Looks can be deceiving.
April 16, 2012
I went out with some ex-students of mine last night – a boy and a girl (Paul and Blair) – around 24 years old. I never thought I’d ever have a connection with people so young – but, when I think about it, I’ve had a lot of special friendships throughout the years, that have been with people who have been a lot older than me, as well as younger.
It just goes to show that age doesn’t really have much to do with things – it’s simply people connecting. And we have!
…which is great for me because it means a boogie on Oxford St whenever we get together! So much fun, with two great people.
Yes, I felt a little ‘old’ at times – my feet and bad knee were certainly feeling the ‘nanna’ – but I looove to dance…I can’t keep still when there’s a good dance tune on – and I certainly kept up with the young ones!
If anything I felt like I was cramping their image a little…considering they had the suburban mother and high school teacher in tow. Haha!
But, I think that I hold my own when I ‘go out’ – I look good for my age and I dress well….what I mean is, I like to dress in a way that doesn’t look like I’m going to work (sometimes a challenge) – so, it’s pretty much jeans, some sort of heeled shoe and cheap bling.
More importantly – I’m not trying to be something I’m not. I’m not in my twenties, as some women strive to be (whether older OR younger) and I’m not communicating that I’m ‘ready to go’ sexually. These two seemed to be the predominant ‘goals’ held by a lot of girls and women, when socialising within the current ‘culture’.
Now, last night’s observations were certainly an experience – it’s not often an oldie like me gets to go back to ‘those’ days – and through these wiser eyes, I certainly did observe – and found it intriguing.
I couldn’t help thinking, as I drove home, that a lot of our young people are in a self-destructive, state of affairs – regardless of sexual persuasion. Whether it was the overtly sexual manner in which many men were dancing with other men or the girls I saw walking along Oxford Street, emulating that second goal in a, ‘MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR’, kind of way – it all looked a bit sad to me.
Sad because whether in a trendy hotspot, private party or gay bar; north, south, east or west; lower, middle or upper class; straight or gay – there seems to be an obsession with sex and being ‘chosen.’
Maybe it’s not sex that’s really wanted – but to be the chosen one. Sexual allure is just a means to an end – as it is for a lot of things.
The problem here is that we ALL want to be chosen – I mean, who doesn’t? It’s that primal desire we all have – but is insecurity about finding ‘that special someone’ making young people look and behave in a generic and seedy, sexual way?
Question #31: What does one really get for looking good / hot / sexy / or all of the above?
Last night Paul and I were discussing looks and he commented on what a good looking couple my husband and I make. I agreed with him, of course, because we do! *wink*
But then I said to him, “So what?”
Even though I may ‘look good’ – it doesn’t afford me any luxuries or privileges in life. Never has. I’m still a full-time worker, wife and mother of two, with a mortgage and the usual struggles and joys of life.
So you want to be chosen?
That’s cool – just be chosen for the things that make you, YOU.
Your uniqueness – I love this word.
The right guy or girl will see this and be captivated by you, for all the right reasons – but if you go down the other road, the wrong person will just want what you’re offering. The first option sounds better, doesn’t it?
So, this is Nanna signing off – but remember kids – I was the most insecure one of them all, when I was growing up – so what’s my advice?
Good things come to those who wait…and those who don’t sell themselves short – but embrace the bits that nature gave them.
Be confident that there are many people out there who will want and desire you, for the exact person you are. *smile*
Deep Breath.
x
PS I found the following text conversation on the net and thought you might enjoy the giggle!
Femenist Shout Out! #2 – pro-woman…not anti-male.
April 10, 2012
It’s been three months since this blog was born – yaaaay! *chuffed*
I know three months isn’t a long time, but I held it as a time of testing the waters, I suppose. So here I am and I love it *big smile*
…although it does play with your mind, a bit! The wanting to reach as many women as possible and start them thinking about doing something different, however small, in their everyday lives – to start change – is so strong! But…this blogging business obviously takes time and is slow at the start.
Until this gets a louder voice, however, I’m honoured to be able to talk to those of you who have joined me so far. x
SO – now that this momentous three-month mark has been reached; I just passed 3000 hits; have 31 followers and am about to ask my 30th question, in my 33rd post – (me sees a lot of threes *hmmm*) – let’s make it a question that’s ‘in our face’!
I’ve been wanting to talk about our lack of ‘sisterhood’, for quite a while.
Yes, sisterhood. (I would have loved to have been able to crawl in your heads; to see what you all felt and visualised when you saw the word).
Men are ALWAYS depicted in simple, no-nonsense, “I got your back” Brotherhoods. In fact, it’s respected by both men and women = positive image.
But mention a Sisterhood – and it’s sniffed at and at times mocked…by both men and women = negative image.
We are our own worst enemies.
When I hear that a boy/man has done something ‘slack’ to someone, it’s generally, although not always, to a woman…or girl. But if it’s something slack that was done by a girl/woman – then more often than not, it’s done to one of their own.
Think about it – it’s true – it’s always been true. Remember school? I do – on both sides.
So, can we get out of this please? Stop passing on these bad habits?
Now, of course there are millions of us who DO care and DO feel a strong connection with being a woman.
Where are you? ….Where are WE?
Why aren’t we visible?
All I see are men and their growing army of ‘young’ women (another blog topic – coming soon), ready and eager to please.
My friend Jacquie just wrote a comment that talks about how much we DO have as women – we do have more liberties than the women in the past. So why aren’t we using them for the better?
A motivational speaker who came to talk to my students at school, said that we all know our rights – even kids know their rights – but we don’t always take on the responsibility that comes with having those rights.
With those two wonderful observations, we come to the crunch:
Question #30: Why aren’t women making and teaching the better choices, for our girls, considering the freedoms we’ve attained over the decades?
I’ll leave you with that. Remember girls, it’s got nothing to do with how you look, how many guys AND girls think you’re ‘hot’ or how much money you have.
These are all shallow characteristics and we are much better than that, my lovelies!
My sisters. *group hug*
x
This is a painting called, “Sisterhood” by Maria Greene.
Love it.
This is how much of a girl I am…
February 27, 2012
What a weekend of mixed emotions I just had. Two unique experiences with myself and some of the women who were around me, which I’ll cover over two postings.
First up – The Silly Female Conundrum
I actually got to go to a party on Saturday Night. A 30th party. With my husband. And NO children! Yipeeeeeee!
The dress code was formalish, so we had to dress up. Cocktail dress was on standby.
There was one hurdle in my bid to look faaabulous…well, a small hurdle.
About ten days ago, I was with my year group (Yr 11) on our camp. We were hiking down a very steep ‘trail’ (if you could call it that), in the bush of the Blue Mountains – when I proceeded to sprain my ankle – stacked it – and fell like a sack of potatoes onto my front. It was a tad embarrassing in front of the kids. *Awkwaaaard* They were great, actually – but I reckon that my friends, however, would have CACKED, if they were there. It was not graceful. I have a giggle when I picture how I must have looked.
Joking aside, I did hurt my ankle, quite a bit. It’s now starting to dawn on me, that in my increasingly aging body *cough, cough*, injuries will take longer to heal – as this one is.
So on this night of glamour, I took off the strapping the physio had put on it, so that I could wear some sort of footwear that didn’t include thongs. The bummer was that I couldn’t wear heels – I had to wear flats with my cocktail dress. Noice.
What’s the big deal, right? Well, yes – it wasn’t a big deal at all – there was just that silly part of me that just thought, “Bum.”
OK, so all is good on the shoe front…well, as good as it can be – it looked a teeny weird – but, oh well – I get started on the hair and makeup.
“Why isn’t my hair sitting properly? Every time I do it, it sits right, why isn’t it sitting right now? I know, I’ll give it just a teeny sprinkle of hair spray. Yep, that’ll do the trick.”
We’re running late. I hurry things up. I survey the finished product – “Yes….yes….wait – why’s my hair gone flat? Bloody hairspray!”
Too late, we have to go.
Finally we’re in the car and on our way! Wooo Hooooo!! Just one final face check and I’ll be sweet. *Look in mirror* “Oh maaan – why did it not cross my mind to check my eyebrows before we left??”
You know that I’ve got another couple of ‘observations’ – but you well and truly get the idea. *Hanging my head in shame*
When we arrived, I scanned the room for the dear friend I was mainly going to see. I saw her and she was looking stunning (as usual) and I kept commenting to my hubby – what a gorgeous girl she is. Her smile lights up the room – just beautiful. When I told her I thought she looked great, she said, “Thanks, BUT…..”
And there she added her personal flaws.
Question #21: Why, oh why, do we do this to ourselves?
I honestly don’t notice other people’s ‘flaws’ because I see something brighter that overshadows everything; something deeper. That’s how I feel about all my women friends.
And I’m sure my friends feel the same with me. So if that’s true…why do we do it?
At the end of the day – with my unshaped eyebrows and gammy foot – I scrubbed up alright (and so did Hubby). All that silliness for what?
Some funny self reflection…
February 17, 2012
I want you to come on a small journey and see some of the ‘demons’ I face with my appearance – being a woman.
Sometimes when I’m on the phone, I have to escape the kids and hide away in my bedroom – to be able to have a conversation in peace –“Muuuuumm”. Many times, I catch sight of myself in my bedroom mirror, and when the lighting is juuust right…I see a crone. Yep, a crone. *recoil and scrunch up face – stop it, that’s more lines!*
When did I get so old? Let’s see what other things I see…
Now, I have good legs – but what’s that droopy sort of skin above each knee that seems to want to start heading south all of a sudden? Is there any such thing as a knee lift? *smirk* I would never get one – but was actually wondering…
I’ve had humans exit my body – as most women I know have – and we all have to carry around that lovely added extra around the stomach. Like growing said human and have it come out, wasn’t ‘reward’ enough! And who can forget that charming phrase “muffin top”, that seemed to be a regular word tossed around at Mothers’ Group. Are guys refered to as having muffin tops?
“Nine months to put on, nine months to take off, ladies!” Jeez, the pressure! I always felt a secret resentment of any article that pointed out how quickly a star took off the baby weight, 10 minutes after giving birth, stating the marvels of breast feeding. What-EVA! She who has a personal trainer and chef at their disposal. My first baby sucked my milk like a crazy person and it actually made me eat MORE, than when I was actually pregnant…couldn’t help it…my body thought I was still eating for two. I felt jipped.
There’s the little flap of skin that’s appeared under my chin. Has anyone else got that? How quickly is that one going to progress? I don’t want to look like turkey anytime soon, thank you very much…and yet – there it is.
Boobs. What can I say. I remember watching the series, ‘Mad About You’ (loved that show) and there was this great sequence of scenes, when the lead character, Jamie, was in labour. All the women in her life were sitting in her hospital room with her, as her husband wasn’t there yet. They were giving out advice when the issue of breasts came up. Her mother said to her, “You’ll be fuller breasted, dear.” She nods. Her sister-in-law then states factually, “Yes, but eventually they look like a couple of empty gym socks.” Hahaha! Classic. Well, I won’t say mine are a couple of empty gym socks just yet, but they do like to look at my feet more often – when ‘unassisted’. *wink*
Finally, my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole adult life, but an accident at the hairdressers saw that change a few months ago. I went in for a trim with a few long layers. What actually happened was my hair ended up being hacked with a plethora of instruments, including a razor, and ended up looking like Carol Brady with a mullet. So bad. The only solution was to cut off the mullet – and ended up with short hair. I don’t mind it BUT I didn’t want to look like a woman who had made that, “Oh, I’m over forty now, so I better cut a mummy haircut”, decision. Plus it looks the same every day. I miss my ponytail. But then, everyone has long hair. Do I grow it?
So here’s my comparison with guys – I’m pretty sure they don’t agonise over their appearance as much as we do, because we love them anyway. They can put on weight, lose their hair, get very wrinkley – it’s the common image in the media – men can look however they like and will always be accepted.
And our guys love us too, when we start to get out of shape and grow older – don’t they? I guess that on the whole they do, BUT I know of a few stories within my circle of friends where the male partner has left, for a younger woman. If I know a few – surely you know a few. Therefore, is it more common than we think? Can we say the same of women who leave their men for younger versions? Probably not. I think that, even though I can look good for my age – a younger guy would see the middle-aged oldie I really am.
Hey, that’s OK – I don’t need that validation from younger men – as I’m sure you don’t either (only women in the public eye seem to be butchering themselves to look ‘younger’) – but what is it with us?
Question #16: Why are women SO obsessed with looking younger? Can’t we just reward each other for looking the best we can for our age?
This is me…
January 30, 2012
Thought I’d add a face to all the questions!
It’s funny though, I started to look for a photo that looked ‘OK’ – I mean, it’s going out there for all to see…
Will I look stupid? Will I turn people off? (Haha!) etc. etc. The curious thing, is that I recently said to my husband (and posted to all of you), that when I look in the mirror, I think I look great – but when I see photos of myself, I think otherwise.
So incredible how we continually beat ourselves up, hey? Do guys do the same? Maybe.
So here I am. I’ve chosen two photos – even one with the eye wrinkles! *wink*
Now that we’ve been properly introduced – I’d love to hear from you all! *big grin*
I looked into the mirror…
January 25, 2012
After arriving home from being “professionally developed,” and having just driven through one of the many torrents of water falling over Sydney (and everywhere else on the east coast – get your goggles on!), I decided to get into my j-mamas (as my daughter used to call them when she was little. *smile*).
So, as you can imagine, I’m not looking the best….but I looked at myself in the mirror. I took a long look. And do you know what?
I like what I see.
As I pondered on this, it dawned on me that things really started to turn around for me, in many areas of my life;
when I liked what I saw.
Now let me explain that my long look in the mirror today, started with me noticing how peppered with greys my hair was. Then I proceeded down to my forehead – a road map of creases; my eyes – lots of lines of varying width; and some pigmentation to the skin that seemed to start after having kids.
But I’d rather have lines, than not move.
Yes, when I lift up my eyebrows in front of a mirror, there is that tiny recoil at how deep-set those wrinkles are – but I know that when others see them, it’s coupled with the reaction to a great story or excitement…
When I laugh, I want my face laugh with me!
I don’t believe a man, however, has the same pressure. In the media, there isn’t a repeated, ‘beautiful’ look for a guy – one that’s wallpapered in everything he sees, making him feel pressure to conform to its guidelines. The media says that a man can look and behave in MANY different ways and women will still find him attractive. Have you ever seen shows where the couple comprises of an overweight, plain-looking male and a gorgeous, thin woman? Would you ever see that show in reverse? I don’t think so. Look at that horrible show, Two and a Half Men. I don’t know about you, but Charlie Sheen’s character and OUTFIT, were foul. And yet scores of women were lining up, gagging for him. Please.
For us, though, there seems to be a small window of what’s considered ‘beautiful’ and that image IS wallpapering our world.
No, men can gain weight, look any way they like, age gracefully (and some not so gracefully) – but we love ’em all the same.
Question #6: Why can’t we love ourselves in the same way that we love our imperfect men? Why can’t we extend ourselves the same courtesy?
Not loving our own, UNIQUE beauty, but rather obsessing with an unachievable ideal (see the link in my last blog posting), is sending us crazy!
It’s making us spend SO much more money than guys, in All areas of fashion and grooming – trying to do what exactly? A woman who’s unhappy with the way she looks will never be able to ‘fix’ herself because another wrinkle will always appear and the skin will always continue to loosen. This equals a woman we think ‘has it all’ but is ironically as miserable as the rest of her gender. Just look at Olivia (and countless other women in the public eye).
LOVE.WHAT.YOU.SEE.
I bet you that when you do – really do – everything else will start clicking into place. It did for me. x
Questions for Us 