Question #156: How do women disrespect men?
April 26, 2013
Such a rewarding day. Totally chuffed.
April 18, 2013
On Friday, the last day of term, my colleague and I ran a workshop with our Yr 10 and 11 girl students (aged 15-17 yrs old). We looked at the objectification of girls and women through the media and ran lots of workshops to help them navigate through the tripe they’re being fed, looked at what is beautiful (them – exactly as they are) and how to be a voice in this saturating, hyper-sexualised society.
The boys, of the same year groups, were in a separate location, journeying through the harms of pornography and participating in workshops to help them with all the issues they face as young men. They are also being fed false ideals about what it’s like to be a ‘real man’ and are also in strife. The wonderful feedback I got from this workshop is that the boys drew up a contract, their words, as to how they were going to treat women and they all signed it.
Fantastic.
The dynamic psychologist and teacher, Collett Smart of FamilySmart (and who was one of the original board members of Collective Shout) came to talk to both the boys and the girls together. She reinforced a lot of what we had covered up until lunch…and more.
It was such an inspiring day, that I’m still a little giddy from how good it felt to run a part of it.
I was up first and for an hour or so I covered what the girls are being sold by the media – more importantly, how they’re being represented and whether they were happy with it. My aim was to incite discussion and reinforce some Media Literacy with them.
To start off with, I asked them what characteristics we had that made us women. Two interesting things came out of this.
1. The first few characteristics were physical – boobs, curvy, vagina.
2. When I steered them towards non-physical, they came up with some beautiful ones, like compassionate and strong – but I was the one who wrote up intelligent (with lots of arrows pointing towards it).
From this point I launched in to a visual smorgasbord of examples of how women are represented in the media today. Basically one way – hyper-sexualised and objectified.
But it’s not just about ads, shows, movies etc – it’s also important to discuss the effect and consequences of a saturated paradigm, like our current one.
Objectification is the issue. What the girls needed to understand is that once you are seen as an object, anything can be done to you without remorse.
It’s a complete disconnect and is why the argument, “That could have been your sister” (for example) doesn’t work. Their sister is their sister, whom they love. An object is an object.
As Collett later told them (and the boys) – the Porn Industry now has to compete with the Porn Culture of our media. The images looked at in the dirty magazines of yesteryear, are now on billboards selling sunglasses/jeans etc.
So in order to keep their addicted masses, mainstream porn has to be bigger and far more violent. Women’s bodies are the commodity; bodies which only last between three to six months, before they’re tossed aside. Broken.
I showed the girls the following clip from Canada which covers a lot of what I wanted to discuss:
Notice how ludicrous it is to have the men portrayed that way?
We can’t do anything else but laugh about it because it’s not a reality for them – although they do have their own fair share of issues.
We watched the following Lynx ad by Unilever, being discussed in the States. The reason I showed this clip is because there is one female panelist in a studio full of men. Watch their reactions (nothing surprising).
What’s interesting here is mainly the woman’s take on it. It seems like everyone agrees – if it makes money it’s OK.
And the men’s reactions? Well, nothing out of the ordinary. Does that mean that we are also desensitised – seeing ‘boys just being boys’?
This led me to discuss the Porn Culture which surrounds us and how that’s become the ‘fashion’ now. I showed them more clips and what it means to them. I discussed this concept in my penultimate post: The fine line. A chat with teens.
I could have talked about this FOREVER, but time was short. I finished with the trailer for Missrepresentation – the wonderful documentary I hosted a screening of last year – which perfectly encapsulates the serious issue of our gender’s representation in the media.
My colleague then tackled, What is Beautiful?
We looked at photoshopped images and got the girls to do an activity, where they put stickers on each others’ backs with positive phrases about their characteristics.
They loved it.
We talked in groups about some possible party scenarios, looked at sexuality and relationships and finally encouraged them to be a voice – to call out injustices and be a sisterhood to each other.
After lunch the boys and girls came together to listen to Collett Smart.
She discussed issues such as the truly damaging effects of child pageants on young girls (affirming from a very tender age that the only validation a girl can have is through her looks) through to hearing the tragic story of a teen girl who survived a rape.
She reaffirmed many of the issues we had discussed with the girls earlier in the day, which gave those messages more strength – Yay!
But there was one important point that Collett made, that stayed with me – it resonated:
She said the path toward a better social existence between girls and boys; women and men – is mutual respect. There seems to be a huge portion of the responsibility laid on boys and men to respect women, but women and girls also need to respect men.
Bang.
Question #155: Are women truly respecting men in this hyper-sexualised, porn culture?
It’s a tough question, but we need to step back and look at this through a balanced perspective.
Both genders play a role in perpetuating a state of existence.
Both men and women. Boys and girls.
Something to ponder.
At the end of this day, I hoped our girls left feeling a little more empowered about their whole selves – not just what they look like – and will become more united as women to cultivate that word – RESPECT – in themselves and those around them.
So it was no surprise that I actually cried a little when I saw the following messages from some of the girls, on my Questions for Women Facebook Page:
“Hey Miss,
I just want to thank you and Miss Fitzgerald for your talk today. I honestly feel so empowered to change the society we live in. I feel so much better about myself and I really want to make a difference in the world. Thank you for opening up my eyes to the world we live in. Hearing what people had to say about me in the sticker activity made me feel so good about myself. To know that people like me for something more than my looks is amazing. You are an inspiration to me and so many others. xx”
“Thanks so much ms. You really are an inspiration xxx”
“MISS ! thank you so much for today ! It really made me think twice about what i do now and the way i see my self. you are a true inspiration and we’re all so lucky and grateful to have you at our school.”
“Thanks so much for today miss! It gave us such a great message in a very fun way. It was really eye opening to many of the girls and it was really good to realise we all empowered each other as women. We love you miss!”
“We’re so lucky to be surrounded by such empowering women!”
My message to these girls was:
“May your love, intelligence, strength and compassion be what shines through and gives you true validation. That’s what makes you beautiful.
You’re all necessary and needed just the way you are. xxx”
I wish I could do this every day. My soul feels full and alive.
Deep Breath
x
What I don’t get about the fight AGAINST feminism.
April 6, 2013
“When women participate in the economy, in peace-making and peace-keeping, we all benefit. Giving women and girls a fighting chance isn’t a nice thing to do, it’s a core imperative for every society…This truly is the unfinished business of the 21st century, and it is the work we are called to do.” – Hillary Clinton at the Women in the World Summit.
Yes.
It’s not about being nice.
Who made men the boss of us all?
We’re two halves…why is that so hard to fathom?
It’s for EQUALITY for our gender – the other half.
And to be equal exactly as we are – not equal due to being more masculine.
We can’t be more like men, we have to balance out the male characteristics and qualities.
That’s why we’re here. Otherwise it would just be all men.
Who made physical strength THE only trait to be valued as the best?
Because one can physically bully for how they desire things to be?
A woman’s strength is impenetrable.
Just look at what we do and/or survive daily; globally.
Why we don’t use this different type of strength to our advantage, just leaves me gobsmacked. It stamps the stupidity of our species more deeply into our psyche.
We’re in this inequality together, in some form or another.
And regardless of gender, it will most definitely affect someone you love.
It’s moral and ethical cancer – and yet, here we are.
The fight for the right to be richer and more controlling than others, is louder than all of us getting a slice of an equal existence.
I have to believe (and do) that there are more good people out there, than not.
Question #154: So why the fight against this?
Deep, bloody breath.
x
x
Keep your money; I want change.
March 16, 2013
I see a pattern in the way we deal with everything – ourselves; politics; the way we ‘survive’; the environment – and it’s looking a tad grim.
The psyche of ‘who we are’ as a species, is tipping toward a greedy, destructive, selfish and stupid one – with some people sadly possessing all four traits.
We collectively ‘cut the nose off, to spite the face’, by encouraging (through action or indifference) the defence of these bad ideals and behaviours – and all for money.
Our soul is disappointingly tarnished with greed.
The outcry to the damaging effects of such behaviours, that are worsening in their intensity, seems to be fobbed off as an annoying distraction. The lack of true change makes this apparent.
1. If it’s a feminist fight, it gets shot down with labels of ‘hysterical’ / ‘bitch’ / ‘whore’ / ‘liar’ and/or the easy option of using violence – to keep women in their place.
2. If it’s an environmental fight, we actually turn our backs to what Nature is trumpeting – as it globally waves its arms furiously at us.
It feels like the planet is twitchy – trying to shake us off – the planet we need to sustain us.
More earthquakes and volcano eruptions, cyclones, devastating rain, snow storms, rising seas in the Pacific with islands slowly going under…and that’s just the climate.
Then there’s replacing land with concrete or rubbish; digging enormous holes to deepen our dependence on fossil fuels…and the list goes on.
Was the last wipeout the dinosaurs?
We haven’t got a hope in hell against this old soul fully turning on us.
It’s the one hunk of rock we’re on, isn’t it? I mean it’s ALL connected.
So why have Australians fought the Carbon Tax, when we all know (even the Opposition) it’s for the better?
In fact, it has already lowered emissions and it’s aimed at big businesses doing the most damage to our planet – you know, the people making millions/billions in profits.
I suppose a better question would be, ‘If not this – what?‘
3. And if it’s a political fight, we neglect policy; we neglect using the government in power to its full potential – regardless of whether one voted for them or not.
This was never more apparent than with our latest Prime Minister, Julia Gillard.
She has been systematically vilified from day one – distracting her (for example) with press conferences on her character, rather than just letting her get on with it.
What good does that do any of us?
Did anyone know that last week, this government passed a bill that made fantastic changes to the current National Disability Insurance Scheme?
Kim @allconsuming wrote the following piece about this decision and its wonderfulness – Quite Something. She writes:
“I do not care what your political leaning, I do.not.care. but this Government is the first to actually action it. The first to say this is important, to say to the four million or so Australians who have a disability that they matter.
To grasp the scale of that, those four million people equates roughly to the population of Melbourne. Then consider the 2.6 million Australians who care for family members with a disability. Now you’ve got the population of Victoria.
As soon as you hear someone start to say how great it is but gee, how we can fund this, how we can pay for it I want you to tell them you’re talking about the population of Victoria. You’re going to turn your back on an entire State?”
Yes – it seems we do tend to turn our backs, if selfish wants are jeopardised, which then paves the way for the media to create spin on our general ignorance and feed the masses biased reports on our government. And it is biased if you don’t get informed about the good stuff along with the bad.
Balance.
Question #151: So how will people vote? How will women vote?
Will environmental policies get a look in?
How about women’s issues? The gender equality gap – where the female gender suffers most from poverty and violence – globally – than its equal. Does that get any importance?
I lobby for equal pay for all women.
If there’s no money in the budget, they can just bring men down a peg and bump women up. Easy. They’ve had a good go of it.
We also need to look after our single parents who have had their payments cut by Centrelink, if their youngest child has turned 8 years old. A devastating blow…
OR will the simple mentality of those who cling to clichés – not policy – determine our collective fate?
I shudder to think.
Our people, politics and environment are all interwoven and connected, and it’s the obsession with making money and gaining power – astronomical money and power for some (regardless with how they got there) – that is slowly choking our very existence.
It’s time to lobby for these big important changes, recognise we’ll have to sacrifice to get them and see which government can best accommodate.
I want change. I want balance.
Deep Breath.
x
Happy International Women’s Day! + Question #150.
March 8, 2013
*TRIGGER WARNING – image may upset*
I awoke this morning with mixed emotions.
It was International Women’s Day and I wanted to quickly shout a ‘Woooo Hooooo’ to my sisterhood before getting ready for work, but there was also a feeling of some aimlessness.
Returning to full-time work on the Monday just gone (after caring for my injured husband) and due to the extra workload I was about to encounter – I decided to give social media a bit of a break, so that I could have some time without feeling incensed.
Because that’s what I was feeling.
How could I not?
When Facebook Pages like Being an Asshole, promoting hatred against women, are considered appropriate for viewing, even though it’s been reported for its promotion of violence.
How can men who defend it not see that by making a joke of this very real violence to countless women, it gives them permission to downplay how atrocious it is??
When a billboard promoting a strip club is placed in front of a boys’ school in Brisbane, is deemed honkey-dorey by the Advertising STANDARDS Board, when also reported for ‘grooming’ boys – teaching them to be sexually obsessed.
When the devastating statistics about the global pandemic of violence against women, inspires a t-shirt company to create many, many t-shirts bearing slogans such as: Keep Calm and Rape Her or Keep Calm and Knife Her. Amazon was then the place to get them.
(A computer program was blamed for generating the phrases – yet the word ‘him’ doesn’t appear anywhere…hmmm…)
It’s all getting a bit nasty.
Question #150: Could it be a back-lash to our ever-louder voice?
Well, the mixed feelings I awoke with today are due to me believing that – YES – we are becoming louder and stronger and I feel enormously proud to be a part of this new movement…
But is it working? Can we see any change?
We seem to be inundated with violence and exploitation – perpetuated by the Internet, I know – but it still IS what it IS.
An indifference to us – whether active or passive.
I believe we can make a profound change – both women and men…there’s just one problem:
Most are afraid to speak up.
And I understand that fear.
The other day, I confronted my Newsagent – a more elderly man – about the fact he had Zoo Magazine on a stand facing the street, near the front of the shop. I explained that not only is it bad enough that any kid can buy it, it was unavoidable to see the objectified woman on the cover, from the street.
So even if you choose not to go into the shop, that culture is still in your face. Still being advertised.
I had butterflies throughout the whole exchange. So nerve-racking.
As I left him, he was contemplating the location of the magazine and when I drove by later, he had taken the stand down.
Victory!
A small one, but one none the less…and it felt good.
So, it’s time.
It’s time to join the ranks for a better world for women. We deserve it.
Our nature is a nurturing one and it leaves me profoundly baffled as to why our other half want to continue to keep things the way they are.
I saw an argument by a man saying that he simply couldn’t understand why women wanted equality to men, when we’re not the same.
We know we’re not the same – it would not have made sense for nature to make us the same – but we are equally needed to balance things out.
Yin and Yang.
That’s what men and women are – predominantly one gender with a bit of the other. Of course I’m being very general – nature provides a rainbow of variations to this – but you get my drift.
So, Happy International Women’s Day!
I am for balance and I am for all women and hope the good men can join our voice.
An amazingly awesome documentary was made in the States called:
MAKERS: Women who make America – narrated by Meryl Streep.
Watch it by clicking on the link above – see how women have fought since WWII and continue to do so – see our modern-day leaders – be inspired – and join today’s movement.
Deep Breath x
Humbled and distressed
February 22, 2013
*MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING – graphic images in this post*
I’m not sure how to feel after yesterday’s events. Numb, I guess.
After publishing my last post about my love/hate relationship with Facebook – predominantly about the content they allow to infect – I started to receive comments on my QFW Facebook Page from women, protesting about the number of times they have reported hateful and violent images only to be told by Facebook, that they deem them appropriate.
In yesterday’s post, I discussed the graphic meme of a woman – appearing to have been stabbed over not doing the dishes – which caught the fury of Karen Pickering when she was told it was fine by Facebook.
A friend sent me the following image she had reported and was told did not breach Community Standards:
It says:
* know your place
* shut up when a man is talking
* proper fellatio technique
Facebook states in their ‘Community Standards’ in the section of Hate Speech:
Facebook does not permit hate speech, but distinguishes between serious and humorous speech. While we encourage you to challenge ideas, institutions, events, and practices, we do not permit individuals or groups to attack others based on their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, gender, sexual orientation, disability or medical condition.
So they have distinguished this as humorous speech (hahahahahaha) and NOT an attack on gender. Interesting to know what they would deem an attack.
Under Graphic Content:
People use Facebook to share events through photos and videos. We understand that graphic imagery is a regular component of current events, but must balance the needs of a diverse community. Sharing any graphic content for sadistic pleasure is prohibited.
This image is not for sadistic pleasure then?
Sadistic means to derive pleasure from extreme cruelty and this image ticks that box. It’s funny right? Funny = pleasure.
When I saw the image above, I was filled with such indignation, that I started a FB page where people can post the images they’ve reported, but told it didn’t breech Facebook’s Community Standards.
After only a few hours, I shut it down. I couldn’t look at one more photo.
The most haunting one I received, of the young toddler below, came from a site called ‘Anti-slut Patrol‘. I immediately reported it to Facebook for Graphic Violence.
Facebook were quick to reply that it was fine:
What I just noticed, however, is that they have – since last night – changed their Standards. I reported this photo under Graphic Violence (as it says in the screen shot) and now it’s called Graphic Content. I wrote them a response to their ‘ruling’ asking them to explain how the image is not graphic violence and what, to their standards, is.
I guess they just answered; change the Standard to comply with letting people publish this toxic waste.
I asked Facebook what they wanted their legacy to be – obviously it’s ensuring that depravity prevail and keeping those masses happy.
I am now humbled by the massive, unfathomable enormity of this.
And again feel helpless.
Victims of violence not only have to live with the horror that is their life, they must also reconcile with the fact that companies with no soul, like Facebook, will never have their back – or anyone else’s for that matter – because they would rather make money off malice and pass it off as humour.
Question #146: How can we create change, if our pleas continue to be ignored?
I finally want to add that I know many of you may think – it’s OK, it’s just a joke – and that if every picture that was reported was taken down, we’d live in a Nanny State.
My response to that is – WE NEED BALANCE.
Noone is saying that we have to have a dictatorship run by ‘mummies’, but a respect for the unimaginably, abhorrent lives some people have to live, without making a ‘joke’ of it, would start us on the road toward OUR LEGACY – one that we can leave for our kids to continue with.
Deep Breath
x
It’s a girl! #3
February 3, 2013
A few months ago I saw the disturbing documentary about the femicide of girls in India and China called it’s a girl!
I wrote about the film and its disturbing statistics in the post: it’s a girl.
The following song is written and performed by Omekongo Dibinga. He felt compelled to say something about what is occurring in these countries.
The music may not be your cup of tea, but I love that Omekongo chose to speak up – on this very important and horrific practice.
Below is the link to the it’s a girl! site with the article about this song:
It’s a Girl Inspires Music Video by Hip Hop Artist Omekongo Dibinga
Watching this video and listening to the lyrics have made me feel very, very microscopically small…again.
What can I (we) do to help??
Deep Breath
x
A moment of reflection.
February 1, 2013
I was breaking up a small altercation between my daughters tonight – where my eldest responded in a mean way to a kind gesture from her sister.
I was sitting on her bed, a short time later, discussing why she had responded in that way. I quietly said to her that there was enough nastiness in the world, let alone in our house with the ones we love. As I said it, I was looking at her bedside table lamp – it’s a lit up, Planet Earth.
So massive…and covered in exploitation; greed; hatred; violence; intolerance.
Everywhere – from war, to big business and in our very homes. People gaining from the suffering of others – whether emotionally or physically.
Yes, there’s love; kindness; empathy – I profoundly feel these within myself and know many who do too – but it’s not big enough. Mean is bigger.
Question #142: Why have we let our world become like this?
*Deep breath*
Today I start a new journey.
My husband had a serious accident playing soccer (football) last week.
He had just finished kicking the ball – so his foot was up a little – and his opponent came in very hard. His kick landed like a king-hit under my husband’s foot.
It smashed his ankle into his tibia, which split at the base, and then sent a crack up the tibia, where it fractured half way up the leg. The surgeon said he had never seen anything like it – only in car accidents. His leg is now in a contraption with pins keeping his leg in place and it will take a further two operations to hopefully get the job done.
In an instant, our world was turned on its heel – on many levels which I won’t bore you with.
The worst part is his suffering and for me it’s a helplessness at not being able to ease what he’s going through.
On another level – a different level – I feel a similar helplessness for our suffering world.
Why is today a new day?
Because when this accident happened, and the seriousness of my hubby’s injuries hit home, I felt a peace wash over me – a calm strength. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t had a few moments where I’ve had to breathe deep and refocus, but calmness is what ultimately gets us through life’s blindsides.
I’m going to do the same here, when discussing life’s issues with you.
At times, I have let my feelings of anger overwhelm my expression into something unleashed. I don’t like it when I do that. I lose you.
But my heart is in the right place.
I continue to fight for a balanced existence.
I feel it is the true secret to life – in every way.
I wish for a future where we shed our cloak of silence, stand up and push back on the practices that are taking over our world’s psyche in this detrimental way.
*Deep breath*
So, now we’re back to the chat with my daughters – back to the beginning – the place to start change:
Our children.
Strength to you all.
x
Why doesn’t HE just get in there then?
January 28, 2013
Tonight I read the following article by Richard Hinds in the SMH, about women’s tennis:
Women offer volume for money, but it’s Tsonga counting cost
Putting aside that it drips in contempt – about pretty much every aspect of women’s tennis – I find myself thinking rather peevedly…(yes, I’ve decided that it’s an adverb):
“Why don’t you get down to a court and play against Victoria Azarenka?
I bet you she would play rings around you”.
I know it also talks about cost and emotion etc. etc. but all of that diminishes these athletes’ worth.
Since when does women’s tennis have to be like men’s tennis to be valued?
It’s still two people of equal stature, battling it out.
It seems like Australians are becoming a bunch of judgemental whingers.
Sitting from lofty towers of perfection, looking down their noses at every crevice and every action of what and who surrounds them.
*****
The above was written last night before I fell asleep with the laptop on my lap.
I’m back now because a few things have popped up today, that have confirmed the feelings I had last night.
1. Due to Azarenka taking a 10 minute medical break in the semi of the Australian Open, the media (and in turn a good proportion of the general public) decided that that, was WRONG.
She was struggling before those 10 minutes, but then came back out and won.
Was it in the spirit of how that time should be utilised? Maybe not.
Can we say for sure that she was doomed to lose, had she not done it? Who knows.
Maybe she would have won anyway.
Well, today she won the Australian Open – in spite of mistakes being cheered and winning points being booed, throughout the entire final.
Who do those audience members think they are?
I wonder if they would have done the same to Federer? Or Djokovic? Booed them.
Food for thought…
2. My friend Kim (@ allconsuming.com.au) said she watched the Brene Brown TedX presentations on vulnerability and shame and that Brene mentions Roosevelt’s speech about the man in the arena.
This quote is magnificent:
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
“Citizenship in a Republic,”
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
Man AND woman – in the arena.
Question #141: Can women finally be counted as also being in the arena?
But as women, with our own unique strengths, not pretend-men.
Such high horses.
Please. Give us all a break.
Deep Breath.
x
A MUST watch – especially for teen girls and young women.
January 26, 2013
Dr Caroline Heldman (who appeared in Missrepresentation) spoke at the TEDx Youth Conference, for twelve or so minutes – without pause. Amazing.
It’s a bloody brilliant presentation that encapsulates everything that is wrong with our current paradigm – delivered with clear-cut explanations, facts, research and solutions.
She looks at what sexual objectification is and whether it’s empowering.
An absolutely fantastic and succinct discourse.
Question #140: So, ladies – are we going to put an end to this self-destructive behaviour, once and for all?
Deep Breath.
x
Questions for Us 