.
It’s moral and ethical cancer – and yet, here we are.
The fight for the right to be richer and more controlling than others, is louder than all of us getting a slice of an equal existence.
I have to believe (and do) that there are more good people out there, than not.
Question #154: So why the fight against this?
Deep, bloody breath.
x
x
Happy International Women’s Day! + Question #150.
March 8, 2013
*TRIGGER WARNING – image may upset*
I awoke this morning with mixed emotions.
It was International Women’s Day and I wanted to quickly shout a ‘Woooo Hooooo’ to my sisterhood before getting ready for work, but there was also a feeling of some aimlessness.
Returning to full-time work on the Monday just gone (after caring for my injured husband) and due to the extra workload I was about to encounter – I decided to give social media a bit of a break, so that I could have some time without feeling incensed.
Because that’s what I was feeling.
How could I not?
When Facebook Pages like Being an Asshole, promoting hatred against women, are considered appropriate for viewing, even though it’s been reported for its promotion of violence.
How can men who defend it not see that by making a joke of this very real violence to countless women, it gives them permission to downplay how atrocious it is??
When a billboard promoting a strip club is placed in front of a boys’ school in Brisbane, is deemed honkey-dorey by the Advertising STANDARDS Board, when also reported for ‘grooming’ boys – teaching them to be sexually obsessed.
When the devastating statistics about the global pandemic of violence against women, inspires a t-shirt company to create many, many t-shirts bearing slogans such as: Keep Calm and Rape Her or Keep Calm and Knife Her. Amazon was then the place to get them.
(A computer program was blamed for generating the phrases – yet the word ‘him’ doesn’t appear anywhere…hmmm…)
It’s all getting a bit nasty.
Question #150: Could it be a back-lash to our ever-louder voice?
Well, the mixed feelings I awoke with today are due to me believing that – YES – we are becoming louder and stronger and I feel enormously proud to be a part of this new movement…
But is it working? Can we see any change?
We seem to be inundated with violence and exploitation – perpetuated by the Internet, I know – but it still IS what it IS.
An indifference to us – whether active or passive.
I believe we can make a profound change – both women and men…there’s just one problem:
Most are afraid to speak up.
And I understand that fear.
The other day, I confronted my Newsagent – a more elderly man – about the fact he had Zoo Magazine on a stand facing the street, near the front of the shop. I explained that not only is it bad enough that any kid can buy it, it was unavoidable to see the objectified woman on the cover, from the street.
So even if you choose not to go into the shop, that culture is still in your face. Still being advertised.
I had butterflies throughout the whole exchange. So nerve-racking.
As I left him, he was contemplating the location of the magazine and when I drove by later, he had taken the stand down.
Victory!
A small one, but one none the less…and it felt good.
So, it’s time.
It’s time to join the ranks for a better world for women. We deserve it.
Our nature is a nurturing one and it leaves me profoundly baffled as to why our other half want to continue to keep things the way they are.
I saw an argument by a man saying that he simply couldn’t understand why women wanted equality to men, when we’re not the same.
We know we’re not the same – it would not have made sense for nature to make us the same – but we are equally needed to balance things out.
Yin and Yang.
That’s what men and women are – predominantly one gender with a bit of the other. Of course I’m being very general – nature provides a rainbow of variations to this – but you get my drift.
So, Happy International Women’s Day!
I am for balance and I am for all women and hope the good men can join our voice.
An amazingly awesome documentary was made in the States called:
MAKERS: Women who make America – narrated by Meryl Streep.
Watch it by clicking on the link above – see how women have fought since WWII and continue to do so – see our modern-day leaders – be inspired – and join today’s movement.
Deep Breath x
Mila Kunis on Ellen
February 17, 2013
While I was sitting in an empty hospital room, waiting for my husband’s return from his surgery – I turned on the TV and I stumbled upon Ellen.
I have to say, that although I don’t really watch the show (don’t watch much TV at all), I do really like Ellen and what she does – yes, very similar to Oprah.
What I like about these women is that they spread a message of happy and that’s not a bad thing. We need more of it.
What makes Ellen different, of course, is that she is who she is and dresses comfortably – leaning towards a more masculine look – which I love.
Her female guests, however, are different. In the past, I’ve seen many (not all) come out wearing the ‘uniform’ – cascading locks of hair, over made-up faces, skimpy, barely-there outfits, very high platform shoes etc etc.
On this particular day, Mila Kunis was the announced guest and I watched with interest.
1. Mila came out looking stylish – pants and a white top. Nice.
2. Ellen’s first words to her are: “You look fantastic” and launches straight into the fact she must feel pressure now that Esquire has named her the ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ – pulling out the magazine which dons the following cover image of Mila:
After a bit of banter, Ellen says that there must have been a lot of pressure to pose for the cover of the sexiest woman alive.
Mila’s response was gobsmacking: She said,
“The only reason I did it, was so that when I’m 80, sitting in my little chair, I can say – SEE, Grandma was really hot one day!”
Ellen responded with, “That’s why you did it?”
A pocket of women in the audience started to yahoo and cheer – of course – and with that validation Mila continued, saying that she was sure her grandmother was a “sexy little thing, but there was no photographic proof.” (???)
She holds up her cover and says, “Look grandkids – PROOF!”
Dear me.
Ellen then guides the talk towards her outfits in everyday life saying she appears to be down to earth and doesn’t seem to ‘worry about what she looks like when she goes out’ (?????) and a whole minute dedicated to her use of cargo pants.
After tediously trying to get Mila to admit she’s dating Ashton Kutcher – the topic FINALLY turned towards her craft – the movie she’s in.
However, in the 8 minute interview – the discussion of her movie lasted 30 seconds.
I have to say, it was disappointing – again – to see how this interview fixated on and perpetuated society’s (women’s) obsession with the physicality of women such as Mila, and how we applaud and revere them.
More disturbing, however, is how Mila herself – a young and beautiful girl – needs to find validation through men voting her the sexiest woman alive, hyper-sexualising herself and slapping it on a cover for all to see…
…including her future grandchildren, no less – topless and with a provocative finger over her lips.
What hope do our daughters have with self-esteem and empowerment, when women’s looks are the only topic of interest?
Question #144: How can what girls do with their minds be in the forefront of discovering who they are, when noone cares enough to represent it?
Remember: “You can’t be what you can’t see”
We’re certainly seeing a lot of young, hyper-sexualised women like Mila, which does nothing for the sisterhood and the true empowerment of our girls.
Deep Breath.
x
PS Hubby’s operation lasted four hours and had five surgeons. It seems to have gone well.
It’s a girl! #3
February 3, 2013
A few months ago I saw the disturbing documentary about the femicide of girls in India and China called it’s a girl!
I wrote about the film and its disturbing statistics in the post: it’s a girl.
The following song is written and performed by Omekongo Dibinga. He felt compelled to say something about what is occurring in these countries.
The music may not be your cup of tea, but I love that Omekongo chose to speak up – on this very important and horrific practice.
Below is the link to the it’s a girl! site with the article about this song:
It’s a Girl Inspires Music Video by Hip Hop Artist Omekongo Dibinga
Watching this video and listening to the lyrics have made me feel very, very microscopically small…again.
What can I (we) do to help??
Deep Breath
x
Use-by date by 40? Or Best Before?
January 20, 2013
Question #138: Why is ‘young’ the only flavour on offer for women?
I am a 42 year old woman, just shy of my 43rd birthday, and I have a huge problem with the way females negatively discuss their age around the start of this decade. There is little doubt that the money-crunching wheel out there has had a lot to do with this toxic epidemic, as it’s at this time where a woman’s invisibility occurs in her representation – once she hits her ineffectual use-by date. 40.
Even if women see themselves as ‘Best Before’ 40 – it’s still a completely disheartening state of affairs. That’s a lot of sad females not reaching their amazing (and needed) potential in this crumbling social world, at the midpoint their lives.
From the article – The mysterious case of the disappearing women – comes the following:
“Try climbing through higher education, motherhood, self-employment, years of self-improvement, gyms, diets, abstinence of everything enjoyable – from ciggies to Magnums to suntans – to selflessness, to finally reach the summit of womanhood, fit, exultant and ready to fly – to find . . . a generational wipeout,” she ruminated in a column in The Sun-Herald.
“Visibility: zero. Scream ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’ all you like, but don’t look to the movies, the media or airwaves because, aside from Gillard, Germaine on Adam Hills in Gordon St Tonight the other week, glimpses of Jenny Brockie and Jennifer Byrne, Kristin Scott Thomas and Juliette Binoche buried deep within the bowels of a French film festival, there’s barely anyone out there who represents my age group.” Ouch.
Ouch indeed.
The documentary Miss Representation, disclosed statistics showing that although women aged 40+ comprise a large chunk of our gender, we are microscopically misrepresented in the media – especially in film.
What we are being saturated with, are images of women in their 20s – generally looking perky and ‘hot’. The damage this does to our developing young girls alone, is something that should inspire us to act in a more positive light towards our aging bodies. But no.
Even though women in their 30s are still attractively visible – there’s no denying that it’s the decade when it all starts to trickle down to being transparent. The irony is that many women who are in the limelight, struggle through that decline kicking and screaming, disfiguring their faces with injections and surgery, only to still end up on the ‘too old’ scrapheap. Double irony? Their male counterparts are doing just fine in their (generally) natural, greying and lumpy selves. And they don’t look freakish.
It’s been said a million times (which just imbeds that frustration in a bit further) but this is happening because a woman’s true value and efficacy is being packaged to solely be attached to her youthful glow and, in turn, her sexual allure. Can’t be older AND be sexually attractive! Goodness me. That’s simply not possible.
My eyes! My eyes!
Doesn’t it infuriate women to know that even though they spend billions on ‘improving’ themselves (just like they tell us to), it hasn’t afforded them any more airtime?
How sad that for many females, in this time when they are truly coming into their own skin and really start to understand who they are; where they want to run out onto the street and toss their hat up in the air like Mary Tyler Moore – is the exact moment society doesn’t want to know. I found myself feeling vital and energised when I turned 40, in many areas of my life and I know that there are many, MANY women who feel the same – so where are the tales of my fellow sisters in the same proverbial boat?
It would be simply marvellous to actually hear the stories of women’s life experiences – with a spectrum of what’s possible – not just witness the same narrative over and over again, where the story is about the male and his destiny and the young and ‘gorgeous’ girl chases guy for love (or support), or worse still, we actually DO see the wonderful achievements of women, only to have them be overshadowed by her outfit or cellulite issues.
We’re ever so much more.
I would also like to strenuously point out that if, on average, we live to the age of 80:
Are we really saying we’re going to be depressed for HALF our lives about our age?
>>>> Half our lives?? <<<<
Surely NOT!
Embrace the magnificent being you are and get out there and enjoy those next 40 years! That’s an order.
Deep Breath.
x
Bringing up daughters.
January 11, 2013
The following article has resonated with me deeply.
It’s fantastic.
I connected with this piece as a mother, as a mother of daughters, as a teacher of young women and as a girl who grew up with the same social ideals – just not as intense as they are now.
As a mum, I’ve often felt this and written about it:
Most girls lack a grasp of basic feminism to help them understand that many of their experiences are the result of growing up in a profoundly unequal world, and therefore not their own fault. Parents can only do so much.
I’ve heard the cliché often – that if they’ve good morals at home, the kids will be right.
Well, that would mean that my girls will be great – but am I enough against the ever-infiltrating, predatory world around them?
As a teacher I have always said the following to my teen students:
And I see how so many young women still assume that their needs come behind those of the boys they form relationships with, absorbing the message that they are lucky to have been chosen at all, when they are the ones who should be doing the choosing.
Young women and teenage girls have lost that power – it’s been given away and only women can get it back – the right to choose. They seem quite chuffed with merely being chosen and then work really hard to maintain being the chosen one.
I know. I’ve been there many times before.
Read this article. See if there are any entrenched ideals that can be shifted within you.
Imagine the profound effect on the world, if we just let our daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, aunts and grandmothers be their true selves.
One that doesn’t just revolve around looks and sex – or more to the point nowadays:
Looking sexy (no age restrictions).
The perils and pitfalls of bringing up daughters
Question #133: What passions do the women/girls in your life have?
Ask them. Then encourage them.
Deep Breath.
x
PS The book Raising Girls by Steve Buddulph looks pretty awesome.
“Raising Girls is a beautiful new book written as a response to the crisis in the mental health of girls. Girls are under assault from an exploitive, harsh culture, and need our help to become stronger and freer. This book is a guidebook for your own daughter at every age, and a call to arms in the wider culture. ITS EASY TO READ, HAS MANY POWERFUL STORIES, AND COVERS BABYHOOD RIGHT THROUGH TO ADULTHOOD.”
I’m going to get one.
It’s a girl! #2
November 15, 2012
In a part of my discussion about the ‘Femicide’ of girls in India and China, I referred to the core of its motivation being about greed – especially in terms of the dowry system in India.
Some of the people who commented in response to the post, weren’t so sure about greed being the primary drive – but I’d like to explain my understanding of it:
If an entire nation feels that their current system of female slaughter is acceptable because of the issue of a dowry – then money is the goal.
I think that at this point greed is the predominant factor because sons are revered for what they can ‘bring in’.
Women and girls, on the other hand, are treated like a commodity.
They are always owned.
You may feel that the term ‘greed’ is incorrect (maybe it is) – but I can’t get past the fact that the essence of it is money driven…and all because of the septic tradition of paying someone to take your daughter.
Worse still the amount of violence and ‘dowry deaths’ bestowed upon these poor, poor women – that comes from the parents not paying enough dowry – is again driven by money. Torture, starvation, beatings, forcing acid down women’s throats…
It makes me feel sick.
The following article A Report On The State Of India’s Girls has more devastating statistics like:
* Hundreds of girls born in India are given names like ‘Unwanted’ and ‘Undesired’ by their parents.
* 90% of abandoned children in India are girls.
* 25 million girls in India are married off before the age of 10.
* 53.22% of children in India have experienced some sexual abuse; 22% of them extreme forms of sexual violence.
* Up to 5 years of age, girls in India have a 40% higher mortality rate than boys the same age.
Towards the end of the documentary, a very eloquent Indian woman was explaining how ludicrous it was, that while women like herself try to engage in a dialogue with people who continue these disgusting practices, they end up finding themselves discussing women as if they’re the latest conservation plight – like ‘Save the Pandas’ – except women aren’t an animal – they are fellow human beings.
Question #112: Can we all stand and use a collective humanitarian voice to help these women and girls?
YES!
Sign this petition to stop Female Genocide in India:
http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/stop-female-genocide-in-india/sign.html
At least it’s something.
Deep, deep breath.
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