Rape Culture. Just the way things are.
December 29, 2012
Sorry for the heavy title, but a few articles popped up today, that have me incensed…again.
Why? Because the current reign of our ever-present Rape Culture, seeping into every crevice, is simply infuriating me.
The definition of Rape Culture from upsettingrapeculture.com, writes the following:
WHAT IS RAPE CULTURE?
In a rape culture, people are surrounded with images, language, laws, and other everyday phenomena that validate and perpetuate, rape. Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.”This is what it means when people say that sexism and violence against women are “naturalised.” It means that people in our current society believe these attitudes and actions always have been, and always will be.
Just the way things are. Just are.
Question #126: Isn’t that the general reason/excuse for indifference?
Infuriating.
I started this post today after I saw the following article regarding the comments made by a Catholic Priest – Father Piero Corsi – in Italy:
Italians outraged by priest’s claim that women bring violence on themselves.
“The title of message was ‘Women and Femicide, How often do they provoke?’
“Father Piero Corsi said scantily dressed women bring out the worst instincts in men and cause violence or sexual abuse. He claimed women end up exacerbating tensions by ‘leaving children to themselves, having filthy houses, serving cold meals, buying fast food and providing dirty clothes.’ “
Great.
When will ‘the worst instincts in men’ be what attains the pressure from society to change?
No, no, no. It’s us – women. WE have to change…how we dress, how we act, what we say…
But…really…is that what the men in the church (and men in general maybe?) feel is the actual solution?
Will rape and violence against women cease to exist if we stopped wearing plunging necklines?…and stopped providing dirty clothes…and serving cold meals (is that a cold heart too?)…and…and…and…
We all know the answer to that is no.
Hence, we have a Rape Culture.
And yet, if all the rational people think that what’s happening is going down a dark, violent and septic alley, why are we not seeing anything being implemented to stop the continuing, harrowing statistics?
Now I have an even heavier heart due to reading that the poor girl who was gang raped in India, has just died from her injuries.
The following article was a response to the Indian girl’s rape itself, telling women they should carry chilli powder to throw in the eyes of their attacker and not go out at night.
How to prevent sexual assault (no chilli powder required)
Again, GREAT! Anything else for women to do?
This article does have a wonderful list of tips, however, that should actually be used to encourage a change. Tongue-in-cheek – yes – but you get what it’s saying:
Anne Bartow’s Sexual Assault Prevention Tips
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behaviour.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
Makes sense doesn’t it?
Here’s an idea: How about it’s NOT women who attempt to stop things, from a defence position; not being allowed to be themselves.
How about governments intervene from a ‘childhood educational angle’?
Tone down the amount of imagery that’s EVERYWHERE, like this:
I pulled up behind this bus when it was stopped. This is the moving billboard, distracting everyone who’s driving. And where’s the filter for all the developing brains who are taking it all in?
Woman=gagging for it (look at the image)=looove sex=rape.
Question #127: How about implementing a new program in schools? Australian National Curriculum?
We need something. Anything.
Deep Breath.
x
What about the male gender? Part #1: Boys.
December 26, 2012
I hope everyone had a magical Christmas – especially if there were little ones amongst the celebrations. It feels like Christmas is the last frontier of innocence.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the sons being raised in this current climate, as they are being bombarded with the same damaging images and ideals. These lead boys and young men to feel pressure; to work out who they are in this world.
I have always believed that boys and men can pretty much do whatever they want, without judgement (unless they do something unintelligent, of course) – wear whatever, do whatever – and generally with a band of merry men in their team or by their side, making the rules and saying, “Yes, you can.”
However, the pressure to conform to social norms, especially in this current pop-culture, is seeing our boys being demonised for having any ‘feminine’ traits and are subsequently pigeon-holed into a small corridor of what it means to be all ‘man’.
The biggest issue is (obviously), how this is being represented – especially in the places our youth gravitate towards – watch – and learn. This is when neural pathways are formed and entrenched.
A curious point: When I was young (the 70s), I used to feel sorry for boys. They couldn’t do what we could do – we could wear the same things as boys AND dresses and we were encouraged to play with whatever we wanted. They couldn’t play with dolls.
They’re still not encouraged – not ‘manly’ enough, it seems.
A very sad testament to our intelligence, that we keep teaching the same stereotypes; continually being pushed.
As one of two daughters, I found that my father had a positive influence on my sister and me – opening up another world. We played with toy cars, had a train set and a figure 8 race car track, Dad showed us how car engines worked and we rode mini motorbikes and three-wheeled trikes. This just added to the rainbow of how we played and developed, on top of our world of dolls and other ‘girly’ pursuits.
You probably would have categorised us as ‘Tomboys’. My maternal grandmother was one. So was my mother. At the time, and as I grew, I wore the label with pride – but not anymore. I just think I was being me.
I look at my two daughters now and I see more of the same. My 6 year old LOVES cars and Spiderman. My 10 year old LOVES dinosaurs and space.
They also love playing with their dolls and ‘cooking’, are sporty, draw, play Lego etc. but it’s the wonderful mix that’s important. Funnily enough, my sister got a sticker book for my 6 year old (sticker nut) for Christmas and had to get her the ‘boy’ book which is called ‘Brilliantly Blue’ and has a little photo of a boy on the cover. It’s HEAPS better than the ‘girl’ one – in that it better matches my daughter’s likes and interests.
Isn’t it cool?
Buying presents this Christmas for kids was quite disheartening, as the girls were saturated in pink, dolls, prams, easy-bake ovens etc…all with photos of girls only enjoying the toy.
What about the boys?
Boys will turn into men, who may have children. Boys will turn into men who can, and do, cook.
So why is it discouraged?
More importantly, what is being encouraged through boys’ toys?
Violence?
The following quote is from the Huffington Post:
“Girls are typically given dolls while often boys are discouraged if not entirely prohibited from playing with dolls. This is gendering. Playing with dolls is one way that children can learn to nurture. Why then would we only teach half of the population to do that? … Our popular culture continues to equate violence and intimidation with power, for males. This is consistently seen in television, movies, video games and the news. As long as physical prowess and violence are legitimized as paths towards power, we will continue to see extensive male violence (of which mass violence is just one form)… from constant images of war, both real and fictional, first-person shooter video games and the proliferation and normalization of other images of violence throughout the culture, it is not surprising that people have become desensitized to real-life violence. People can’t understand how a man could stand before a child and shoot them, and while it feels inconceivable, it needs to be addressed in the context of larger issues of desensitization… While certainly not all boys and men are violent, all of the mass killings that have terrorized the nation–even before Columbine and through to Sandy Hook–have been committed by males. This simply cannot be ignored. “
Question #125: When will we do something about how our children’s lives are being directed towards stereotypical and limiting likes, wants and lifestyles?
Deep Breath.
x
A few articles to whet your appetite.
December 17, 2012
Well, it definitely feels like there is starting to be more and more debate on gender behaviour. The following articles have different perspectives and experiences that I thought you might like. I did. There are many, many more articles out there, but I feel like I can’t keep up sometimes.- which is good, I suppose. Voices are being heard.
This first article written by Laurie Penny looks at the sexist bullying women can (and do) face on the Internet:
“Perhaps it should be comforting when calling a woman fat and ugly is the best response to her arguments, but it’s a chill comfort, especially when one realises, as I have come to realise over the past year, just how much time and effort some vicious people are prepared to expend trying to punish and silence a woman who dares to be ambitious, outspoken, or merely present in a public space.”
From the article: A woman’s opinion is the mini-skirt of the internet
The next article is written by Yashar Ali:
“You’re so sensitive. You’re so emotional. You’re defensive. You’re overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You’re crazy! I was just joking, don’t you have a sense of humor? You’re so dramatic. Just get over it already!
Sound familiar?
If you’re a woman, it probably does. Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they have done or said?”
From article: A Message to Women from a Man – You Are Not ‘Crazy’
This final article has restored Germaine Greer in my good books again. The following article appeared in The Canberra Times this last Saturday, and it’s great. Germaine voices an opinion on an experience in Amsterdam, which ruffled her feathers – and rightly so!
“At an event in Amsterdam recently, I was ordered by a woman on the stage to take the hand of the woman next to me, who happened to be 76-year-old Hedy d’Ancona, and tell her she was beautiful. This would be more conducive to her self-esteem, apparently, than reminding her that, having served as a minister under two Dutch governments, as a member of the European Parliament, and as chairman of Dutch Oxfam, she was immensely distinguished and I was honoured to be sitting next to her.”
From Greer’s article: Hands up if you’re feeling any less revolting?
It’s something I’ve been writing about for a while – The beauty we aspire to, does not come naturally…or cheaply.
I concur with you on this one, Germaine.
Don’t forget that Dove’s parent company, Unilever (which I’ve also written about), also did the sexist Lynx campaigns.
Dove’s message to women – “Love yourself for who you are, whatever shape. You’re beautiful!”
Lynx’s message to women: “You’re not beautiful and no man will want you, if you don’t look – and act – like this.” (PS Buy Dove or any other Unilever product – that MAY help).
Conflict of messages, much?
A Lynx’s poster campaign, for shower gel, featuring a woman standing underneath an outdoor shower on a beach wearing bikini bottoms while clasping an undone top against her boobs. The poster ran with the strapline “The cleaner you are the dirtier you get”.
Nice.
Anyway, I’ll leave you read.
It’s time to step outside of ‘the emotion’ of life and start becoming a rational observer of it.
Question #123: What do you see?
Deep Breath.
x
Question #119: Have you read ’50 Shades of Grey’?
December 10, 2012
If you have – you MUST read the following article.
If you haven’t – you MUST read the following article.
It’s so well written and clear. I think it succinctly hits the nail on the head – so this one’s a bit of a Feminist Shout Out #6 to you ladies.
I would LOVE to hear from those of you who liked the novel and what it was that appealed to you (no judgement, whatsoever – just honestly curious).
Have you changed your mind, now that you read this article?
Question # 120: Is it just another step in our conditioning?
Let me know what you think.
Deep Breath.
x
Watch this one minute ad.
December 7, 2012
Question #118: Thoughts? Do you agree there’s an urgent problem?
If your answer is no – we’re screwed.
Feminist Shout Out #5. Please watch this, guys.
December 5, 2012
I haven’t got time – I’m about to go to our School’s presentation evening.
BUT…I have to share this with you.
This video is made by a young man who has used his voice – and it’s wonderful.
Spot on.
Question #116: What can we, men and women, do to change things around?
Boys/guys/men: stop pushing your adult sexual urges and fantasies onto our kids (surely it can be interpreted that doing nothing is giving consent to it). Have some decency.
Toddlers in tiaras/sluts/crazy nut-jobs:
WAKE UP!
Look at how you’re being represented.
Question for women #117: Why are we even in the ads/shows/movies/music videos etc. etc. etc. to start with? Perpetuating it?
Women (as a gender) are helping – in a BIG way – to sell ourselves short. We are CONFIRMING everything that’s portrayed about us.
So that’s why we think it’s reality – but it’s not.
I’m not like that!
I find it gobsmacking that I’ve already had a sex talk with my 9 year old daughter – a while ago, actually – because that ‘slut’ representation is everywhere. Some queried whether she was too young for that chat and I thought, “Too young? My talk as a mother to her daughter, answering her questions, is more scrutinised than what we’re allowing them to see, like wallpaper?”
Our lives should have the tag-line: Parental Guidance Recommended.
Come on…what can we do to have a happier, mental world? To help our girls AND boys.
I have to go.
Deep Breath
x
Question for men – #5
November 26, 2012
Yesterday, 25th November, was White Ribbon Day – a male-led campaign to stop violence against women.
The following article is an edited version of a speech given by Ken Lay, the Chief Commissioner of Victoria Police.
It includes some sobering facts and haunting situations. It practically seems unrealistic.
“We create the environment in which these people– who are 95 per cent men – think it is OK to do what they do.”
There must be something that can be done to change this.
Surely.
Not see women as the enemy?
What?
The ugly reality of violence against women
And please guys, don’t take this personally. I’m sure the majority of you reading this have never laid a finger on a woman or girl…BUT it doesn’t take away from the fact that the male gender is doing this.
You (guys) know how men tick – better than I, or any other woman, ever will – so:
Question #114: What’s the solution? How do we start to turn things around in this area?
Deep Breath for all women living violent and violated lives.
x
And then there’s this.
November 20, 2012
*Warning*
The following article contains information that some may find upsetting.
It has upset me quite deeply.
Female Circumcision in Indonesia
I have no words.
I have no question.
Our humanity seems to be disappearing…
ebbing away…
until we’re numb.
And you know what? If you say, “Well, that’s the way it’s always been” my response would be,
“So what!What do we think about it today??”
Doesn’t this bother anyone else?
If it does, then why is this sort of thing – as well as the countless, upon endless other kinds of atrocities – still HAPPENING?
There must be way to stop this.
Deep Breath
._.
Question #113: Why can’t we do this?
November 17, 2012
Seriously, why?
The Dalai Lama put up the following quote on Facebook:
“However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will “not survive. When we are sick or very young or very old, we must depend on the support of others. There is no significant division between us and other people, because our basic natures are the same. If we wish to ensure everyone’s peace and happiness we need to cultivate a healthy respect for the diversity of our peoples and cultures, founded on an understanding of this fundamental sameness of all human beings.”
The simplicity of this staggers me.
Isn’t this what we ultimately and deeply desire? To be happy and at peace?
The global predicament we’re in, however, is one where more people than not believe that the attainment of true fulfilment is only possible with the obtaining of money.
Money = Power. How intoxicating.
It must be addictive – the drive to compete for more, to buy the best and most expensive – even oppress…because to gain it to the detriment – the sometimes terrible detriment – of others – is inhumane.
How can we turn a blind eye towards the people who just had the truly unfortunate, bad luck to be born into poverty, into violence and war, into slavery, into prostitution…
…into a cursed existence?
Cursed.
The Dalai Lama’s philosophy (solution) is so simple.
Can’t be worse than the cancer we have now – infecting our global, toxic psyche.
Question #114: What have we got to lose?
Of course it will never be everybody thinking in this manner. Impossible.
…but couldn’t it at least be that there’s more of us, than them, to bring about a shift?
Ever hopefully yours,
Paula x
It’s a girl! #2
November 15, 2012
In a part of my discussion about the ‘Femicide’ of girls in India and China, I referred to the core of its motivation being about greed – especially in terms of the dowry system in India.
Some of the people who commented in response to the post, weren’t so sure about greed being the primary drive – but I’d like to explain my understanding of it:
If an entire nation feels that their current system of female slaughter is acceptable because of the issue of a dowry – then money is the goal.
I think that at this point greed is the predominant factor because sons are revered for what they can ‘bring in’.
Women and girls, on the other hand, are treated like a commodity.
They are always owned.
You may feel that the term ‘greed’ is incorrect (maybe it is) – but I can’t get past the fact that the essence of it is money driven…and all because of the septic tradition of paying someone to take your daughter.
Worse still the amount of violence and ‘dowry deaths’ bestowed upon these poor, poor women – that comes from the parents not paying enough dowry – is again driven by money. Torture, starvation, beatings, forcing acid down women’s throats…
It makes me feel sick.
The following article A Report On The State Of India’s Girls has more devastating statistics like:
* Hundreds of girls born in India are given names like ‘Unwanted’ and ‘Undesired’ by their parents.
* 90% of abandoned children in India are girls.
* 25 million girls in India are married off before the age of 10.
* 53.22% of children in India have experienced some sexual abuse; 22% of them extreme forms of sexual violence.
* Up to 5 years of age, girls in India have a 40% higher mortality rate than boys the same age.
Towards the end of the documentary, a very eloquent Indian woman was explaining how ludicrous it was, that while women like herself try to engage in a dialogue with people who continue these disgusting practices, they end up finding themselves discussing women as if they’re the latest conservation plight – like ‘Save the Pandas’ – except women aren’t an animal – they are fellow human beings.
Question #112: Can we all stand and use a collective humanitarian voice to help these women and girls?
YES!
Sign this petition to stop Female Genocide in India:
http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/stop-female-genocide-in-india/sign.html
At least it’s something.
Deep, deep breath.
x
Questions for Us 