Beauty is an attitude.
July 31, 2012
I found the following on Facebook and I think it’s simply fantastic:
We are the fairer sex. Yes.
And we should enjoy that…but at what price?
Recently I’ve listened to numerous female students feel down about their looks – thinking they’re not beautiful, which always leaves me feeling aghast because I can’t communicate the beauty I see. They think I’m ‘just saying that’. They also don’t know how to accept a compliment because they simply don’t believe it.
I feel a touch of despair for these girls because the feelings of inadequacy they have about themselves, only proves that the grip the false ideals of beauty has on them – has talons.
In a previous post, A response, I put a photo of me in my final year of high school, aged 17, with very alluring short hair. NOT! The year before this photo was taken – when my hair was a little shorter – my, Catholic, all-girls high school took my year group on a three-day camp, with an all-boys high school.
Now, I was your typical teen – someone who wanted to find a dreamy boyfriend, who would adore me forever…
But I didn’t fit the ‘mould’.
On the camp, I experienced two poignant moments – moments long forgotten, that have recently poked their heads out of my cavernous memory. Due to this resurfacing, I have shared the story with a few…so to those of you who have heard this one already, I ask you for your ever-appreciated patience with me repeating myself!
Moment 1. A group of us were walking up to the boys’ cabins, where you had to walk up a few steps to their long verandah. A boy was standing at the top of these steps saying, “Welcome” to every girl as she stepped up. When I got there he said, “You’re not welcome.”
That’s OK. I walked through anyway.
Moment 2. In a group session, we were asked what our first impressions were of each other. There was that awkward silence when everyone is shyly looking around or staring at their hands – when one guy, put his hand up, looking straight at the team leader and said, “I thought Paula was really weird because of her hair.”
I didn’t mind. It kind of felt good – no other girl got mentioned. And I knew I wasn’t weird.
Even though I lay my dream of finding my high school sweetheart at this camp to rest (and felt a little bummed), I knew they’d be another time that would present itself…
…and I ceratinly wasn’t going to start growing my hair long and disappear into the crowd – just because two boys weren’t into my look.
Still girls and boys trying to get one another’s attention – no different to today.
So, what IS the difference between then and now? Well, how about the saturation of EVERYTHING…’on tap’?
For women, there seem to be endless amounts of clothes, shoes, make-up, hair products – electrical and chemical, salon services, manicures, pedicures, facials, diet options, diet shakes, hair removal options (shave, wax, laser), Botox, machines that ‘dissolve’ cellulite, surgical procedures…and ALL THAT;
For basically one. general. look.
No wonder girls are in a whirlpool of self-loathing.
A recent report said that women in Australia spend $100, 000 on razors and $30, 000 on waxing – a year.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m one of the razor buyers (since my teens)…but when you look at numbers like that, doesn’t it seem ridiculous? That’s a lot of money.
Question #78: What price do you pay for ‘beauty’? Are you happy yet?
Don’t buy into it! Not through your mind OR your wallets.
Of course those on the receiving end of your spending, don’t want you to stop – so be the sensible, intelligent woman you are and know:
Beauty is an attitude.
It resonates.
By all means enhance – uniquely – do the best with what you’ve been blessed with.
YES – blessed! Don’t lose sight of the big picture.
You don’t need ‘fixing’…and as it says in the image above – you don’t owe it to anyone!
And the only thing you owe to yourself – is to love your unique ‘take’ on beauty.
Deep Breath.
x
Our bodies – A visual journey.
July 7, 2012
A comment responding to my last blog post, talked about Norman Lindsay’s paintings. This got me thinking about how our perceptions of what is considered beautiful, when thinking about the female form, have changed over the centuries.
In the 17th Century, Peter Rubens was painting women and they were always a little large and hearty.
The following painting, The Three Graces, was painted around 1693:
I think a lot of women can identify with some of the features present in this painting – biggish bums, solid thighs, bumps, creases, folds and boobs that are a bit smaller than what’s happening in the under-carriage. I think Rubens was a ‘bum’ guy because you can see the women depicted in his paintings in much the same way.
Question #67: Is this the ‘natural’ form of a woman?
Maybe. In that day, I’m sure there were ‘fashions’ (as there always are), but I wonder if altering body shape was one of the goals – as it is obsessively today.
Here is a painting, Imperia, by Norman Lindsay. Norman was painting in the early 1900s (this one was 1920). I think he was definitely a ‘breast’ man:
If you have a look at his female subjects, they were very buxom indeed…but they were also big in the thigh area and around the tummy…plus there’s pubic hair. As I wrote in my response to Hannah, I think the waxed/Brazilian of the pubic area is a new, acquired taste…possibly connecting it to a look where women look pre-pubescent?
By looking at these two paintings, if you had either of these bodies – which a lot of women do – you would probably be unhappy with certain parts. Hell, if women have the ‘perfect’ body, they still find something to hate about it – hence all the ‘altering’ that goes on. (Read my last post – The beauty we aspire to, does not come naturally…or cheaply. Click here)
Were these women unhappy with their bodies? I wonder…
When I was in my early 20s (early 1990s) I remember there was a big story in Cosmopolitan about women’s bodies, that has stayed with me all these years later. Over a two page spread, they had photographs of the bodies, front and back, of about fifteen or so women. Their heads weren’t in the picture and they were completely nude with their hands held together in front of their pubic area.
The article wanted to know what women AND men felt was a beautiful female body. I remember my eyes gravitating towards this gorgeous, lean and ‘perfect’ body. She had longish legs, small waist and breasts that were just right – not too big and not too small. She looked like a size 10 (quite small here in Australia) and she had my vote.
The following month, the results were in. Out of the wonderful mix of body shapes and sizes, the women and men demonstrated a very definitive preference through their choices.
90% of women (yes, 90) voted the same body I had chosen, as the best. No surprises there! My older self feels disappointed with my younger-me…I was as predictable as the rest of the women…all chasing (and still chasing) one body weight and shape.
The men’s choice, however, was interesting. If memory serves about 86% (still a high number) picked the size 14 girl. She was in proportion BUT there were some serious curves…especially around the thigh, stomach and breast area.
Fascinating. I wonder if the guys of today would choose similarly?
To the young women of today, who are fighting their own battle to belong, feel at peace with themselves and (dare I say) find a way to be in love with their bodies, there’s not much of a mirror out there telling them that their bodies are ALL beautiful in their unique way.
I had a friend post a picture on Facebook of an overstretched and biggish stomach from having children. The image was trying in inspire women to love their untaut tummies due to the fact that they had made and grown a HUMAN BEING inside them – an absolute miracle…BUT most mums I know, don’t have that feeling of tenderness towards their stomachs – quite the opposite, in fact.
Question #68: Why do we do it to ourselves?
When I went to Google images of tummies, I predominantly got two images – a ‘hot’ flat stomach or a pregnant belly. (More hot than not!)
How sad that at the end of that pregnant belly, some women are left with a feeling of self-loathing towards what their body is left with. And when they turn for help, all they see is young, slim, taut and perky. C’mon.
TAKE ACTION!
The change happens within you and it CAN if you do the following (and it IS this simple):
Go to the mirror NOW and look at yourself through new eyes!! Woooo Hoooo!!
Deep Breath.
x
Beauty.
This is certainly a contentious issue – I mean, there’s that age-old, cliched question – what is beauty?
What I find interesting and incredibly frustrating is that in the current paradigm, we live in a society that rewards and reveres FAKE.
…and there’s NO way around it – in every single way, fake beauty is what we strive for.
WHAAAAT??
Studies show that we are a clever gender – I’m always pushing this point, actually – but in this massive DOOSEY of an issue, that dictates our gender’s life, we are simply stupid.
STUPID.
We do as we’re told by feeding into what media and popular culture dictate is beautiful and we exercise the self-hatred of our looks and bodies, like good little girls – something that industries perpetuate and thrive off .
How lovely that there are a few people out there who are living a disgustingly, greedy life – by sucking on the jugular vein of women’s insecurities like vampires.
But at the risk of sounding repetitive ladies, the vampire can’t suck as easily as he does without us running up and presenting our neck for feeding!
Am I victim of this? YES!! Of course I am. I feel MUCH better about myself (and subsequently started looking better) than I did than when I was younger, but in essence, I have been conditioned to feel this way, as generations of women have – but now it’s getting ugly…no pun intended! I simply wasn’t exposed to what girls are being besieged with today. But I bet I felt what they do now.
As I’ve also said before, I use makeup, I most certainly use a bra and I shave my legs and armpits. I like to wear nice clothes (when I can get out of the house! Haha!) and appear attractive.
But this is where things get complicated…what is attractive? What is beautiful?
Most importantly – to both men and women – what is the MEDIA telling you is beautiful?
Answer? ONE look – with all its fickle, attached connotations that go with that look. That is all.
There is NOTHING real out there, girls! ALL the images of women in magazines (as we all know) are airbrushed / altered / tweeked etc. etc. etc.
ALL.
Let’s take a look at the most ineffectual woman (and one of the richest) on the planet: Kim Kardashian – well she’s effectual for me to make this point, I suppose.
Although on one hand we’re told that ‘curves are great!’ etc. etc. Snore. Snore. – the images we’re presented with, are quite a different story.
Now, if we look at these images of Kim, we can see that she has been ‘shaved’ of her total ‘booty’/thigh area by quite a bit. All unsightly (cellulite) bumps quickly taken care of. TICK ! Yes, embrace your curves!!…just not that much…
Her ample bosom has also been ‘shaved’ on the side because we don’t want any of that ‘side-boob-hangin’-out-under-the-armpit’ crap – just bountiful, lifted, straight-out-the-front breasts. TICK!
Her skin has even been made lighter. TICK!
Now, this is the part that gets my goat:
Firstly – IF, by today’s definition, Kim encompasses everything that is beautiful – why does she need tweeking?
Secondly – Why is someone so fake even considered beautiful to start with?
The enigma to me is that we know she probably has some cellulite issues and we know that there are probably some rolls in there and…
…what’s wrong with that?
It’s Kim the gimmick I have a problem with because if she were just any other girl with a normal amount of make-up on and regular clothes – we would probably ostracise her look. You know it’s true…and yet, to add insult to injury – the faker she is, the more we throw money at her.
So many women in the spotlight have succumbed to the pressure of having one look – plastic and fake – and why shouldn’t they? when a) they won’t get ‘hired’ – especially after they hit the “You don’t look so young anymore” ceiling AS WELL and b) the minions (us) keep shouting, “You are SO BEAUTIFUL” to them.
This is where I have to tell young girls (especially) to put their thinking caps on.
1. Media (in conjunction with big business – a marriage made in money) create female insecurity, by saying, “Look this way!” Period.
2. It’s then us women who fill in the blanks with…”or be ugly/die alone/ be a failure/be unlovable…” etc. etc.
Well it can end today ladies, with a simple shift of thought. Eleanor Roosevelt said:
“Noone can make you feel inferior – without your consent.”
Without your consent.
Predominantly, you feel the way you do because it’s what’s been entrenched in your psyche – yes – but ultimately it’s your CHOICE.
We are in a Catch-22 situation that is VERY hard to get out of, in this day and age, because of the easiness of creating false images.
We then buy, buy and BUY into this mono-image that’s popular and in turn, feed the monster.
The men at the top say, “Hey! It’s what the ladies want.”
Question #66: Is it?
Yes, at this stage I think it is. We’re creating and driving it along.
We can either want and strive for the unattainable and EXPENSIVE-to-uphold, image or feel shit about ourselves. Well, we certainly don’t want to feel shit, so let’s see if we can buy ourselves out of feeling this way. And we certainly do try.
STUPID.
What you’ll pay on the Carbon Tax will pale in comparison to what you (may) already pay on attaining society’s perception of ‘beauty’.
Don’t hear much complaint to our government about how society is moulding our daughters to be hyper-sexualised, insecure consumers with an INSATIABLE appetite…
Deep Breath.
x
Truck Stop.
June 13, 2012
I took my Year 10 Drama students to the theatre today and saw a play that was simply fantastic – captivating…
…and terrifying to watch, all at once!
It’s called Truck Stop.
The play was written based on true events – about a few 14 yr old girls who would sneak out of school at lunch time, hang out at a truck stop and prostitute themselves. The bulk of the play, however, looks at how these young girls reach a point like that in their lives – looking at their social circumstances, coupled with current, cultural pressures. So it’s practically at the end of the play, where we finally see them arrive at that unavoidable end result.
It was hypnotic – like watching a car crash about to happen…except you can’t turn away.
Why am I writing about this? Because how the girls talked, what they did, how they felt, the songs they listened to, all of it – was holding a mirror to what a lot of girls today are living. Breathing.
I found myself actually fighting back strong emotions as I watched, wondering how girls today navigate through such a barrage of feelings, sometimes rendering them impotent to fight against doing ‘whatever it takes’ to attain the one thing they truly want;
To have someone.
That’s the crust of it and has been since the birth of time. We all want someone.
But girls today are bombarded with such powerful emotions – urging them to stand out or be left behind – that (some) succumb to the pressure of what ‘today’ tells them is acceptable and they find themselves making choices that do nothing for them. Time and time again, it seems like the only ‘winner’ is the guy.
This production did a superior job – not just showing the main ‘easy’ girl and her best friend, but also the new innocent Indian student, who joins those girls and is quickly ‘corrupted’ to their ways…until she’s on the outer again. Nothing surprising really, but ladened in pace and emotion. Whenever these girls discussed any activity, whether it be naughty or plain bland, they likened it to a movie or video clip. So incredible how much they seemed to live their lives through fantasy – after all, it’s all that’s splashed in front of them…
Fantasy.
Question #57: How can we help our girls get through these pressures; that we simply didn’t have growing up?
Now before you all start jumping up and down saying that we did, what I mean is that we didn’t have the reach of imagery, that this photo-shopped, Internet saturated world has today – we certainly didn’t have the ‘instructional’ music videos of the current pop culture, for example. Of course there were times when I felt like boys wouldn’t like me – but there wasn’t a look or behaviour I had to conform to…and in hindsight, I have to say that it overwhelms me with a sense of relief.
Today is a vastly different story, however, and I feel (at times) disheartened for our girls.
This play doesn’t provide any solutions, but it had a great impact on every one of my students – for many different reasons.
If you’re in Sydney, it’s on at The Seymour Centre until June 23. They may tour, so keep an eye out. It’s worth the watch.
Deep Breath.
x
Promotional image from Truck Stop.
A response – #2
April 23, 2012
I’ve received another great perspective (thank you), in response to my last post and I thought that seeing as I want to encourage a conversation – I’ll answer it here.
One part read:
I think as well part of the reason women wear such revealing clothes is because we can now, we have reached a stage where we have a right to wear revealing clothes and be in charge of our own bodies, there shouldn’t be anything shameful in wearing something flattering for your body. I don’t think that girls wearing short skirts or dresses is a *pick me* situation at all, in fact most wear them simply because they are in style not because they want to be picked by a man.
I completely agree that women have come such a looong way in being able to choose how to dress and being in control of their own lives – as well as many other advancements. But what I saw on Saturday Night was young women choosing to have a look that has, throughout the decades been equated to one word – SEX.
And that’s OK. I’m not a prude – I think it’s great that women also have more control over their sexual decisions.
BUT, this is the moment where I wonder where the empowerment is – because this look is purely to sexually arouse (heterosexual) men…
…it’s the image attached to porn – something created to service men’s desires; an image that has saturated our world, as shown in A visual presentation, since the internet truly hit our shores.
The word ‘flattering’ is the last word that comes to mind (for me) when I see this look because there’s nothing left to the imagination, nothing for the guy to discover – it’s fully out there.
Whatever happened to mystery? Showing a hint of the sexual woman inside, to engage a man?
I have seen VERY sexually alluring women with beautiful and stylish clothing; a low v-neck top, showing a long neckline or a short skirt to show off great legs – but a bit more conservative with the rest.
A taste.
What’s out there appears to be something tacky – when it’s every sexual looked rolled into one. There’s only one message. My husband, a very hot-blooded male, agreed with me – it was a visual candy shop for guys.
Is that it? Can’t we do better?
The reason I ask is because this fashion is filtering down to our young girls – as young as Primary School. We all know that’s true and for the most part, I think people are concerned about this. Why? Because it’s a sexual look and it primarily attracts and arouses men. *massive concern*
Another part read:
I really don’t understand what you mean by girls looking the same while boys all look different, as far as I can tell when it comes to clothes men have a far smaller variety of choice than women.
Men have always used the same clothes for well over a century – as I wrote before – pants, shirt, flat shoes. I was refering to the ‘type’ of guy we saw – not what they were wearing. When it comes to clothes, they don’t have to really make a choice.
But women do. So why not choose a fashion that has sexual allure, steeped in style and mystery?
Again, I really would like to repeat – I’m not criticising these women. I just think they’re worth more than their ‘appearance’ of a stereotypical, male sexual fantasy. Whether girls dress like that for fashion or not – it’s what the guys are interpreting, about women, that matters…
Question #35 …and in this man’s world (which it is) how can we EVER gain empowerment from this look?
We are giving them the look THEY like and, more importantly, the look they chose for us through shows, music videos, men’s magazines etc. etc.
Deep Breath
x
A response.
April 20, 2012
I find myself in a reflective position, due to a few comments. One on my blog and one from a friend.
I received my first ‘critical’ comment from the post – Looks can be deceiving – which I wholeheartedly invite. I want to know how women are feeling and I appreciated receiving it. This woman thought I was being judgemental in that post.
After a friend of mine, Jane, made a comment about it, I went back and re-read the post and the response I got. I’m going through a bit of a personal journey at the moment – with myself, my relationships and with the world at large – and I’m finding moments where I think I see things so clearly…but I just don’t know how to express it. So in lieu of the comments that have come my way, I need to say something; to explain…
…and I’m finding this one a doosey. It’s taken ages to write this post and I still don’t know if I’m getting it right. Here it goes.
In my response to the comment that was left, I said that the effect of the tight grip that mass-media has on us is:
A vast army of insecure women AND men, who are living a melancholic (at times) existence because they don’t stand up to the ‘tick-a-box’ ideal. I find that terribly sad.
I find that terribly sad – That’s not me judging or looking down my nose – it’s quite the opposite; that’s me feeling sad for all of us – including ME!
Jane mentioned that the woman who responded was explaining that when you’re not ‘chosen’, you start to question things about yourself.
I TOTALLY understand this.
People who know me, may scoff at the fact I just said that. The reason I say this, is because the latter part of Jane’s comment to me was that I am, in fact, in a stable marriage, with a good-looking husband and have communicated how I look good for my age (a month shy of 42), through my blog. So how could I understand those that don’t have this?
Well I have two parts to answer this.
Firstly – this is how I looked in Year 12. For any overseas readers, this is the final year of high school in Australia, aged between 17-18 years old.
Noice.
I just felt the recoil from you all, as your eyes landed on this…as I always do *wink*
And why is that? Maybe because our perception of beauty has (always) been of a stock standard. There is nothing ‘attractive’ about me at this age and the boys CERTAINLY didn’t come near me. And it wasn’t just that stylish ‘do’ I was sporting, I also dressed like a tomboy. No dresses or skirts, except for my school uniform, that is.
So boys steered clear. In fact, I remember that when I was in Year 11, my year group (all girls) went on a camp with a nearby Catholic all-boys’ high school. The boys were in cabins on one side of the camp and the girls on the other. I recall that my girlfriends and I all went across to the boys’ cabins and as we walked up the few steps to their big verandah, a guy was standing there saying, “Welcome…Welcome”, to every girl who passed him. When he saw me he said, “You’re not welcome.” I continued on with the rest of my friends.
I cared and I didn’t care. The part that cared, wondered if I would have to grow my hair long for boys to find me attractive and the other part thought, “Fuck ’em” – I liked looking a bit different.
But my 20s saw me in a time of MASSIVE insecurity – because I was the classic student in the class of: “Main goal in life – Marriage and Motherhood 101.” I DID grow my hair out and started wearing skirts and dresses, to make sure I fitted the mould to get to my goal. To be chosen. And there’s no way around changing this because it’s the man who has to propose – he chooses. We wait.
So while we wait, we go through terrible thoughts about ourselves – as I did – and that’s why I understand the feelings of the woman who responded. I do.
Secondly….this is the hard one to articulate…
None of this has anything to do with how I look. Nothing. Yes, I do like clothes and fashion – we are the ‘fairer sex’, after all – but I dress to (hopefully) show some style. If I get a ‘label’ piece of clothing for a bargain – great! If a pair of jeans from K-mart do the trick – excellent! (which they did last week). Fashion is something I want to get into – just not now.
I’m OK with the way I look now because I’m older and wiser. About three years ago I was 10 kgs (22lbs) heavier – after having my girls – and the weight was not budging. But the moment I started to look at myself and be ‘happy’ with what I saw, that the weight started to drop (coupled with some small changes to lifestyle). It came off fast – it was like my mind was ‘seeing’ my future figure and my body caught up.
But when I was the SAME weight in my 20s, I was SOOO insecure about it all.
Now I can hear some of you saying, “Yeah, but none of that matters – now that you have been chosen.”
I’m married. So what? Lots and lots of people are (in partnerships) – and they all have different ‘looks’.
Yes, after 11 years (tomorrow) married to my husband, we have established a strong family unit – that I love – and is, for the most part, travelling well. But there are A LOT of really yuck days and is, at times, Very. Hard. Work. My girls are still young, so who knows what the teenage years will bring…when they can drive me to insanity now.
Every third marriage,in Australia, ends in divorce* – so why is it so revered? This statistic hasn’t shifted much over the decades – so if it’s not really a third of the population’s cup of tea (statistics don’t lie) – why is it pushed on us since birth?
I know the common answer is loneliness – but aren’t some marriages the loneliest experiences? And if you add kids to the mix, isn’t there a saying that goes, “You’ll feel lonely at times, but you’re never alone.”?
The funny thing is – and this is something I’m going to be blogging about soon – is that I’m surrounded by the most amazing women (aren’t we all? amazing, that is! *wink*) of different ages, looks, talent, marital status, with children and without – of whom I’m in AWE. I go to them for advice, I pick their brains, gas-bag, LOVE their sense of fashion and style, have a laugh, have a boogie and NONE of it, has to do with them fitting a mould. So why look at me and say, “Oh, but you look….(fill in the blank)? Because whatever you put in there – it doesn’t matter – it doesn’t afford me anything.
Question #33: Since when does a look that ‘fits the mould’ guarantee a happy and perfect life?
So my whole point of Looks can be deceiving, was that it seems unbalanced to want to ALL want the same final goal, all looking the same way. Nature doesn’t make us that way.
My message to you young ones, is that you don’t need to sell yourselves short by being something you’re not – in the hope to get chosen – because you’ll be chosen for the wrong reasons…especially if all you’re offering, through your look, is sex – we can ALL do that. Nothing special.
Deep Breath.
x
*MyDivorce.com.au
Looks can be deceiving.
April 16, 2012
I went out with some ex-students of mine last night – a boy and a girl (Paul and Blair) – around 24 years old. I never thought I’d ever have a connection with people so young – but, when I think about it, I’ve had a lot of special friendships throughout the years, that have been with people who have been a lot older than me, as well as younger.
It just goes to show that age doesn’t really have much to do with things – it’s simply people connecting. And we have!
…which is great for me because it means a boogie on Oxford St whenever we get together! So much fun, with two great people.
Yes, I felt a little ‘old’ at times – my feet and bad knee were certainly feeling the ‘nanna’ – but I looove to dance…I can’t keep still when there’s a good dance tune on – and I certainly kept up with the young ones!
If anything I felt like I was cramping their image a little…considering they had the suburban mother and high school teacher in tow. Haha!
But, I think that I hold my own when I ‘go out’ – I look good for my age and I dress well….what I mean is, I like to dress in a way that doesn’t look like I’m going to work (sometimes a challenge) – so, it’s pretty much jeans, some sort of heeled shoe and cheap bling.
More importantly – I’m not trying to be something I’m not. I’m not in my twenties, as some women strive to be (whether older OR younger) and I’m not communicating that I’m ‘ready to go’ sexually. These two seemed to be the predominant ‘goals’ held by a lot of girls and women, when socialising within the current ‘culture’.
Now, last night’s observations were certainly an experience – it’s not often an oldie like me gets to go back to ‘those’ days – and through these wiser eyes, I certainly did observe – and found it intriguing.
I couldn’t help thinking, as I drove home, that a lot of our young people are in a self-destructive, state of affairs – regardless of sexual persuasion. Whether it was the overtly sexual manner in which many men were dancing with other men or the girls I saw walking along Oxford Street, emulating that second goal in a, ‘MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR’, kind of way – it all looked a bit sad to me.
Sad because whether in a trendy hotspot, private party or gay bar; north, south, east or west; lower, middle or upper class; straight or gay – there seems to be an obsession with sex and being ‘chosen.’
Maybe it’s not sex that’s really wanted – but to be the chosen one. Sexual allure is just a means to an end – as it is for a lot of things.
The problem here is that we ALL want to be chosen – I mean, who doesn’t? It’s that primal desire we all have – but is insecurity about finding ‘that special someone’ making young people look and behave in a generic and seedy, sexual way?
Question #31: What does one really get for looking good / hot / sexy / or all of the above?
Last night Paul and I were discussing looks and he commented on what a good looking couple my husband and I make. I agreed with him, of course, because we do! *wink*
But then I said to him, “So what?”
Even though I may ‘look good’ – it doesn’t afford me any luxuries or privileges in life. Never has. I’m still a full-time worker, wife and mother of two, with a mortgage and the usual struggles and joys of life.
So you want to be chosen?
That’s cool – just be chosen for the things that make you, YOU.
Your uniqueness – I love this word.
The right guy or girl will see this and be captivated by you, for all the right reasons – but if you go down the other road, the wrong person will just want what you’re offering. The first option sounds better, doesn’t it?
So, this is Nanna signing off – but remember kids – I was the most insecure one of them all, when I was growing up – so what’s my advice?
Good things come to those who wait…and those who don’t sell themselves short – but embrace the bits that nature gave them.
Be confident that there are many people out there who will want and desire you, for the exact person you are. *smile*
Deep Breath.
x
PS I found the following text conversation on the net and thought you might enjoy the giggle!
Femenist Shout Out! #2 – pro-woman…not anti-male.
April 10, 2012
It’s been three months since this blog was born – yaaaay! *chuffed*
I know three months isn’t a long time, but I held it as a time of testing the waters, I suppose. So here I am and I love it *big smile*
…although it does play with your mind, a bit! The wanting to reach as many women as possible and start them thinking about doing something different, however small, in their everyday lives – to start change – is so strong! But…this blogging business obviously takes time and is slow at the start.
Until this gets a louder voice, however, I’m honoured to be able to talk to those of you who have joined me so far. x
SO – now that this momentous three-month mark has been reached; I just passed 3000 hits; have 31 followers and am about to ask my 30th question, in my 33rd post – (me sees a lot of threes *hmmm*) – let’s make it a question that’s ‘in our face’!
I’ve been wanting to talk about our lack of ‘sisterhood’, for quite a while.
Yes, sisterhood. (I would have loved to have been able to crawl in your heads; to see what you all felt and visualised when you saw the word).
Men are ALWAYS depicted in simple, no-nonsense, “I got your back” Brotherhoods. In fact, it’s respected by both men and women = positive image.
But mention a Sisterhood – and it’s sniffed at and at times mocked…by both men and women = negative image.
We are our own worst enemies.
When I hear that a boy/man has done something ‘slack’ to someone, it’s generally, although not always, to a woman…or girl. But if it’s something slack that was done by a girl/woman – then more often than not, it’s done to one of their own.
Think about it – it’s true – it’s always been true. Remember school? I do – on both sides.
So, can we get out of this please? Stop passing on these bad habits?
Now, of course there are millions of us who DO care and DO feel a strong connection with being a woman.
Where are you? ….Where are WE?
Why aren’t we visible?
All I see are men and their growing army of ‘young’ women (another blog topic – coming soon), ready and eager to please.
My friend Jacquie just wrote a comment that talks about how much we DO have as women – we do have more liberties than the women in the past. So why aren’t we using them for the better?
A motivational speaker who came to talk to my students at school, said that we all know our rights – even kids know their rights – but we don’t always take on the responsibility that comes with having those rights.
With those two wonderful observations, we come to the crunch:
Question #30: Why aren’t women making and teaching the better choices, for our girls, considering the freedoms we’ve attained over the decades?
I’ll leave you with that. Remember girls, it’s got nothing to do with how you look, how many guys AND girls think you’re ‘hot’ or how much money you have.
These are all shallow characteristics and we are much better than that, my lovelies!
My sisters. *group hug*
x
This is a painting called, “Sisterhood” by Maria Greene.
Love it.
This is how much of a girl I am…
February 27, 2012
What a weekend of mixed emotions I just had. Two unique experiences with myself and some of the women who were around me, which I’ll cover over two postings.
First up – The Silly Female Conundrum
I actually got to go to a party on Saturday Night. A 30th party. With my husband. And NO children! Yipeeeeeee!
The dress code was formalish, so we had to dress up. Cocktail dress was on standby.
There was one hurdle in my bid to look faaabulous…well, a small hurdle.
About ten days ago, I was with my year group (Yr 11) on our camp. We were hiking down a very steep ‘trail’ (if you could call it that), in the bush of the Blue Mountains – when I proceeded to sprain my ankle – stacked it – and fell like a sack of potatoes onto my front. It was a tad embarrassing in front of the kids. *Awkwaaaard* They were great, actually – but I reckon that my friends, however, would have CACKED, if they were there. It was not graceful. I have a giggle when I picture how I must have looked.
Joking aside, I did hurt my ankle, quite a bit. It’s now starting to dawn on me, that in my increasingly aging body *cough, cough*, injuries will take longer to heal – as this one is.
So on this night of glamour, I took off the strapping the physio had put on it, so that I could wear some sort of footwear that didn’t include thongs. The bummer was that I couldn’t wear heels – I had to wear flats with my cocktail dress. Noice.
What’s the big deal, right? Well, yes – it wasn’t a big deal at all – there was just that silly part of me that just thought, “Bum.”
OK, so all is good on the shoe front…well, as good as it can be – it looked a teeny weird – but, oh well – I get started on the hair and makeup.
“Why isn’t my hair sitting properly? Every time I do it, it sits right, why isn’t it sitting right now? I know, I’ll give it just a teeny sprinkle of hair spray. Yep, that’ll do the trick.”
We’re running late. I hurry things up. I survey the finished product – “Yes….yes….wait – why’s my hair gone flat? Bloody hairspray!”
Too late, we have to go.
Finally we’re in the car and on our way! Wooo Hooooo!! Just one final face check and I’ll be sweet. *Look in mirror* “Oh maaan – why did it not cross my mind to check my eyebrows before we left??”
You know that I’ve got another couple of ‘observations’ – but you well and truly get the idea. *Hanging my head in shame*
When we arrived, I scanned the room for the dear friend I was mainly going to see. I saw her and she was looking stunning (as usual) and I kept commenting to my hubby – what a gorgeous girl she is. Her smile lights up the room – just beautiful. When I told her I thought she looked great, she said, “Thanks, BUT…..”
And there she added her personal flaws.
Question #21: Why, oh why, do we do this to ourselves?
I honestly don’t notice other people’s ‘flaws’ because I see something brighter that overshadows everything; something deeper. That’s how I feel about all my women friends.
And I’m sure my friends feel the same with me. So if that’s true…why do we do it?
At the end of the day – with my unshaped eyebrows and gammy foot – I scrubbed up alright (and so did Hubby). All that silliness for what?
Some funny self reflection…
February 17, 2012
I want you to come on a small journey and see some of the ‘demons’ I face with my appearance – being a woman.
Sometimes when I’m on the phone, I have to escape the kids and hide away in my bedroom – to be able to have a conversation in peace –“Muuuuumm”. Many times, I catch sight of myself in my bedroom mirror, and when the lighting is juuust right…I see a crone. Yep, a crone. *recoil and scrunch up face – stop it, that’s more lines!*
When did I get so old? Let’s see what other things I see…
Now, I have good legs – but what’s that droopy sort of skin above each knee that seems to want to start heading south all of a sudden? Is there any such thing as a knee lift? *smirk* I would never get one – but was actually wondering…
I’ve had humans exit my body – as most women I know have – and we all have to carry around that lovely added extra around the stomach. Like growing said human and have it come out, wasn’t ‘reward’ enough! And who can forget that charming phrase “muffin top”, that seemed to be a regular word tossed around at Mothers’ Group. Are guys refered to as having muffin tops?
“Nine months to put on, nine months to take off, ladies!” Jeez, the pressure! I always felt a secret resentment of any article that pointed out how quickly a star took off the baby weight, 10 minutes after giving birth, stating the marvels of breast feeding. What-EVA! She who has a personal trainer and chef at their disposal. My first baby sucked my milk like a crazy person and it actually made me eat MORE, than when I was actually pregnant…couldn’t help it…my body thought I was still eating for two. I felt jipped.
There’s the little flap of skin that’s appeared under my chin. Has anyone else got that? How quickly is that one going to progress? I don’t want to look like turkey anytime soon, thank you very much…and yet – there it is.
Boobs. What can I say. I remember watching the series, ‘Mad About You’ (loved that show) and there was this great sequence of scenes, when the lead character, Jamie, was in labour. All the women in her life were sitting in her hospital room with her, as her husband wasn’t there yet. They were giving out advice when the issue of breasts came up. Her mother said to her, “You’ll be fuller breasted, dear.” She nods. Her sister-in-law then states factually, “Yes, but eventually they look like a couple of empty gym socks.” Hahaha! Classic. Well, I won’t say mine are a couple of empty gym socks just yet, but they do like to look at my feet more often – when ‘unassisted’. *wink*
Finally, my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole adult life, but an accident at the hairdressers saw that change a few months ago. I went in for a trim with a few long layers. What actually happened was my hair ended up being hacked with a plethora of instruments, including a razor, and ended up looking like Carol Brady with a mullet. So bad. The only solution was to cut off the mullet – and ended up with short hair. I don’t mind it BUT I didn’t want to look like a woman who had made that, “Oh, I’m over forty now, so I better cut a mummy haircut”, decision. Plus it looks the same every day. I miss my ponytail. But then, everyone has long hair. Do I grow it?
So here’s my comparison with guys – I’m pretty sure they don’t agonise over their appearance as much as we do, because we love them anyway. They can put on weight, lose their hair, get very wrinkley – it’s the common image in the media – men can look however they like and will always be accepted.
And our guys love us too, when we start to get out of shape and grow older – don’t they? I guess that on the whole they do, BUT I know of a few stories within my circle of friends where the male partner has left, for a younger woman. If I know a few – surely you know a few. Therefore, is it more common than we think? Can we say the same of women who leave their men for younger versions? Probably not. I think that, even though I can look good for my age – a younger guy would see the middle-aged oldie I really am.
Hey, that’s OK – I don’t need that validation from younger men – as I’m sure you don’t either (only women in the public eye seem to be butchering themselves to look ‘younger’) – but what is it with us?
Question #16: Why are women SO obsessed with looking younger? Can’t we just reward each other for looking the best we can for our age?
Questions for Us 