Another day at the movies. #2
July 5, 2013
Yes, I had to go again. A friend of mine can’t drive, so I picked her and her daughter up and, together with my girls, we went to see Despicable Me 2. I have to say that I got quite a few giggles from that one.
I told my friend about the pole-dancing ad and we went in to ensure we saw all the advertising from the beginning. I had written to the cinema a few days earlier and wanted to see if some miracle was going to occur and see the ad had been pulled. So again, the curtain was drawn and the screen was blank when we went in.
This time the ad was first up.
As the curtains were opening, there’s all this ‘welcome to the cinema’ fanfare – ensuring everyone is watching. My 6 yr old mentioned her excitement that it was all starting. My 10 yr old said that they were just the ads. Ms 6 replied, “I know, but at least it’s on.” (My kids are obsessed with anything on a screen – regardless of time and place – Aaargh!)…and then BAM! – a woman in stiletto heels, hanging off a pole, is donning the screen. Again.
So it’s not bad enough that they design the fanfare to catch everyone’s attention – they decide to put that particular ad up FIRST? Livid.
A couple (with their two children between them) in the row in front of me looked at each other. I watched with interest, wondering if they were going to communicate to each other the disgust I felt. But the man simply raised his eyebrows at her, smiling – like saying, ‘That looks like a go-er’. She smiled back. Their children, however, were just soaking in those images.
*sigh*
The good news is that the Advertising Standards’ Board has contacted me via letter yesterday and they are taking my complaint to the next meeting. Woooo Hoooo!!
In terms of what we’re seeing at the movies – in my last post I discussed how children are always seeing boy characters fulfil their destinies and dreams.
It’s no different for adults. We only really get immersed in the man’s world.
I took some photos of what’s on offer for us. The first two images came from April when I took similar shots of the predominantly advertised movies.
You get the idea, though…
From yesterday:
Question #173: Isn’t anyone else feeling gender fatigue?
I have been to the movies three times in the last few months. Once in April and twice this week.
In April my husband and I celebrated our anniversary by seeing Jurassic Park in 3D with the girls because my 10 yr old daughter is obsessed with dinosaurs.
The ads for the upcoming movies at the time were, Star Trek 2 (I think there’s only one main-ish female role – the rest are ALL men), Ironman 3 and Superman 72.
So regardless of age, the movies being made seem to only provide the wonderful world of man as its backdrop, with a peppering of woman here and there.
Am I saying – don’t make these movies?
Anyone who has really followed me knows that that is never what I’m about.
But a more balanced representation of this life – which harbours 51% of women?
YES! Yes to more about us, please.
We are fairly awesome, after all.
Deep Breath
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The Misogyny Factor
June 16, 2013
A few weeks ago, my mum and I went to the Sydney Writers’ Festival to watch Anne Summers speak about her new book, The Misogyny Factor. Anne has worked as a senior bureaucrat and political adviser, and is the former editor-in-chief of the landmark feminist New York based Ms. magazine.
She was wonderful.
Articulately pointing out logical and factual anomalies in the fabric of our unbalanced existence, in the never-ending search for equality.
Some facts:
- By simply being female, a woman will earn 1 million dollars less than a male, in her lifetime – 1 million – or the fact that an HSC male (high school graduate) will earn more than a university post-grad female.
- That the control of a woman’s 1. Financial Independence and 2. Fertility plus the ever-growing 3. Violence against Women, have us in a grand old pickle.
Anne mentioned three words:
Inclusion – Equality – Respect.
These are the words we must ALL aim for – for a better world…for ALL.
We must strive for governments and policies that go about securing us inclusion, equality and respect.
Following are a few of Anne’s perceptions that she wrote in the introduction to her book.
They just resonated with me (well, it all did, really):
- ‘I nominate the misogyny factor is the obstacle.’
- ‘If misogyny is the theory of women’s inferiority and unworthiness and, therefore, unsuitability to be equal players in our society, sexism is the everyday expression of it.’
- ‘These people believe that, once they are mothers, women just do not belong in the world outside the home. They also tend to have the conviction that all women ought to be mothers and, therefore, confined to the domestic sphere. Such views can be, and are, held by women as well as men.’
- ‘My starting point is the absurdity of a society predicated on a double standard: men can be fulfilled as fathers and as workers, yet we still argue the toss about whether women can ‘have it all’.’
The last point is the crux.
Question #167: Why does this double standard truly exist?
My delay in writing about seeing Anne and listening to her fantastic-ness, was due to the fact that within those two weeks, the news was choc-full of misogyny galore!
And these are just the ones that made the news. The cold and sad reality for many women suffering similar actions go generally ignored or ‘unseen’.
We must start to see…
1.
We had Collective Shout and many women – from all around the globe – speaking out against rapper Tyler the Creator coming to Australia to perform his sexist, racist, homophobic, hate – with lyrics containing violence against women, such as:
“Rape a pregnant bitch and tell my friends I had a threesome,”
“Keep that bitch locked up in my storage, rape her and record it.”
New Zealand didn’t permit him entry into their country, but not only did Australia grant him a Visa, he performed all around Australia in places like the Enmore Theatre in Sydney to all-ages audiences.
???
{A future post will look at how the objection to have Tyler come out here, meant the predominant women who spoke up, received a barrage of threats of rape and violence against themselves and their families, by Tyler’s fans online.}
2.
We had a Liberal Party fundraiser menu – click here – which featured our Prime Minister as a dish, demeaning her down to the features of her body, including her pubic hair.
Our Prime Minister.
3.
PM Julia Gillard was again insulted a few days later when radio ‘journalist’, Howard Sattler, decided to ask personal questions about her partner’s sexuality and pushing for an answer.
He was sacked.
I wrote on the radio station’s FB page:
‘She is our Prime Minister and this dismissal was a good call.
Like Ms Gillard or not, the job commands our respect.
There would have been justifiable outrage if John Howard were asked about ANYTHING sexual about him or his wife.
This radio station demonstrated respect for our Prime Minister. Well done.’
4.
Australia’s Army Chief gives a stern warning telling sexist soldiers to get out of the army after:
“Following revelations of further “demeaning, explicit and profane” behaviour by his army members.”
5.
In a moment of go-knows-what, the Socceroos coach, Holger Osieck, whilst being directed to his seat for a press conference, is heard saying:
“You push me around like my wife.”
He then said something in Latin, which he then translated to:
“Women should shut-up in public.”
These examples all occurred within a two week period – the last four within just one week – two of which were against our female Prime Minister.
Inclusion – Equality – Respect.
I leave you with a question Anne Summers wrote within her introduction:
Question #168: What exactly do we need to do to ensure our society promotes equality and makes it possible for women, as well as men, to live they want?
Deep Breath
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The language we use #2
June 12, 2013
Just want to say how livid I am about what I saw today.
The following menu is from Mal Brough’s Liberal Party fundraiser:
(for any overseas readers, the Liberal Party is our current government’s opposition)
Where Rudd has been called a Goose, Simon Crean isn’t anything harsh at all, but a piece of Tenderloin Steak, where as our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, has been described as having:
‘Small Breasts, Huge Thighs & a Big Red Box’
I am DISGUSTED.
I find this offensive to women – ALL women – because the men aren’t vilified in the same manner. Period.
Worse still, it happens over and over again – as I pointed out in a previous post: No respect.
Those who claim our Prime Minister has never been treated unjustly due to her sex, can go jump.
Question#166: When will the way we speak about women, incense all those who read or hear it?
Especially men?
When?
Deep, deep, deep, breath.
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The language we use.
June 10, 2013
My thoughts on how we speak about women came last year when I read a response Tina Fey wrote to a comment targeting her on the Net.
Before you read her succinct response, let me say that I think Tina is an awesomely, fantastic feminist (teeny crush along with Amy Poehler) using humour to point out the glaringly obvious, like the following:
I took pure delight in the way Tina composed her rebuttal to an unimpressed fan of her on Saturday Night Live – but I have to admit that the PS left me a tad disappointed:
Question #165: Why is it the mother who cops it in the end?
As much as this world appears to put ‘mother’ on a pedestal – even argue that her prime location is at home, due to her very, very, imperative importance – it leaves me perplexed that mothers are the first to land the insult.
POW!
And it’s everywhere.
In some cases, merely uttering the words, “Your mother…” is enough to send (predominantly men) into a frenzied defence of their poor ma.
On further pondering, I realised something that even I was partaking in.
Not only have I said, Son of a Bitch, countless times – in Uruguay, my country of birth, we use a VERY common phrase – for both sexes:
Son of a Whore, as well as Daughter of a Whore. Nice.
Ironically, Tina Fey stated the following – which is bloody fantastic and spot on – and yet she did the exact opposite in her PS sentence:
Most of us are guilty of incorporating women in our insults – but why?
Why isn’t it son of a…what? Dickhead? Prick? Bastard? Well, the last one is not wholly connected to men.
The fact of the matter is that there aren’t really harsh and hurtful equivalent terms for males, compared to what females are called. Logical really, seeing as females – especially mothers – are the tyrannous of the world, after all.
I found the following chart (the site I found it on, didn’t cite its origin):
As much as this is looking at terms relating to being sexually active, many of the negative phrases for women, spill over into day to day insults: slut – whore – bitch… There are two words missing (actually, I’m sure many more exist) that I hear used often about women:
‘Ganga’ – a girl who likes a gang of men to please have sex with her (aka gang bang). I’ve heard this ridiculous term said by teens – predominantly girls speaking of fellow girls. A disgrace.
‘C*nt’ – the harshest term to call anyone and a piece of the female anatomy.
Charming.
How comforting it is; to know that our manner of insulting pits all its energy on women and mothers.
Women included. Lots of women. Including me…but not any more.
Will you join me?
I leave you with the following:
“He actively maintains the power of naming through force and he justifies force through the power of naming. The world is his because he has named everything in it, including her. She uses this language against herself because it cannot be used any other way.”
~ Andrea Dworkin ‘Pornography: Men Possessing Women’
Deep breath.
x
Blurred Lines – I have something to say.
June 2, 2013
The current number one song in Australia – and I assume world-wide – is Blurred Lines by Thicke.
I am experiencing a mini-form of anxiety over this song – that I need to purge.
Here is my timeline with the song:
1. My sister played me the start of the song on her phone – it had me instantly hooked – I put it on the dock and we turned up the volume. My daughters were with us, so we were all dancing around the kitchen.
2. Then the lines – “I know you want it / I know you want it…but you’re a good giiirl – I know you want it / I know you want it” – started to echo out of the speakers and I thought, “Mmm…not sure about that for the girls.”
3. I saw a comment from a friend on her FB page – with the video embedded – saying that the feminist in her wasn’t sure about the video, but that she loved the song.
The feminist in her?
Torn moment #1: Do I really want to see it? I didn’t want to hate it.
But at that moment I didn’t have time to click on her link.
4. The following week, I saw the video on the telly. Scantily clad girls, with the fully clothed men, watching the girls walk by, leering at them, smacking their lips. Complete objectification. Still loved how the song made me want to dance, though. And dancing fills me with joy.
Yes it does.
5. I went back to my friend’s comment to tell her I agreed with her – but something she responded to me didn’t make sense, so I clicked on the video she had embedded.
In this unrated version – the women are basically naked.
Only a pair of skin-coloured g-strings (thongs) covering up the front pubic area – which in the first shot appears the girl is naked – with no pubic hair. What they are wearing, however, are a white pair of sandshoes.
The photo below is of the female ‘clothed’ version – but all the naked photos are there for the kiddies:
Look – the perfect man and woman, apparently. Sexy.
Now I am no prude.
I’m quite a fan of the naked female form, actually.
I think it’s stunning – of all shapes. What women’s bodies can do. Simply amazing.
I believe that the naked form – male and female – can communicate a myriad of beautiful messages – but we only see one: The hyper-sexualised woman or girl.
We certainly don’t see the male naked form in terms of saturation and sexual objectification.
I have two enormous problems with this song and video:
1. It’s not with the nudity itself – but the context in which it resides.
These men are fully clothed. As always.
Must we continually be subjected to the same message?
In Nelly’s song, It’s Getting Hot in Herre the chorus says:
Male: “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes”
Female: “I am, getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off.”
The irony – that whilst the women in the video are scantily clad (as the song suggests) some of the men have parkas on – is staggering. And blatant. They’re taking the piss.
Same again with earlier episodes of Big Bang Theory. Leonard would be wearing shirts, long sleeve t-shirts and a jacket – indoors – while Penny would be in a shoe-string, low cut, singlet top and tiny shorts.
And who can forget the visual example of Lana del Rey on the cover of GQ – as the only ‘Woman of the Year’ 2012, amongst the other four ‘Men of the Year’ (including one being pawed by women’s hands):
My point?
That the less dressed you are – the more vulnerable you are.
It may be your (a woman’s) choice, but does it make you any less vulnerable to the eye of the beholder?
Again, I can’t believe the irony that I noticed this last summer – that some boys were wearing board shorts that had three-quarter leg lengths.
Gotta make sure the ‘package’ is well and truly hidden and secure…girls on the other hand…
The Blurred Lines video shows only objectification at its purest.
Are the men on the hunt?
It’s for sexual gratification ONLY and it’s sadly so one-dimensional – for both sexes.
The girls’ value is glorified – for the world to see – in only this one way.
They are nothing more than their sexual, perky breasts.
As nice as they are – really?
Is that it for us women? Our ultimate goal?
And to hate ourselves – actually hate ourselves – for not looking like that AND allow men and other women to make us feel bad too?
Question # 164: Do we want our boys and men to see and treat girls and women this way?
Then we have the following lyrics from the song:
One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Yo, from Malibu, to Paribu
Yeah, had a bitch, but she ain’t bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on, even when you dress casual…
There’s more, but you get the gist.
Couple the female-only (ever) nudity, with what’s being said, and you have dangerous, hyper-sexualised objectification.
The men are not vulnerable and never are.
My second problem?
2. The Arrogance of the men in the video.
So. Arrogant. (See lyrics above)
I saw a comment left by a woman about this video saying that she thought the guys looked hot and wouldn’t mind being paid to grind up against them. (Naked…to fully clothed men…)
I would respond to this woman with, “AND DON’T THEY KNOW IT!”
They know they’re top dogs and they know women will perform naked for them.
Thicke, in particular, is an attractive man (no argument) but he has balloons in the shape of letters which spell out,
‘Robin Thicke has a big dick.’
Arrogant. {Yeah, I’d fuck you, bitch.}
So here I am – liking a song I loathe at the same time – feeling completely gypped that artists who want to tap into a sexual theme, have to continue with this degrading view of women.
And that women comply – whether appearing in the video or wanting to be her.
*sigh*
Still…I really like the beat of that song.
Deep Breath.
x
Is this the answer to domestic violence?
June 1, 2013
I have never been more moved by a piece of footage.
Patrick Stewart – who played Captain Jean Luc Picard in the Star Trek, The Next Generation series – is a man whose answer to a question from an audience member of Trekkie fans, has left me in complete awe.
What an absolute legend. So articulate and succinct.
Whether man or woman – watch this – because he speaks to us all.
A beautiful and intimate message, full of action and promise – and balance.
See it to the very last frame.
Question #163: Is it possible to think we could reach this sort of understanding and action us toward change?
I really, REALLY hope so.
Deep Breath.
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Violence against Women #3 – a visual look.
May 26, 2013
For those who don’t like to read too much, here is a look at some sobering statistics – through images.
75% try to commit suicide…is that what we want?
Rihanna after Chris Brown beating.
We NEED to talk about this.
Question #162: What can you do to help create a paradigm that abhors this treatment against fellow human beings; before it affects you or someone you love?
Challenge people more often?
Challenge our government to enforce the laws that are there?
Challenge our government to tighten laws?
Report?
Help protect potential victims?
You tell me…
Deep Breath
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A response to last post on Violence Against Women.
May 26, 2013
On my Facebook page I received a response from my friend Suzi, who pointed out the tricky legalities of the case I discussed in my last post.
She wrote:
“This case has some serious questions that need to be asked. The police were called that evening and no charges were made – now, in a case like this the woman herself doesn’t need to lay charges and if the police had attended to find someone in a state like this charges would have been made. My understanding is the woman was in the house shared by T’eo and was with another player, in his room. This other player is married and the woman was asked by the other two to leave. I guess it could be argued they were trying to protect their friend from a scandal and they called the police when she wouldn’t leave. He informed the club he plays for immediately and they spoke to the police. I wasn’t in the room, I don’t know what happened, how he reacted, how she reacted to being asked to leave and I don’t know what the police saw when they arrived but this is what ‘he said’ and what ‘she said’. She didn’t press charges, channel 9 paid her for her story, she waited 3 months before coming forward to the media and I think if we begin the slippery slope of believing one person over another based solely on gender we are going to end up in a worse place than we are now. We have great freedom in Australia but with great freedom comes great responsibility and I’ve got to say, I don’t think us women are living up to that responsibility in many ways. I’m a card carrying feminist, and that’s why I have come to believe that. Women can manipulate, they can harass, they have just as much ability to abuse as anyone. I’ve just started my law studies again and looking at Family Law cases is an example of how our rights can sometimes not be taken with the requisite responsibility, just as a trip to the city on a train on a Friday night can be a depressing display of near nudity, drunken screeching and sole crushing self abuse. Each case is different and, for me, we have achieved equality when the gender of those involved isn’t an issue and only the actions of individuals are scrutinised.”
You may think that I disagree with Suzi, but I don’t.
She’s right – we do need to talk about each case as it occurs and judge the actions of each party. But the problem I have is that I don’t think we’re getting the true exposure to the cross-section of cases that are occurring in reality, through our media.
I responded with the following:
“I also grapple with a lot of the same feelings as you and I sometimes find it hard to truly articulate them clearly, as they rush through me.
I did hear that charges weren’t pressed and realised it wasn’t that black and white (it never seems to be when it involves a ‘star’).
I certainly didn’t write this to blame T’eo specifically – it’s just that I saw a woman with a broken eye socket and in the one thing that does divide our genders (generally) – brute strength – I just saw another example of brutality and ask what could she have done?
What do any women who do find themselves of the end of violence, done to deserve it? And there’s a lot of them.
The other bummer is that this happens all the time, (every few minutes?) to women everywhere and the only reporting we get is of the dodgy, weird case with no clear outcome, which paints women as being deceptive – which they may have been, of course – but if that’s all that’s the only type of news story we receive, then a clear picture is painted about women typically lying.
I think that’s deceptive and dangerous, when it’s all we see.
The more reporting like this – the more difficult it is for the majority of women who have had their rights violated, to come forward and ask for help.
I COMPLETELY agree with you about women also having responsibility – I wrote a post a few weeks ago which asked how women disrespect men.
I think we have a looong way to go, hence why I started the blog and named it Questions for Women.”
I’m not pointing the finger of blame to any particular person with my last post – I was merely commenting of the lack of exposure to the very real and horrifying statistics of violence against women by men and wonder where the ad campaigns, pushing for change, are.
But call a man an ape…
Deep Breath
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What I asked my husband.
May 25, 2013
What a day.
It has certainly put a fire in my belly.
I took my mum to see Anne Summers talk about her new book, The Misogyny Factor, as a part of the Sydney Writers’ Festival.
Amazing.
I’m busting to write about it and will soon. There’s a lot to digest, however, and I want to make sure I articulate it correctly and give it its due respect. This is a word Anne used a lot and it’s something that’s deeply lacking toward women.
Now we skip to this evening and the news has begun.
The story I saw was the one where a ‘Schoolgirl apologises to ‘heartbroken’ Sydney Swans star‘, Adam Goodes because of her racist taunt – calling him an ‘ape’ – whilst he was playing.
I think racism is revolting and I understand how he felt.
I was treated poorly growing up due to racist attitudes (against Spanish speakers, apparently!), so I know how it feels.
So let me make it clear that I believe that racism is a social toxin that must always be fought.
They even showed a snippet of the ad being televised, encouraging racism to be abolished in sport.
Fantastic.
Now there was another story in the news a few days ago, that also related to sport.
This one has an image of a woman with a black eye (ended up being a broken eye socket) and she alleges she was assaulted by Queensland Origin forward Ben Te’o.
He denies it. Of course.
What incident could possibly warrant that sort of violence?
What?
Against a woman with three men the size of refrigerators, who are part of a football code with a history of violent behaviour against women.
And yet the woman – with a broken eye socket – is being vilified by men AND women (shame on them) for all the reasons that, what, she deserved it in some way?
Would you ever feel you deserved it?
I feel like we’re a world gone mad.
When will our society rally behind women, believe them and find the justice she deserves?
They can’t ALL be liars.
Another disgrace: If not him – who?
Once a ‘celebrity’ is cleared of violence, the case is closed.
So it’s not about finding out who did it and give justice to the victim…
I mean someone did it.
OJ Simpson springs to mind – if not him, WHO?
Who cares, right? As long as it wasn’t the male ‘star’.
When all this whirled through my mind – as I watched the nation stand still and listen, truly listen, to how heartbroken Adam Goodes felt about being on the receiving end of a racist taunt – I turned to my husband and asked:
“Why do men hate women so much?”
I explained my above thoughts on racism – but I simply couldn’t understand how a racist word gets the coverage it should, while a smashed up woman’s face doesn’t. Again.
Like countless before this victim, it’s the women with the serious physical injuries who are still the ones investigated and given the third degree – in 2013.
Why? Because he said, “I didn’t do it.”?
We are the gentler sex. We are.
Why do men want to squash that? Control it? Violate it?
And worse still, why is it defended?
As the news continued – all the negative stories were violent ones – all done by men; including the hacking death of a man in broad daylight on a London street.
This world needs women.
It’s time to make way for us to fill the space that’s been left empty and fill the void that can tip things back into balance.
BALANCE. Not war to take over. Work side by side, FFS.
Equal in participation and respect.
And it starts by doing everything we can to give justice to women, when they have been treated like animals; beneath men – by men.
Question #161: Where’s the ad for that?
Deep Breath
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Mothers’ Day – #2
May 12, 2013
A stirring day, Mothers’ Day.
From what I read, see and feel – it is a day where mothers around the world are held in the highest esteem.
Earth Mother.
Nurturer.
Giver.
Lover.
All these beautiful, soulful and necessary traits that humankind relies on – and they’re attached to us. Women.
The role of nurturer is entrenched into the fabric of our existence and that responsibility largely tips toward us; falling into our arms.
Why?
Why trust women with this tremendous role?
I believe it’s because we are needed for this. For balance.
It’s a momentous, paramount and brilliant thing.
It also benefits everyone.
Unfortunately, this is where I feel we hit the snag:
Question #158: If mothers are so revered, then why is there so much violence and persecution against them – all around the world – in endlessly different ways?
Just something to ponder.
We must evolve and save Mother.
Save women.
So today, I salute you ALL – mothers, women and girls!
Last year, my first Mothers’ Day post was a little self-centred in that I was only looking at the life of a mother and woman from my western armchair – but today, I want to recognise the great rainbow of mothers, including those who are forgotten, or worse, ignored.
You’re all heroes of strength and the pillars of this world.
To single mothers (extra big hug to you) – I can’t imagine what it must feel like to do this alone and sometimes with little help – whether monetary, emotionally or both.
To those mums, like me, who work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To mums who don’t work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To those who have lost their sweet babes – whether a lost pregnancy or child.
Unimaginable. Much love to you.
To those who have lost their own mothers – xxx
Finally, to the heart-sinking number of women around the world:
- who are looking for food for their child to eat
- who are protecting their children from bullets and bombs
- who have been trafficked
- who suffer from physical violence on a daily basis
- who are risking everything to have a life lived without fear and come by boat:
I think of you every day. Not just today.
Today my husband told me to go to my laptop and see what my present is. I didn’t ask him for anything, so I excitedly wondered. This is what I saw:
I cried.
It was the most perfect gift.
So Happy Mothers’ Day!
Much love to you all – especially you, mamá – you’re all remarkable.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Questions for Us 