Sign the petition!
May 10, 2012
OK ladies AND gentlemen – it’s time to act!
Click on the following link and vote against the Lingerie Football League!
It’s time to stop revolting ‘ideas’ like this becoming a reality. A friend saw them taking photos of the Aussie team, in a park in front of her child’s school.
Saturating and unavoidable – unless you cast your vote and say, “NO!”
We all have women we love in our lives – daughters, sisters, nieces, mothers – respect their honour and the fact that we need to nurture strong women for a better world – not insecure women who are being educated to believe that their sole purpose in life is to provide men with erections!
The radio station – Triple M – is sponsoring this. Let them know you’re not happy with an email!
Deep Breath…and do it!
x
Sex…education?
May 9, 2012
In Australia, we have a show called Insight, where a panel of relevant people are assembled and, together with the audience, discuss a contemporary topic. The topic last night (Tue 8th May) was how easily children/teenagers are accessing porn and the effect it’s having on them.
It was fascinating and terrifying to watch, all at the same time. The panelists, consisting of three young adults (around 18-20 yrs old), discussed their first experience with porn – which was around ten yrs old for the boys and the girl said she was eleven.
ELEVEN. I have a daughter who’s nine. That’s one of the terrifying parts. One of the earliest images this girl remembers seeing, which affected her deeply at the time, was one of The Simpsons family…having sex with each other. To her young mind, this was disturbing.
Another scary part, obviously, is the explicit nature of what can be found – or worse, pop up. One of the boys said a pop-up gave him his first taste of porn, which in turn sparked the curiosity. They all said it was curiosity that kept them going back for more, as well as starting to learn ‘what to do’ during sex.
Unfortunately, due to that part of human nature that wants to be noticed/watched and ‘top’ what has already been done (plus the fact there are people out there who enjoy raunchier/kinkier sexual behaviour), what can be accessed can be anything and everything…and that’s where some kids are ‘learning’ about sex.
And kids are seeing it because, in this technologically savvy time, once one child sees it – they share it. Instantly. That’s the scariest part of all.
I’m sure there are some young people who may read this and think, “It’s OK – it’s not that bad,” but I’m not as convinced.
Mainly because, as ‘aware’ as I am about what’s available now – it’s still brand new territory for me as a parent. I have nothing to relate back to because, as I’ve mentioned before, when I was a child, the only really accessible porn was in magazines. Until the mid-80s, adults had to go to small, dingy XXX movie theatres – after that, it was in the comfort of their own home with the arrival of the video.
But now you can find whatever you want on the Internet because anyone can record anything and at any time – from something as small as their phone.
John Stoltenberg, a male feminist ally from the 70s, is credited with the quote:
“Pornography tells lies about women. But pornography tells the truth about men.”
This is the part that concerns me enormously because surely this would mean our boys/men will look for the level of sexual excitement they see in the porn they watch, in their real-life sexual encounters…and hope to get the hyper-sexualised woman to match.
Question #43: Does porn and images of hyper-sexualised women, affect the healthy, natural development of sexuality in both sexes?
I think it absolutely does…doesn’t it?
Worse still, how are women supposed to live up to all this? The statistic that 100% of boys have watched porn by their mid-teens is staggering. Couple this with the way young girls are dressing now – emulating this culture…it’s an unhealthy mix.
But the thing that young women may not realise, is that many pornographic films have women doing things – that most, real women don’t like.
Whatever the reasons the women being filmed have for doing it, has nothing to do with representing reality…it’s predominantly for pleasing the sexual urges of MEN.
I seriously believe that the percentage of women who TRULY want a sexual encounter with four men – with one penis in her vagina, another in her anus, another in her mouth, while masturbating the last – has to be microscopic. But I have seen an image of this – I didn’t just make that up. That woman is nothing and noone to the men she’s with.
As huge as the battle will be – we must be in our kids’ ears about the value of relationships and the wonderful connection that a sexual relationship can offer – to counteract the toxic nature of porn.
Deep Breath.
x
A small morsel to chew over…
May 6, 2012
Yesterday (Saturday), on the cover of The Sydney Morning Herald was an article about the top 5 things Australian men and women worry about:
MEN:
1. My future career 2. My achievements 3. The future 4. What people thought of me 5. Doing well at work or school.
WOMEN:
1. My future career 2. The future 3. My weight 4. My achievements 5. What people thought of me.
Although both sexes worry about their career first – it’s curious to see the women’s third concern.
It reads: “Worries about weight ranked highly for women only. That was not surprising, given the cultural obsession with the appearance of women, Professor Hudson said. ”But it is really alarming that 60 per cent of women said they worried about appearance at levels that interfered with their quality of life.”
60%!
Are you one of the 60%?
The fact is that men do not have this worry and we really have to ask ourselves WHY?
Question #42: How are we, as women, contributing to this problem?
That weight worry is ‘interfering with their quality of life’ – is a gloomy statistic.
Is there any hope for change in how we see ourselves?
In regards to worrying, there is a quote I always use with my students:
Worrying, is praying for what you don’t want.
Deep Breath.
x
Full article: Whttp://www.smh.com.au/national/top-of-worry-list-work-work-work-20120504-1y47u.html#ixzz1u5WZW03W
PS…
May 6, 2012
Thank you for the supportive comments that I’ve received so far about my sometimes ‘hostile’ environment at home. I take some comfort in knowing that it’s normal for siblings to go at each other, over everything – especially when they’re in the mood for it…but there’s one important thing I forgot to add to the last post – which I think I alluded to, but didn’t quite spell out.
And that is that I hate the person I become when they finally tip me over – and that it’s the ‘mother’ they see more often. I worry that with the frequency in which I find myself refereeing, setting boundaries and/or disciplining, will create (is creating) a negative experience for all three of us.
Them – because they’ll see me as continually being unhappy with them and in a bad mood;
Me – finding myself not wanting to be around them. I hate having that feeling…but I shamefully feel it.
My youngest now mirrors the way I act when I lose control – she shouts and screams so loudly, you’d think she was being attacked. But as head-strong as she is, she learned it from me.
I know it has to start with me…but after days of me doing things in the ‘right way’ with them – I get angry when I don’t (think I) see an effort being made by them.
That’s when I feel like a fraud – because my intellectual mind knows what needs to be done, I do it…and then it doesn’t work. My head then spins into…
WHHAAAAATT????…What did you just say to me??…You did WHAT??…
…but then, they’re only kids – so young. I know.
Question #41: Would mothers really sign up for this, if we actually knew what it would be like?
I know the answer to this is ‘YES’…because we would always think that it would be different with our kids.
I talk to my mother often about this and after a few responses of, “I know” from her – I asked her why she had never told me what it was really like to raise kids. Well, the simple truth is, I wouldn’t have listened because my girls are my one and only lifelong dream – come true. Having kids was all I EVER wanted.
Time to take a deep breath…again.
x
Your wisdom.
May 5, 2012
I just came in from hanging out the washing – on this magnificent day in Sydney. Clouds are starting to come over now – but that sun is yummy, when it pokes through. It’s made a weekly chore a pleasure to do; in that peace and warmth.
The best part is – my children aren’t here.
This is hard for me to write admit because I’m going through a very challenging time with my girls – especially my youngest. She’s 5.
I need your advice.
I never thought motherhood was going to be such a tough gig. I know in my heart that I couldn’t imagine a life without my girls…although on days like today, I cherish not having them around – so I can reboot.
Sometimes I feel like a great mother and I think how lucky I am – and at others, more often than not, I feel a despair and think, “What am I doing?” I hear a lot of mothers really sound like they are having such a positive and wonderful experience with their kids, and I feel like a fraud. Sometimes.
Basically, our home is one of fighting. The majority of the time, it’s the girls with each other but it always trickles down to me. They fight about everything – about who hurt whom, who took what they were playing with, who’s not letting them have a turn – everything. Hubby and I rarely fight – and if we do, it’s not in front of them – so it’s just a battle with each other…and me.
I have alone time with both girls, for about 3 hrs every afternoon. Some of the time, it’s a battle-of-wills with my youngest – who always says, “No” or “Awww?” to just about every instruction or statement I make. Now, I’ve always had a short temper – but I truly believe that I have improved over the years (it takes longer for me to get worked up) because I want to have control over it and model it to the girls.
So, I’m making the best of efforts, to be a better role model – by expressing what I need to, without anger – and positively reward their good behaviour. I do that with a spontaneous show of affection (lots of kisses), tell them I love them, say a, “That’s the way!” when they do a good gesture toward each other…I even took them to see Mirror, Mirror last week, as a treat…
…but on some days, I just reach a stage where I lose my block. It’s always verbal (shouting); we don’t smack – but when I lose it like that, I think it’s just as bad as a smack – just as damaging. I sometimes feel like I have an out-of-body experience, watching my behaviour show my daughters how to deal with tough situations – in 3D; with Dolby Surround Sound; on an IMAX screen!
On days like these – I feel like it’s all for nothing because of the GIANT leap backwards, we just took – thanks to me.
But it’s incessant – the asking, the asking again – even though the reason was calmly given with the answer, the whingeing – when they know it might not go their way, the debate – loathing sentences that start with, “But you said…”
Let me say, that they don’t get their way – especially if they engage. But that’s the biggest problem – I don’t let up and they don’t let up. Especially my youngest; when she latches on, she’s on tight for the ride…
Every. Time. About. Anything.
It’s exhausting.
I need enlightenment from my sisters – of any age.
Question #40: Are there any wise words to impart?
I saw the name of the image below, The Wisdom Path, and loved it.
…looks like a long trip, doesn’t it?
Deep Breath
x
Reality TV – friend or foe?
May 2, 2012
The other night, they showed The Truman Show on TV. I love that movie and as it had been a while since I last watched it – I settled in for another viewing.
I used to teach it as part of the HSC, years ago when I had Senior English classes – around 2005/2006 – so I know it very well.
As I’m watching it, this time around, I realise that I really am seeing this film, all these years later, through new eyes. In the film we see everybody glued to their sets, even attending The Truman Bar, to watch this one man who was not performing, but was simply himself.
Was it through this movie that the idea was hatched for reality TV?
The Truman Show came out in 1998. The first two BIG reality shows to hit our TVs were Big Brother and Survivor and they both started a year and two years (respectively) after this movie was released.
So here we are now and look at how our TV viewing has drastically changed – especially the shows that appeal to our younger people.
I have to admit that when Big Brother first started, I did find it compelling – well, the concept anyway. To get an actual mix of people and put them together to see what happens – fascinating. Of course, the fundamental flaw (which doesn’t occur in The Truman Show) is that everyone knows they’re being watched. But still, who needs scriptwriters when you have real life, right?
But, unfortunately, this digital, reality obsessed (and apparently sex-starved) population needed more. So the producers started just putting in young, attractive (?), single people – with a sprinkling of ‘older’ here and there – to create a new type of Big Brother: “Let’s see who hooks up.” It got so bad, here in Australia, that it got axed a few years ago. It was no longer a family show – although it was being shown in the early evening – it just became one that was ‘on heat.’
And what notoriety did some of the female contestants, in the latter shows, end up getting? Oooh, they got to pose for men’s magazines. How classy. Validation? – check. Fade into obscurity with the gazillion girls who would do the same? – check.
Funnily enough, a new network has picked up Big Brother here in Oz and they’re currently asking people to register to be in the house…I wonder if they need a feminist…No, just kidding!
Let’s jump to a fairly recent reality show that’s (I’m assuming), still popular among the young ones – Jersey Shore. I watched my second episode ever today…for research. *wink*
For those of you who don’t know about this show – they’re a bunch of 20 somethings put into a house together and cameras follow them around. This is a photo of them:
Well, what can I say. This episode had Snooki (girl in orange) recovering from being punched in the face, when partying in a bar, in the previous episode. Later, we see another punch up between JWoww (this is the girl in white with the very large chest – which is out on show every time she goes out) and another girl in the bar…because the girl called her ‘fat’ – and it was ON for young and old. Snooki’s response to seeing the fight was: “I just thought, how can I get in there?” There were a few hook-ups…
….and that was it.
For the next episode, they previewed two punch-ups – one between Snooki and another girl she called a ‘Rhino who attacked me’ and another between one of the male housemates and some other guy, on the Boardwalk…and some more hook-ups.
Well, titillating stuff, I tell you. Morons who eat, hook-up and fight – who are being watched and worst of all revered – well, maybe not revered, but they’re famous, making more money than people who do good and for what? Just entertainment?
It’s such gutter behaviour and it scares me to think that these people can be a benchmark – in any way – to normal behaviour. I appreciate that, of course, there are people who think and behave this way, but:
Question #39: Where are the shows to counter balance this perception of youth?
I’ll leave you with the wise words of Snooki, who said on today’s show, “I can’t eat that – it’s alive when they kill it.” (insert cricket noise)
Hmmmm…I think there’s something in that for all of us…
Deep Breath
x
Just sayin’ – #1
April 28, 2012
I’m watching the news and I see Gai Waterhouse winning big at the races. As a part of the story, they’re interviewing the jockeys…and they’re all male.
Question #38: Why aren’t there any female jockeys?
Regardless of sex, wouldn’t the physique of jockeys be about the same?
…Just sayin’.
PLUS:
Please read the wonderful comment left by Lily, as a response to my last post. She also wants a culture free from porn and her comment is succinct.
Best of all, she’s started to take action by writing many letters to all political avenues, including our Prime Minister – to raise her voice against this Lingerie Football League starting in Australia. We’ve teamed up together and have started looking at different approaches to take – to be heard.
JOIN US…Men too! We need all you dads, uncles, brothers and sons who can see this toxic culture manifesting in front of your eyes.
Our democracy votes in politicians of all levels – so contact your Federal Representative. It doesn’t matter whether they’re your party or not – they’re there – and it’s time to ask them to act for the people of the electorate…who got them their job (majority rules!). After that, it will work its way up.
Use WHOEVER’S representing us. The more of you use, the better.
It’s time to be the village.
…and you know what ladies? Wouldn’t you want to put that ‘nagging’ label towards some good?
Now THAT’S empowering!
Deep Breath
…and GO!
x
![feminism31[1]](https://questionsforus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/feminism3111.jpg)
It takes a village to raise a child.
April 27, 2012
I’ve been waiting for some time to write about some of the positive and wonderful women, who are around me, as well as ‘out there.’ So. Many.
BUT, every time I want to inject some beautiful and inspiring stories into this blog, something infuriating pops up and I just have to voice my opposition to it.
Today is such a day.
I was talking to some of my Year 12 Drama students and one girl questioned my perspective, saying that I should just see guys and girls as equals.
I explained to her that I do see us as equal – that’s the whole point of my starting this blog.
Intellectually we ARE equal. There is nothing a female mind can’t do, that a male brain can.
But from a young age (and getting younger all the time), the brain seems to be the least important part to be cultivated in girls – and boys – from a consumer machine that just wants girls to start, as early as possible, in feeling they need to be ‘on display’, feel insecure and continually strive to ‘improve’ themselves…well into adulthood. Cha-ching!
And our boys are being told they are nothing but walking erections who must NEVER show ‘feminine’ traits – such as crying; the only emotion permitted being anger and force.
A pretty penny, these companies are making from this scheme. But the insatiable drive to make more and more money, means the line is being continually pushed. Sometimes it’s outrageous what gets put out there but, sadly, at other times we are so desensitised, that we don’t think it’s that bad.
Two words – Lingerie. Football. Lingerie. Football.
It’s an innovation from the United States (surprise!) and it’s launching in Australia soon. This is what they wear:
…garter belts, skimpy ‘uniforms,’ little bow ties…mix this with an audience full of men, drinking beer…*shaking head*
A lot of the U.S. players, posed for Playboy…Gasp! Surprise #2.
We don’t want ANY girl to aspire to this…
Do we?
Nor do we want to desensitise our boys to see this as the only value women and girls (females) carry.
There’s a saying – ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ – well now, more than ever – we need to raise our voices – mums, dads, aunts, uncles, white collar, blue collar – and say:
NO! We don’t want this! There’s enough hardship to add this.
I simply can’t see any positives to this, for either our girls or our boys.
How can boys and young men have respectful attitudes towards women, when women are continually being objectified EVERYWHERE they look? A sense of entitlement also gets nurtured within males and that becomes dangerous for females.
More importantly:
Question #37: How do our young girls and boys navigate through this and come through unscathed?
We only need look around and see that there’s obviously something very wrong because it’s the women who sign up to be objectified.
It’s time for an intervention.
If there are any government bodies you can write to – please do. The ‘league’ is coming next year, so there’s time to act. The more voices the better.
The promoters are Triple M (radio station) and at this stage, Telecafe is a sponsor – bombard them with emails!
We are the village.
Deep Breath
x
Just a quick hello.
April 26, 2012
Well, the finalists for the blog writing competition I entered were listed today – no, I didn’t make it.
Ooooh weeeell. Better luck next year, I say. *full of optimism*
To be honest, I’m not really sure if I’m doing it ‘right’ – like the fact that since writing the word ‘porn’ (oops – did it again) – I receive SO much more spam…getting close to 200 spam comments so far. Boo! I’m not even sure if this is normal – I assume it is. Any other bloggers have the same problems?
But as long as I keep meeting like-minded people, as well as people who challenge what I’m writing, then that makes me a happy camper.
Today I just wanted to share a little cartoon I put on my Facebook page last week:
Question #36: Thoughts?
x
A response – #2
April 23, 2012
I’ve received another great perspective (thank you), in response to my last post and I thought that seeing as I want to encourage a conversation – I’ll answer it here.
One part read:
I think as well part of the reason women wear such revealing clothes is because we can now, we have reached a stage where we have a right to wear revealing clothes and be in charge of our own bodies, there shouldn’t be anything shameful in wearing something flattering for your body. I don’t think that girls wearing short skirts or dresses is a *pick me* situation at all, in fact most wear them simply because they are in style not because they want to be picked by a man.
I completely agree that women have come such a looong way in being able to choose how to dress and being in control of their own lives – as well as many other advancements. But what I saw on Saturday Night was young women choosing to have a look that has, throughout the decades been equated to one word – SEX.
And that’s OK. I’m not a prude – I think it’s great that women also have more control over their sexual decisions.
BUT, this is the moment where I wonder where the empowerment is – because this look is purely to sexually arouse (heterosexual) men…
…it’s the image attached to porn – something created to service men’s desires; an image that has saturated our world, as shown in A visual presentation, since the internet truly hit our shores.
The word ‘flattering’ is the last word that comes to mind (for me) when I see this look because there’s nothing left to the imagination, nothing for the guy to discover – it’s fully out there.
Whatever happened to mystery? Showing a hint of the sexual woman inside, to engage a man?
I have seen VERY sexually alluring women with beautiful and stylish clothing; a low v-neck top, showing a long neckline or a short skirt to show off great legs – but a bit more conservative with the rest.
A taste.
What’s out there appears to be something tacky – when it’s every sexual looked rolled into one. There’s only one message. My husband, a very hot-blooded male, agreed with me – it was a visual candy shop for guys.
Is that it? Can’t we do better?
The reason I ask is because this fashion is filtering down to our young girls – as young as Primary School. We all know that’s true and for the most part, I think people are concerned about this. Why? Because it’s a sexual look and it primarily attracts and arouses men. *massive concern*
Another part read:
I really don’t understand what you mean by girls looking the same while boys all look different, as far as I can tell when it comes to clothes men have a far smaller variety of choice than women.
Men have always used the same clothes for well over a century – as I wrote before – pants, shirt, flat shoes. I was refering to the ‘type’ of guy we saw – not what they were wearing. When it comes to clothes, they don’t have to really make a choice.
But women do. So why not choose a fashion that has sexual allure, steeped in style and mystery?
Again, I really would like to repeat – I’m not criticising these women. I just think they’re worth more than their ‘appearance’ of a stereotypical, male sexual fantasy. Whether girls dress like that for fashion or not – it’s what the guys are interpreting, about women, that matters…
Question #35 …and in this man’s world (which it is) how can we EVER gain empowerment from this look?
We are giving them the look THEY like and, more importantly, the look they chose for us through shows, music videos, men’s magazines etc. etc.
Deep Breath
x
Questions for Us 