People’s Choice Award – Wooo Hoooo!
April 14, 2012
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve entered the Best Australian Blogs 2012 Competition.
Today the People’s Choice Awards went online – which means you can all vote for this blog – if you think it’s deserving, that is! *hopeful face*
…and while you’re at it, you can let your friends know about it too – whatever country you’re in!
Shameless, I know *cheeky grin*
Just click on the following link, look for ‘Questions for Women’ and cast your vote.
If Twitter’s your style – #bestblogs2012 is the competition Twitter hash-tag.
Thanks, gorgeous ones.
x
Femenist Shout Out! #2 – pro-woman…not anti-male.
April 10, 2012
It’s been three months since this blog was born – yaaaay! *chuffed*
I know three months isn’t a long time, but I held it as a time of testing the waters, I suppose. So here I am and I love it *big smile*
…although it does play with your mind, a bit! The wanting to reach as many women as possible and start them thinking about doing something different, however small, in their everyday lives – to start change – is so strong! But…this blogging business obviously takes time and is slow at the start.
Until this gets a louder voice, however, I’m honoured to be able to talk to those of you who have joined me so far. x
SO – now that this momentous three-month mark has been reached; I just passed 3000 hits; have 31 followers and am about to ask my 30th question, in my 33rd post – (me sees a lot of threes *hmmm*) – let’s make it a question that’s ‘in our face’!
I’ve been wanting to talk about our lack of ‘sisterhood’, for quite a while.
Yes, sisterhood. (I would have loved to have been able to crawl in your heads; to see what you all felt and visualised when you saw the word).
Men are ALWAYS depicted in simple, no-nonsense, “I got your back” Brotherhoods. In fact, it’s respected by both men and women = positive image.
But mention a Sisterhood – and it’s sniffed at and at times mocked…by both men and women = negative image.
We are our own worst enemies.
When I hear that a boy/man has done something ‘slack’ to someone, it’s generally, although not always, to a woman…or girl. But if it’s something slack that was done by a girl/woman – then more often than not, it’s done to one of their own.
Think about it – it’s true – it’s always been true. Remember school? I do – on both sides.
So, can we get out of this please? Stop passing on these bad habits?
Now, of course there are millions of us who DO care and DO feel a strong connection with being a woman.
Where are you? ….Where are WE?
Why aren’t we visible?
All I see are men and their growing army of ‘young’ women (another blog topic – coming soon), ready and eager to please.
My friend Jacquie just wrote a comment that talks about how much we DO have as women – we do have more liberties than the women in the past. So why aren’t we using them for the better?
A motivational speaker who came to talk to my students at school, said that we all know our rights – even kids know their rights – but we don’t always take on the responsibility that comes with having those rights.
With those two wonderful observations, we come to the crunch:
Question #30: Why aren’t women making and teaching the better choices, for our girls, considering the freedoms we’ve attained over the decades?
I’ll leave you with that. Remember girls, it’s got nothing to do with how you look, how many guys AND girls think you’re ‘hot’ or how much money you have.
These are all shallow characteristics and we are much better than that, my lovelies!
My sisters. *group hug*
x
This is a painting called, “Sisterhood” by Maria Greene.
Love it.
Nature’s balance?
April 9, 2012
I hope everyone had a great Easter. My brood and I headed up to my parents’ place up at The Blue Mountains. I love going up there – I find it so peaceful and I always have a moment where I sit on the back steps, look up at the trees and ponder…
The trees I’m talking about, are predominantly very tall pine trees that are on the property behind my parents’ place. Unfortunately, those owners have been fighting for years to have the permission to cut down around 300 trees on their property to build townhouses. Yep townhouses. Anything to make a buck, right?
It’s so unjust on so many levels. Besides the horror, mess and noise that will come of cutting so many trees down – the whole reason we treasure places like this is because of the wonder that is nature – for balance and peace.
Aren’t they beautiful?
And these three photos were all from this last weekend. Unique, different stages – sunset, full-moon and a foggy early morning – like watching Uluru (so I’m told *wink*). But a camera doesn’t truly capture their magnificence – or how much I love them. *insert heart symbol*
The reason I brought up these trees, is because I often think a lot about life’s challenges and how nature works, when I’m looking at them. I did a lot of this on the weekend.
I’m not ‘religious’ – although what does that mean exactly? I was raised in a home with no religion, but had a lot of it through Primary and High School. I find, as I approach my 42nd birthday, that I pretty much believe a lot of the ‘lessons’ that religion teaches us – I just don’t attach a deity to it.
I just believe in nature and balance. I see an organic, electric force that sends waves of good times and challenges our way – and the way we handle these moments and times, determines our experience on this short time on Earth. When my eldest daughter once asked my mum something about heaven, my mum said to her, “This can be heaven. Now. If you want it to be.”
I loved that. Why can’t this life be heaven?
Well…it can’t be while everyone’s idea of heaven is having lots of money. And this idea – a very strong one now – is tipping nature (which includes us) out of balance.
As a high school teacher, I feel like I’m part of the ‘machine’ that continues to educate our future in the same archaic manner – teach students in the same way (and predominantly the same subjects) as the 50s – so that kids can get a job and buy a house etc. etc.
Girls are encouraged to ‘have it all’ – find a man, marry him, have a successful career, have kids, run a household and start the whole process again with their daughters. Boys – well, they’re encouraged to be men – be powerful (in all areas of his life – which includes power over women, a lot of the time), and earn enough money for said house etc. and they also start the whole process again, with their sons.
OK, so it’s always been that way, to a certain extent. I agree. But if we take a step back, whoever we are and whatever our financial status is, and really look at what we’re being told and sold:
Question #29: Aren’t we creating a society (our children) obsessed with money?
Aren’t we now crossing boundaries to make it and teaching our children how to follow in our footsteps?
The reason I ask, is because this is the point I think that ‘heaven’ can’t be found in this developed world of ours. How can our kids find true balance in their lives when all that matters is money? Everything is buy, buy, buy! What’s worse, though, is that this way of life is moulding our society’s values and beliefs by telling us all what to buy, how to look and what life to aim for.
That last part is the scariest. It looks like everyone is a clone – including myself (big revelation there) – living the life we’ve all been told to aim for. I finished high school, went to uni, got a career as a teacher, travelled, married, had 2 daughters and bought a house….which we’ll be paying off for the rest of our lives. When I look around at my girlfriends from school, the only real difference between us, is our income – because the core of what we ‘have’ is the same. It’s the message that was sold told to us as teens in the 80s and it’s the same as what’s being told to the teens and children of today.
Is this what we want for our future? The same formula – over and over again?
Because it feels like the only lesson that’s being taught, is not in our schools, it’s in our world of consumption and all we are really aiming for is bigger and better than everyone around us.
School, is just a means to an end. School like the 50s (parental concerns of the time, included).
I wonder how I’m going to do it – raise two girls to be strong and unique, whilst navigating through the sludge of how women are represented. How do I teach them to stick to their individuality, when everyone around them is a walking commercial – owning all the ‘latest’ toys and gadgets or wearing the same types of clothes?
So, whenever I can, I look up at the trees – trees that will be cut down, to make way for making money – and wonder if there’s any hope of things truly turning around. Haven’t these issues been brought up a million times before over the decades?
The irony about these trees, is that the original owner of that massive lot – a loong time ago – didn’t sell off pieces of it, to be able to maintain its natural state and beauty, and left clear instructions that it was to be kept that way…but that was only maintained whilst it stayed in the family.
If you get a chance, listen to the wind go through pine leaves – it actually makes that eerie sound you hear in movies…I guess the current owners can’t really hear it over the sound of, ‘Cha-Ching!’
x
PS Tomorrow’s 3 months since the blog was born! Very exciting *HUGE smile*
OK…this is new territory for me.
April 3, 2012
A few weeks ago, a friend sent me a link to enter a writers’ blog competition.
I have to admit that I avoided it for a while – avoided entering. Not really sure why – I am enjoying writing so much, it’s like an infusion to my life. I love it. Wish I had more time to do it. *warm fuzzy feeling deep down inside where I live*
So why wouldn’t I want to see it recognised, I hear you ask?
Well, that sneaky, negative voice reared its ugly head. Nothing too drastic, though, just the usual:
- As ifit would be recognised *grin* – I’m a needle in the massive haystack of wonderful, strong blogger women out there
- I have days where I barely get a look-see
- I sound too this – I sound too that
But the crust of it is that I am just loving the freedom of being able to stand up and voice my perspectives on things, questioning our world and hopefully have a laugh along the way.
Most importantly, it’s the wonderful tapestry of women that I want to explore – by chatting to you. It fills me with hope of eventual balance.
So with that being said, I have entered said competition.
I’ve also entered a People’s Choice Award, where my ‘fans’ vote – I’ll keep all thirty of you posted! *wink*
Well…what the hey! You only live once *big smile*
x
A (moving) picture paints a thousand words.
April 3, 2012
Sorry. It feels like it’s been a while. Getting to the end of this term (in three more days – wooo hoooo!), seemed to take on a snail’s pace. Last week was full of marking assessment tasks and then this last Friday, Saturday and Sunday I attended an HSC Drama conference – a fully practical conference. I’m buggered.
That’s not to say that I haven’t had a thousand observations and questions wizz through my mind – that I want to chat to you about. I just wish I could get it to you all more often. But – as I wrote in a previous post, The strong, but stretched women around me – the lives of working mothers with young children, are full to the brim. Not many pockets of time to balance the work and the play. At this stage, I am no exception.
So I write to you tonight with a clip and a question.
I saw this a few months ago. The following – entire clip – was a commercial for Glee on TV. It was on at about 7pm and we were all in the kitchen, tidying up after dinner.
These girls are singing about ruling the world…
…HOW? Pole dancing?
There’s even a moment where they’re all the floor quickly thrusting on their backs, just before they leap up and show all the boys the strong ‘army’ they are.
All ready to rule…
What? By showing us high school girls in suspender belts – SUSPENDER BELTS – and grinding moves? Look at the faces of the boys as the girls ‘perform’ in front of them – like strippers. *shaking head*
How is this empowering? I simply don’t get it.
Question #28: Is this the only way to show girls and young women true empowerment?
Of course the answer is ‘No’ – yet there it is – for all ages to see, in full colour and sound.
These images don’t paint a thousand words – just six – a mantra: We. Are. Ready. To. Sexually. Please.
If the clip didn’t convince you, what about the following image?
At the end of the day, this is a woman – who is representing a high school student – for a men’s magazine. *Insert above mantra*
When will these talented and successful women stop and say, “No, I’m not going to sit in underpants with my legs spread. I don’t need to do this.“
This is Glee. It makes me shudder to think how many children watch this show and the reach that that message had. Worse still, they put the entire clip as a commercial. Makes it hard to escape.
I changed the channel.
x
PS The holidays will bring more chats…I hope!
It’s time to act.
March 28, 2012
OK ladies – and gents.
This new hyper-sexualised look for our girls and young women is going viral. VIRAL. There is also a type of guy that is going viral.
These boys and girls/women and men, keep feeding each other in this vicious circle, which is slowly but steadily, unleashing a beast that is going to eventually break free of its chain. I cannot stand by and watch this happen.
A friend just posted a comment about a van she saw with the following caption sprayed on it:
“Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care!!”
Disrespect against women. Only there/here for one thing – etc etc.
Well, it’s time to take some action.
Step One: The following link has a petition with Change.org, against the selling of porn t-shirts. PLEASE sign it! *pleading face*
http://porntees.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/lets-have-some-fun.html
Step Two: The reason this petition has been started is because the urban clothing store CITY BEACH is teaming up with Nena and Pasadena (the worst group who create porn t-shirts) to scout for new ‘models’ for their next campaign.
Our girls.
It is now necessary to let CITY BEACH know that they will NOT be receiving your business while these t-shirts are a part of their merchandise. This needs to be done and it needs to be loud. Young people especially – you are their market. Find ANOTHER store that doesn’t sell these t-shirts and give them your business. But be sure to let CITY BEACH know they are losing your business. If it isn’t being bought, they’ll have to pull it from the shelves. TYPO did.
I am posting this picture again. I saw it in a CITY BEACH front window, whilst I was with my daughters:
Pursuit of Happyness
His hand is between her spread legs underneath her underpants. When I asked the girl to take it down, she said, “We’re not the only ones.”
Enough said.
The following images are from the Nena & Pasadena line, actually on their t-shirts:
Question #27: What effect will images like these have on the healthy sexual development of our boys and girls?
I hope you can join me in making some noise, for the sake of our daughters, sons, sisters, brothers, cousins and ,dare I say, mothers.
Yes, us too. If young men think that all girls are like this…well it would mean that all of us mothers are wicked pole dancers!
x
Let’s talk about sex…
March 27, 2012
I need to start this post by saying that I’m SO embarrassed. When I checked the number of hits I’d had on Friday night, I failed to realise that it was a few minutes past midnight…hence why there weren’t any hits. FAIL. I must admit, though, that my brain was in the mushy stage by then, especially after the previous 24 hours. So all is good. *smile*
I also want to give an honourable mention to my BFF (who I met 35 years ago and has been a constant in my life ever since), for joining me on my mini-break. It was just the ticket. In just over a day together, we talked, did some shopping in the quaint, antiquey, Blue Mountains shops, saw The Three Sisters, drank, ate, laughed…and talked. We discussed our kids, our strength as mothers – our flaws – and gave each other support. I came away feeling peaceful and blessed. Thank you, Katy.
Now…
Sex.
As I usually do in discussions like this, I’m going to go ‘back in the day’, as it’s the only benchmark I have.
I remember in the 90’s, when I was in my 20’s, I used to buy Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines pretty regularly – it seemed to have everything a young and vibrant girl like me needed to know! *insert ‘wow’ face*
It was also designed to confuse the hell out of us, but hey….what’s new. We went from ads with skinny and gorgeous women modelling clothes, makeup and jewellery – to the harrowing story of the girl with anorexia – to “How to lose your tummy in 10 days!” exercise regime – to some story about loving a star’s new curves. Yep. Mixed message central.
And this was the era of no photoshopping! I know – hard to believe or imagine nowadays. If anything, at least they were selling us real women – unlike today where the women are practically digital.
So, yes, the core of what we’ve been ‘sold’ over the decades, hasn’t changed. What has changed, however, is the saturation of the current ‘look’ and the worst part is that our young girls are LAPPING it up.
What does this have to have sex? I hear you ask….
Well, in the same way that us girls have always been sold an image to conform to, now it’s being used to sell a ‘common’ sexual image – for men.
Back to Cleo and Cosmo for a moment. Along with all the above-mentioned features, there was always a section devoted to how to ‘catch a guy’ or ‘please your man’ – generally with ’10 ways’ to do it. Funny – I’m not sure what magazine is out there for the guys, with tips on how to please their woman…
…oh, that’s right, there isn’t.
Question #26: Why are women perpetuating the sexual image, that’s a male fantasy?
With the introduction of the internet, it seems that (again) there is one predominant image being splashed about in everything we see; young girls and women, dressing like they’re ready to go – and a lot of them are. A friend recently said to me that a young, male relative of hers told her how easy it is for a guy to end up with a girl, “without having to do anything.”
But the word that keeps rearing its head, is young.
You have ads, like the following, where child star Dakota Fanning, is looking a little more grown up, a little less innocent – and giving up her ‘flower’ to sell perfume…that’s sitting in her crotch.
This ad was banned in the UK.
Or there’s this 10-year-old in French Vogue…
It’s obviously not enough to target young women in their 20’s, through to teenagers, to make a buck – now, to feed the insatiable lust for making money, we need to start training our girls in Primary School. What leaves me dumbfounded, however, is that there seem to be A LOT of mothers behind the new trainees.
Please watch the following clip. It features Melinda Tankard Reist, the warrior fighting the sexual exploitation of our young girls. This link contains images of a dance show in America called, “Dancing Moms” and how girls as young as eight are doing a burlesque dance – with the ‘appearance’ of being topless.
Besides the disturbing fact that pedophiles just won – AGAIN – these girls are being trained to express themselves in a sexual manner – aged 8 – for ratings. There is nowhere else for these girls to turn, because as they start to grow and watch music videos and movies, there’s just more of the same:
- Girls looking and acting like they’re naughty girls – because that’s what men like,
- Girls who are willing to give sexual favours AND be good at it – because that’s what men like,
- Girls who ‘don’t want a relationship’, just sex – because that’s what men like.
Ever noticed that if there’s a soundtrack to represent sex – it’s just a female voice you hear moaning and panting? Never a man’s – because men don’t like that.
Deep down, girls don’t know how else to behave because they’ve been fed the same story from the start – your validation comes from your looks.
Girls can’t really get validation from their friends because girls/women secretly (deep down) compete with each other. So they turn to the men and in this competitive market, how else are girls/young women going to catch that boy’s eye, if it’s by not by giving him what he wants?
We’ve always been a confused bunch – navigating our way through everything that was thrust in our face – but now it’s a whole new ball game and it’s up to us, ladies, to start turning things around through education and protest.
x
No question today.
March 24, 2012
This is a quick post to let you all know that I’m still here…
A saddish day today – no hits. Not one.
Oh well…*shaking it off with a smile*
It has been a busy, busy, busy week – the usual running around for the family – volunteered yesterday morning to do some mail drop-offs; of my school’s flyers for Open Day tomorrow – got bad food poisoning yesterday afternoon – yucky, vomitty sick for a few hours – went to work today; on an excursion – back to school to ready my Drama Room for Open Day – came home to do the drop-offs I couldn’t do yesterday, with the girls – did two loads of washing – cleaned the pool (got chlorine on my good, black work pants and bleached them….well, that’ll teach me – D’oh!) and cleaned up the kitchen…
Why so much work, you ask? Well, it gets better.
My favourite part of today, was packing my bag because after attending Open Day for a few hours tomorrow, I’m off to the Blue Mountains for the weekend for some serious R & R; a mini-break, as Bridget Jones would say. This is the backyard:
Just what the doctor ordered. *you should see my grin*
Make sure you all make room to do something for yourself this weekend – That’s an order!
x
PS I have something to discuss with you (as usual! *wink*) after the weekend, so stay tuned…
What’s in a surname anyway?
March 19, 2012
This journey – writing the blog – has made me come to realise many things about how society, and in-turn my family, has raised and shaped me. I’ve reached moments where decisions I want to make for myself, are not as easy to make as I originally thought or simply can’t be made at all because – that’s the way it is.
It’s at these moments that I feel the most ineffectual and helpless – because ‘that’s the way it is’ means it cannot be changed.
Or can it?
This post is just looking at the simple issue of – what’s in a woman’s surname?
Main problem: As I mentioned in my previous post I was Suzie Home Maker, so when I got married I started the usual ‘procedure’ of changing my surname to my husband’s. Now, my parents had two daughters (yes, only token males to create more females in my family *wink*) so our maiden name ‘dies’ with my sister and me; and although she kept our maiden name when she got married – I knew the buck stopped with us.
Before children were even a thought, I kind of broached the subject with Hubby about our kids having my surname. His brother already has two sons that will keep their surname going – so I thought I’d give it a shot. No can do – because that’s the way it is and that was OK.
I remember that when I first signed my ‘new’ name, my sister saw me write it and said, “You’re not changing your name, are you?” and I replied that I didn’t want my (future) children to have a different surname than me.
Well, I don’t know now.
Two years ago, I had to officially change my surname to be able to get a new passport. When I finally got the certificate from Births, Deaths and Marriages with my husband’s surname as my own – I felt a tiny pang of ‘identity loss’ – even though it had been a LONG time since I had been using Hubby’s surname. Silly, I know – I guess it bothered me because it was so official.
It was then that I questioned the future for my daughters (well, all children really). If women are the ones who go through a pregnancy, give birth and are the primary carer for our babes in the early stages – if not until they leave home *wink* – then:
Question #25: Why don’t children carry their mothers’ surname?
1. There’s never a doubt about who the mother is – 2. She is the one who (generally) cares for the child, should the partnership dissolve – 3. Dad could take off – it doesn’t matter, that child will officially carry the father’s surname (unless changed, of course).
I know, I know – What can you do? Right? But it sits wrongly with me.
The reason this post has come up is because I decided I’m writing this blog under my maiden name. Although Hubby understands my reasoning behind it, his initial reaction seemed tinged with offence. I found that so interesting. None of us really seem to give much of a thought to our tradition of someone dropping the surname they’ve had their whole life for another – yet not using his surname on my blog seemed to hurt Hubby a little. But, like I said, he understands why I’m doing it and he never asked me to change my name when we got married – because I just went ahead and did it. Stuck to the tradition.
Funnily enough in my country of birth, Uruguay, (I was 3 months old when I came to Oz), your name stays the same regardless of marriage. You have two surnames – the first being your father’s and the second being your mother’s. That’s pretty cool – you have the same name your whole life. But the country that goes one step further is Spain – it’s like Uruguay, except you can reverse the order of the surnames to mother first and father second, under gender equity law.
We need us some gender equity law happening here! *smile*
Minor issue: Women shouldn’t have to announce whether they’re married or not – Ms should = woman, just as Mr = man.
Sounds fair, right?
But only we can make the minor changes – easily – before they can lead to bigger and better things.
I wonder if it’s a change that married women want…
x
Who are our girls’ role models?
March 16, 2012
A week or so ago, on the show The Project, they were discussing Pink Ghettos – places in the workforce where there are predominantly women (like Public Relations).
Firstly it addressed how it’s not good to have either sex feature predominantly in the workforce and secondly, it was looking at how it’s necessary for women to have good Maternity Leave – as it can mean the death of their careers, having to leave their job to care for the children. The irony was that the discussion was between a Joe Hockey (male politician) and Natasha Stott Despoja (former leader of the Democrats; and an awesome woman) – where HE was actually arguing that he knew what women wanted, more than the female, former leader of a party, with children sitting before him. I thought that was incredibly patronising. However, it generally seems that way; hardly the bat of an eyelid at the fact that a man is making the calls on what’s good for women.
The part that really had me gobsmacked, was that when Natasha was asked whether she had ever heard of Pink Ghettos, she said, “No, but Canberra is a pretty much a Blue Ghetto, with the amount of men that are there,” to which Joe Hockey replied, “I wish it were all blue.”
Yep. I bet you do, Joe.
Around the world, the average of women in parliament in 2007 was 18.3%* (couldn’t find anything more current – would love to know the figures today) and although the stats were a little better in Australia, it got me wondering WHY women are simply not up there at the top; in equal numbers to men – after all there’s a teeny bit more women than men worldwide.
Could it be that our girls have few aspirations to go for leadership roles (in many different areas) because it’s simply not modelled for them?
So, I thought I’d ask girls at my school, of different ages, who they look up to; who is an inspirational role model in their lives.
The first reaction was always the same – a long silence, looking up; trying to conjure up the faces of all the women out there who have impacted their lives.
One of the questions I was asked was, “Does it have to be a woman?” I gave her a cheeky ‘did-you-just-ask-me-that?’ look, as I didn’t know whether she was pulling my leg. She wasn’t. At the same time, what a telling question it was.
Even after I nudged them along with possibilities like singers, writers or personalities on TV…. a big portion of them said their mothers.
How wonderful. Or is it?
Hear me out.
I am a mother. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mum, since I can remember. I was quite young when I kept asking my mum questions about marriage and whether she minded if I got married a little bit earlier than she did. She was 24. I was Suzie Home Maker. My best friend and I used to actually talk about the days where we’d be in our own home, married and ironing our husband’s shirts. PALEEASE!
Now, although I went to uni and ticked all the boxes – my ultimate goal was to get married and have kids. And I did.
I was blessed with two, very strong, daughters who drive me insane – you know what I mean – but whom I believe I was destined to have.
As much as I know they will ultimately respect me as a mother – is it all I want for them?
Question #24: Is motherhood the only way we can model strong women?
I asked the students if they felt there were any unfair things their mothers might go through, because they’re women and there was a strong chorus of, “YEAH!”
Through our following discussion, it seemed clear that, besides their mothers, there really wasn’t much out there to inspire girls – and if there are great women out there (which of course there are) – why aren’t we seeing them as much as the plastic, doll-like versions of our sex?
Why is there such a dim spotlight being shone on intelligent and inspirational women?
All is not lost, though. One of my older students said Gail Simone was an inspiration to her. I don’t know about you, but I said, “Who?” When I looked her up, I saw that she is great – a graphic novel writer. Amongst other suggestions, a popular choice was the singer Adele. When I asked how Adele inspired them, they just LOVED that she truly is all about the music – not about making a caricature of herself.
A gorgeous, gifted woman – what. a. voice!
We HAVE to get more of a spectrum of strong, intelligent women to be visible.
Questions for Us 