A response to last post on Violence Against Women.
May 26, 2013
On my Facebook page I received a response from my friend Suzi, who pointed out the tricky legalities of the case I discussed in my last post.
She wrote:
“This case has some serious questions that need to be asked. The police were called that evening and no charges were made – now, in a case like this the woman herself doesn’t need to lay charges and if the police had attended to find someone in a state like this charges would have been made. My understanding is the woman was in the house shared by T’eo and was with another player, in his room. This other player is married and the woman was asked by the other two to leave. I guess it could be argued they were trying to protect their friend from a scandal and they called the police when she wouldn’t leave. He informed the club he plays for immediately and they spoke to the police. I wasn’t in the room, I don’t know what happened, how he reacted, how she reacted to being asked to leave and I don’t know what the police saw when they arrived but this is what ‘he said’ and what ‘she said’. She didn’t press charges, channel 9 paid her for her story, she waited 3 months before coming forward to the media and I think if we begin the slippery slope of believing one person over another based solely on gender we are going to end up in a worse place than we are now. We have great freedom in Australia but with great freedom comes great responsibility and I’ve got to say, I don’t think us women are living up to that responsibility in many ways. I’m a card carrying feminist, and that’s why I have come to believe that. Women can manipulate, they can harass, they have just as much ability to abuse as anyone. I’ve just started my law studies again and looking at Family Law cases is an example of how our rights can sometimes not be taken with the requisite responsibility, just as a trip to the city on a train on a Friday night can be a depressing display of near nudity, drunken screeching and sole crushing self abuse. Each case is different and, for me, we have achieved equality when the gender of those involved isn’t an issue and only the actions of individuals are scrutinised.”
You may think that I disagree with Suzi, but I don’t.
She’s right – we do need to talk about each case as it occurs and judge the actions of each party. But the problem I have is that I don’t think we’re getting the true exposure to the cross-section of cases that are occurring in reality, through our media.
I responded with the following:
“I also grapple with a lot of the same feelings as you and I sometimes find it hard to truly articulate them clearly, as they rush through me.
I did hear that charges weren’t pressed and realised it wasn’t that black and white (it never seems to be when it involves a ‘star’).
I certainly didn’t write this to blame T’eo specifically – it’s just that I saw a woman with a broken eye socket and in the one thing that does divide our genders (generally) – brute strength – I just saw another example of brutality and ask what could she have done?
What do any women who do find themselves of the end of violence, done to deserve it? And there’s a lot of them.
The other bummer is that this happens all the time, (every few minutes?) to women everywhere and the only reporting we get is of the dodgy, weird case with no clear outcome, which paints women as being deceptive – which they may have been, of course – but if that’s all that’s the only type of news story we receive, then a clear picture is painted about women typically lying.
I think that’s deceptive and dangerous, when it’s all we see.
The more reporting like this – the more difficult it is for the majority of women who have had their rights violated, to come forward and ask for help.
I COMPLETELY agree with you about women also having responsibility – I wrote a post a few weeks ago which asked how women disrespect men.
I think we have a looong way to go, hence why I started the blog and named it Questions for Women.”
I’m not pointing the finger of blame to any particular person with my last post – I was merely commenting of the lack of exposure to the very real and horrifying statistics of violence against women by men and wonder where the ad campaigns, pushing for change, are.
But call a man an ape…
Deep Breath
x
What I asked my husband.
May 25, 2013
What a day.
It has certainly put a fire in my belly.
I took my mum to see Anne Summers talk about her new book, The Misogyny Factor, as a part of the Sydney Writers’ Festival.
Amazing.
I’m busting to write about it and will soon. There’s a lot to digest, however, and I want to make sure I articulate it correctly and give it its due respect. This is a word Anne used a lot and it’s something that’s deeply lacking toward women.
Now we skip to this evening and the news has begun.
The story I saw was the one where a ‘Schoolgirl apologises to ‘heartbroken’ Sydney Swans star‘, Adam Goodes because of her racist taunt – calling him an ‘ape’ – whilst he was playing.
I think racism is revolting and I understand how he felt.
I was treated poorly growing up due to racist attitudes (against Spanish speakers, apparently!), so I know how it feels.
So let me make it clear that I believe that racism is a social toxin that must always be fought.
They even showed a snippet of the ad being televised, encouraging racism to be abolished in sport.
Fantastic.
Now there was another story in the news a few days ago, that also related to sport.
This one has an image of a woman with a black eye (ended up being a broken eye socket) and she alleges she was assaulted by Queensland Origin forward Ben Te’o.
He denies it. Of course.
What incident could possibly warrant that sort of violence?
What?
Against a woman with three men the size of refrigerators, who are part of a football code with a history of violent behaviour against women.
And yet the woman – with a broken eye socket – is being vilified by men AND women (shame on them) for all the reasons that, what, she deserved it in some way?
Would you ever feel you deserved it?
I feel like we’re a world gone mad.
When will our society rally behind women, believe them and find the justice she deserves?
They can’t ALL be liars.
Another disgrace: If not him – who?
Once a ‘celebrity’ is cleared of violence, the case is closed.
So it’s not about finding out who did it and give justice to the victim…
I mean someone did it.
OJ Simpson springs to mind – if not him, WHO?
Who cares, right? As long as it wasn’t the male ‘star’.
When all this whirled through my mind – as I watched the nation stand still and listen, truly listen, to how heartbroken Adam Goodes felt about being on the receiving end of a racist taunt – I turned to my husband and asked:
“Why do men hate women so much?”
I explained my above thoughts on racism – but I simply couldn’t understand how a racist word gets the coverage it should, while a smashed up woman’s face doesn’t. Again.
Like countless before this victim, it’s the women with the serious physical injuries who are still the ones investigated and given the third degree – in 2013.
Why? Because he said, “I didn’t do it.”?
We are the gentler sex. We are.
Why do men want to squash that? Control it? Violate it?
And worse still, why is it defended?
As the news continued – all the negative stories were violent ones – all done by men; including the hacking death of a man in broad daylight on a London street.
This world needs women.
It’s time to make way for us to fill the space that’s been left empty and fill the void that can tip things back into balance.
BALANCE. Not war to take over. Work side by side, FFS.
Equal in participation and respect.
And it starts by doing everything we can to give justice to women, when they have been treated like animals; beneath men – by men.
Question #161: Where’s the ad for that?
Deep Breath
x
This blog is dying a slow death.
May 24, 2013
This blog is dying and I’m not quite sure what to do.
Maybe blogging itself is past its due date and noone has time to read.
Maybe I jumped on the ship too late.
Since my last post went up yesterday, I’ve only had 36 views on my site and of those, only 8 people – on the whole planet – read that last post, 24 hrs after putting it up.
I am so bummed.
The most depressing part is that most of those views came from people (men) searching for porn.
When a person clicks onto my blog, I receive statistics such as, what country they’re from and what their search term was. In the last seven days, these have been the most common type of search engine terms that have been used to get to my blog:
12 year old sluts
little teen boys speedos cock
naked preteen girls vaginas
highschool breeding slut pic
twelve year old sluts
facebook twelvies
16 year old sluts
12 facebook sluts
14 year old sluts
twelve year old slut memes
15 year old sluts
lfl pussy (lfl is Lingerie Football League)
lfl porno
12 yr old slut
12 year old looking slutty
12 year slut
So, over the last few months, the majority of people who have clicked on my blog are looking for porn – not reading my commentary of the issues that are affecting me (us).
It would be an understatement to say that this has disheartened me a great deal.
Where are my sisters? Where are the good men?
I feel like a batty lady, talking to myself.
This is not to make anyone feel guilty. Truly.
It is what it is and everyone’s lives are busy. I know. Believe me!
Sometimes the topics are heavy and one doesn’t always need to read about the bad stuff in the world. I understand.
It’s just a colossal bummer that everything I’ve been writing about lately, seems to have all become a bit ineffectual.
I was hoping to be a voice in some of this turmoil – but my statistics seem to be proving that the machine of porn is an out-of-control beast, devouring everything in its path – and my voice is a mere teeny squeak.
Oh well, better take some of my own medicine and advice – take a deep breath and soldier on.
And to the few who keep reading – thank you. So much.
Deep breath.
x
Question #159: What is so wrong with crying?
May 22, 2013
This is a question I have battled to answer my entire life.
Well, battled may be too strong a word – but it has certainly plagued me throughout my youth and was not until about six years ago that I started to understand my personal love/hate relationship with this mode of expression – mainly due to the stigma that’s attached to it, by the ever-watchful eyes of society.
It fills me with indignation.
As I child, I grew up being a ‘wog’ in a predominantly Anglo location. On many occasions I was bullied because, even though when you looked at me you didn’t see an ethnic girl, I spoke Spanish with my grandmother when she picked me up from my primary school. This, in turn, meant I was fair game to all those who hated themselves and needed to feel better by picking on someone – me.
Although I know NOW, as an adult, why bullies are bullies, what this did to me as a child was to start me on the path of being very, very insecure – desperate for acceptance and belonging. It also awakened the ‘cry-baby’ in me.
This was compounded at home whenever my parents, especially my father, expressed anger towards me when I was a teenager. Although it was probably no different to any other parent/child relationship, whenever I heard that particular unsatisfied tone, I would instantly feel the knot shoot up into my throat, as I desperately tried to hold back the tears – knowing that their arrival would open a new kettle of fish.
Weakness.
Society tells us it’s a sign of weakness.
WHY?
I wonder whether it’s because men are were seen as ‘strong’ and the ‘providers’ – Me Tarzan; You Jane – and men DON’T cry. Well, if being a male is the benchmark of existence and crying is seen as a negative weakness, then what is the males’ counter-balance? How do they let off their feelings of disappointment, frustration and, dare I say, vulnerability?
Violence?
It certainly appears to be a (too) common, ‘manly’ way to express emotion.
Question #160: So if we’re not supposed to cry – what then?
Laughter is considered an important and essential part of our emotional well-being and if balance is to be achieved, surely crying must play an equally paramount role. It’s greatly concerning that this is marred by the ridiculous notion that crying is a no-no and that we all need to ‘man up’.
Man up? No thanks.
Men should cry more.
Crying can represent a myriad of positive things – compassion, empathy, sympathy, joy – why must these traits be snuffed out? And before people start arguing that they’re not, please understand that females (the predominant criers, due to the conditioning that says it’s a part of our DNA – bollocks!) are always being told to be the ‘compassionate and sensitive ones’ – UNTIL WE ARE – then it’s criticism all the way.
Tori Amos said the following:
My epiphany (six years ago) happened when I experienced some difficulties with work, coupled with some post-natal depression. I was crying a lot.
My doctor referred me to a psychologist, whom I only saw three times. In that last session, I had decided that I was only rehashing the negative feelings about my issues and that I simply wanted to take some action. The only problem was that as strong as I am on the inside – and I am – I always ended up having tears in my eyes when discussing frustrating issues with people and was crippled by the thought of being perceived as weak, even though I knew I wasn’t.
She said to me, “Maybe deep down, you think they’re right.”
A-HA moment. Right there.
Due to the decades of entrenched perceptions about what crying entails, I ended up in a Catch-22 state of affairs – believing the hype about what it communicated about me to those I was talking to…which ended up the crux of why I cried in those situations.
Great.
Well, now I’m happy to say that I’m still a crier (just not like before) and that it’s always done wonders for my skin! I let it out when I need to, purge myself of the toxins and am not ashamed of it.
Not one bit
I cry for injustice, for hurting fellow human beings, for our dying planet, for loved ones and I also cry tears of joy.
Better than punching a wall, I say.
Deep breath…and let it aaalllll out. You too, boys.
x
Mothers’ Day – #2
May 12, 2013
A stirring day, Mothers’ Day.
From what I read, see and feel – it is a day where mothers around the world are held in the highest esteem.
Earth Mother.
Nurturer.
Giver.
Lover.
All these beautiful, soulful and necessary traits that humankind relies on – and they’re attached to us. Women.
The role of nurturer is entrenched into the fabric of our existence and that responsibility largely tips toward us; falling into our arms.
Why?
Why trust women with this tremendous role?
I believe it’s because we are needed for this. For balance.
It’s a momentous, paramount and brilliant thing.
It also benefits everyone.
Unfortunately, this is where I feel we hit the snag:
Question #158: If mothers are so revered, then why is there so much violence and persecution against them – all around the world – in endlessly different ways?
Just something to ponder.
We must evolve and save Mother.
Save women.
So today, I salute you ALL – mothers, women and girls!
Last year, my first Mothers’ Day post was a little self-centred in that I was only looking at the life of a mother and woman from my western armchair – but today, I want to recognise the great rainbow of mothers, including those who are forgotten, or worse, ignored.
You’re all heroes of strength and the pillars of this world.
To single mothers (extra big hug to you) – I can’t imagine what it must feel like to do this alone and sometimes with little help – whether monetary, emotionally or both.
To those mums, like me, who work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To mums who don’t work and juggle mum duties – I know how hard it can be sometimes.
To those who have lost their sweet babes – whether a lost pregnancy or child.
Unimaginable. Much love to you.
To those who have lost their own mothers – xxx
Finally, to the heart-sinking number of women around the world:
- who are looking for food for their child to eat
- who are protecting their children from bullets and bombs
- who have been trafficked
- who suffer from physical violence on a daily basis
- who are risking everything to have a life lived without fear and come by boat:
I think of you every day. Not just today.
Today my husband told me to go to my laptop and see what my present is. I didn’t ask him for anything, so I excitedly wondered. This is what I saw:
I cried.
It was the most perfect gift.
So Happy Mothers’ Day!
Much love to you all – especially you, mamá – you’re all remarkable.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
The Freedoms You Have Given Punters
May 9, 2013
There is a romanticised view about the prostituted class; generally it’s a huge discussion on the women, whilst the punters – the perpetrators – fade into obscurity.
This harrowing account is the reality.
If there is a shred of decency left in our humanity – we have to do something about this.
My heart is literally aching of the women and girls.
Deep, despondent, breath.
x
Dedicated to Nia Thomas
Punters feel and know that they have almost complete freedom to send the prostituted class into hell.
This is because far too people make the choice to ignore, say it is not important compare to real violence happening to real women, or shut their minds to how punters constantly treat the prostituted.
One way to make the punters invisible and of little importance, is to re-brand prostitution as sex work.
Call it sex work, and everything that happens to the prostitute must be because she has chosen that lifestyle.
Call it sex work, and you can imagine it some kind of mutual business exchange between two equal adult – one the consumer, the other the willing giver.
Call it sex work – and then on and on and on about how someone has to do it, it might dirty and dangerous – but at least…
View original post 1,105 more words
Trade of Innocents – The Freedom Project
May 4, 2013
I will be short. But it will not be sweet.
On Wednesday night, I went to a screening of a film called The Trade of Innocents.
It stars Academy Award winner Mira Sorvino and seasoned actor Dermot Mulroney.
Inspired by real events, it explores the gargantuan problem of trafficking girls – in this case, in Cambodia.
Yes, it’s a Hollywood movie but no, it was not picked up by the mainstream cinemas.
*Small rant moment. At a recent outing to the cinema (after a very long absence) the movie trailers on offer were for:
Iron Man #3 – Gi Joe – Star Trek #2 – Die Hard #278 – Man of Steel.
Lots of larger-than-life, über men, being heroes, surrounded by the same super-dooper special effects and gratuitous shots of women in little clothing.* Rant over.
I understand that a movie like the Trade of Innocents is not a big hit with people wanting to escape – but aren’t we endangering our ability to see past the whopping pile of stinking special effects?
Our world is in trouble.
So I went along to this screening, thanks to Liz and Mike Newton-Brown, a married couple who started The Freedom Project a few years ago, and help trafficked children. Actually help.
I met them at the screening of it’s a girl last year and they are truly inspirational.
After the film ended, we were shrouded in dread.
It was sombre in there; silent except for the sound of some sniffling noses being quietly cleared, from crying.
I can’t get out of my head the scene where a sweaty and pasty American tourist says he wants a guaranteed virgin – that he is willing to go as low as a 5 or 6 year old, but that his preference is a 7 year old, “For a month’s use.”
Repugnant.
I felt sick as I saw girls, the same age as my daughters, being sold for sex – girls who, in the scheme of things, were just unlucky enough to have been born over there, instead of over here…even though it happens here too – albeit on a smaller scale.
Mike and Liz then spoke some facts with us.
A Hollywood movie is one thing…but the following just drove it all home:
800,000 – 4 million men, women and children are trafficked each year.
They don’t really know the exact figures.
Of those:
- 80% are women
- 50% are children
- The average age of girls trafficked, is 11; the average age of boys, is 12.
- 75% of people sold into slavery, are sold for sex.
A child is sold into slavery every 30 seconds. Every. Thirty. Seconds.
It’s the fastest growing crime in the world.
1. Arms
2. Drugs
3. Slavery
With the first two, once you shoot a bullet you’ve paid for, or taken the drug – it’s done.
It’s used.
But a human being can cost as little as $40 and once owned, is used over…and over…and over…
The three areas of trafficking are:
1. Sex
2. Slave Labour
3. Forced to kill – like child soldiers. These are the hardest to get to and is the worst, as it can include all three unimaginable horrors.
I don’t know what those statistics do to you, but this has profoundly affected me.
The gravity. The insurmountable size of it.
As I walked to my car that night, I cried.
Question #157: What can be done?
Well, The Freedom Project is doing something. It’s big and they need help.
They’re working in two areas at the moment.
1. Burma – a drug ravaged and fuelled area using child soldiers.
They recently smuggled 10 children into China – out of slavery.
They have saved and are currently looking after 150 children – providing housing, food and education. On their Facebook Page they posted the following image with this caption:
‘Seriously, this little guy’s smile is SO heartwarming! A precious soul we are caring for – now in a life of FREEDOM.’
Look at his face.
2. Philippines – An area in the south which wants to be an independent Islamic state, also using child soldiers to fight this battle.
The Freedom Project wants to build 50 schools. They’ve built 2 so far.
The fil had a quote that said: “They have a massive network – we need a bigger one.”
So that night I decided to join the network:
- I bought a t-shirt
- I will be donating to help them
- And I have spread some awareness through this post – even if only to a few.
And it doesn’t matter what you do – or what channels you do it through – every tiny bit helps; whether it’s to save one child or a thousand…or dare we dream more?
I leave you with this trailer for a documentary that we were shown before the screening of Trade of Innocents.
It’s called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls – and it focuses on the selling of women.
It has won over 24 Film Festival Honours and can be bought on DVD on their page, HERE.
Please help.
http://www.thefreedomproject.org
Deep Breath.
x
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have entered the Australian Writers’ Centre, Best Australian Blogs 2013 Competition.
As with last year, there’s a People’s Choice round.
The voting for that ends tomorrow – April 30th.
I’d love your vote in this category…if you feel I provide worthy commentary on issues concerning our planet’s current lack of balance – socially, economically and environmentally – all knitting themselves together and into a bad knot.
The equal value of women is on top of my list – not to be like men (because that doesn’t even make sense) – but to be an equally respected and important half of every society; just like the nature that surrounds us.
I also want to add that the wonderful and extraordinary women I’ve met during this journey with the blog thus far, has been a blessing. x
Anyhoo…it would be awesome to receive your support.
*big smile*
Respect #2
April 26, 2013
I stumbled upon this video. A girl auditioning on one of the X Factor shows late last year.
In light of what I discussed in my previous post, I thought I’d share it.
I feel that the girl in this clip does not show respect for the male judges or male audience members, least of all for herself.
This girl – and many like her – never deserve to be attacked, raped or anything of the such. Absolutely not. Ever.
Let’s say she were raped after this performance (due to the outfit / blonde hair/ fake tan / is a woman / WHATEVER!), I would be the person shouting loudest, that what she suffered was a crime and a violation of her personal rights.
I need to make that point perfectly clear.
But when looking at the issue of respect, isn’t she disrespecting men by treating them as the mindless creatures I described in my previous post?
“The men will vote for me, because I’ll give them what they want.”
On the same note, she is also disrespecting women, by demonstrating the notion that there is no way to succeed without hyper-sexualising oneself.
What say you?
Deep Breath
x
Questions for Us 