Finding Mr Grey.
February 15, 2015
A while back, I had a chin wag with students about the fine line that is present in many a discussion about females – in that case, their dress. A recent example has been the great deal of to-ing and fro-ing over the release (on Valentines’ Day, no less) of the film, Fifty Shades of Grey. The argument surrounding this narrative has been bugging me in a similar way the aforementioned discussion with my students did.
My understanding of this issue can be put into two simple points: 1. The books sold like wildfire and seemed to have predominantly titillated the ‘housewives of suburbia’ who saw a love story with consenting adults and 2. It brought to the fore, many psychologists, feminists and survivors of abuse, who have presented an alternate and more dangerous perspective; one that looks at a male grooming and trying to utilise complete control of a naïve female; a demonstration of psychological and physical domestic abuse.
I have not read the books and even wrote post at the end of 2012, asking those who had read 50 Shades to write their thoughts, without judgement from me; because I support women and fight for their complete agency to choose and participate in this world with freedom and safety. This novel is simply a great example of where – if anywhere – the line gets drawn between ‘sexy’ and ‘sadistic and sociopathic’. The issue of choice and consent is also smudged for me when grooming is involved as that’s what grooming does – trick people (and children) into thinking something’s OK, when it’s not.
The prevailing argument in its favour is that it’s just a fictional story and is just a fantasy. I completely understand this perspective and think, each to their own. If the sexual escapades of this novel pushed the saucy buttons of women worldwide, then I say, whatever floats your boat. The pro-50 Shaders seem to be more about the steamy, naughty, forbidden [insert own adjective] sex, not so much about the screwed up male (due to his prostitute [of course] mother) ‘discovering’ himself emotionally and physically through Ana.
But the two issues are married together – the psychologically disturbed man, comes with the sex.
So having heard all the arguments in various articles about this relationship and its representation of varying abuse, I simply want to ask:
Question #222: Why him?
Maybe there are women who want to escape their predictable sex lives and find this story does in fact help them do just that. But what about the man himself; not just his skill with a whip?
Maybe there’s also a secret want to have a rich and ‘powerful’ male be a dominant figure, in his expensive suits and play/torture dungeon.
Maybe women like the idea of ‘fixing’ a damaged male – that love will conquer all. That if she stays, he’ll get better – even if it means enduring a controlled and abusive existence .
Is that it?
What if Christian were, let’s say, a newsagent, would there be as much sexual excitement in finding one’s own Mr Grey?
In terms of the story, the sexual awakening would be the same for Ana, wouldn’t it?
What I’ve heard, from friends who have already gone to see the film, is that the sex wasn’t as ‘good’ as in the novel but found other differences. This is from a friend of mine in her 20s:
‘I found it uncomfortable to watch but didn’t find it uncomfortable to read. I’m not easily phased but it was unpleasant. Personally I enjoyed the development throughout the series. It was an interesting read. But seeing it in film was sort of next level. It was basically porn. The sex scenes were not overly graphic but the violence was too much. It made me feel sad.’
Isn’t the following image from the film, eerily similar to the very real Julian Blanc many found to be abhorrent in his behaviour towards women. The thought of being grabbed by the neck chills me. That’s because I have been grabbed like that. But it’s still not the reason all this bothers me.
On one hand, Rosie Waterline wrote the following review for Mamamia, where she was shaken by what she saw and left the cinema nearly in tears, through to Mia Freedman’s review with her opposing take. One quote stood out in Mia’s piece, that came from a friend of hers:
‘If some women view Christian as a catch – that’s disturbing but it’s their call. The value of the books and the film is the accompanying conversation about what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. A healthy relationship doesn’t involve your partner dictating what you wear or eat. But the author isn’t writing about a healthy relationship! It’s the story of a messed up relationship!’
The first line encapsulates the problem for me – Christian Grey is being touted as a catch and someone to be dreamed of, despite being in a ‘messed up relationship’.
One example (of many) is this bus stop advertisement, of which I got a photo:
This poster grooms – just like Christian Grey – for selfish reasons.
And that’s what bothers me at the core. How this narrative is being sold.
I think it’s dangerous for those – especially our youth, without the experience to know differently – to believe this is a relationship to aspire to – because it has sex in it that supposedly pushes the boundaries of pleasure?
There are adults who enjoy this story; those who enjoy BDSM (even though many are saying it does not accurately portray BDSM correctly); and that’s fine.
But ultimately there’s one thing that seems to be agreed upon:
It’s not a healthy relationship.
Question #223: So why is it being romanticised?
That’s grooming.
The oldest profession?
May 10, 2014
The newspaper, The Courier Mail from Queensland, published the following full-page article, this last Sunday 5th May, called:
Pie and Coke No Joke with the sub-heading Supersized Happy Hooker Deal.
Happy Hooker.
(shaking my hanged head)
This abysmal article is actually advertising the idea of ducking out in your lunch break (if you’re male) and having sex with a prostitute as a part of a meal deal:
A pie, a Coke and a POKE! – as they so disgustingly put it.
The most malevolent part of this article, however, is one of the first paragraphs that reads:
‘The midday rendezvous is also discreet, enabling clients to duck out and still be home for the wife and kids in the evening.’
So it seems we have well and truly arrived, people – adultery is now something we are literally endorsing in the paper today.
Well…why not?
I’ll come back to that question.
This article encapsulates how the lines of ethical and moral behaviour are ever being erased by the human race for the sole purpose of making money.
On an even more profoundly disturbing level – we are the participants of a world which ensures males have every opportunity to immerse themselves in the sexual and objectified images of females, which in turn forges their perceptions of what females mean to them.
So in this skewed modern-day existence, which sympathises for a small stereotype and dictates we should empathise with the poor male who can’t get any sex with a ‘regular’ girl and needs to purchase a female body to penetrate, I ask this question:
Question #202: Why does ejaculation have to happen inside a female?
(or in her mouth; or in her anus; or on her face etc.)
It’s the sense of entitlement; that’s the problem.
Whether in a relationship or not, males (prominently, as a species) act as though they are owed access to female bodies – and in the way they want; to varying degrees, of course.
If one thinks logically, without emotion, and with use of reason – we know that, commonly, it’s deemed one has ‘had sex’ – when he has orgasmed and, generally, in her.
I find that what we quickly choose to ignore is that female bodies are on the frontline in prostitution; ‘servicing’ male, after male, after male and we ignore those who find themselves trapped in this insidious industry – one that too many have arrived at due to horrible childhood experiences or unimaginable circumstances. And it is insidious, when you see (like in this case) the words ‘fun recreational pursuit’ in the same article that’s promoting adultery.
When the demand (male) is SO high, the supply (female) has to come from somewhere.
Therefore – surely – only logic can deduce, at this point, that female bodies are ultimately being used as commodities for ejaculation. It’s just dressed up in different ways.
This is an ad for a perfume that’s visible at the front of many Myer stores around Australia at the moment.
She is naked. She is painted like a gift. She has a bow-shaped bottle in front of her spread legs – ultimately, the gift. The perfume is even called Bon Bon – how delicious!
This subliminal messaging that every single human being absorbs as they walk past images like these, is palpable.
Adults – so desensitised they don’t even notice; Children – are learning.
Vaginas are for sale. The ultimate prize.
If we step away from prostitution and marketing and look away from our ‘developed’ world, we see that this dogma is sadly and tragically firmly rooted in our species’ psyche.
As I write this, it is highly probable that nearly 300 Nigerian girls are being sold off; making the hundreds of males who purchase them, very happy – some reports say for as little as $12 for each teenage girl.
We all know that once purchased, they’re only going to be treated in horrific ways – and just one of those ways will be to violate them repeatedly with a penis.
Sex: All Female; Race: All Black
So back to the earlier question – why not endorse prostitution and adultery?
Well, it seems that the only ones who take the opportunity of using their free right to speak their thoughts, think it’s all just simply terrific.
Following are some of the comments (just a snapshot) made on the Courier Mail FB page. There were hundreds of comments left and most are like the ones that follow. An interesting observation to note, is that the popular philosophy seems to be shared by both genders, either through ‘humour’ or gender stereotypes.
I find most of these answers disturbing and have highlighted some phrases.
Spelling mistakes are their own.
* People have to pay bills too, and whilst a legal brothel isn’t illegal, what’s wrong with it? If women feel there husband is cheating on them, find out why? Is it because you don’t put out, is it because your hubby is no longer physically attracted to you due to all that chocolate ladies desire so much or do you have just one too many headaches that you really should get attended to by your Dr? (m)
* Chuck in a smoke and you’ve got a deal (m)
* Get a life! Its one of the oldest professions world wide. If it wasnt for brothels allot of people world wide would have to result to there hand forever and would never get some booty staying a virgin till they die lol so chill out and dont be so negative about it. (m)
* It’s one of the oldest trades in history. Been around a lot longer than any other job. It’s going to be there forever so people may as well just accept it. At least they have a job and aren’t on the doll sapping the money from the state (f)
* I think if you make the money work for you by paying bills etc. Why not? It’s clean, and nothing wrong with it (f)
* If the availability of prostitutes can help to reduce the amount of rapes and attacks on women and children, then I’m all for it..! (m)
* I would have thought given the circumstances a sausage roll would be more apt ?? (f)
* Same (f): Munch is on me! + Gives new meaning to the HONEY IM JUST GOING DOWN THE SHOPS TO GET A PIE AND A COKE haha
* What a great marketing tool. Thinking outside the box !!!!! (f)
* Why are people so harsh on hookers, if it’s what they want to do for a living then leave them too it, it’s not like we live in Cambodia or Thailand where children are abused. As long as they’re adults and consenting, leave them alone! (m)
* Oh for god sakes you angry nasty sexually frustrated woman …get over yourselves . These woman are working and pose no threat to your relationships . The skanky home wrecking hoes you are so threatened by are actually at night clubs, pubs and facebook lol…and they give it up for free in the hope of stealing your worthless unfaithful man . Instead of a linch mob …why not host a few lingerie parties and learn how to satisfy and keep your man at home and between your sheets? Or get a man who is satisfied by what he has at home ..some men will never be faithful. (m)
* Gives new meaning to a ‘Happy Meal’ (f)
* Can you get fries with that? (f)
Responses: Do you mean ‘flies’? (m) + Thought lice would be more appropriate (m)
* “Crack” the daytime market. LMAO (m)
* It’s a job bet half those putting these women down gave it out for FREE before they became stiff housewives with self hate issues. IF your hubby is paying for it chances are you can keep him unlike with the tarty women who steal husbands. (f)
* ha ha, two Pies for the price of one (m)
Question #203: So do we still have nothing to worry about?
I don’t think so. I don’t think so.
I’ll leave you with a comment that I saw on FB in regards to this article:
‘While Sweden, Norway, Iceland and France move towards defining gender equality in a way that prohibits men buying women, our country is believing the lie of sex sellers and moving further and further towards normalising men’s entitlement to women’s bodies. It is not a human right to purchase or get sex, prostitution is exploitive and the sex trade is dehumanising.
Have we reduced the act of sex to a product and a woman to the wrapping?’
Deep Breath.
*Serious Trigger Warning*
April 13, 2014
This post contains my 200th question; an important moment.
I have been avoiding writing it, to be honest – finding justifiable reasons why I should leave it till later. This question is a big deal and a hard one to articulate; but it needs to be heard.
It must be heard.
I’ve chosen this post to lay it all down, the best way I can, and hope it resonates in some – any – way…maybe even cause an awakening in some.
My question is:
Question #200: Who is looking after females?
The attitudes, perceptions and (worst of all) laws revolving around females have worsened worldwide. Actually worsened.
The people who make up the largest chunk of the Bell Curve, however, don’t see it – they choose to watch the sensationalist, fear-inducing ‘Big Brother’ news on the TV; news that’s especially selected for viewing conditioning.
However, on a daily basis there are countless more examples of atrocities occurring to females in developing nations, war-torn nations as well as in the so-called ‘developed’ world.
Developed.
Now there’s a word that brings with it a whopping case of irony when used to describe nations with wealth. I don’t see we’re developed at all, especially when it comes to the equality of half the human race.
Seeing as wealthy nations are only about making a buck – and is ultimately the SOLE thing that’s respected in the mainstream mindset (something in which we all participate, to varying degrees) – females in this realm of enlightened living *cough cough*, are an urgently needed commodity; who are represented as being available ‘on-tap’.
The so-called ‘Beauty Industry’ is the developed world’s teat, off which a huge bulk of consumerism suckles. Of course there’s also the destruction of the planet and the cruelty to animals, such as factory farming, to add to the mix.
We consume, destroy and discard rubbish to within an inch of oblivion; all with a mindless privilege that sickens the soul.
The environment, animals and females – the merchandise for the making of money. Check.
That’s the ‘developed’ world.
Congratulations.
But what about something that unites us all?
In what way do we link hands, as a species, in a common practice around the world?
Porn and prostitution.
(Porn –> prostitution with a camera; Prostitution –> the raping of females)
Anyone who argues that the use of female bodies for the purpose of ejaculation (yes, as it is ultimately the only purpose it serves) is a-okay, is contributing to this insidious modern-day emergency – through direct participation, indifference or both.
Our ‘humanity’ is flailing in quicksand, as the toxicity of this violent and hateful underbelly spreads.
This is a small snippet of Gail Dines on Q & A, discussing porn and counteracting the usual, exhausting and typical argument – “I haven’t seen it, so the problem doesn’t exist.”
Gonzo Porn – as Gail mentions – is violent and hateful and constitutes most of the type of porn that is made and accessed today.
In the following tumblr post titled Porn Statistics – amongst the harrowing statistics, female sex workers describe their horrific circumstances:
“The first shoot I did was with a man who was probably 40 and he was as thick as a soda can. He held me down and shoved it in me with no lube tearing my vagina. When I started to tear up and cry he flipped me over and continued from behind be so they wouldn’t get me crying on film. He pulled my hair and choked me over and over again even when I told him it hurt and I could barely breathe.”
While the pornographers say this:
“My whole reason for being in this Industry is to satisfy the desire of the men in the world who basically don’t much care for women and want to see the men in my Industry getting even with the women they couldn’t have when they were growing up. I strongly believe this… so we come on a woman’s face or somewhat brutalize her sexually.”
Recently, I read the most succinct and powerful piece by Fire Womon called:
Prostitution, Pornography and the Illusion of ‘Choice’
This piece echoes my exact sentiments about Pornography and Prostitution.
“My problem – and the problem for all prostituted women – is that there are feminists who claim to be ‘pro-sex work’, which basically just means you agree to women being paid fuckholes. Some of these same feminists claim radical feminists such as myself are ‘anti-sex workers’. I hereby state emphatically that not to be the case. I am anti-sex work. There is a huge difference.”
The face of prostitution and porn has changed since the Internet graced us with its presence.
It is more violent. It is more degrading. It is hateful.
It lusts for younger and younger girls.
(My most common search engine term on this blog is ’12 year old slut’. That doesn’t include the variety of ages like 10 year old slut that I receive, as well as more horrific searches such as, ‘put your dick in my 12 year old pussy daddy video’ {word for word})
The most frightening part? The consumer is insatiable.
Males.
From Prostitution; An Abolitionist Perspective, come the following harrowing statistics:
“In prostitution the conditions that make consent genuinely possible are absent: physical safety, equal power with customers and real alternatives.”
A 2004 study of prostituted women in nine countries (Canada, Columbia, Germany, Mexico, South Africa, United States, Thailand, Turkey, and Zambia) 89% of the women surveyed reported wanting to exit prostitution but did not believe they had any real alternatives. A 2005 study of prostituted women in Vancouver found that 82% were sexually abused as a child, while 72% endured physical abuse. 54% of the participants reported entering prostitution while under the age of consent. In addition 86% were currently or previously homeless. 95% of participants wished to exit prostitution but did not feel as though they had any other viable option.“
Choice?
There is little choice bar a small percentage of women. It’s not ‘Pretty Woman’. Those women are a microscopic minority and we simply cannot use them as an argument against the statistics of female, human misery at the hands of males and their drive to ejaculate inside them.
The following comes from an Open Letter to the UN asking for prostitution to be abolished:
You need only read or hear the testimony of women who have been bought for prostitution to find that, day in and day out, what men do when they buy women is “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment.” Men pay to ejaculate and urinate on women’s faces, to hurt and humiliate them with any other kind of sexual perversion they had in mind, to not wear condoms.
As no human being should ever be treated that way, it follows then that PROSTITUTION IS A CORNERSTONE OF ALL SUBORDINATION OF WOMEN AND DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN WORLDWIDE. It supports sexual exploitation which is what customers buy. It is a reserve labor force that allows the economy to not have to fully employ all women seeking paid work. Prostitution structures families differentiating between wife and whore, pitting women against each other in ways that protect male dominance in the family as well as on the streets and in brothels. The list is as endless as is male domination and patriarchy. It is based on the recognition that women are a class hence what affects women in prostitution affects all women. To that end, to see that prostitution is recognized as a universal violation of human rights is to assert the right to human dignity in all of its meaning….. whether or not it is chosen or coerced, whether or not it is trafficked or pimped or is self-imposed by women themselves.
Now for the difficult part.
The following is the link to a site that publishes the opinions of male consumers (‘Punters’ slang) of prostitution in the UK. It outlines how much they paid for their female vessel and discuss their rating of the sex-worker’s performance.
** I must warn you that this may upset some people – but at the same time, I think it’s imperatively important to read the reality of this situation – straight from the horses’ mouths.
The site is called The Invisible Men – Let’s talk about his choices.
The image below is an example of what appears on this site – some are worse. Please read.
That poor wife.
Porn and prostitution always affect marriages and relationships – in a multitude of varying ways – but always none-the-less.
If one puts Internet porn aside for a moment (a beast that is completely out of control), the ‘ground-zero’ for us is the popular culture that supports this soul-destroying industry; through consumption by the pedestrian masses – lads’ mags, ads, TV shows and movies that use hyper-sexualised females to support physically, intellectually and/or monetarily heroic males and a pop culture which dictates a fashion that pushes for a look that is sculpted from porn – labiaplasty (of all things!) and plastic surgery are sadly still on the increase.
The worst part for females is the abhorrent rape culture that now exists; as the realities of porn violence seep into the minds of males and are enacted upon the bodies and minds of girls and women everywhere.
Some of these factors are fantastically explored by Gail Dines (again) and Julia Long in the article, Moral panic? We are resisting the pornification of women. It reads:
But feminists who organise against pornification are not arguing that sexualised images of women cause moral decay; rather that they perpetuate myths of women’s unconditional sexual availability and object status, and thus undermine women’s rights to sexual autonomy, physical safety and economic and social equality. The harm done to women is not a moral harm but a political one, and any analysis must be grounded in a critique of the corporate control of our visual landscape.
So I repeat – WHO is looking after females?
I don’t fight for me – I fight for a balanced and equal existence for all.
I fight for my daughters – that they not suffer – and I fight for yours.
I also fight for your sons.
Deep Breath.
First game: Two unjust casualties.
December 8, 2013
In the play, Threepenny Opera by Bertolt Brecht, a corrupt character named Peachum starts his first stint on stage by looking directly at the audience and declaring the lines:
“Awake, you sinners, awake!”
That’s aimed at us – Society – one that ‘sins’ through its compliant silence.
Brecht was a political playwright who wanted people to watch his theatre with intellect and reason, and not be deceived by the lure and grip of emotion.
Ultimately, he wanted people to leave the theatre with a sense of recognising the ludicrous injustices (still) going on in the world and DO something – to leave the theatre:
AWAKE!
Question #193: What does it take to stir the depths of society’s moral and ethical compass?
Last night was the first game – here in Australia – of the US inspired, Lingerie Football League. This is an issue I have fiercely argued about in the past.
It is with continued disbelief that, in 2013, we actually have these poor women – desperate for ANY sort of respectful attention toward their sporting and physical prowess – play with (essentially) virtually exposed breasts.
The image below is from the US league.
I shudder to imagine the soreness and pain their breasts must feel, if that’s what they run in (no support) and smash into each other with.
Nope. Shaking my head. Gobsmacked.
AWAKE!
Women’s sport is virtually ignored.
Our screens are a deluge of men’s sport, 90% male commentary and male worship.
In David Penberthy’s article – Lingerie League an Insult to Sport and Channel 7 – he writes:
“It is pretty weird that at a time when our cricketers couldn’t buy a win, and were making headlines instead for being sent home after refusing to do their homework or decking a Pommy batsman in the small hours at an English pub, our women cricketers were quietly going about the business of becoming world champions, again.
Couldn’t name one of them.”
That’s the crux.
We don’t see women’s sport…unless they’re in their underwear?
Sexism. Pure sexism.
Last night the Lingerie Football League claimed two victims.
Victim #1: Tahina Booth (pictured above), was taken away by ambulance due to injury. One person on Twitter said she appeared in agony for a while before the ambulance arrived.
The following was Tahina’s response to a question from Andrew Webster from the Sydney Morning Herald:
There are a lot of critics of this sport. I have my own doubts. What would you say to them?
“I understand. I have a complex with the uniform. I don’t like it, and it’s not practical. But when you look at it, there are masses of people coming to watch … they realise it’s not for fun and these girls aren’t taking it lightly. A lot of feminists have told me I’m a disgrace. I tell them that I’m doing this for an opportunity. I work so hard, it’s cost me so much money. I just want to be the best I can be.” *
How sad that here in Australia, women athletes like Tahina are simply not respected. That her ‘opportunity’ can only come from a form of undress. This is sexism at its purest.
The LFL responded today about her ‘injury’, stating she was merely dehydrated.
I sincerely hope that’s all it was.
Victim #2: Randy Perret – father to one of the players – wrote the following apology to Collective Shout, when his daughter was deemed ‘too fat’ to play, ON GAME DAY:
“I wish to apologise for the comments have posted lately regarding the LFL in Australia. i have known of Mitchell Mortaza and his reputation within the States but thought that maybe with a fresh start in Australia he may change his ways. Wrong. My 18 year old daughter has been told that she has to “lean out” to wear the uniform. That’s right. So yes LFL is all about how the girls look not how well they play the game. So now I have my 18 year old daughter down in NSW, shattered emotionally because at the last minute she has been told that she is too ‘fat’ to play his game. Send me any petitions you like and will gladly sign them. Also please forward any contacts as I wish to fight this all the way. We can not have our young girls thinking that you need to be skinny to play any sport in this country.”
She had already spent money on getting the prerequisite spray tan before the game.
Spray tan. Any Australian male footballers putting on their obligatory spray tan before a game?
No – the female athletes of Australia are not being respected. In this case, they are (mundanely) being exploited for their physical appearance. The fact that the audience is predominantly there for titillation through accidental nudity (something in the girls’ clause to play), is a truly sad indictment of our current paradigm.
Awake.
Deep Breath.
x
Stay tuned.
September 9, 2013
I have been very absent from here of late.
I have to say, it has been quite hectic this last month.
Due to work, I was away from school for two weeks and away from my family for one of those.
Although the two weeks away were hard work, it’s the return to full-time work after that absence that’s hectic. Full ON.
Add to that the cold I collected at the end (and four days with absolutely no voice – yes, my family was happy! Hahaha!), meant that after working all day, doing the after-school routine, either cooking dinner or cleaning up…or both, bedtime for the girls (you all know my pain) – I just wanted to slump into a chair and was only able to interact on Facebook.
For now, everything else has dropped off a bit including my newish relationship with Twitter…and this blog.
However, there’s another reason.
A much deeper and sadder one.
Australia just elected in a new government two days ago and I’m deeply, deeply disappointed by the result.
We all ‘knew it was coming’ (a phrase that was bounced around SO much, it passive-agressively directing the gaze of the masses), as we were inundated with biased reporting during the excruciating period of the pre-election campaign.
In my heart I think the wrong government won.
I was very saddened to hear that 4.5 billion dollars will be cut from Foreign Aid.
It makes my heart heavy.
All I want is a better world for everyone who’s on it because, quite frankly, who am I to get more than any other person on this planet?
Who is Rupert Murdoch to get more?
Why did Australia vote for one of the richest men on the planet to influence these elections (see above image), have his way with the NBN – AND get richer from it?
What has he ever done for us? Foxtel?
You pay him for that too.
Isn’t he lucky that Australia was so compliant?
I think everyone who voted Liberal, should all get a cash handout for it, don’t you think?
A special thanks from Rupert. He can afford it.
He won’t though. He’ll keep it in his pocket as will the new government, whilst others languish in starvation, are immersed in violence and have no. way. out.
They do actually – Australia.
Umm…actually no. Not welcome here. At all.
In fact we’ll pay the people smugglers money for their boats.
(???????)
Yes, Australia voted for THAT.
There are so many more issues, but I simply can’t.
BUT – it’s a democracy and here we are.
So today I find myself wondering, “Now what?”
Together with a group of extraordinary activist women, mainly from Collective Shout – I am helping organise the campaign I mentioned a little while back; taking on the need to get rid of misogynistic magazines like ZOO, off the shelves of ‘family friendly’ locations like the Newsagency, Coles, etc.
We all know the furore there would be if there were even ONE magazine of this type found in a child care centre – but noone really bats an eyelid to the fact that:
1. they’re everywhere,
2. have no age restriction for purchasing and
3. that kids of too young an age are being exploited, with the hyper-sexalised, objectified and misogynistic images and DISCUSSIONS of women.
Here’s a shot I took at a petrol station.
As we can see there’s ZOO, at the entrance of the store, flanked by Woman’s Day and New Idea:
Oh, so that’s where they’re positioning it now. Always at pram height too.
Question #181: Does this worry you?
I’m starting to feel that with the majority of this country, the answer is ‘No’.
Maybe it’s because they see the logic of having a woman whose underwear is falling off her, seductively showing how ‘hot’ she is – burning for it – placed at the entrance, because it makes more money.
Maybe it just doesn’t matter to them that it’s someone else’s 11 year old son buying it.
That’s their problem.
I know there are people out there – many good people I’ve met through this blog – who will be standing with us.
But we’ll be the minority.
This election just handed me that most disappointing and depressing lesson.
But – I’m here – I’m not going anywhere – I have about 2 million more things to say and DO (one of them being this upcoming campaign) – so please, stay tuned.
Deep Breath.
x
Two stories. Two 11 year old boys.
July 29, 2013
Last year, I wrote the post – Sex…education? – about my concern over our youth’s access to just about any type of porn on the internet – at their fingertips.
Playing with porn is a recent article pretty much declaring the same.
This porn paradigm is destroying a lot of our kids – it really is – and we just allow pornographers and the punters to indulge – either by watching it or making money off it – at the expense of our girls…AND our boys.
In fact, we are breeding the worst in some of our boys and girls/men and women, and the collective silence is allowing it.
In just one week I heard a few personal stories from great women I know, regarding porn – accessed through the internet – by 11 year old boys (one a son, the other a nephew).
That’s young, isn’t it? 11?
Story #1
NEPHEW: The Aunt, with her very young sons – below 5 years of age – had their 11 year old cousin visit them in the holidays.
She thought that he was showing the young boys a game on his smart phone.
It turned out to be porn images.
The Aunt found herself pouncing to deflect her sons’ focus off the images – without drawing too much attention and making a fuss at the same time.
What she also felt was incensed – not just with the fact that her nephew was doing what he was doing – but also the ease with which he was able to ‘share’.
Story #2
SON: The mother called out to her 11 year old son to come to her when at home.
He appeared – upset – saying, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to see it! I didn’t see much!”
The mother was merely going to ask him a question, but instead found herself thinking, ‘Oh no. What has he done?’
The poor boy had googled ‘Angry Birds’ and it seems porn companies will pay Google through the teeth to advertise on the top page, when those words are put in.
Predatory.
This normal, curious boy clicked on the ad because it was deceptively luring him in with information about Angry Birds.
It was a porn site.
The boy was quite upset by what he saw – on many levels.
His mother saw the shame he felt and immediately comforted him on the fact that it was NOT his fault.
It’s not the fault of any of these boys because the problem is what’s out there and its accessibility.
What’s out there, you ask?
Well, Red Tube.
Another friend told me her 12 year old son – still six months shy of entering high school – was informed by a school friend of this site.
I just looked it up and the homepage alone is utterly and horrifically graphic.
As this site loaded its welcome and revealed itself, I can tell you that I was NOT prepared with what appeared.
Simple shock was what hit me first – like a rabbit in headlights – followed by an overwhelming wave of indignant fury at this site’s very existence and finally, a very real sense of helplessness that boys who are still in Primary School are looking – learning – experiencing something many will not understand – and then passing around the name of this site to friends.
Surely the logic in our minds has to admit that the porn that’s accessible today, as well as how it’s made, is dangerous, sinister and toxic.
How can boys navigate through this, without it affecting their mental health (in terms of sex)?
How are parents, who are already finding themselves overwhelmed, supposed to help their sons form healthy, loving and respectful relationships with women, when what they see in porn is the COMPLETE opposite?
I can’t help but feel a sense of despair – and all for an industry saturated in money, dominance and violence.
Is this what we want for our sons and daughters?
Question #176: Can’t people see things are very, very wrong?
On Friday Night, SBS aired the following documentary:
Love and Sex in an Age of Pornography
(This link expires on the 9th August – please make time to watch this)
This is a fantastic collection of perspectives (from Australia) by many young adults, in relation to the porn industry.
The girls broke my heart – too many beautiful, young girls covering their tears with laughter…sitting with their agent who is literally filth.
The juxtaposition between them and him only compounds how it’s all VERY out of whack.
Below there is a petition which is following the UK’s footsteps – where a law has been passed, compulsorily putting filters and stops to porn (adult content) from reaching any computer – unless asked for – as well as making it illegal to make rape porn.
Bloody brilliant.
We want to do the same, here in Australia…
How wonderful would that be?
Deep Breath
x
![gty_teen_porn_addiction_jp_120507_wg[1]](https://questionsforus.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/gty_teen_porn_addiction_jp_120507_wg1.jpg)
Trade of Innocents – The Freedom Project
May 4, 2013
I will be short. But it will not be sweet.
On Wednesday night, I went to a screening of a film called The Trade of Innocents.
It stars Academy Award winner Mira Sorvino and seasoned actor Dermot Mulroney.
Inspired by real events, it explores the gargantuan problem of trafficking girls – in this case, in Cambodia.
Yes, it’s a Hollywood movie but no, it was not picked up by the mainstream cinemas.
*Small rant moment. At a recent outing to the cinema (after a very long absence) the movie trailers on offer were for:
Iron Man #3 – Gi Joe – Star Trek #2 – Die Hard #278 – Man of Steel.
Lots of larger-than-life, über men, being heroes, surrounded by the same super-dooper special effects and gratuitous shots of women in little clothing.* Rant over.
I understand that a movie like the Trade of Innocents is not a big hit with people wanting to escape – but aren’t we endangering our ability to see past the whopping pile of stinking special effects?
Our world is in trouble.
So I went along to this screening, thanks to Liz and Mike Newton-Brown, a married couple who started The Freedom Project a few years ago, and help trafficked children. Actually help.
I met them at the screening of it’s a girl last year and they are truly inspirational.
After the film ended, we were shrouded in dread.
It was sombre in there; silent except for the sound of some sniffling noses being quietly cleared, from crying.
I can’t get out of my head the scene where a sweaty and pasty American tourist says he wants a guaranteed virgin – that he is willing to go as low as a 5 or 6 year old, but that his preference is a 7 year old, “For a month’s use.”
Repugnant.
I felt sick as I saw girls, the same age as my daughters, being sold for sex – girls who, in the scheme of things, were just unlucky enough to have been born over there, instead of over here…even though it happens here too – albeit on a smaller scale.
Mike and Liz then spoke some facts with us.
A Hollywood movie is one thing…but the following just drove it all home:
800,000 – 4 million men, women and children are trafficked each year.
They don’t really know the exact figures.
Of those:
- 80% are women
- 50% are children
- The average age of girls trafficked, is 11; the average age of boys, is 12.
- 75% of people sold into slavery, are sold for sex.
A child is sold into slavery every 30 seconds. Every. Thirty. Seconds.
It’s the fastest growing crime in the world.
1. Arms
2. Drugs
3. Slavery
With the first two, once you shoot a bullet you’ve paid for, or taken the drug – it’s done.
It’s used.
But a human being can cost as little as $40 and once owned, is used over…and over…and over…
The three areas of trafficking are:
1. Sex
2. Slave Labour
3. Forced to kill – like child soldiers. These are the hardest to get to and is the worst, as it can include all three unimaginable horrors.
I don’t know what those statistics do to you, but this has profoundly affected me.
The gravity. The insurmountable size of it.
As I walked to my car that night, I cried.
Question #157: What can be done?
Well, The Freedom Project is doing something. It’s big and they need help.
They’re working in two areas at the moment.
1. Burma – a drug ravaged and fuelled area using child soldiers.
They recently smuggled 10 children into China – out of slavery.
They have saved and are currently looking after 150 children – providing housing, food and education. On their Facebook Page they posted the following image with this caption:
‘Seriously, this little guy’s smile is SO heartwarming! A precious soul we are caring for – now in a life of FREEDOM.’
Look at his face.
2. Philippines – An area in the south which wants to be an independent Islamic state, also using child soldiers to fight this battle.
The Freedom Project wants to build 50 schools. They’ve built 2 so far.
The fil had a quote that said: “They have a massive network – we need a bigger one.”
So that night I decided to join the network:
- I bought a t-shirt
- I will be donating to help them
- And I have spread some awareness through this post – even if only to a few.
And it doesn’t matter what you do – or what channels you do it through – every tiny bit helps; whether it’s to save one child or a thousand…or dare we dream more?
I leave you with this trailer for a documentary that we were shown before the screening of Trade of Innocents.
It’s called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls – and it focuses on the selling of women.
It has won over 24 Film Festival Honours and can be bought on DVD on their page, HERE.
Please help.
http://www.thefreedomproject.org
Deep Breath.
x
Question #147: Why do even bother with the magic of Christmas?
February 25, 2013
I’ll be brief.
This petition has come up and it’s important you sign it. It’s to the Advertising Standards Board:
Stop Sex Industry Billboards Outside Schools
This is the billboard:
So – not only did someone approve this decision – placing an adult club BILLBOARD in front of a boys’ school in Brisbane – it was also complained about and the complaint was rejected.
In front of a boys’ school. Please.
As Verina Rallings wrote – it’s a type of grooming. And it is.
So I ask you:
Why do we even bother with the magic of Christmas?
Going to all that effort to create this fictitious world of wonderment…
What for?
We’re living in a world where the drive to make money has deadened our senses – opening the door to a seedy, underbelly lifestyle and normalising it.
Where did Santa go?
What happens when the belief in Santa ends – at 9 – 10 – 5 years of age?
Shall we dress our girls in denim undies (oh, sorry – ‘shorts’) and teach them how to act in a hyper-sexualised manner, for guys’ approval, with a low-cut top to boot?
How about our boys? Shall we encourage them to learn how to successfully land a bitch whose gagging for it?
If the answer for you is ‘No’, then speak up and show your indignation!
Billboards like this are powerfully promoting a representation of reality that is unbalanced.
I can’t believe we are actually allowing this subliminal coercion of our kids’ minds; rendering their ability to formulate a balanced reality, impotent.
WE have to be the stronger voice in our youth’s ears, not theirs.
Theirs is solely about making a buck…and it’s plastered all around us.
Doesn’t that infuriate you?
Well it makes me livid and disappointed at what we’re becoming.
Please sign the petition. x
Stop Sex Industry Billboards Outside Schools
Deep Breath.
Facebook and misogyny – just kidding!
February 21, 2013
I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook.
I love my private page as I have family and friends around the world and this fantastic tool affords me the opportunity to stay in contact, see precious photos, share articles and funny memes etc. etc. etc.
I also love my Questions for Women FB page – I can put up articles and quotes to inspire and give a different perspective to life, as well as put up my blog posts.
What I hate, is how Facebook instills a feeling of insecurity and untrustworthiness.
I do not feel like they have our back.
They are always skulking around for your info – to share or sell to the highest bidder. We’re constantly having to change settings – which have been automatically been set to ‘Public’ as a default – when they reshuffle the way their site works.
Always leaving us none the wiser and exposed.
What I hate the most, however, is that they also do not have our back in protecting us from hateful and misogynistic content being posted. Horrible sites and images just being permitted to spread – their toxic nature infecting; normalising. And why?
Because it’s just a joke, crazy lady! Relax.
Sshhhhhhh….
The thing is, though, who exactly IS the person (or people) who make the final call?
I picture a bunch of young guys in a smoke-filled room, eating fast food, surrounded by empty food wrappers, snorting at all the crazy things that are being posted.
Haawww Haawww Haawww!
The reason I say that is because they don’t permit photos of breastfeeding mothers (eeewww – gross!) – but allow pages called ’12 year old slut memes’, which I wrote about in a previous post – That’s not misogyny. THIS is misogyny.
Yesterday Karen Pickering posted the following passionate rant about Facebook:
She writes about an abhorrent image she saw on FB (it’s in there *Trigger Warning*), which she reported – twice – but was ultimately deemed appropriate for viewing, by FB.
Karen wrote the following, which struck a chord with what I feel:
I reported it despite being fully aware of a number of truths:
- that the internet is full of this shit
- that the world is full of this shit
- that this shit really happens
- that we can’t stop it from happening
- that we can’t stop people joking about it
- that people laugh because they’re conditioned to dehumanise women to the extent that they do
- that the people posting it feed off the persecution complex they get that feminists are out to get them
- that you’ll get one taken down and an even more hideous image will take its place
- etcetera ad nauseum
Yes, yes and YES! to all the points above…etcetera ad nauseum.
The image, as of today, has FINALLY been removed – but as Karen says, the world is full of it.
It’s hate. It’s misogyny. And Facebook thinks it’s OK.
Facebook must be a man.
So, if women are labelled as a bunch of hysterical banshees, who need to chill-out when they protest misogyny and violence against women, then –
Question #145: What label do the men inherit?
Let me know what you think of the quote below. My interpretation below.
In what way do I think men are stupid?
By seeing what’s happening and keeping silent.
That makes me crazy.
Deep Breath.
x
PS I know many of you would suggest that we all get off Facebook and be done with it. I think that’s easier said than done due to established connections…but if everyone I know and love switches to Google, I’m IN!
Rape Culture #3
January 3, 2013
A cell within the group Anonymous, called ‘Knight Sec’ decided to be a voice against the injustice that came of the gang rape of an unconscious, 16 year old girl in Ohio, by members of a football team – who also documented it all. She was unconscious because she was
“intentionally drugged with a ‘date-rape’ intoxicant.”
The community, police and justice system, that rallied behind theses boys (widely known by their nickname, ‘The Rape Crew’) and swept it all under the carpet, were given until the end of 2012 to come forward and apologise – make things right – otherwise Anonymous was going to publish the information they had gathered.
No-one apologised.
So here is the report that was leaked to the public on the 1st Jan.
It includes the following video footage of the boys admitting to the rape.
*WARNING: This Video Is Extremely Disturbing – Viewer Discretion Is Advised.
Michael Colin Nodianos Admiting To Rape from Commander X on Vimeo.
I only have one question (it would be great if guys help me out here with some insight):
Question #129: Knowing what WE were like as teens – is this type of guy more common now?
What terrifies me most is not what they did to her (although it literally makes my stomach somersault and heart ache), it’s what they think of her – as they laugh…and laugh…and laugh…
In this case, these men flaunted their misogyny through sadistic rape and even urinated on this poor girl – who is ruined for life. But this deplorable attitude can manifest in a number of different ways – domestic violence, forced prostitution etc – and it’s seeping through globally.
* Afgan girl shot in the head for ‘being a prostitute’ in front of a cheering crowd of Taliban men who were fighting over her – DIED.
* Pakistani girl, Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head for wanting an education – LIVED.
* Indian girl’s horrific gang rape – DIED.
* This girl – intentionally drugged, sodomised, urinated on, dragged unconscious from party to party – LIVED.
Etc…etc…etc…
And, of course, these are just the ones we hear about – 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime.
I want my daughters to be able to go out and confidently participate in this world – but it chills me to think that these guys are out there.
So – is it worse than before?
Guys/Men? Thoughts?
Deep Breath.
x
PS There are no words to describe what I feel about the guy in the video – making joke, after joke, after joke. Just the manner in which he says the same type of thing over and over again, fills me with a strong and uncharacteristic desire, to smack his smug and idiotic face out. The cameraman laughing at all his jokes and egging him to keep going, would be next.
The following is what he wrote on Twitter:
Questions for Us 