Rape Culture #3
January 3, 2013
A cell within the group Anonymous, called ‘Knight Sec’ decided to be a voice against the injustice that came of the gang rape of an unconscious, 16 year old girl in Ohio, by members of a football team – who also documented it all. She was unconscious because she was
“intentionally drugged with a ‘date-rape’ intoxicant.”
The community, police and justice system, that rallied behind theses boys (widely known by their nickname, ‘The Rape Crew’) and swept it all under the carpet, were given until the end of 2012 to come forward and apologise – make things right – otherwise Anonymous was going to publish the information they had gathered.
No-one apologised.
So here is the report that was leaked to the public on the 1st Jan.
It includes the following video footage of the boys admitting to the rape.
*WARNING: This Video Is Extremely Disturbing – Viewer Discretion Is Advised.
Michael Colin Nodianos Admiting To Rape from Commander X on Vimeo.
I only have one question (it would be great if guys help me out here with some insight):
Question #129: Knowing what WE were like as teens – is this type of guy more common now?
What terrifies me most is not what they did to her (although it literally makes my stomach somersault and heart ache), it’s what they think of her – as they laugh…and laugh…and laugh…
In this case, these men flaunted their misogyny through sadistic rape and even urinated on this poor girl – who is ruined for life. But this deplorable attitude can manifest in a number of different ways – domestic violence, forced prostitution etc – and it’s seeping through globally.
* Afgan girl shot in the head for ‘being a prostitute’ in front of a cheering crowd of Taliban men who were fighting over her – DIED.
* Pakistani girl, Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head for wanting an education – LIVED.
* Indian girl’s horrific gang rape – DIED.
* This girl – intentionally drugged, sodomised, urinated on, dragged unconscious from party to party – LIVED.
Etc…etc…etc…
And, of course, these are just the ones we hear about – 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime.
I want my daughters to be able to go out and confidently participate in this world – but it chills me to think that these guys are out there.
So – is it worse than before?
Guys/Men? Thoughts?
Deep Breath.
x
PS There are no words to describe what I feel about the guy in the video – making joke, after joke, after joke. Just the manner in which he says the same type of thing over and over again, fills me with a strong and uncharacteristic desire, to smack his smug and idiotic face out. The cameraman laughing at all his jokes and egging him to keep going, would be next.
The following is what he wrote on Twitter:
Just to clarify from my last post. Rape Culture #2.
December 30, 2012
Two women left great comments, in response to the previous post about Rape Culture.
I would like to address two of the points made by these women.
1. lamehousewife was suggesting that the ad on the bus is a reflection of the type of women the priest was talking about.
I agree.
Throughout my posts, I have always made a strong point (I hope) on the massive contribution women are making to the problems they face in this patriarchal society. Ads, like the one on the back of the bus, can only exist with a woman’s consent.
Without women agreeing to normalise this hyper-sexualised, fickle, fake image of womanhood – we have little chance of attaining any sort of equality amongst this man’s world.
However, I AM about balance and the point of my last post was simply that the solution/solving conversations that make the papers, are about what women have to do to stop the Rape Culture.
But what about the guys/men? The ones COMMITTING the crime?
The CRIME.
Most of the time, it has nothing to do with what a woman wears. A lot of the time it can be a family member, raping a daughter/niece…or she didn’t do as she was told…or she looks like his mother and he hates his mother…etc. etc. etc.
I’m sure I (we) could find a gazillion reasons why so many men rape women…but the only common denominator, is that it’s men inflicting violence against women on an unprecedented and global scale.
As I said in my response, there is currently heated discussion at the prevalence of males being behind mass shootings, like the recent ones in the United States. Well, this is MORE prevalent…and also inflicted by men.
Where’s the article on that in mainstream media?
Where are the mental health programs for them? Or is it simply too many men?
More importantly:
Question #128: How are our boys being taught NOT to think of women as useless (except for one thing) and ‘gagging-for-it’?
If we’re not implementing the above, then we are simply stepping aside and allowing the Rape Culture to perpetuate.
You can get it on a t-shirt (this one’s a tame one):
Or in a meme:
You get the idea…
2. Kate left a fantastic comment which hits the nail on the head; looking at this from another angle. A part of what she wrote was the following:
“I long for the time women regain their worth, their subtle and centred power, and this can’t happen by drinking as much as men or lowering our sexual standards by removing our sense of love and care and giving, or by trying to ‘be’ like men. We are depth that are women! Yet we seem to be under the stupidity of unawakened ideals that put us ‘beneath’ another gender.”
Exactly, right?
We simply can’t allow ourselves to believe what’s said about us or how we’re portrayed. We are actually short-changing the fantastic, awesome wonderfulness that it is to be a woman and short-changing what we can offer – together with men.
Finally, another reader left the following YouTube clip. It was posted online only a few months ago and it’s your regular, fit, young man giving out some advice to ‘the brotherhood’ about women.
Some of the language used may offend some women.
And this is the type of guy that’s out there…
It’s not all of them – no – but they’re what’s in fashion now.
Any alarm bells ringing yet?
Thank you so much for all the engaging and insightful comments and calm discussion. Keep them coming!
Man or woman.
Deep Breath.
x
Rape Culture. Just the way things are.
December 29, 2012
Sorry for the heavy title, but a few articles popped up today, that have me incensed…again.
Why? Because the current reign of our ever-present Rape Culture, seeping into every crevice, is simply infuriating me.
The definition of Rape Culture from upsettingrapeculture.com, writes the following:
WHAT IS RAPE CULTURE?
In a rape culture, people are surrounded with images, language, laws, and other everyday phenomena that validate and perpetuate, rape. Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.”This is what it means when people say that sexism and violence against women are “naturalised.” It means that people in our current society believe these attitudes and actions always have been, and always will be.
Just the way things are. Just are.
Question #126: Isn’t that the general reason/excuse for indifference?
Infuriating.
I started this post today after I saw the following article regarding the comments made by a Catholic Priest – Father Piero Corsi – in Italy:
Italians outraged by priest’s claim that women bring violence on themselves.
“The title of message was ‘Women and Femicide, How often do they provoke?’
“Father Piero Corsi said scantily dressed women bring out the worst instincts in men and cause violence or sexual abuse. He claimed women end up exacerbating tensions by ‘leaving children to themselves, having filthy houses, serving cold meals, buying fast food and providing dirty clothes.’ “
Great.
When will ‘the worst instincts in men’ be what attains the pressure from society to change?
No, no, no. It’s us – women. WE have to change…how we dress, how we act, what we say…
But…really…is that what the men in the church (and men in general maybe?) feel is the actual solution?
Will rape and violence against women cease to exist if we stopped wearing plunging necklines?…and stopped providing dirty clothes…and serving cold meals (is that a cold heart too?)…and…and…and…
We all know the answer to that is no.
Hence, we have a Rape Culture.
And yet, if all the rational people think that what’s happening is going down a dark, violent and septic alley, why are we not seeing anything being implemented to stop the continuing, harrowing statistics?
Now I have an even heavier heart due to reading that the poor girl who was gang raped in India, has just died from her injuries.
The following article was a response to the Indian girl’s rape itself, telling women they should carry chilli powder to throw in the eyes of their attacker and not go out at night.
How to prevent sexual assault (no chilli powder required)
Again, GREAT! Anything else for women to do?
This article does have a wonderful list of tips, however, that should actually be used to encourage a change. Tongue-in-cheek – yes – but you get what it’s saying:
Anne Bartow’s Sexual Assault Prevention Tips
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behaviour.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
Makes sense doesn’t it?
Here’s an idea: How about it’s NOT women who attempt to stop things, from a defence position; not being allowed to be themselves.
How about governments intervene from a ‘childhood educational angle’?
Tone down the amount of imagery that’s EVERYWHERE, like this:
I pulled up behind this bus when it was stopped. This is the moving billboard, distracting everyone who’s driving. And where’s the filter for all the developing brains who are taking it all in?
Woman=gagging for it (look at the image)=looove sex=rape.
Question #127: How about implementing a new program in schools? Australian National Curriculum?
We need something. Anything.
Deep Breath.
x
What about the male gender? Part #1: Boys.
December 26, 2012
I hope everyone had a magical Christmas – especially if there were little ones amongst the celebrations. It feels like Christmas is the last frontier of innocence.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the sons being raised in this current climate, as they are being bombarded with the same damaging images and ideals. These lead boys and young men to feel pressure; to work out who they are in this world.
I have always believed that boys and men can pretty much do whatever they want, without judgement (unless they do something unintelligent, of course) – wear whatever, do whatever – and generally with a band of merry men in their team or by their side, making the rules and saying, “Yes, you can.”
However, the pressure to conform to social norms, especially in this current pop-culture, is seeing our boys being demonised for having any ‘feminine’ traits and are subsequently pigeon-holed into a small corridor of what it means to be all ‘man’.
The biggest issue is (obviously), how this is being represented – especially in the places our youth gravitate towards – watch – and learn. This is when neural pathways are formed and entrenched.
A curious point: When I was young (the 70s), I used to feel sorry for boys. They couldn’t do what we could do – we could wear the same things as boys AND dresses and we were encouraged to play with whatever we wanted. They couldn’t play with dolls.
They’re still not encouraged – not ‘manly’ enough, it seems.
A very sad testament to our intelligence, that we keep teaching the same stereotypes; continually being pushed.
As one of two daughters, I found that my father had a positive influence on my sister and me – opening up another world. We played with toy cars, had a train set and a figure 8 race car track, Dad showed us how car engines worked and we rode mini motorbikes and three-wheeled trikes. This just added to the rainbow of how we played and developed, on top of our world of dolls and other ‘girly’ pursuits.
You probably would have categorised us as ‘Tomboys’. My maternal grandmother was one. So was my mother. At the time, and as I grew, I wore the label with pride – but not anymore. I just think I was being me.
I look at my two daughters now and I see more of the same. My 6 year old LOVES cars and Spiderman. My 10 year old LOVES dinosaurs and space.
They also love playing with their dolls and ‘cooking’, are sporty, draw, play Lego etc. but it’s the wonderful mix that’s important. Funnily enough, my sister got a sticker book for my 6 year old (sticker nut) for Christmas and had to get her the ‘boy’ book which is called ‘Brilliantly Blue’ and has a little photo of a boy on the cover. It’s HEAPS better than the ‘girl’ one – in that it better matches my daughter’s likes and interests.
Isn’t it cool?
Buying presents this Christmas for kids was quite disheartening, as the girls were saturated in pink, dolls, prams, easy-bake ovens etc…all with photos of girls only enjoying the toy.
What about the boys?
Boys will turn into men, who may have children. Boys will turn into men who can, and do, cook.
So why is it discouraged?
More importantly, what is being encouraged through boys’ toys?
Violence?
The following quote is from the Huffington Post:
“Girls are typically given dolls while often boys are discouraged if not entirely prohibited from playing with dolls. This is gendering. Playing with dolls is one way that children can learn to nurture. Why then would we only teach half of the population to do that? … Our popular culture continues to equate violence and intimidation with power, for males. This is consistently seen in television, movies, video games and the news. As long as physical prowess and violence are legitimized as paths towards power, we will continue to see extensive male violence (of which mass violence is just one form)… from constant images of war, both real and fictional, first-person shooter video games and the proliferation and normalization of other images of violence throughout the culture, it is not surprising that people have become desensitized to real-life violence. People can’t understand how a man could stand before a child and shoot them, and while it feels inconceivable, it needs to be addressed in the context of larger issues of desensitization… While certainly not all boys and men are violent, all of the mass killings that have terrorized the nation–even before Columbine and through to Sandy Hook–have been committed by males. This simply cannot be ignored. “
Question #125: When will we do something about how our children’s lives are being directed towards stereotypical and limiting likes, wants and lifestyles?
Deep Breath.
x
A few articles to whet your appetite.
December 17, 2012
Well, it definitely feels like there is starting to be more and more debate on gender behaviour. The following articles have different perspectives and experiences that I thought you might like. I did. There are many, many more articles out there, but I feel like I can’t keep up sometimes.- which is good, I suppose. Voices are being heard.
This first article written by Laurie Penny looks at the sexist bullying women can (and do) face on the Internet:
“Perhaps it should be comforting when calling a woman fat and ugly is the best response to her arguments, but it’s a chill comfort, especially when one realises, as I have come to realise over the past year, just how much time and effort some vicious people are prepared to expend trying to punish and silence a woman who dares to be ambitious, outspoken, or merely present in a public space.”
From the article: A woman’s opinion is the mini-skirt of the internet
The next article is written by Yashar Ali:
“You’re so sensitive. You’re so emotional. You’re defensive. You’re overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You’re crazy! I was just joking, don’t you have a sense of humor? You’re so dramatic. Just get over it already!
Sound familiar?
If you’re a woman, it probably does. Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they have done or said?”
From article: A Message to Women from a Man – You Are Not ‘Crazy’
This final article has restored Germaine Greer in my good books again. The following article appeared in The Canberra Times this last Saturday, and it’s great. Germaine voices an opinion on an experience in Amsterdam, which ruffled her feathers – and rightly so!
“At an event in Amsterdam recently, I was ordered by a woman on the stage to take the hand of the woman next to me, who happened to be 76-year-old Hedy d’Ancona, and tell her she was beautiful. This would be more conducive to her self-esteem, apparently, than reminding her that, having served as a minister under two Dutch governments, as a member of the European Parliament, and as chairman of Dutch Oxfam, she was immensely distinguished and I was honoured to be sitting next to her.”
From Greer’s article: Hands up if you’re feeling any less revolting?
It’s something I’ve been writing about for a while – The beauty we aspire to, does not come naturally…or cheaply.
I concur with you on this one, Germaine.
Don’t forget that Dove’s parent company, Unilever (which I’ve also written about), also did the sexist Lynx campaigns.
Dove’s message to women – “Love yourself for who you are, whatever shape. You’re beautiful!”
Lynx’s message to women: “You’re not beautiful and no man will want you, if you don’t look – and act – like this.” (PS Buy Dove or any other Unilever product – that MAY help).
Conflict of messages, much?
A Lynx’s poster campaign, for shower gel, featuring a woman standing underneath an outdoor shower on a beach wearing bikini bottoms while clasping an undone top against her boobs. The poster ran with the strapline “The cleaner you are the dirtier you get”.
Nice.
Anyway, I’ll leave you read.
It’s time to step outside of ‘the emotion’ of life and start becoming a rational observer of it.
Question #123: What do you see?
Deep Breath.
x
Physiology.
December 14, 2012
A week or so ago, my family and I had a bit of a Christmas gathering as it was the only time a lot of us were going to be all together. It was so lovely because it was a rare collection of loved ones who were all able to make it on that day only.
One of our dear family friends said a very elderly neighbour had recently passed away and that his children had finally gotten around to sorting out his belongings – some of which they kept and some, thrown out.
This friend rescued a full set of Children’s Encyclopaedia Britannicas and asked if I wanted them. To say I was chuffed was an understatement. They were published in 1970 – the year of my birth. I also got a four volumed set of The Cycle of Life – looking at the birds and the bees and titles such as, ‘How do you know it’s love?’ and all from the 60s.
They are truly wonderful and a treasure. and the smell of them – old and musty – is just divine.
A few friends had asked why I would want them as all the information would be outdated. Well some would be, but not all of it. Picasso is Picasso; the basic information would be the same.
I – or more importantly – my daughters can pick up a volume and read through some bits and pieces. I did that today, when I picked the volume with ‘Paintings’. There are beautiful, colour, glossy pictures of famous paintings – I found a beautiful, hand drawn illustration of the Pied Piper of Hamelin…it just goes on.
See, the stuff you get off the net is what you look for specifically and there are generally millions of pages presented to you – that flash up when you’ve typed in your search engine term. Millions. So most go with the top couple and that’s it.
But these books have intriguing, snippets of information – some information hasn’t changed and the areas that have, have you looking on with wonder at how much our society has progressed over the last 40 years or so – especially (obviously) in the area of technology and engineering. In other areas, however…
Basically I keep stumbling upon things that, more than likely, you can’t find on the net.
As I was flicking through, I found Physiology (the study of how our body works, like a machine) – which inspired this post. One part reads:
Everyone is born with the power to do these [automatic] reflexes without thinking, but people can learn other reflexes, such as riding a bicycle and feeling hungry as a mealtime draws near. These are called conditioned reflexes. Much of what a person does – that is, their physiology – is made up of automatic and conditioned reflexes.
Fascinating…and sobering.
Why? Because I think society is allowing businesses to feed on our automatic reflexes to make money – but are in turn creating conditioned ones. Bad conditioned ones…and there appears to be no end in sight because most people think ‘everything’s fine’.
Example? The recent discussion on the net over the Playboy Bunny bedspreads in the arts and craft shop Spotlight, had many people, of both genders, saying to relax – you just tell your young child that it’s a regular, ol’ bunny. Yes, you can, until it’s everywhere and the association of what it really stands for becomes quickly embedded and comes at a much, much earlier age.
At this moment I realised how little we go to the past anymore.
Noone looks back. Just forward.
Just more.
Pushing that line with an ever growing army.
While we stand idly by.
Let’s look back to our youth and its artists.
I looooved Duran Duran. I may have mentioned this before, but I was convinced that Simon Le Bon need only look at me (with my braces aged 14) and know he had found the one. But even though I was surrounded by posters of Duran Duran, I still knew of older artists and their contribution to music:
The Doors (another love), The Beatles, Elvis, The Stones, The Eagles, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Easybeats, The Monkees, The Style Council, Bob Marley, Simon & Garfunkle, Christopher Cross (don’t laugh), Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra…etc.etc. etc. I could go on.
Question #121: Who are our youth listening to today? And what are the messages in their songs?
Because there seem to be a lot of similar looking videos – hyper-sexualising girls and young women all wearing the ‘gagging-for-it’ uniform, as they writhe around the screen…and who can forget the famous lyrics:
Man: It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes.
Woman: I am getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off.
As well as the plethora of references to being nasty, freaky, hot, sexy and many more delightful terms. I heard a new song from Kanye West and the chorus goes like this:
Ain’t nobody f*ckin’ with my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
Ain’t nobody fresher than my muthaf*ckin’
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
As I look around, they don’t do it like my
Clique, clique, clique, clique, clique
And all these bad bitches, man, they want the…
They want the…They want the….(Insert the word dick)
Your kids may be listening to this song. It’s Kanye West.
Question #122: Is our youth’s conditioned reflexes changing their physiology for the worse?
Deep Scientific Breath.
x
Question #119: Have you read ’50 Shades of Grey’?
December 10, 2012
If you have – you MUST read the following article.
If you haven’t – you MUST read the following article.
It’s so well written and clear. I think it succinctly hits the nail on the head – so this one’s a bit of a Feminist Shout Out #6 to you ladies.
I would LOVE to hear from those of you who liked the novel and what it was that appealed to you (no judgement, whatsoever – just honestly curious).
Have you changed your mind, now that you read this article?
Question # 120: Is it just another step in our conditioning?
Let me know what you think.
Deep Breath.
x
A misogynist’s response.
December 8, 2012
Misogynist definition:
a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.
This man was obviously looking for something else when he stumbled onto my post about Zoo Magazine – Go and put the kettle on – and wrote this comment:
“Hey lady its not a dick dont take it so hard now go make me a sandwich”
That’s hate. That’s dislike. That’s mistreatment.
I feel warm and fuzzy knowing there’s so many like him everywhere AND perpetuated in the media.
Question #119: Why not comment back to him?
Guys too.
Deep Breath.
x
Watch this one minute ad.
December 7, 2012
Question #118: Thoughts? Do you agree there’s an urgent problem?
If your answer is no – we’re screwed.
Feminist Shout Out #5. Please watch this, guys.
December 5, 2012
I haven’t got time – I’m about to go to our School’s presentation evening.
BUT…I have to share this with you.
This video is made by a young man who has used his voice – and it’s wonderful.
Spot on.
Question #116: What can we, men and women, do to change things around?
Boys/guys/men: stop pushing your adult sexual urges and fantasies onto our kids (surely it can be interpreted that doing nothing is giving consent to it). Have some decency.
Toddlers in tiaras/sluts/crazy nut-jobs:
WAKE UP!
Look at how you’re being represented.
Question for women #117: Why are we even in the ads/shows/movies/music videos etc. etc. etc. to start with? Perpetuating it?
Women (as a gender) are helping – in a BIG way – to sell ourselves short. We are CONFIRMING everything that’s portrayed about us.
So that’s why we think it’s reality – but it’s not.
I’m not like that!
I find it gobsmacking that I’ve already had a sex talk with my 9 year old daughter – a while ago, actually – because that ‘slut’ representation is everywhere. Some queried whether she was too young for that chat and I thought, “Too young? My talk as a mother to her daughter, answering her questions, is more scrutinised than what we’re allowing them to see, like wallpaper?”
Our lives should have the tag-line: Parental Guidance Recommended.
Come on…what can we do to have a happier, mental world? To help our girls AND boys.
I have to go.
Deep Breath
x
Questions for Us 