A small morsel to chew over…
May 6, 2012
Yesterday (Saturday), on the cover of The Sydney Morning Herald was an article about the top 5 things Australian men and women worry about:
MEN:
1. My future career 2. My achievements 3. The future 4. What people thought of me 5. Doing well at work or school.
WOMEN:
1. My future career 2. The future 3. My weight 4. My achievements 5. What people thought of me.
Although both sexes worry about their career first – it’s curious to see the women’s third concern.
It reads: “Worries about weight ranked highly for women only. That was not surprising, given the cultural obsession with the appearance of women, Professor Hudson said. ”But it is really alarming that 60 per cent of women said they worried about appearance at levels that interfered with their quality of life.”
60%!
Are you one of the 60%?
The fact is that men do not have this worry and we really have to ask ourselves WHY?
Question #42: How are we, as women, contributing to this problem?
That weight worry is ‘interfering with their quality of life’ – is a gloomy statistic.
Is there any hope for change in how we see ourselves?
In regards to worrying, there is a quote I always use with my students:
Worrying, is praying for what you don’t want.
Deep Breath.
x
Full article: Whttp://www.smh.com.au/national/top-of-worry-list-work-work-work-20120504-1y47u.html#ixzz1u5WZW03W
PS…
May 6, 2012
Thank you for the supportive comments that I’ve received so far about my sometimes ‘hostile’ environment at home. I take some comfort in knowing that it’s normal for siblings to go at each other, over everything – especially when they’re in the mood for it…but there’s one important thing I forgot to add to the last post – which I think I alluded to, but didn’t quite spell out.
And that is that I hate the person I become when they finally tip me over – and that it’s the ‘mother’ they see more often. I worry that with the frequency in which I find myself refereeing, setting boundaries and/or disciplining, will create (is creating) a negative experience for all three of us.
Them – because they’ll see me as continually being unhappy with them and in a bad mood;
Me – finding myself not wanting to be around them. I hate having that feeling…but I shamefully feel it.
My youngest now mirrors the way I act when I lose control – she shouts and screams so loudly, you’d think she was being attacked. But as head-strong as she is, she learned it from me.
I know it has to start with me…but after days of me doing things in the ‘right way’ with them – I get angry when I don’t (think I) see an effort being made by them.
That’s when I feel like a fraud – because my intellectual mind knows what needs to be done, I do it…and then it doesn’t work. My head then spins into…
WHHAAAAATT????…What did you just say to me??…You did WHAT??…
…but then, they’re only kids – so young. I know.
Question #41: Would mothers really sign up for this, if we actually knew what it would be like?
I know the answer to this is ‘YES’…because we would always think that it would be different with our kids.
I talk to my mother often about this and after a few responses of, “I know” from her – I asked her why she had never told me what it was really like to raise kids. Well, the simple truth is, I wouldn’t have listened because my girls are my one and only lifelong dream – come true. Having kids was all I EVER wanted.
Time to take a deep breath…again.
x
Your wisdom.
May 5, 2012
I just came in from hanging out the washing – on this magnificent day in Sydney. Clouds are starting to come over now – but that sun is yummy, when it pokes through. It’s made a weekly chore a pleasure to do; in that peace and warmth.
The best part is – my children aren’t here.
This is hard for me to write admit because I’m going through a very challenging time with my girls – especially my youngest. She’s 5.
I need your advice.
I never thought motherhood was going to be such a tough gig. I know in my heart that I couldn’t imagine a life without my girls…although on days like today, I cherish not having them around – so I can reboot.
Sometimes I feel like a great mother and I think how lucky I am – and at others, more often than not, I feel a despair and think, “What am I doing?” I hear a lot of mothers really sound like they are having such a positive and wonderful experience with their kids, and I feel like a fraud. Sometimes.
Basically, our home is one of fighting. The majority of the time, it’s the girls with each other but it always trickles down to me. They fight about everything – about who hurt whom, who took what they were playing with, who’s not letting them have a turn – everything. Hubby and I rarely fight – and if we do, it’s not in front of them – so it’s just a battle with each other…and me.
I have alone time with both girls, for about 3 hrs every afternoon. Some of the time, it’s a battle-of-wills with my youngest – who always says, “No” or “Awww?” to just about every instruction or statement I make. Now, I’ve always had a short temper – but I truly believe that I have improved over the years (it takes longer for me to get worked up) because I want to have control over it and model it to the girls.
So, I’m making the best of efforts, to be a better role model – by expressing what I need to, without anger – and positively reward their good behaviour. I do that with a spontaneous show of affection (lots of kisses), tell them I love them, say a, “That’s the way!” when they do a good gesture toward each other…I even took them to see Mirror, Mirror last week, as a treat…
…but on some days, I just reach a stage where I lose my block. It’s always verbal (shouting); we don’t smack – but when I lose it like that, I think it’s just as bad as a smack – just as damaging. I sometimes feel like I have an out-of-body experience, watching my behaviour show my daughters how to deal with tough situations – in 3D; with Dolby Surround Sound; on an IMAX screen!
On days like these – I feel like it’s all for nothing because of the GIANT leap backwards, we just took – thanks to me.
But it’s incessant – the asking, the asking again – even though the reason was calmly given with the answer, the whingeing – when they know it might not go their way, the debate – loathing sentences that start with, “But you said…”
Let me say, that they don’t get their way – especially if they engage. But that’s the biggest problem – I don’t let up and they don’t let up. Especially my youngest; when she latches on, she’s on tight for the ride…
Every. Time. About. Anything.
It’s exhausting.
I need enlightenment from my sisters – of any age.
Question #40: Are there any wise words to impart?
I saw the name of the image below, The Wisdom Path, and loved it.
…looks like a long trip, doesn’t it?
Deep Breath
x
Just sayin’ – #1
April 28, 2012
I’m watching the news and I see Gai Waterhouse winning big at the races. As a part of the story, they’re interviewing the jockeys…and they’re all male.
Question #38: Why aren’t there any female jockeys?
Regardless of sex, wouldn’t the physique of jockeys be about the same?
…Just sayin’.
PLUS:
Please read the wonderful comment left by Lily, as a response to my last post. She also wants a culture free from porn and her comment is succinct.
Best of all, she’s started to take action by writing many letters to all political avenues, including our Prime Minister – to raise her voice against this Lingerie Football League starting in Australia. We’ve teamed up together and have started looking at different approaches to take – to be heard.
JOIN US…Men too! We need all you dads, uncles, brothers and sons who can see this toxic culture manifesting in front of your eyes.
Our democracy votes in politicians of all levels – so contact your Federal Representative. It doesn’t matter whether they’re your party or not – they’re there – and it’s time to ask them to act for the people of the electorate…who got them their job (majority rules!). After that, it will work its way up.
Use WHOEVER’S representing us. The more of you use, the better.
It’s time to be the village.
…and you know what ladies? Wouldn’t you want to put that ‘nagging’ label towards some good?
Now THAT’S empowering!
Deep Breath
…and GO!
x
![feminism31[1]](https://questionsforus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/feminism3111.jpg)
It takes a village to raise a child.
April 27, 2012
I’ve been waiting for some time to write about some of the positive and wonderful women, who are around me, as well as ‘out there.’ So. Many.
BUT, every time I want to inject some beautiful and inspiring stories into this blog, something infuriating pops up and I just have to voice my opposition to it.
Today is such a day.
I was talking to some of my Year 12 Drama students and one girl questioned my perspective, saying that I should just see guys and girls as equals.
I explained to her that I do see us as equal – that’s the whole point of my starting this blog.
Intellectually we ARE equal. There is nothing a female mind can’t do, that a male brain can.
But from a young age (and getting younger all the time), the brain seems to be the least important part to be cultivated in girls – and boys – from a consumer machine that just wants girls to start, as early as possible, in feeling they need to be ‘on display’, feel insecure and continually strive to ‘improve’ themselves…well into adulthood. Cha-ching!
And our boys are being told they are nothing but walking erections who must NEVER show ‘feminine’ traits – such as crying; the only emotion permitted being anger and force.
A pretty penny, these companies are making from this scheme. But the insatiable drive to make more and more money, means the line is being continually pushed. Sometimes it’s outrageous what gets put out there but, sadly, at other times we are so desensitised, that we don’t think it’s that bad.
Two words – Lingerie. Football. Lingerie. Football.
It’s an innovation from the United States (surprise!) and it’s launching in Australia soon. This is what they wear:
…garter belts, skimpy ‘uniforms,’ little bow ties…mix this with an audience full of men, drinking beer…*shaking head*
A lot of the U.S. players, posed for Playboy…Gasp! Surprise #2.
We don’t want ANY girl to aspire to this…
Do we?
Nor do we want to desensitise our boys to see this as the only value women and girls (females) carry.
There’s a saying – ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ – well now, more than ever – we need to raise our voices – mums, dads, aunts, uncles, white collar, blue collar – and say:
NO! We don’t want this! There’s enough hardship to add this.
I simply can’t see any positives to this, for either our girls or our boys.
How can boys and young men have respectful attitudes towards women, when women are continually being objectified EVERYWHERE they look? A sense of entitlement also gets nurtured within males and that becomes dangerous for females.
More importantly:
Question #37: How do our young girls and boys navigate through this and come through unscathed?
We only need look around and see that there’s obviously something very wrong because it’s the women who sign up to be objectified.
It’s time for an intervention.
If there are any government bodies you can write to – please do. The ‘league’ is coming next year, so there’s time to act. The more voices the better.
The promoters are Triple M (radio station) and at this stage, Telecafe is a sponsor – bombard them with emails!
We are the village.
Deep Breath
x
A response – #2
April 23, 2012
I’ve received another great perspective (thank you), in response to my last post and I thought that seeing as I want to encourage a conversation – I’ll answer it here.
One part read:
I think as well part of the reason women wear such revealing clothes is because we can now, we have reached a stage where we have a right to wear revealing clothes and be in charge of our own bodies, there shouldn’t be anything shameful in wearing something flattering for your body. I don’t think that girls wearing short skirts or dresses is a *pick me* situation at all, in fact most wear them simply because they are in style not because they want to be picked by a man.
I completely agree that women have come such a looong way in being able to choose how to dress and being in control of their own lives – as well as many other advancements. But what I saw on Saturday Night was young women choosing to have a look that has, throughout the decades been equated to one word – SEX.
And that’s OK. I’m not a prude – I think it’s great that women also have more control over their sexual decisions.
BUT, this is the moment where I wonder where the empowerment is – because this look is purely to sexually arouse (heterosexual) men…
…it’s the image attached to porn – something created to service men’s desires; an image that has saturated our world, as shown in A visual presentation, since the internet truly hit our shores.
The word ‘flattering’ is the last word that comes to mind (for me) when I see this look because there’s nothing left to the imagination, nothing for the guy to discover – it’s fully out there.
Whatever happened to mystery? Showing a hint of the sexual woman inside, to engage a man?
I have seen VERY sexually alluring women with beautiful and stylish clothing; a low v-neck top, showing a long neckline or a short skirt to show off great legs – but a bit more conservative with the rest.
A taste.
What’s out there appears to be something tacky – when it’s every sexual looked rolled into one. There’s only one message. My husband, a very hot-blooded male, agreed with me – it was a visual candy shop for guys.
Is that it? Can’t we do better?
The reason I ask is because this fashion is filtering down to our young girls – as young as Primary School. We all know that’s true and for the most part, I think people are concerned about this. Why? Because it’s a sexual look and it primarily attracts and arouses men. *massive concern*
Another part read:
I really don’t understand what you mean by girls looking the same while boys all look different, as far as I can tell when it comes to clothes men have a far smaller variety of choice than women.
Men have always used the same clothes for well over a century – as I wrote before – pants, shirt, flat shoes. I was refering to the ‘type’ of guy we saw – not what they were wearing. When it comes to clothes, they don’t have to really make a choice.
But women do. So why not choose a fashion that has sexual allure, steeped in style and mystery?
Again, I really would like to repeat – I’m not criticising these women. I just think they’re worth more than their ‘appearance’ of a stereotypical, male sexual fantasy. Whether girls dress like that for fashion or not – it’s what the guys are interpreting, about women, that matters…
Question #35 …and in this man’s world (which it is) how can we EVER gain empowerment from this look?
We are giving them the look THEY like and, more importantly, the look they chose for us through shows, music videos, men’s magazines etc. etc.
Deep Breath
x
I saw it with my own eyes…
April 23, 2012
As I previously mentioned, yesterday was my wedding anniversary – 11 years. Hubby and I decided to have a night in the city, staying overnight in a hotel – possible, thanks to my mum, the overnight babysitter. *very grateful*
After we had dinner in our favourite Spanish restaurant in Liverpool Street, we decided to walk down George Street down to a popular nightclub for a boogie, whilst checking out the city streets of Sydney.
Well, that one kilometre (two-thirds of a mile) walk – as well as inside the nightclub – was certainly an eye-opener. I know that I’ve discussed this at length with you all before, but there’s nothing like seeing things for yourself…it’s quite depressing…
Just about every girl – I would say about 75% – looked EXACTLY the same. I reeeally wanted to take photos of them – but didn’t, so as to respect the girls’ privacy. Ironic, isn’t it? That I care more about respecting them, than they do for themselves…
So I just got on the Net and looked up ‘going-out clothes’ to get an image. The army / flock / plethora of girls I saw everywhere – looked something like this:
(Classic, that this first image uses the word ‘Unique’…)
It was wave after wave of short, short dresses – platform heels of varying colours and height (from high to ridiculously high) – fake tans and boobs out.
I saw many girls struggling to walk in their shoes – but hey, I know that we’ve always had to battle that. These platforms, however, (that we used to refer as pole-dancers’ shoes) are something else.
The thing that saddened me, was seeing the many girls who simply looked awkward – constantly pulling down the dresses that were just barely covering their underpants – the ones who are wearing what they’re supposed to, because all their friends are wearing the same.
As I was walking with my husband, a hetero-male in a sea of ‘easy’, I said to him – “If you were a young man, you’d have countless women to pick from. Who would you pick? (this was a rhetorical question, of course *wink*)
So it’s girls upon girls, groups upon groups – all sending the exact same message – “PICK ME!! PICK ME!! Because I’ll show you the best time.” If that’s not the message, what is it? Actually, it’s irrelevant what girls think it means because that’s the only message the guys are receiving – crystal clear.
The funny thing is that both Hubby and I noticed that it didn’t seem to really matter what the guy looked like – we saw daggy guys, short guys, metero-sexuals etc.etc. – basically a lovely collection of them …with the same type of girl described above… How lucky guys are, to have next to zero pressure about what to wear out – in complete and total comfort – jeans/pants; shirt/t-shirt; flat shoes.
Question #34: Why is this look so important for these young women? Don’t they want to be unique?
I’d looove to hear from anyone who can answer this. No judgement – just a conversation.
The thing is that I’m sure most of these girls go home without having been ‘chosen.’ What then?
WHAT THEN? Little less clothing next time?
So sad and YES…I believe women have gone backwards with the current youth culture. How do we help them?
To tie with the last few posts – I believe EVERYONE on this planet is deserving of wonderful and loving partnerships – if that’s what they want. But when it comes to these young women; until they have the strength and courage to step out and be completely themselves – how is a well-matched guy going to ‘see’ them through the fake clutter?
Deep Breath.
x
PS It’s back to teaching young minds tomorrow *wink*, so the posts might come a teeny less often – even though I wish I could write every day!
Love to you all. *big smile*
So, what sort of ‘feminist’ am I?
February 24, 2012
Yes, there’s that word again.
I was extremely grateful for my first male comment – expressing an opinion about how off-putting the word ‘feminist’ can be – especially to male. I want to include males in the conversation (and encourage them to join). The comment got me thinking about how our perceptions influence everything we experience in life. After all, your perceptions and perspective become your reality.
So, what is feminism?
1. the doctrine advocating social, political and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. an organised movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
So why is there such a negative connection to this movement?
The more important question is:
Question #19: Why is there STILL a movement?
I digress.
Maybe the negativity towards feminism is due to that common stereotype of angry, male-hating, bra burning females with hairy armpits. As much as I kind of understand not having to wear a bra (wouldn’t that be nice? Without the ‘girls’ quickly heading south and resting on our stomachs?) or shaving one’s legs and armpits, I think the key word there is angry. That’s what turns people off, I suppose.
But why shouldn’t there be anger, when it’s a question of equal rights?
Equal…not be judged on how similar we are, or should be, to males – but equal.
Equally needed. Equally valued. The yin to the yang.
I am a warrior for BALANCE.
Yes, I’m a [recent] feminist – I started to see. What I see is a world in trouble; tipping badly out of balance.
Yes, I feel a sting of anger towards the unequal place that females hold in our world.
My goal is to use a steady, but strong voice, hoping females join me in exercising their intelligence, to start shifting the current paradigm. I want to use this blog to make females – and males – aware of the saturation of images and stereotypes (in our ‘developed’ world) as well as the horrors inflicted on females in other parts of the world – due solely on their (our) gender.
All adults need to truly teach their daughters and sons – our future – how to navigate through the objectification and violence against females.
We need to empower girls in a diversity of ways – looks and weight being the least important – her mind being the most important.
Our boys and young males are in real danger as well – following a more misogynistic view of women due to the same images and stereotypes splashed everywhere they look. And now, on average, boys are starting to watch violent porn at 11 years of age.
Boys need to be taught to see it as abhorrent to see and treat females in the way they are currently; as anything less than equal.
I do not fight for me. I fight for any human being that is suffering injustice – it just so happens that statistically females are the predominant victims worldwide.
As a female, are you equal in EVERY aspect in your life? If you are, can you say the same for others? How can those sisters be helped? What about the way in which females are being portrayed in popular culture?
Bitch – Nag – Dumb – Useless – Slut – Fickle – Vain – Objectified Sex Kittens.
It’s easy to make females feel down about themselves by labelling them and keeping them in their place.
Question #20: What place do you hold?
I DO NOT hate males. I believe they are important and pivotal in creating a shift of perspective and change in our world – but they are currently running the joint…their way.
One gender in control = inequality.
We need BALANCE to make things right and just. Females ‘ruling the world’ would pose an equally, problematic existence.
50/50 should be the equation of males to females in any room on this planet, making a decision for their people. Nothing more; nothing less.
It’s the only way.
So, that’s the type of feminist I am – a calm and steady warrior, using her voice to get some balance in this wonderful, but absurd world.
Deep Breath
x
The Kardashians – a representation of what’s wrong today.
January 31, 2012
If there is a group of women who have been wrapped up in plastic packaging, sold to the world and subsequently gained unfathomable wealth – it’s the Kardashians.
I find it infuriating and a complete enigma, that these women are given a pedestal in our society for being ‘savvy business women’, but who are in fact being rewarded for their uselessness.
On a recent report, when Kim and one of the other coat-tail sisters came to Sydney, it claimed that the Kardashians made 70 million dollars the previous year. 70.million.dollars.
How is this possible? What is it they contribute to society to justify such wealth?
Let’s see…
# 1: Kim became ‘famous’ from a sex tape, which was conveniently leaked just before the start of their first season of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians.’
#2: As the family demonstrate nothing but their insatiable appetite for money and fame – we respond by giving it to them.
#3: Now they slap a label on and sell everything, including themselves. The same report claimed Kim asks for $150,000 an hour to make an appearance at an event.
With all that money, they can only swim laps in their greed – a greed on such a grand scale, that we seem (as a society) to admire it and reward it.
Isn’t Greed one of the Seven Deadly Sins?
The worst part is that rather than have some substantially significant impact on the world with that wealth, they just spend it all on their gross vanity – clothes, cars, a nip and a tuck – only further pushing young girls to revere a falsehood.
Here’s a picture of Kim crying…
In my Drama class yesterday, we were talking about how hard it is to laugh and cry convincingly when acting. When we were dissecting what makes a good cry, we agreed that there’s one common denominator – you look ugly….really ugly. That’s what a cry is. The image above shows a frozen face. Cover the mouth – she could be expressing ANY other emotion – because that top part ain’t moving.
What are these women, predominantly Kim, teaching to our girls?
This is where I’m stumped.
When the two sisters came to Sydney, the news reports showed gaggles, flocks, SCORES of young women and girls, going to shriek greet them. It was like the Beatles were in town.
Seriously.
On two separate news reports, hysterical (I kid you not) girls were asked what they loved about Kim. They both responded with equally breathless, squeals of, “She’s…SO BEAUTIFUL!!” When asked what else they liked, the reporters should have run the audio of the crickets chirping in the background because they had no other answer. None. One girl kept looking around, trying to think of something inspirational to say – probably hoping someone would feed her the answer…any answer.
Zip.
So there you have it – she’s beautiful. Fake beautiful. 70 million dollars.
Now we can feel relieved to know that our girls will now know exactly what they need to do – what to aspire to – to make money. And it all starts with selling themselves; selling themselves short.
Forget educating our girls – giving them a mind to make change – it’s all for nothing if all that’s important (regardless of what she’s achieved) is how she looks; sexy, hot and fake.
And that’s the message saturating our children’s world.
Boys used to have to sneak a magazine (that would have possibly been a little difficult to get), to see a bit of boob – now both boys and girls can simply to go to the shops because now we’re selling jeans like this:
Thanks girls. You look hot. I hope you got the validation you were looking for.
Question #9: Have these sorts of women become our girls’ new role models?
Questions for Us 