A manifesto + proposal.
July 3, 2014
What follows is how I see it; a manifesto of sorts. You can take it or leave it.
I am speaking to every single person who graces this post with their attention – regardless of gender (however you interpret that), race, religious persuasion, social standing and so forth.
I’m tired.
Aren’t you?
The attainment of money – that noxious contagion that has infected the psyche of our species – is the driving force of every human being, in some form or another, regardless of social standing.
One either works like a dog to attain it; ‘steals’ from the vulnerable to maintain ones wealthy society (and keep the status quo) or denies others from obtaining it, through enslavement – well, the last two points are heading up to the alter together, hand in hand.
This insatiable capitalist system, is destructively out of control.
We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
We have utterly lost our way.
We are suffering as a species and so is the planet that sustains us.
Our humanity is vanishing before our very eyes.
At home, I am teaching my girls to ‘find a solution to the problem’ and telling them to really think about the varying factors, before making an intelligent choice.
{I get cranky when I find out that the way they continue to deal with their problem is by shouting, finger-pointing and/or lying to get the other one in trouble.
Kids, right? Ha. That’s what far too many ‘adults’ do.}
The problem with our current paradigm – in its core – boils down to labels;
gender – race – religion – class.
* We attach labels (along with their pre-determined characteristics) to everything;
* We bestow judgement and social stigma or exile upon those who don’t conform to said labels and behaviours;
* We use these labels in pedestrian, yet sadly effective ways, to target the basest of human wants, rendering our race stupid.
The toxic way we relate to each other due to labels, has become the crux of how we relate to everything – especially our planet’s ecosystem; becoming critically out of balance.
We manipulate, exploit and insatiably consume – with little (if any) foresight – thanks to the lustful procurement of money and/or power.
The label that is crippling us the most, is that of gender.
Both males and females bundled into Label A: Men and Label B: Women.
What is a man?
What is a woman?
BAM! And there in lies the problem of our existence.
In the western world, Government – Big Business – Media (with their basis in ‘Religion’ {however you interpret that}) suckle at the teat of these manufactured labels, for the benefit of the self-serving and privileged few.
Dividing us into Men and Women – and making those categories ever stricter but MASS PRODUCED – is their bread and butter.
SCREW THAT!
It’s time to evolve out of this cesspit of hatred and destruction; actually use our minds, think intelligently and do things a little differently.
I – along with so many others (of both ‘genders’) – have been involved in bloody battles on the Internet; calling out abhorrent behaviour and crossing paths with bitter and spiteful trolls (of both ‘genders’).
Gender, in essence, is irrelevant – either one is a good person (with a penis or vagina) or one is not.
My proposal:
We must look at THE ACTION of a person only – regardless of gender, race, religious beliefs and/or class; we must drop all labels.
Classifying people in any way only entrenches the stigma further. I mean, how has this been working for us thus far? It’s only digging that wedge in further.
‘All men are violent’
‘All women are bitches’
Question #208: What is the ultimate point of categorising a person, when it’s the action of said person that must be addressed?
I am an actionist.
Another label, I know, but one that encompasses a fight for a just existence for all human beings – regardless.
Of course there are innumerable levels of dangerous conditioning that need to be dismantled – so very many – which I will explore more deeply in following posts, but I believe being an actionist is fighting for equality via a different track and that gives me hope.
It doesn’t matter who you ‘identify’ as – you’re a mixture of a gazillion different nuances that make you, you.
Who you are has nothing to do to with speaking out against destructive behaviours – *especially* those done to others because it could just as easily be us.
Anyone can be an actionist.
Join me?
Deep Breath.
Think ahead.
Arguments, however, by all those who troll the Internet and are given a platform to let their hatred infect – Think behind.
Facebook is evil
June 2, 2014
*** Warning – pornographic images from Facebook are used in this post.
I know – we all know – that Facebook is evil, but I feel a line has been crossed with their ‘Community Standards’ practices and I’ve just about had a gut-full.
Before one starts typing the tired, clichéd counter argument of, ‘If you don’t like it, don’t use it’, let me just say that:
1) I think Facebook is a fantastic tool for staying connected with loved ones (esp overseas), friends we’d love to see but can’t and equally fantastic for things like blogs, businesses etc.
2) if I were to stop using it, myself and many other amazing warriors out there, would not be there to stand against the tsunami before us; because ignorance, naivety or turning one’s back (something this culture excels at), has never changed a single thing for the better.
I am livid with Facebook.
Last week I (along with so many others) continually sent complaints about the Elliot Rodger is an American hero page, petitioning it be taken down every time it popped up….over and over. Every single time I was told it was dandy for general viewing – as the screenshot below shows. Eventually, with so much pressure, Facebook took down all the pages glorifying Elliot Rodgers – and finally informed me that it was taken down.
But this begs the question: So why were all the other protests rejected to start with?
One of Facebook’s suggestions is that one can complain about a particular photo or post, rather than the whole page. OK, I thought, I’ll try that. As you can see above, I reported posts, such as the following, for hate speech:
Facebook thought it wasn’t hate speech against females. It’s dandy for general viewing.
Last night I stumbled across an ad for…well, let’s see if you can guess. What do you think this is for?
Coffee. It’s for coffee.
I complained about the above image and the following one (for nudity or pornography); one which degrades a woman to the floor of a toilet cubicle, to give a male ‘head’ and couples it with a disgusting tag line:
You guessed it. Dandy.
There are more images like these on the page – sexualising and objectifying females on different levels.
Funnily enough, the only photo using a male with a sexually implied text, is this:
An ordinary man – who is showing his face; an honour the sexualised females aren’t afforded as they’re merely objects – doing something stupid. And is that a coy arm covering himself up a bit?
And what, exactly, is being SHARED, when applying the sexual double-meaning in the ad; Women? Girls? That is shite. And all to make some money; like pimps
The thing is: males don’t live in fear of being raped by females for being represented as stupid; but females fear males raping them for being represented as hyper-sexualised.
Question #207: Can people not see the danger in this sort of ‘advertising’ about women?
Yes, it’s just one ad. But there a millions – billions – of images like the females above; shaping our psyche.
So why does the world then reel in shock when atrocities happen? I mean, REALLY? We are smack bang in the middle of an insidious culture which now confidently drives forward this misogyny and females are ultimately paying the price.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Complain.
Write on this corrupt Perth coffee brand’s Facebook page here (or any other Facebook page promoting misogyny)
Write to the Advertising Standards Board here as the above images are ads for coffee.
Now, what about Facebook?
Facebook is dictating what pornography is and according to them, the above isn’t. I decided to look at the wording of their ‘standards’ and we’re ultimately screwed:
‘Facebook has a strict policy against the sharing of pornographic content.‘
So a woman with her had on her clitoris, between her spread legs, in heels, on a bed, with bare breasts (except for little boxes with the brand name covering the nipples) with a head seductively thrown back with the word ‘Ecstasy’, is not pornographic?
Well what the fuck is?
It wouldn’t matter if you answered that – it still wouldn’t cross Facebook’s Community Standards.
The worst part is that Facebook has taken away the chance, one used to have, to write a response to their ruling. Now they just say no and that’s that.
I feel that that is so very wrong.
Question #208: Can anything legal be done about this?
I’m shouting out to any ‘legal eagles’ because with every fibre in my being, I feel this needs action and we have to start somewhere.
Otherwise how?
If you have complained about a page or a post/photo on Facebook and have been knocked back – keep a screenshot of the page or copy the photo. I think we need to start collecting evidence.
Deep Breath.
My chat with an MRA
April 27, 2014
Last week, a video was shared with me that left me livid.
It’s a female from the United States saying she declares war on feminism and uses every clichéd, pedestrian and privileged argument to denounce the existence of things like rape culture – all because of her hate of radical feminism. She uses the tried and tested view of rape victim-blaming to drive that message home and it’s all delivered in a slow and patronising tone. Her final suggestion is that we arm all women with guns against a rape culture she just spent minutes saying doesn’t exist. Go figure.
I found it extremely difficult to finish watching, because of my growing indignation, but I needed to see the full package of dangerous delusion.
Take a look for yourself.
So I left a lengthy comment about her persecutive on rape because otherwise, I’m just like everyone else who thinks in the customary oppressed manner – that ‘nothing’s going to change with my opinion’.
I disagree.
It’s exactly our silence that is more crippling than those who regurgitate their ‘rightful’ toxic mindset.
I got a response; not from her but from an MRA – a Men’s Rights Activist.
Their arguments always revert to the same script, about how bad males have it too and how females don’t have anything to complain about – because we’re equal.
My basic argument was that I thought the video was a dangerous one when discussing rape and rape culture to which he purported simply does. not. exist. in the United States (ha!), that 50% of rapes are suffered by males and that I should stop being annoying about it all.
So I wrote the following (please note I call him ‘kind’ and ‘just’. Wrong.):
I’m not equating slut-shaming to rape culture; it contributes to it. So. many. factors play into this toxic underworld. The continual conversation, predominantly spotlighting the actions of the female only, also contributes to it – as this video also does.
The culture is an attitude and it’s very negative towards females; it’s created through a variety of avenues. Of course most people you know believe rape is abhorrent (as do all the people who surround me) because you’re probably a kind and just person and around likewise thinking people.
But in a stupid crowd – things are different. It’s always been there, but now it’s worse – it’s spreading. I’m a high school teacher who sees a lot of what’s going on in reality and I also research this topic.
In 1990, I was followed back to my dorm room (a walk across a small courtyard and into the building – 3 mins tops) by a guy I had never met before nor had spoken to at the party we were coming from. He used to live there and was visiting friends. I knew ‘of’ him. I made polite conversation thinking he was going back to his room – as I would if it were a female walking alongside me – aka another person.
He followed me to my room – innocently enough; it’s just another person, after all – a female in his place would be just as capable to hurt me if she wanted – but he then walked in after me, closed my door and locked it. He attempted to rape me and was pushing me down by my neck saying he didn’t want to have to hurt me.
I have never been more terrified in my life and he didn’t actually succeed. Imagine if he had? You have no idea of the violation I felt just with that experience and knowing that now I had real fear instilled in my future existence.
Some questioned my actions and I was also called a slut. I didn’t deserve that but you know what? It’s his word against mine; hers against his and today the general population (like the girl in this video) swings the way of the male – gives him the benefit of the doubt. Why?
What about the girl in Steubenville (US) who was carried around to different parties, unconscious, repeatedly raped, sodomised (filmed) urinated on, left naked on a lawn for dead, laughed about for 15 mins on a video by a male who watched that done to her egged on by his mate filming it (have you seen it? I have a link), a girl seen in danger by dozens of people at the parties, including coaches of the footballers and who call themselves ‘The Rape Crew’? NOONE DID ANYTHING. The rapists got one year. One of the two got another year for publishing the evidence; THE EVIDENCE of brutal and unspeakable acts and they got ONE year. What does someone have to do to a fellow human being before there’s outrage? Not THAT obviously – Why? Because she was drunk. Probably a ‘slut’ too.
That’s rape culture. There have been too many stories similar to this coming from the US and – as a species – we argue for the males – the ones who suffer one rape out of the 9 women do (and that’s just on the reported ones).
Not 50%.
https://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims
If you can’t understand from the above that this video perpetuates a very real rape culture by excusing it as not existing because it hasn’t been a part of her experience (although she has to carry a gun to protect herself against it somehow) – then I shrug my shoulders despondently and know there’s just one more person who won’t help.
To counteract his argument that in the US, rape is treated ‘worse than murder’ (Classic!) – I logically pointed out (above) that one of the most abhorrent cases of rape in the US (Steubenville) that went to court, saw the rapists only get one year and therefore is not treated at the important level he claimed.
But the following two comments – in his ‘last word’ – encompass the MRA arguments to a tee:
‘I sure as hell don’t see any protests or anything substantial from feminists that involve ANYTHING related to helping men. In fact the contrary is what i find. Name the most important thing you did to fight for women in another country.’
(So I have to start fighting for the minority and also justify what I do for women before my argument will be taken seriously by this MRA)and‘If you think you have it worse than men you’re pretty ignorant to the bullshit men have to deal with too. I already proved to you all the things men have to deal with and you act like scantily clad women in the media is sooo bad. Give me a break. You’re equal and I demonstrated that this is true and you made no rebuttal to most of my points.’
As I wrote in my comments to him – I fight for an equal existence for ALL, but when statistics look at how much worse it is for females to navigate through a world that is steeped in violence against them – I’m going to logically start there.
Are males oppressed? Yes – however, not as much as females.
Are males used unfairly for their strength? Yes but not as much as female vaginas, anuses and mouths are used for penises.
Are males raped? Yes. Out of every 10 rapes; 9 are female – one is male…and generally by another male.
Do I think males need help? ABSOLUTELY!
A conversation on social media had the following comment:
‘When you are surrounded by people who say the only way to do manhood correctly is to kill and maim and torture, is it a shock that some people would distance themselves from manhood out of shock and a deep-seated unwillingness to see themselves as being of the same class of people they’d seen held up as men?’
If we’re going to play the accusatory gender swap game, I still don’t know how males can complain that females degrade them in an equal fashion.
Clementine Ford expressed it perfectly when she wrote:
‘We live in a toxic culture, and violence crosses a broad spectrum of behaviours. I can’t think of any female codes that enforce the systematic physical and mental degradation of men and certainly none that are supported, accepted and even celebrated as part of mainstream culture.’
So true.
How do we participate in intelligent discourse when confronting big issues like rape culture?
I was told by everyone I mentioned this conversation to, that I shouldn’t waste my time with ‘people like that’. The thing is, though, that the people who commonly comment are ‘people like that’ – regardless of gender. Remember that the video is based on the perspectives of feminism by a female. It’s curious how THAT’S the moment males come out of the woodwork and say, ‘SEE? A woman said that!’
Are ‘people like that’ ultimately stupid?
If they are, then we’re doomed – especially if we’re not supposed to engage with ‘them’ and ‘they’ can spread their hate, while ‘we’ sit mute.
Question #201: Actually – why do ‘we’ sit mute?
Well I’m not going to because my voice is all I have.
I’m still proud I said something.
The hope I have is that those who agree ALSO say something. Hope.
I have to say, though, that it perplexes and disheartens me as to why – if we’re such an intelligent species (apparently) – the conversation predictably goes like this:
Deep frustrated breath.
We have to unlearn what we have learned.
January 12, 2014
The penny has dropped for me.
It happened last week; the week that saw this blog turn two – a blog that was spawned from the chasm of questions I had about myself and the world I was navigating through with my two daughters. At risk of sounding like a colossal cliché, it was, in fact, my phase as a mother that really drove the creation of the blog…I was starting to lose myself in the label and rubber stamp that is, ‘mother’.
The intention was to engage with others and make some sense of the madness; to dig down to the dark and selfish root system our species seems to be drawing its inspiration from, in an attempt to unpack the question: How did we get to this toxic point in time?
An online discussion with radical feminist, Sister Trinity, saw me reach a pinnacle in my thinking.
The problem is gender; more specifically gender roles and labels.
Before I delve deeper into that nugget, let me explain the angle from which I am coming.
I’m currently engaging in an intensive workshop with my daughters these holidays, teaching them to be smart about the actions they take. From as simple as how to hang a wet towel out to dry, to more complex scenarios – basically everything, really.
I’m teaching them to think of the big picture. Think and be smart; unlock some ingenuity. Narrow the problem down to its core and then take action that’s intelligent. The big picture has to include their fellow human beings (from a starting point of kindness) and therefore actions must cater to others’ rights. It all starts in the home in how we deal with each other and extends out. I am also participating in this little workshop I’ve concocted with the girls.
The A-Ha moment
Up until last week I systematically accepted that men and women had certain ‘characteristics’. Sister Trinity’s words to me, however, finally ignited a long-awaited burst of clarity which resonated succinctly to me:
“There is no ‘female mind’ – sex is physical.
Our bodies shouldn’t define who we are IN ANY WAY.
This is what feminism fights (should fight) for.
The idea that we are born with essentially ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ personalities – not just male and female bodies – is deeply offensive; since if you look at what ‘femininity’ stands for, it’s clear patriarchy has assigned the inferior and submissive caretaker role to us.”
BAM!
And we know it’s correct because we know we don’t teach according to ‘gendered’ brains. I am not altering what I’m teaching my daughters (nor in my classroom) due to whether they are male or female – I’m just teaching. As do you.
I still think that nature (which always pushes for procreation) draws man and woman together, but that should be it. Everything else is a construct. An ever-shrinking label of conformity. Everything.
If you’re shaking your head and thinking (as I do at times), ‘But I AM this way through my choice’, I would simply ask you to just ponder how much has really been your choice? It’s not black and white, I know, but it deserves thought. This is not the moment for the discussion of ‘choice’ but we human beings have to agree that we have little choice in our lives – planet wide – when you critically reflect on it…except on how to spend your money, of course.
Nature v Nurture? I think the majority of it, is nurtured.
If life is a complete construct and you’ve been told, since birth, how each gender should behave and more importantly, what it should strive for in life (especially in the capitalist-dripping ‘western world’), then it only stands to reason that gender IS the root of many of the serious conundrums we’re facing today in how we relate and interact – stretching back through a very long and entrenched system. I once heard, on a documentary about genes and how they influence behaviour, that ‘Nature loads the gun and Nurture pulls the trigger.’
To explore even further, my birthday question to you is:
Question #196: What IS a woman?
Really think about this.
Pretty? Dumb? Sexy? Hairless? Mother? Nurturer? Weak? Desperate? Emotional (crying)? Whore? Wants to get married to a man and have babies? Bitch? Can’t make her own money so has to marry a man? Credit card addict? Shopping addict? Likes pink? Squeals if she sees a mouse? Likes housework? Nag? Knows how to get stains out? Multi-tasker?
Whatever you add, these are all simply labels (what gender roles basically are) and countless women will vehemently disagree with being pigeon-holed into these labels because we know that what’s inside us is unique and that the only thing women and girls have in common (in the big scheme of things) is a female reproductive system (functioning or not). All other organs – legs, lungs, heart, brain – the same.
For that matter, what is a man?
The boss? Bread winner? Player? Intelligent? The Man? Powerful? Ruler? Strong? Stupid? Emotional (violent)? Rapist? Detached emotionally? Hates the idea of being ‘tied down’? Under the thumb? Needs a man cave? Handyman? Car hoon? Ejaculation obsessed? Blue wearer? Sports obsessed? Violent video games obsessed? Dickhead? Useless? Pants only?
Same goes here, as above. All constructed labels. The difference is that males benefit greatly from this list in terms of action but suffer terribly in terms of how they get to express (which is very, very limited).
The world we have designed is ludicrous. We have become stupid.
We have allowed this design/system to nurture an obsession with greed and to revolve around giving the penis full privilege in seeking out what it needs to gain satisfaction. Unfortunately it’s insatiable and it’s mainly women (and ever more girls) that they seek.
Whilst the subservient females fulfil their destinies as mothers and housekeepers, they are juggling all the injustices and inequalities that are thrown their way – again only due to their biology.
In short, we are suffocating the true potential of what we can achieve – for all – as a species.
This stagnant construct can change through how we raise our children. To quote Yoda, we have to ‘unlearn what we have learned‘ and give our children a basis that teaches that we all have unique and amazing bodies that provide natural functions and miracles, but it is our mind that can do, be and express itself in whichever way it wants – as long as the basic rights that one expects for oneself, are afforded to the rest.
To practise humanity.
We need to be smart about this.
Deep Breath.
x
Question #195: Is it *all* just for a compliment?
January 1, 2014
The moment after Christmas dinners and lunches were fully consumed, my Facebook page got littered with images like the following:
…from women.
No men indulged me with feelings of having to diet or comment on the weight they had gained over Christmas. Just women. Then there was the plethora of women friends commenting on said images, also participating in the merry-go-round of the standard, “Oh, I KNOW! I’m exactly the same.” rigmarole – like it’s the secret password for entering an exclusive club.
And it is exclusive – only women seem to want to wholeheartedly enter. Just listen, especially around the ‘festive’ season (particularly when they’re around other women) and see how long it takes before kilos / stomach size etc. is mentioned – even for a moment.
It consumes females’ lives. C’mon…we’re smarter than that, aren’t we?
What does one gain from having the ‘perfect’ figure?
My real question is:
Is it all just for a compliment?
Don’t get me wrong, I like to look unique to me and do my best with what I have and if that receives a compliment – that’s nice! – but it’s not the reason why I dress and groom myself.
There have been moments in my life when my weight has blown out a bit (74 kg being my heaviest) but as I am tall, I have always looked pretty good. This is because I have thin legs and any weight gain went on from my stomach and up – the legs and thighs never changed. To the outsider, my legs camouflaged what was going on up top to a degree. Funnily enough, all I could see was my rounded face when I was at my heaviest – which ironically is what I really notice about people; their faces, not bodies.
How do I know I looked good? Because I was complimented as such – even as so far as being called lucky; lucky for having thin legs.
On an intellectual level – isn’t that ridiculous?
I just want to state for the record that the only luck my legs have given me is their ability to take me from place to place – just like every other able-bodied person on the planet.
That’s it.
Furthermore, ever since being at peace with all my bits – which has been quite a few years now – I’ve noticed that if I ever mention anything about my body (not complaining), I am quickly interjected and shot down with phrases such as, “You have nothing to worry about” or “I WISH I had your figure.” I have to say that it’s bloody frustrating not really being able to simply discuss changes one notices (and we know that it’s always happening with our complicated but wondrous bodies, ladies) without the obligatory “You’re fine” commentary. There are parts of me that sag, bulge and roll; I have wrinkles and skin pigmentation on my face; I have dark leg hair which is the bane of my existence to remove (see? not so perfect legs) and I have no butt. Side on, my stomach is about the same size as my bottom – very ‘attractive’… Etcetera and so on.
We’re women.
We all know our flaws (we’re good at believing what we’re told – that it’s how we think of ourselves) – and we all (yes, ALL) have them, because it’s personal and it’s entrenched.
But this is where I want to say that it is exactly our ‘flaws’ that make us unique and beautiful.
My body has not given me a free pass to anything – I have a mortgage (a 70s house in the western suburbs that I got aged 39; you’d think my body would have let me own a house sooner than that); I have a full-time job, two daughters to raise – who can both be very demanding; and the usual ups and downs of life. I can emphatically claim that my body afforded me no special privilege. Nothing.
The things I have gained in life have come from the person within (who is also flawed, by the way).
So if we are just looking for some verbal validation (from as many people as possible):
Question #196: Is it truly worth all this anxiety and self-hate?
Why not try something different when thinking of New Year’s Resolutions?
Please don’t let it have to do with altering yourself. So you over-indulged over Christmas and New Year; you know what to do to balance it out.
Walk tall, don’t negatively talk about your body and see the beauty in every female body you see – especially yours. Imagine the change, if our daughters saw the beauty on all sorts of shapes and sizes the way YOU do. Don’t judge other women or compare yourself, just cultivate your own temple. How about we women, collectively, make the New Year’s Resolution to blow these soul-destroying and self-hating beauty standards out the window.
I have been using a new word to compliment women and it’s not beautiful – it’s radiant.
Happy New Year, radiant ones!
Go forth and SHINE! x
Deep Breath.
PS I’ll leave you with a clip of Aussie ‘plus-sized’ model (which is ridiculous – she’s a goddess), Robyn Lawley. Forget what she looks like and just listen to her words. Soak them in.
Pass it on.
December 22, 2013
Does anyone remember the movie, Awakenings?
Based on a true story, Robert De Niro plays a patient – one of many – who is catatonic. They are all ‘awakened’ from their condition by a doctor (Robin Williams), testing a new drug which seemed to work…until it didn’t. I have this image in my head from the film, where De Niro’s character’s health is regressing and deteriorating; where the viciousness of his spasms cause his muscles to slowly seize, rendering them stiff and him catatonic, once again. (I cried for about half-an-hour after that movie ended, when I was at Uni. Head buried in a pillow.)
As of late, I’ve been experiencing moments where I feel mentally unable to move. The instances, and the related feelings that come with them, are happening a little bit more often as time passes.
I feel stiffened by the world – machine at work – people surrounding all of us and running the show. The drive to make excessive money – at all costs, regardless of who or what suffers – sickens me.
And it’s not just in the dark, underbelly of life – it’s disgustingly in government and big business; hand in hand; cutting more and more corners at our expense. There is no escape from it – the Internet makes sure of that, of course; with pictures and everything:
Atrocities being done to people – predominantly women and children;
Atrocities being done to animals;
Atrocities being done to the planet;
By Bullies.
Question #194: Where’s the outcry?
There are many ‘regular’ people out there – wonderful people with courage – driven to do something and speak up. A common way to raise awareness is by starting a petition. My heart aches to see the flow of terribly unjust issues going on and on out there; as they appear in my Newsfeeds and emails. It’s so deflating.
Helen Razer recently posted a piece about her refusal to sign petitions (amongst other actions) saying:
“If you just want me to sign your online petition, I will not sign it until you sign my online petition declaring that the purpose of online petitions is to draw attention to the fact that one has signed an online petition.”
I don’t agree with her comment above. I think there are many petitions out there that, with a big enough *outcry*, can (and do) create change.
But again – where is it?
I write here; I call things out and discuss different perspectives with the few who indulge me;
I share petitions calling for action – sometimes they work, but on the whole people stay mute; I also started a campaign with my friend Lily Munroe, to ‘Lose the Lads’ Mags’ and we’ve collected some great support from Collective Shout and awesome activists like Steve Biddulph. We have been just about ready to go for a few months now, but have been temporarily halted in the search for legal help. When we get going, a petition will be launched.
This is the juncture, where we seem to hit the wall.
Regardless of what action is taken – one still hits that wall of indifference…or hate.
The change that’s urgently needed for a more just existence for all, seems near impossible with our current paradigm – an overpopulated one – where Greed and the attainment of excessive money is far, far stronger – even (especially?) amongst our common populace.
So here I am – finding myself slowly stiffening, due to the lack of change for things we all know have to. As I look one way and see an injustice being called out, I read the vitriolic labels, clichés and criticisms that ooze out of trolls and the ignorant, through their comments – inherently saying, “Shhhhhhh….”
This post took me days to write and I nearly scrapped it all together. I feel like I’m getting repetitive – which is, in actual fact, the point; if it’s getting repetitive, then we have a problem, right? But ultimately, my posts are possibly causing the same reaction in you, that the cruel and grim realities of so very, very many of our own kind, are having on me.
So I’m stepping back from the blog for a mo’. I’m going to enjoy this holiday period with my family and wish the same for you.
A little more kindness – that’s what I’m pushing with my girls in how they treat each other.
The world is thirsty for it too.
I hope 2014 is the ‘Year of Action’ where we, the people, band together as a race and balance things out a bit. It’s getting hideous out there.
I still have a plethora of things to say but they’re just going to come, when they come.
In the meantime, there are nearly two years’ worth of posts on this blog, covering many an issue. I invite you to take a stroll back there – maybe even partake in a wee chat with me.
I wish you all a Christmas that is merry, safe and full of awesome!
Lots of love to you and your loved ones.
Pass it on.
Paula x
Deep Breath.
First game: Two unjust casualties.
December 8, 2013
In the play, Threepenny Opera by Bertolt Brecht, a corrupt character named Peachum starts his first stint on stage by looking directly at the audience and declaring the lines:
“Awake, you sinners, awake!”
That’s aimed at us – Society – one that ‘sins’ through its compliant silence.
Brecht was a political playwright who wanted people to watch his theatre with intellect and reason, and not be deceived by the lure and grip of emotion.
Ultimately, he wanted people to leave the theatre with a sense of recognising the ludicrous injustices (still) going on in the world and DO something – to leave the theatre:
AWAKE!
Question #193: What does it take to stir the depths of society’s moral and ethical compass?
Last night was the first game – here in Australia – of the US inspired, Lingerie Football League. This is an issue I have fiercely argued about in the past.
It is with continued disbelief that, in 2013, we actually have these poor women – desperate for ANY sort of respectful attention toward their sporting and physical prowess – play with (essentially) virtually exposed breasts.
The image below is from the US league.
I shudder to imagine the soreness and pain their breasts must feel, if that’s what they run in (no support) and smash into each other with.
Nope. Shaking my head. Gobsmacked.
AWAKE!
Women’s sport is virtually ignored.
Our screens are a deluge of men’s sport, 90% male commentary and male worship.
In David Penberthy’s article – Lingerie League an Insult to Sport and Channel 7 – he writes:
“It is pretty weird that at a time when our cricketers couldn’t buy a win, and were making headlines instead for being sent home after refusing to do their homework or decking a Pommy batsman in the small hours at an English pub, our women cricketers were quietly going about the business of becoming world champions, again.
Couldn’t name one of them.”
That’s the crux.
We don’t see women’s sport…unless they’re in their underwear?
Sexism. Pure sexism.
Last night the Lingerie Football League claimed two victims.
Victim #1: Tahina Booth (pictured above), was taken away by ambulance due to injury. One person on Twitter said she appeared in agony for a while before the ambulance arrived.
The following was Tahina’s response to a question from Andrew Webster from the Sydney Morning Herald:
There are a lot of critics of this sport. I have my own doubts. What would you say to them?
“I understand. I have a complex with the uniform. I don’t like it, and it’s not practical. But when you look at it, there are masses of people coming to watch … they realise it’s not for fun and these girls aren’t taking it lightly. A lot of feminists have told me I’m a disgrace. I tell them that I’m doing this for an opportunity. I work so hard, it’s cost me so much money. I just want to be the best I can be.” *
How sad that here in Australia, women athletes like Tahina are simply not respected. That her ‘opportunity’ can only come from a form of undress. This is sexism at its purest.
The LFL responded today about her ‘injury’, stating she was merely dehydrated.
I sincerely hope that’s all it was.
Victim #2: Randy Perret – father to one of the players – wrote the following apology to Collective Shout, when his daughter was deemed ‘too fat’ to play, ON GAME DAY:
“I wish to apologise for the comments have posted lately regarding the LFL in Australia. i have known of Mitchell Mortaza and his reputation within the States but thought that maybe with a fresh start in Australia he may change his ways. Wrong. My 18 year old daughter has been told that she has to “lean out” to wear the uniform. That’s right. So yes LFL is all about how the girls look not how well they play the game. So now I have my 18 year old daughter down in NSW, shattered emotionally because at the last minute she has been told that she is too ‘fat’ to play his game. Send me any petitions you like and will gladly sign them. Also please forward any contacts as I wish to fight this all the way. We can not have our young girls thinking that you need to be skinny to play any sport in this country.”
She had already spent money on getting the prerequisite spray tan before the game.
Spray tan. Any Australian male footballers putting on their obligatory spray tan before a game?
No – the female athletes of Australia are not being respected. In this case, they are (mundanely) being exploited for their physical appearance. The fact that the audience is predominantly there for titillation through accidental nudity (something in the girls’ clause to play), is a truly sad indictment of our current paradigm.
Awake.
Deep Breath.
x
Women are the supply; Men are the demand.
November 10, 2013
Here in Australia we have a t-shirt company named Nena & Pasadena.
The t-shirts they sell show degrading images of women – generally with their faces cut out of the image so that their value only lies in their breasts, buttocks and the all-important pose.
Example:
You get the idea.
A few months ago, this company started an all-ages ’Casting Call’ on Instagram #npcasting – calling out for men and women (boys and girls) to post photos of themselves, to then be judged by a group of privileged lads – deeming them the ‘hottest’.
To the truly tiresome argument that men are objectifying themselves too, I reply with the obvious – it’s not the same. Men have their shirts off, flexing chest muscles. Strength. That’s it. They’re not sexually posing with their legs spread or bending over with their butts in a g-string (thong).
Simply – the males are not vulnerable. And that’s the glaring difference.
There is also the fact that there are far more females posting up their ‘selfies’. I’m sure you don’t need to go over to the site to verify you’ll see predominantly women and teen girls in hyper-sexualised, or sexy-kitten, or innocent-young-girl-ready-to-be-deflowered etc., looks and poses.
I took the following images off the actual competition page:
So here is my perspective on this pandemic:
Yes, women are doing it.
But WHY?
This is not empowerment.
And there’s a very simple reason for it – it’s done for validation from a vulnerable position, not one of power. Once someone seeks validation, they are in a submissive position to the person they’re awaiting judgement from.
Period. And this obviously gives the ‘judge’ ultimate power and places them in a dominant position.
This is not what we want for our girls and we don’t want our sons to see and judge girls and women this way. And yet…
What we also seem to forget – but shouldn’t – is how these girls and women will be spoken about. It won’t be about their sunny disposition, it will be crass, degrading, demeaning and more – calling them bitches, sluts, whores, gangas (girls who like gang rape; a term used by teens) and so on.
We know that.
Question #190: So, why do we continue to act so blind and ‘unaware’ of the effect this is having on our psyche?
- That women are being collectively objectified and seen as submissive (by BOTH sexes), in everyday life;
- That our youth’s perspective on gender is becoming alarmingly skewed and toxic;
- That there is no equal modelling on what healthy and loving relationships look like.
All of this is for the male gaze – one that’s becoming insatiable.
As a tiny example, this ‘casting call’ is evidence of that.
Why does Nena & Pasadena need to incite this behaviour? It’s a win/win for them – they get the benefit of seeing to what levels women will go to be validated in this way and get wonderful material for men everywhere (including predators) to masturbate over.
Simple truth.
Sadly the images are posted up by a large contingent of girls and women who have been brainwashed to think their value lies only in the collective sum of their body features; although the differentiation in their ‘hottness’ is miniscule – they all look the same. The fact that women’s faces are absent (like on many N & P t-shirts) just confirms this.
Why doesn’t that annoy women enough to stick two big fingers up at it all?
These t-shirts are just a cog in the machine; the machine that includes porn magazines in newsagencies and petrol stations all the way through to the infinite collection of violent and degrading porn on the Internet.
I recently featured in the article Too much, too soon – in the Sydney Morning Herald magazine, Sunday Life. This is a succinct and illuminating piece by Melissa Jacob, about the toxic relationship our kids are having with Internet porn.
This is an emergency.
These women are the supply; Men are the demand.
And we all know that when demand is strong – and supply is waning – extreme measures, like trafficking, are taken to keep the demand happy. That road leads to a desensitised world – one that will stoop to anything, while the rest turn a blind eye.
Are we there yet?
Deep Breath…and make a stand!!
x
PS Want to take action?
1. Nena & Pasadena is owned by AFL player Buddy Franklin (who joined the Sydney Swans in 2014). The AFL has a policy regarding respect for women that this ‘business’ does not comply with. You can write to the AFL or the Sydney Swans and let them know your thoughts – especially from you good males.
2. With some friends and the gals from Collective Shout, we’ve been posting our own memes on the competition page.
Why not do your own? It’s as easy as writing a sign, taking a photo of it and posting it on #npcasting on Instagram.
I put up the following one:
and this one:
GO FOR IT!!
How I see Malala.
October 13, 2013
I’m finding my mind swimming – literally swimming – with thoughts and perceptions that I want to articulate in a coherent and succinct manner. But there are so many and sometimes it just doesn’t help that I want to shout and use a shit-load of profanity.
I’m getting so weary and disappointed at our microscopically slow pace of change, that I have this to say:
One important lesson to gain from Malala (not the obvious one).
Yesterday I read an article that had a great impact on me.
It says:
This is a story of a native girl being saved by the white man. Flown to the UK, the Western world can feel good about itself as they save the native woman from the savage men of her home nation. It is a historic racist narrative that has been institutionalised. Journalists and politicians were falling over themselves to report and comment on the case. The story of an innocent brown child that was shot by savages for demanding an education and along comes the knight in shining armour to save her.
The actions of the West, the bombings, the occupations the wars all seem justified now, “see, we told you, this is why we intervene to save the natives.”
I agree. It practically looks like a PR stunt and I don’t like that Malala looks like she’s being used as a pawn in this seemingly deceptive agenda.
I also agree that there are A LOT more Malalas out there.
But this is the point where I want to deflect and add something important.
It’s not just that these girls need urgent saving – and they absolutely do – the motivation that has to power the movement of change, is the realisation that:
This world NEEDS girls and women like Malala.
It’s the missing ingredient for things to improve.
Girls and women.
NOT to take over. Equal representation.
If women – according to the Patriarchy – are supposedly the nurturers and carers, then the question shouldn’t be, ‘What have we got to lose?’ (because the only answer is money) but:
Question #187: What have we got to gain?
Simply, I think a great, great deal of good.
When are we going to evolve?
Don’t we want a happy planet for all, instead of this realm of greed, despair, rage and destruction?
I just want to finish by saying, that I think Malala is astonishing. A true hero. An inspiration.
I don’t care in the foggiest that the western world has made a big fuss about her – she absolutely deserves our full attention.
What a wonder she is.
Now let’s WAKE UP and channel that toward educating our children – in schools and at home – by teaching them to be the cogs of change.
Our youth is the answer – with our guidance.
If you’re thinking that you’ll give it a try (which would be awesome) – I would also like to respond with the famous words of Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back:
“Do or do not; there is no try.”
What are you going to do?
Something.
Anything. However small.
We must start to act as a collective.
Deep Breath.
x
The answers to the quiz.
September 17, 2013
Here are the answers to the quiz Who said it? Rapist or Lads’ Mag?
1. ”Use a nylon cord, tie them down and…use them.” RAPIST
2. “Persuading her to fellate you can be a bit of a challenge.” LADS MAG
3. “In the bedroom there’s only one boss…she’ll like you taking charge like a real man.” LADS MAG
4. ”It’s good to [anally penetrate] women because when you have s-xual intercourse with them in the v-gina, they may not feel it.” RAPIST
5. ”You have to keep reminding them that c*ck is king.” LADS MAG
6. “Married women are frequently an easier prospect than unmarried ones.” LADS MAG
7. ”If they conduct themselves as a lady, they don’t have to worry.” RAPIST
8. “You want to pick the loosest, skankiest one of the lot, fetch her a drink and separate her from the flock.” LADS MAG
9. ”Girls purposely put up a bit of a fight before s-x to not seem easy, even if they want s-x …they enjoy the back and forth of having the guy ‘try’.” RAPIST
10. ”If she is drinking, that’s already a point in your favour.” LADS MAG
11. “I eased my way into the ranga and banged her senseless. After a few minutes me and my mate swapped and his girl was a real good f— too. I… finished up all over her [breasts].” LADS MAG
12. ”Cut your ex’s face, then nobody will want her.” LADS MAG
13. ”You think [she is] so dewy-eyed she’s never sucked d*ck before? She knows how it works.” LADS MAG
14. “Is she fragile? Then how about you let her know she’s being f—ed?…Women just really want to get f—ed.” LADS MAG
15. “All women that get turned on enough will try anything.” LADS MAG
Yes. Only four out of the fifteen were said by convicted rapists.
Question #183: Do you still want these magazines available for our sons of any age?
Do you want men to think of our daughters in this way? And then act?
We have to get rid of them.
Please help.
Challenge newsagents, petrol station owners – ANYONE who perpetuates the spread of this evil.
And yes, I do believe it’s evil because when a man’s advice is that a woman needs to be reminded that ‘c*ck is king’ then it could be any one of us that gets that reminder.
That’s misogyny – hatred.
It’s sick and it’s in a magazine with no age restrictions.
Deep Breath.
x
Questions for Us 