It’s all so pedestrian.

August 27, 2013

Crass.

Dirty.

Unbalanced.
…not her – the representation of her performance.

How sad that Miley Cyrus seems to have completed the traditional transition from wholesome teen to hyper-sexualised, ‘gagging-for it’, young woman.

Anyone who has read my posts, knows that I am ALL FOR women being sexually liberated and having confidence when it comes to their sexual wants and needs.

ALL FOR IT.

But what Miley Cyrus does here – at the Video Music Awards a few nights ago – is not that.

It’s a gimmick.

A show – for those with a lecherous gaze.

Something to cause a reaction.

After all, that’s what it’s all about – the music…right?

Grinding up against a man – who is *surprise! surprise!* fully dressed whilst she is near naked, just drips in this current pop culture’s conditioning and grooming of the following:

Lesson #1: To ‘make it’ as a female artist – you have to be fuckable.
To be noticed as a woman – you have to be fuckable.

And be sure to send all the boys and girls out there, this important memo – that that is what’s important, if you want to ‘make it.’

Also plaster it everywhere they turn – just so the message truly sinks in.

Let’s also not forget that Robin Thicke is equally to blame here.
It’s shameful (but sadly unsurprising) how little there is about him when this performance is being discussed.

A married man, singing about the ‘blurred lines’ of a woman’s consent, whilst a young woman half his age is bent over in front of him, twerking up against his crotch.

Lesson #2: Male is sexually dominant.

Miley has just received Honours in the club – the club with many members:

Brittany Spears
Christina Aguilera
Selena Gomez
Vanessa Hudgens…

etc. etc. etc.

Snore
Snore
Snore

Question #180: When is a bit of class going to come back into how young women express their healthy sexuality?

One that’s balanced to their male counterpart’s…

miley-cyrus-vma-2.jpg

Now THAT would be cutting edge.

Deep Breath.

x

I feel it’s very convenient to say that by objecting to issues of complete unfairness, women become *shrill, too sensitive, irrational! Can’t be counted on for anything – just listen to them? What? Equal pay? Just calm the hell down. Can’t you take a joke?*

It’s usually how it rolls off the tongue – regardless of the seriousness of the problem, that seems to be falling on deaf ears.

Females are equal to males

Again (I’ll repeat) – not the same – but equal.

Women respect men. Men respect Women.
That’s the only way it can work.

Without equilibrium, NOTHING works.

Some processes are slower than others, but at the moment there seems to be little respect for women in any other realm – other than sexually or in the home…even though the statistics of domestic violence towards women and children  makes one start to wonder…

Question #169:  What the hell is going on?

A picture posted on FB led me to a page called The LAD Bible.
I’m going to post a small selection of the screen-printed images, memes and photos that appear on that page. They have other ‘blokey’ type humour (covering sleeping man’s face with food pieces – haw haw), but it’s not hateful like the following.

So as you look through these, I just want to know one thing:

Is this it?

Is this the type of man on offer for us now?

Lucky us, hey?

Underneath each image, I’ll write the tagline the site provided for each photo:

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1. Good point well made.

Pity we can’t get help from guys about guys. Wouldn’t want to break the bro-code.
Although this is a sexist cliché, I was just curious as to whether we can ask for help in any way.
I have asked for men’s insight in the past on this blog, only to have been rewarded with the sound of crickets.

***

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2. All a LAD needs.

So that’s it? Pizza, beer and tits?
How silly of us to feel like we’re worth more than just objectification, like have an identity…

Why is this girl allowing herself to be photographed in this objectified way?
Who she is as a person is irrelevant.
Who wants to feel like that?

Sadly. There’s an abundance of images like this. So very troubling for both genders.

***

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3. DadLAD

A father’s advice to his son…in her gob.

***

This has been cleverly written, but don’t let it overshadow what it’s saying:

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4. AdviceLAD

This drips in disrespect.
A woman’s ‘characteristics’ appear to be deserving of cheating and deception. Others are sluts. Clichés are also used, like that classic where women just want to marry men for their money. Really? I know a lot of married women and
a) many are the main breadwinners
b) I personally know of only a small number of separations within the large number of couples I know – but in all but one of those cases, it ended because the husband left the wife (and children) for another woman. That’s the more common scenario.

When I posted an article titled, A Shameful Week to be a Man on my FB Questions for Women page this afternoon, a man responded to the part about Nigella Lawson being grabbed around the neck by her partner with:

‘What about all the thieving bitches making a living out of marrying rich men only to divorce them for their money? You think this woman married this monster for love, the same fuckwit husband who offered visiting six year old cigarettes. It’s called karma bitch, marry for love and not money then you might have the right to call yourself something other than a prostitute and then you might find yourself a decent man who would treat you with love and respect. For the record I love having a cock and I’m not ashamed to be a man.’

Thieving bitches? Marry for love not money?
Even when the facts prove glaringly otherwise, this corker always seems to pop up in defence of male violence.

***

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5. A little teaser from the up-coming book.

A book?
It’s not bad enough that our perfection entails cooking, cleaning, sex and a ‘perfect body’ – but we weren’t worth the price and now men bitch about what they got.

Charming.

Worst part is that a boy who looks about 10 years old in his photo, commented: ‘So true’, to the description above. Already an army of young experts in the wings.

***

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6. PoetryLAD

This is hatred of women. I know it’s an exaggeration – but at the same time it’s not.
It’s hatred because women have no other place or role, than to please man – the way HE wants.

***

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HATE.

And it’s everywhere.

How can we NOT call out Enough!?

Question #170: Don’t women deserve better?

The Misogyny Factor

June 16, 2013

A few weeks ago, my mum and I went to the Sydney Writers’ Festival to watch Anne Summers speak about her new book, The Misogyny Factor. Anne has worked as a senior bureaucrat and political adviser, and is the former editor-in-chief of the landmark feminist New York based Ms. magazine.

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She was wonderful.

Articulately pointing out logical and factual anomalies in the fabric of our unbalanced existence, in the never-ending search for equality.

Some facts:

  • By simply being female, a woman will earn 1 million dollars less than a male, in her lifetime – 1 million – or the fact that an HSC male (high school graduate) will earn more than a university post-grad female.
  • That the control of a woman’s 1. Financial Independence and 2. Fertility plus the ever-growing 3. Violence against Women, have us in a grand old pickle.

Anne mentioned three words:

Inclusion – Equality – Respect.

These are the words we must ALL aim for – for a better world…for ALL.
We must strive for governments and policies that go about securing us inclusion, equality and respect.

Following are a few of Anne’s perceptions that she wrote in the introduction to her book.
They just resonated with me (well, it all did, really):

  • ‘I nominate the misogyny factor is the obstacle.’ 
  • ‘If misogyny is the theory of women’s inferiority and unworthiness and, therefore, unsuitability to be equal players in our society, sexism is the everyday expression of it.’ 
  • ‘These people believe that, once they are mothers, women just do not belong in the world outside the home. They also tend to have the conviction that all women ought to be mothers and, therefore, confined to the domestic sphere. Such views can be, and are, held by women as well as men.’ 
  • ‘My starting point is the absurdity of a society predicated on a double standard: men can be fulfilled as fathers and as workers, yet we still argue the toss about whether women can ‘have it all’.’

The last point is the crux.
Question #167: Why does this double standard truly exist?

My delay in writing about seeing Anne and listening to her fantastic-ness, was due to the fact that within those two weeks, the news was choc-full of misogyny galore!
And these are just the ones that made the news. The cold and sad reality for many women suffering similar actions go generally ignored or ‘unseen’.

We must start to see…

1.

tyler
We had Collective Shout and many women – from all around the globe – speaking out against rapper Tyler the Creator coming to Australia to perform his sexist, racist, homophobic, hate – with lyrics containing violence against women, such as:

“Rape a pregnant bitch and tell my friends I had a threesome,”
“Keep that bitch locked up in my storage, rape her and record it.”

New Zealand didn’t permit him entry into their country, but not only did Australia grant him a Visa, he performed all around Australia in places like the Enmore Theatre in Sydney to all-ages audiences.

???

{A future post will look at how the objection to have Tyler come out here, meant the predominant women who spoke up, received a barrage of threats of rape and violence against themselves and their families, by Tyler’s fans online.}

2.
We had a Liberal Party fundraiser menu – click here – which featured our Prime Minister as a dish, demeaning her down to the features of her body, including her pubic hair.
Our Prime Minister.

3.
PM Julia Gillard was again insulted a few days later when radio ‘journalist’, Howard Sattler, decided to ask personal questions about her partner’s sexuality and pushing for an answer.
He was sacked.
I wrote on the radio station’s FB page:

‘She is our Prime Minister and this dismissal was a good call. 
Like Ms Gillard or not, the job commands our respect.
There would have been justifiable outrage if John Howard were asked about ANYTHING sexual about him or his wife. 
This radio station demonstrated respect for our Prime Minister. Well done.’

4.
Australia’s Army Chief gives a stern warning telling sexist soldiers to get out of the army after:

“Following revelations of further “demeaning, explicit and profane” behaviour by his army members.”

5.
In a moment of go-knows-what, the Socceroos coach, Holger Osieck, whilst being directed to his seat for a press conference, is heard saying:

“You push me around like my wife.”

He then said something in Latin, which he then translated to:

“Women should shut-up in public.” 

These examples all occurred within a two week period – the last four within just one week – two of which were against our female Prime Minister.

Inclusion – Equality – Respect.

I leave you with a question Anne Summers wrote within her introduction:

Question #168: What exactly do we need to do to ensure our society promotes equality and makes it possible for women, as well as men, to live they want?

Deep Breath

x

The language we use #2

June 12, 2013

Just want to say how livid I am about what I saw today.

The following menu is from Mal Brough’s Liberal Party fundraiser:
(for any overseas readers, the Liberal Party is our current government’s opposition)

menu-1

Where Rudd has been called a Goose, Simon Crean isn’t anything harsh at all, but a piece of Tenderloin Steak, where as our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, has been described as having:

‘Small Breasts, Huge Thighs & a Big Red Box’

I am DISGUSTED.
I find this offensive to women – ALL women – because the men aren’t vilified in the same manner. Period.

Worse still, it happens over and over again – as I pointed out in a previous post: No respect.

Those who claim our Prime Minister has never been treated unjustly due to her sex, can go jump.

Question#166: When will the way we speak about women,  incense all those who read or hear it?

Especially men?

When?

Deep, deep, deep, breath.

x

I heard this question asked twice in one day, from two different people, about two different issues.

I think it’s the crux of it all – the question we must seriously ponder and decide when we ‘cross the line’.

Is there a line?

There has been a growing voice emerging and gradually escalating – standing up for the preservation of some basic, bloody principles. Fundamentals.

But there also seems to be a surge in bad, malicious, callous behaviour that’s infecting our culture – like bad apples rotting the barrel.

I don’t know…is it a backlash?

If we look at the current, abhorrent issue of the rape culture we now seem to inhabit, then we need look no further than the Steubenville rape case in the States. *Trigger Warning*

Why this case? Because it’s the first biggie since India. This was the test to see if we changed – even a bit.

We failed. In fact, I feel like we regressed.

The two boys on trial were found guilty of rape – one will serve a minimum of one year and the other, two (an extra year for taking nude photos of a minor and circulating them).

The discussion has been fierce on both sides – but I have to say that I am quite dumbfounded at the reactions to this case.

This girl was stripped naked, raped repeatedly, sodomised and urinated on (tweets support this) – carried around from party to party by the wrists and ankles – whilst unconscious. These boys went a step further by documenting the ordeal by filming, taking photos and tweeting about it.

There is the video where one of the bystanders who watched his mates, laughs about the girl’s  horrifying experience, for 12 minutes and discusses what was done to her – you can see it here. *Extreme Trigger Warning*
(Notice the rifle on the floor by this guy? What a frightening combination.)

And yet, there is an enormous, insurmountable number of people who still think it’s her fault. Blaming the victim. One man went so far as to write the following post over his ‘outrage’ that the rapists were put on a Sexual Offender Registry:

Why don’t we have a Dumb Fucking Whore Registry. Now that would be justice.

Just the title. Speechless. I’m so offended by it.

Why aren’t ALL women offended by this?

Many of the comments left on this post sing a familiar tune – supporting the author’s stance of the girl pretty much ‘asking for it’ – male and female alike – including that she wasn’t raped at all – just digitally penetrated. Saying she shouldn’t have gone out, shouldn’t have gotten drunk, shouldn’t have…etc.

This girl’s human rights were violently and devastatingly ripped from her.
She will never be able to form a healthy relationship with a man, she may have sustained physical injury – like not being able to have a baby, caught a disease and she’s still a child. She’s a minor and has already endured such a horribly degrading, violent and humiliating experience. Never, EVER to be forgotten.

They will do a year or two in juvenile detention. Come out and either rape again – more bad for us – or come out changed men. If that’s the case – great, they gets a second chance.

What about her?

Why should they get a second chance?

So how bad does a rape – or anything for that matter – have to be, before society snaps out of its coma and starts to take action?

Well, I see one of two solutions for our rape culture:

1. Women actually do as they’re told and stay home. They don’t go out. Stay indoors. And if you do go out, cover up so as not to provoke. Don’t smile sending mixed messages that you ‘want it’. There’s only one problem with that…many, many girls and women are raped at home. It’s a tricky one.

2. We hone in on the source of the problem:

Question #153: Why are there so many more men like this?

It may not be you – but if it’s not, you can’t deny –  it’s like a war out there.

Isn’t anyone hearing what’s being shouted? Or is everyone simply turning a deaf ear?

There’s only ONE significant change – I believe – in all our social existence.

PORN.

Yes, it’s always been around but now it’s saturating –  the availability of it – the actual advertising of it, regardless of location – like the local newsagent for families; TV – and what eyes are watching. REGARDLESS.

Women are advertised as whores (I’m sorry for the word – but it resonates best) to both our sons and daughters – look around at the effects this is having on both genders.
Life is imitating art.

163802-lee-jeans-billboard[1]

Quite unavoidable, isn’t it?

Is this the world you want?
Its consequences are happening now, to a lot of people. Around the globe. And it’s escalating.

This is bad.

Yet we find it hard to punish and say ‘No’. We give more and more chances – until when?

Seriously.

So I’ll ask again: If not now – WHEN?

Deep Breath

x

PS – I really do want to talk about this. Good guys – any ideas?

My local newsagent located the hard core porn magazines at the very front of the side shelf of his shop. If you send your kid down to buy you the paper – from where the papers are, you can see a magazine on the flat section of the shelf, with a fully naked woman on the cover, sitting on a pushbike.
I challenged him, very politely, saying if he had to have them at all, they should be at the back of the shop. It’s all still there.

What are your suggestions?

884694-oscars

With interest, I have been watching the reaction to yesterday’s Oscars.
This interest started to turn to a calm, but deep, indignation at how far the women’s movement has yet to go.

Today, Gloria Steinem (legendary) was on The View and she said we’re:

“Halfway there. We once fought for an identity to vote and now we are fighting for social and political equality.”

Yesterday, The Oscars was more than just a night with a few crass jokes.

It went beyond that. This article looks at why it was so wrong.

The Oscars: 5 Things that need to Change

“Consider that sexist comedy alienates at least half of the show’s intended audience. Everyone who managed to endure Seth MacFarlane’s jokes last night deserves an award. As many news outlets have astutely pointed out, a broadcast that should have been about the recognition of talent devolved almost immediately into ugly, juvenile humor. Next year, send a boldface memo to the show writers: No awards show should be a megaphone for jokes whose punch lines boil down to “Ha ha, you’re a woman.”

…and I saw your BOOBS!

It’s just so juvenile.
ANYONE can make these sorts of jokes. They’re a dime a dozen – amongst most teenage boy groups in the western world – and yet we applaud and revere it?

Putting aside Seth Macfarlane using women (predominantly) as the butt of his boys’ toilet humour, he actually sang the names of accomplished actresses, such as Meryl Streep, with the line, “I saw your boobs!”

How old is he? 12? Are most men saying they are too?

On this sophisticated night that is supposed to celebrate the craft – it sounded so infantile and was embarrassing to watch.

Pedestrian. My brain is starving for stimulation. There’s nothing to watch.

I’m in shock that comedian Jason Alexander – who tweeted:

is actually turning his back on his own craft to support the Boys’ Club.
He thinks that’s funny? Well…there goes my respect for him as a comedian.

The worst part of the boob song (yes, it gets worse) is that many of the movies he chose to that these boobs appear in, were ones depicting rape and sexual violence – like Jodi Foster (who was honoured with the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the Golden Globes) in The Accused.

No Respect.
This then paved the way for more.

* Rihanna’s abuse joke, laughs at her and every woman who has to live with that horror.
What about Chris Brown? Where’s the joke about the abuser?? Why isn’t HE being laughed at?

* Jessica Chastain’s character in “Zero Dark Thirty” referred to by Seth as “every woman’s innate ability to never ever let anything go.”

* 9-year-old Oscar nominee, Quvenzhané Wallis, was connected sexually with George Clooney in another ‘joke’ and Clooney was the one who received an instant apology. What??

To add insult to injury, the majority of the male population (yes, the majority because I’m not hearing much opposition from guys) are telling us to zip it. It’s aaallll good.
THEY think it’s funny – and so do all the guys –  so what’s the problem?

Imagine…a HILARIOUS bit where Jack Nicholson’s penis is compared to a shrivelled up, baby zucchini (based on what we saw in a movie) or that Daniel Day Lewis had a flaccid penis and we SAW IT!! Hahahahahahaha!!
No – we will never see that happen because guys wouldn’t do that to each other but…*newsflash* neither would (do) WE!

Do women play a part in all this? Of course we do.
I have always stated that and is the main reason for starting this blog.

But this is about The Oscars. It was shit and men are saying it’s OK.

It’s not OK.

Question #149: Who are we becoming…or have already become?

Deep, Deep Breath.

It’s going to be a long battle.

I’ll be brief.

This petition has come up and it’s important you sign it. It’s to the Advertising Standards Board:

Stop Sex Industry Billboards Outside Schools

This is the billboard:

gEKeRGLIfoybclD-556x313-noPad

So – not only did someone approve this decision – placing an adult club BILLBOARD in front of a boys’ school in Brisbane – it was also complained about and the complaint was rejected.

In front of a boys’ school. Please.
As Verina Rallings wrote – it’s a type of grooming. And it is.

So I ask you:

Why do we even bother with the magic of Christmas?

Going to all that effort to create this fictitious world of wonderment…

What for?

We’re living in a world where the drive to make money has deadened our senses – opening the door to a seedy, underbelly lifestyle and normalising it.

Where did Santa go?

What happens when the belief in Santa ends – at 9 – 10 – 5 years of age?

Shall we dress our girls in denim undies (oh, sorry – ‘shorts’) and teach them how to act in a hyper-sexualised manner, for guys’ approval, with a low-cut top to boot?
How about our boys? Shall we encourage them to learn how to successfully land a bitch whose gagging for it?

If the answer for you is ‘No’, then speak up and show your indignation!
Billboards like this are powerfully promoting a representation of reality that is unbalanced.

I can’t believe we are actually allowing this subliminal coercion of our kids’ minds; rendering their ability to formulate a balanced reality, impotent.

WE have to be the stronger voice in our youth’s ears, not theirs.
Theirs is solely about making a buck…and it’s plastered all around us.

Doesn’t that infuriate you?

Well it makes me livid and disappointed at what we’re becoming.

Please sign the petition. x

Stop Sex Industry Billboards Outside Schools

Deep Breath.

I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook.

I love my private page as I have family and friends around the world and this fantastic tool affords me the opportunity to stay in contact, see precious photos, share articles and funny memes etc. etc. etc.
I also love my Questions for Women FB page – I can put up articles and quotes to inspire and give a different perspective to life, as well as put up my blog posts.

What I hate, is how Facebook instills a feeling of insecurity and untrustworthiness.

I do not feel like they have our back.

They are always skulking around for your info – to share or sell to the highest bidder. We’re constantly having to change settings – which have been automatically been set to ‘Public’ as a default – when they reshuffle the way their site works.

Always leaving us none the wiser and exposed.

What I hate the most, however, is that they also do not have our back in protecting us from hateful and misogynistic content being posted. Horrible sites and images just being permitted to spread – their toxic nature infecting; normalising. And why?

Because it’s just a joke, crazy lady! Relax.
Sshhhhhhh….

The thing is, though, who exactly IS the person (or people) who make the final call?

I picture a bunch of young guys in a smoke-filled room, eating fast food, surrounded by empty food wrappers, snorting at all the crazy things that are being posted.
Haawww Haawww Haawww!

The reason I say that is because they don’t permit photos of breastfeeding mothers (eeewww – gross!) – but allow pages called ’12 year old slut memes’, which I wrote about in a previous post – That’s not misogyny. THIS is misogyny.

Yesterday Karen Pickering posted the following passionate rant about Facebook:

Fuckedbook

She writes about an abhorrent image she saw on FB (it’s in there *Trigger Warning*), which she reported – twice – but was ultimately deemed appropriate for viewing, by FB.
Karen wrote the following, which struck a chord with what I feel:

I reported it despite being fully aware of a number of truths:

  • that the internet is full of this shit
  • that the world is full of this shit
  • that this shit really happens
  • that we can’t stop it from happening
  • that we can’t stop people joking about it
  • that people laugh because they’re conditioned to dehumanise women to the extent that they do
  • that the people posting it feed off the persecution complex they get that feminists are out to get them
  • that you’ll get one taken down and an even more hideous image will take its place
  • etcetera ad nauseum

Yes, yes and YES! to all the points above…etcetera ad nauseum.

The image, as of today, has FINALLY been removed – but as Karen says, the world is full of it.

It’s hate. It’s misogyny. And Facebook thinks it’s OK.
Facebook must be a man.

So, if women are labelled as a bunch of hysterical banshees, who need to chill-out when they protest misogyny and violence against women, then –

Question #145: What label do the men inherit?

Let me know what you think of the quote below. My interpretation below.

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In what way do think men are stupid?

By seeing what’s happening and keeping silent.

That makes me crazy.

Deep Breath.

x

PS I know many of you would suggest that we all get off Facebook and be done with it. I think that’s easier said than done due to established connections…but if everyone I know and love switches to Google, I’m IN!

One for the boys…

January 12, 2013

But also a fantastic article for all women to read.

Michael J Dolan, self-reflects and awakens:

I was a Misogynist Comedian

It’s sobering to read what ‘typically’ goes into a set.

Question #134: Is this type of guy/man (the unaware misogynist) a big problem?

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Rape Culture #3

January 3, 2013

A cell within the group Anonymous, called ‘Knight Sec’ decided to be a voice against the injustice that came of the gang rape of an unconscious, 16 year old girl in Ohio, by members of a football team – who also documented it all. She was unconscious because she was

“intentionally drugged with a ‘date-rape’ intoxicant.”

The community, police and justice system, that rallied behind theses boys (widely known by their nickname, ‘The Rape Crew’) and swept it all under the carpet, were given until the end of 2012 to come forward and apologise – make things right – otherwise Anonymous was going to publish the information they had gathered.

No-one apologised.

So here is the report that was leaked to the public on the 1st Jan.

It includes the following video footage of the boys admitting to the rape.
*WARNING: This Video Is Extremely Disturbing – Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

Michael Colin Nodianos Admiting To Rape from Commander X on Vimeo.

I only have one question (it would be great if guys help me out here with some insight):

Question #129: Knowing what WE were like as teens – is this type of guy more common now?

What terrifies me most is not what they did to her (although it literally makes my stomach somersault and heart ache), it’s what they think of her – as they laugh…and laugh…and laugh…

In this case, these men flaunted their misogyny through sadistic rape and even urinated on this poor girl – who is ruined for life. But this deplorable attitude can manifest in a number of different ways – domestic violence, forced prostitution etc – and it’s seeping through globally.

* Afgan girl shot in the head for ‘being a prostitute’ in front of a cheering crowd of Taliban men who were fighting over her – DIED.

* Pakistani girl, Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head for wanting an education – LIVED.

* Indian girl’s horrific gang rape – DIED.

* This girl – intentionally drugged, sodomised, urinated on, dragged unconscious from party to party – LIVED.

Etc…etc…etc…

And, of course, these are just the ones we hear about – 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime.

I want my daughters to be able to go out and confidently participate in this world – but it chills me to think that these guys are out there.

So – is it worse than before?

Guys/Men? Thoughts?

Deep Breath.

x

PS There are no words to describe what I feel about the guy in the video – making joke, after joke, after joke. Just the manner in which he says the same type of thing over and over again, fills me with a strong and uncharacteristic desire, to smack his smug and idiotic face out. The cameraman laughing at all his jokes and egging him to keep going, would be next.
The following is what he wrote on Twitter:

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