A weighty issue.
October 19, 2013
Weight.
Women’s weight.
Girls’ weight.
Your weight.
Her weight.
An entrenched obsession – incessantly being discussed in all forms – being passed on from adult woman to intently watching and learning girl.
Chelsea, a fan who follows my Facebook page, sent me an email due to the following meme that I found and put up on my page:
I LOVE the message of it but I also questioned whether the body in the image was the most realistic for the message. Chelsea wrote:
I’m a naturally slender and tall woman. I can gladly say I am proud of my body just the way it is but I’m sometimes made to feel guilty about this. It’s becoming increasingly common for people like me to be called unnatural or unrealistic. I know that what is portrayed in the media is often not a healthy image but I think we should be starting a movement of acceptance that we are all different in so many ways and that it’s important to be healthy and happy rather than still trying to paint a picture of what ‘real’ women look like.
This is part of what I responded to her:
I want – with all my soul – to live in a world where women’s bodies are not even an issue; that it’s just a vessel which houses an amazing human being.
I may sometimes focus on the larger figured women on this page, to help those who feel shame about their size and to hopefully help them start having more positive thoughts about themselves.
I am a naturally slender and tall woman too and lost 10 kilos (2 and a half years after giving birth to my second child). Many said I’d lost too much weight – although for my height I was well within the healthy weight range. But people still passed judgement.
I didn’t really do much to lose that weight – it’s like my body became that way with a few minor changes to diet but a major change to my attitude toward my body. I loved it.
That’s what really worked.I know many healthy women who are both overweight AND underweight – it’s just the body they have.
I similarly know women who do no exercise and eat poorly but are ‘slim’ . However, they may have issues down the track with their health.
A lot of the time – weight has little to do with health.
*** AND NOTHING TO DO WITH BEAUTY ***
Beauty is a state of mind.
I agree with Chelsea that the term, ‘Real Woman’, can be damaging because we are ALL real women – even slender ones.
The following is from a wonderful series of cartoons from Colleen Clark’s Body Image Comic. This first one hits the nail on the head:
I have to admit that it was only recently that I had a moment of clarity with my own daughters’ figures, purely due to how different their bodies are. Polar opposites.
My eldest has always been an eager eater…from birth.
I (and my husband) have always looked out for her – purely from a health perspective; an intake of too much food (or too much of the wrong foods) would cause imbalance in the body.
She is nearly 11. She is tall for her age; a muscly, solid, amazonian girl.
My 7 year old is another matter entirely. Some may describe her as skeletal.
Her weight is fine for her age, but her height is quite a bit taller – hence her slim shape.
Both my girls are unique. Their bodies are unique. As each woman’s body is unique.
They eat well and are always on the move – yet they look completely different.
I’m sure, however, that both – especially my eldest, will be judged.
They will see, as a gender, women (and girls) being miserable with the way they look – endlessly comparing themselves to the few who fall into the ‘beautiful’ category.
But it is simply a category – one that’s designed to instil insecurity for the pure purpose of making billions of dollars – forever making us doubt our worth.
Question #188: Why do women believe so heavily in all this and participate in its perpetuation?
Well, I will not do it to my daughters.
Their figures are what they are and I will simply guide them toward their bodies being nurtured as healthily as possible.
I want this to be the lesson:
Deep Breath.
Now exhale.
You’re radiant just as you are.
Now go be a great role model.
xxx
How I see Malala.
October 13, 2013
I’m finding my mind swimming – literally swimming – with thoughts and perceptions that I want to articulate in a coherent and succinct manner. But there are so many and sometimes it just doesn’t help that I want to shout and use a shit-load of profanity.
I’m getting so weary and disappointed at our microscopically slow pace of change, that I have this to say:
One important lesson to gain from Malala (not the obvious one).
Yesterday I read an article that had a great impact on me.
It says:
This is a story of a native girl being saved by the white man. Flown to the UK, the Western world can feel good about itself as they save the native woman from the savage men of her home nation. It is a historic racist narrative that has been institutionalised. Journalists and politicians were falling over themselves to report and comment on the case. The story of an innocent brown child that was shot by savages for demanding an education and along comes the knight in shining armour to save her.
The actions of the West, the bombings, the occupations the wars all seem justified now, “see, we told you, this is why we intervene to save the natives.”
I agree. It practically looks like a PR stunt and I don’t like that Malala looks like she’s being used as a pawn in this seemingly deceptive agenda.
I also agree that there are A LOT more Malalas out there.
But this is the point where I want to deflect and add something important.
It’s not just that these girls need urgent saving – and they absolutely do – the motivation that has to power the movement of change, is the realisation that:
This world NEEDS girls and women like Malala.
It’s the missing ingredient for things to improve.
Girls and women.
NOT to take over. Equal representation.
If women – according to the Patriarchy – are supposedly the nurturers and carers, then the question shouldn’t be, ‘What have we got to lose?’ (because the only answer is money) but:
Question #187: What have we got to gain?
Simply, I think a great, great deal of good.
When are we going to evolve?
Don’t we want a happy planet for all, instead of this realm of greed, despair, rage and destruction?
I just want to finish by saying, that I think Malala is astonishing. A true hero. An inspiration.
I don’t care in the foggiest that the western world has made a big fuss about her – she absolutely deserves our full attention.
What a wonder she is.
Now let’s WAKE UP and channel that toward educating our children – in schools and at home – by teaching them to be the cogs of change.
Our youth is the answer – with our guidance.
If you’re thinking that you’ll give it a try (which would be awesome) – I would also like to respond with the famous words of Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back:
“Do or do not; there is no try.”
What are you going to do?
Something.
Anything. However small.
We must start to act as a collective.
Deep Breath.
x
To shave or not to shave… #2
September 27, 2013
As a follow-up to my previous post on this issue, I just quickly wanted to add some photos.
This is an American comedian and actress – Mo’Nique – who has appeared on red carpets like this:
In the same way we became conditioned to (predominantly) find hairless legs beautiful –
Question #186: Is it possible to be attracted to hairy women’s legs?
If not – why not?
Question for men – #6: If I put it this way, will you understand?
September 26, 2013
I really hope so.
Although, this is for women too – of course. I’m sure there are many who will disagree with me.
I apologise for my absence of late – it seems the strains of life as a full-time working mum have pockets when they take their toll. I’m sure many working mums can give me an exhausted ‘amen’ there.
This bit’s for the guys. (You can listen in, though, gals)
Last week, I escaped with Hubby and the girls to a National Park for three days, with zero phone reception and no Net. It was sublime and enormously relaxing – which was just the ticket, as I think I was heading toward a ‘system overload’ situation.
Having access to the world would have rendered the whole mini-break pointless, as the crappy things that are going on profoundly affect me.
So, my first ‘me’ activity on the first day, was to pluck the hairs off my legs.
Mmmmmm – I hear ya – exciting stuff.
Now I know that I said in my last post on this issue – A hairy moment – that my only manner of removing leg hair was through shaving, BUT I had purchased a new ‘machine’ and after recently slicing the top off a toe knuckle with a razor (infuriating and bloody painful), as I attempted to balance in the shower to shave, I thought I’d give the ‘hair yank’ another shot.
Exfoliation and cream galore will be needed to stop the usual ingrown hairs.
So as my legs started to welt – Exhibit A:
– my daughters entered the room, looking quite perplexed, and asked why I was doing that. Like I was a crazy person.
At that moment, guys, what am I to say?
The truth? – that less than a hundred years ago, this became the ‘fashion’ and sealed our doomed fate to constantly undo what nature has given us?
Or our truth? – that they simply have to and will spend a truck load of money in the process?
I sat there – blinking (with the sounds of crickets) – and just looked at them.
Blank.
Question # 184: Do you see the conundrum we’re in as women?
At every turn – it’s JUST about our looks.
And that attitude permeates everything to do with women.
I want to instil in my girls – in ALL girls (and dare I dream it; boys and men) – that beauty absolutely comes in all shapes, colours…and (heaven forbid) hairiness.
But how can I teach that when I’m sitting there – intentionally – ripping the hair off my legs, leaving them in welts?
I felt a bit like a fraud.
So, I’m still a feminist who will not let my leg and armpit hair grow, because it’s entrenched in my views of beauty – BUT can you understand the frustration?
Before some of you guys say you have an equal problem because you have to shave your faces – I’ll respond with. ‘But by beauty standards you don’t have to.’ Exhibit B:
We have to…and it’s a bummer.
OK gals, this part is for you AS WELL. (Don’t go anywhere yet, fellas)
No, hair removal is not the number one issue that women face – by a long shot – women have much graver and more horrifying problems to face and deal with, on a global scale.
I wrote about this because I needed to explain the simple frustration of women (with the means – like myself) choosing to shave their legs, at the expense of all our wallets – men’s and women’s – AND the environment.
Imagine the plastic (as an example) we’d have saved from being produced, if this weren’t the fashion for women?
And the resources to MAKE that plastic? It’s mind-boggling when hair removal is a billion dollar industry.
All for what? Hair?
Sadly, the logic doesn’t translate to the already converted – like me – but:
Question #185: Should we really be doing this to ourselves and imparting it onto our kids?
It’s like men can be as hairy as they want to be and are steered away from their feminine aspects (which balances them out) – being ridiculed for being a ‘girl/woman’ in any way.
Whilst women have to rid themselves (preferably) of all body hair – except for the hair on the head, of course, which has to be long and cascading locks. (Another extreme beauty expense, BTW)
Women are being steered away from their wonderful, rugged strength (which balances them out) because those masculine traits – whether they be physical (looks) or in attitude – deem them ‘unladylike’.
We’re missing out on the best of ourselves.
We’re a bunch of idiots.
Deep Breath.
x
The answers to the quiz.
September 17, 2013
Here are the answers to the quiz Who said it? Rapist or Lads’ Mag?
1. ”Use a nylon cord, tie them down and…use them.” RAPIST
2. “Persuading her to fellate you can be a bit of a challenge.” LADS MAG
3. “In the bedroom there’s only one boss…she’ll like you taking charge like a real man.” LADS MAG
4. ”It’s good to [anally penetrate] women because when you have s-xual intercourse with them in the v-gina, they may not feel it.” RAPIST
5. ”You have to keep reminding them that c*ck is king.” LADS MAG
6. “Married women are frequently an easier prospect than unmarried ones.” LADS MAG
7. ”If they conduct themselves as a lady, they don’t have to worry.” RAPIST
8. “You want to pick the loosest, skankiest one of the lot, fetch her a drink and separate her from the flock.” LADS MAG
9. ”Girls purposely put up a bit of a fight before s-x to not seem easy, even if they want s-x …they enjoy the back and forth of having the guy ‘try’.” RAPIST
10. ”If she is drinking, that’s already a point in your favour.” LADS MAG
11. “I eased my way into the ranga and banged her senseless. After a few minutes me and my mate swapped and his girl was a real good f— too. I… finished up all over her [breasts].” LADS MAG
12. ”Cut your ex’s face, then nobody will want her.” LADS MAG
13. ”You think [she is] so dewy-eyed she’s never sucked d*ck before? She knows how it works.” LADS MAG
14. “Is she fragile? Then how about you let her know she’s being f—ed?…Women just really want to get f—ed.” LADS MAG
15. “All women that get turned on enough will try anything.” LADS MAG
Yes. Only four out of the fifteen were said by convicted rapists.
Question #183: Do you still want these magazines available for our sons of any age?
Do you want men to think of our daughters in this way? And then act?
We have to get rid of them.
Please help.
Challenge newsagents, petrol station owners – ANYONE who perpetuates the spread of this evil.
And yes, I do believe it’s evil because when a man’s advice is that a woman needs to be reminded that ‘c*ck is king’ then it could be any one of us that gets that reminder.
That’s misogyny – hatred.
It’s sick and it’s in a magazine with no age restrictions.
Deep Breath.
x
Little Girl Lost – If I Knew Then What I Know Now
September 15, 2013
A heart-wrenching account of the effects of abuse at the hands of her father. This woman – Carrie – is very brave for sharing her harrowing childhood which, of course, filtered into her adult life.
Deep Breath everyone.
Last week I shared my story for the first time so candidly with a group of grade 10 girls. A few days prior to the school visit I had written my most vulnerable blog entry but hadn’t the courage to publish it. I figured, if I was brave enough to share it with the girls and their response was favorable, I would ‘dare greatly’ and put it out there. In my wildest dreams, their reaction to me could never be as astounding as it was. They have been so affirming in their acceptance of me that I found in them the courage I was lacking. So as promised to the girls and to myself, here is my most vulnerable piece to date.
I often wonder if men and boys ever consider the damage their unwanted hands on the unwilling bodies and souls of girls does to us. Would they still…
View original post 1,742 more words
Take the quiz: Who said it?
September 11, 2013
Rapists or Lads’ Mags?
That’s the question.
I have always discussed how degrading and misogynistic magazines like ZOO are to our world and have also let you know that together with my partner in crime, Lily Munroe – with the strong support of Collective Shout and people such as Steve Biddulph – we are close to launching a sister campaign to the UK’s Lose the Lads’ Mags, here in Australia.
These magazines have now crossed the line and I’m over the clichéd arguments: Yes, porn has always existed. Yes, you can see a woman on the beach in a bikini. But my favourite has to be when a man responded to me on Twitter by likening a man with a bare chest on a Men’s Health magazine, as being in the same league of objectification as this:
Snore. These covers are now the gateway to what’s inside because women are not only being exploited and objectified in the images on the covers and on the pages inside – it’s also how women are being talked about. A gentle reminder (which is in the ZOO link above) was when ZOO asked its followers to pick a ‘half’:
But there’s more – there’s violence. Talk of violence against women – in magazines with NO age restrictions. It’s Rape Culture. It’s Porn Culture.
All of our rights are being exploited by having them so readily available.
Psychologists from Middlesex University and the University of Surrey discovered that the line between comments from convicted rapists and ones made in Lads’ Mags, were starting to blur. The following article explains: Are sex offenders and lads’ mags using the same language?
Question #182: So – do you think you can tell the difference?
Let’s see!
Leading up to the launch of our Lose the Lads’ Mags sister campaign in Australia we have compiled our own list of quotes taken from Lads Mags such as Zoo, Maxim, FHM and Picture as well as interviews with convicted rapists.
*** Take the quiz >>> HERE
Please let me know how you fared!
Deep Breath. x
Stay tuned.
September 9, 2013
I have been very absent from here of late.
I have to say, it has been quite hectic this last month.
Due to work, I was away from school for two weeks and away from my family for one of those.
Although the two weeks away were hard work, it’s the return to full-time work after that absence that’s hectic. Full ON.
Add to that the cold I collected at the end (and four days with absolutely no voice – yes, my family was happy! Hahaha!), meant that after working all day, doing the after-school routine, either cooking dinner or cleaning up…or both, bedtime for the girls (you all know my pain) – I just wanted to slump into a chair and was only able to interact on Facebook.
For now, everything else has dropped off a bit including my newish relationship with Twitter…and this blog.
However, there’s another reason.
A much deeper and sadder one.
Australia just elected in a new government two days ago and I’m deeply, deeply disappointed by the result.
We all ‘knew it was coming’ (a phrase that was bounced around SO much, it passive-agressively directing the gaze of the masses), as we were inundated with biased reporting during the excruciating period of the pre-election campaign.
In my heart I think the wrong government won.
I was very saddened to hear that 4.5 billion dollars will be cut from Foreign Aid.
It makes my heart heavy.
All I want is a better world for everyone who’s on it because, quite frankly, who am I to get more than any other person on this planet?
Who is Rupert Murdoch to get more?
Why did Australia vote for one of the richest men on the planet to influence these elections (see above image), have his way with the NBN – AND get richer from it?
What has he ever done for us? Foxtel?
You pay him for that too.
Isn’t he lucky that Australia was so compliant?
I think everyone who voted Liberal, should all get a cash handout for it, don’t you think?
A special thanks from Rupert. He can afford it.
He won’t though. He’ll keep it in his pocket as will the new government, whilst others languish in starvation, are immersed in violence and have no. way. out.
They do actually – Australia.
Umm…actually no. Not welcome here. At all.
In fact we’ll pay the people smugglers money for their boats.
(???????)
Yes, Australia voted for THAT.
There are so many more issues, but I simply can’t.
BUT – it’s a democracy and here we are.
So today I find myself wondering, “Now what?”
Together with a group of extraordinary activist women, mainly from Collective Shout – I am helping organise the campaign I mentioned a little while back; taking on the need to get rid of misogynistic magazines like ZOO, off the shelves of ‘family friendly’ locations like the Newsagency, Coles, etc.
We all know the furore there would be if there were even ONE magazine of this type found in a child care centre – but noone really bats an eyelid to the fact that:
1. they’re everywhere,
2. have no age restriction for purchasing and
3. that kids of too young an age are being exploited, with the hyper-sexalised, objectified and misogynistic images and DISCUSSIONS of women.
Here’s a shot I took at a petrol station.
As we can see there’s ZOO, at the entrance of the store, flanked by Woman’s Day and New Idea:
Oh, so that’s where they’re positioning it now. Always at pram height too.
Question #181: Does this worry you?
I’m starting to feel that with the majority of this country, the answer is ‘No’.
Maybe it’s because they see the logic of having a woman whose underwear is falling off her, seductively showing how ‘hot’ she is – burning for it – placed at the entrance, because it makes more money.
Maybe it just doesn’t matter to them that it’s someone else’s 11 year old son buying it.
That’s their problem.
I know there are people out there – many good people I’ve met through this blog – who will be standing with us.
But we’ll be the minority.
This election just handed me that most disappointing and depressing lesson.
But – I’m here – I’m not going anywhere – I have about 2 million more things to say and DO (one of them being this upcoming campaign) – so please, stay tuned.
Deep Breath.
x
It’s all so pedestrian.
August 27, 2013
Crass.
Dirty.
Unbalanced.
…not her – the representation of her performance.
How sad that Miley Cyrus seems to have completed the traditional transition from wholesome teen to hyper-sexualised, ‘gagging-for it’, young woman.
Anyone who has read my posts, knows that I am ALL FOR women being sexually liberated and having confidence when it comes to their sexual wants and needs.
ALL FOR IT.
But what Miley Cyrus does here – at the Video Music Awards a few nights ago – is not that.
It’s a gimmick.
A show – for those with a lecherous gaze.
Something to cause a reaction.
After all, that’s what it’s all about – the music…right?
Grinding up against a man – who is *surprise! surprise!* fully dressed whilst she is near naked, just drips in this current pop culture’s conditioning and grooming of the following:
Lesson #1: To ‘make it’ as a female artist – you have to be fuckable.
To be noticed as a woman – you have to be fuckable.
And be sure to send all the boys and girls out there, this important memo – that that is what’s important, if you want to ‘make it.’
Also plaster it everywhere they turn – just so the message truly sinks in.
Let’s also not forget that Robin Thicke is equally to blame here.
It’s shameful (but sadly unsurprising) how little there is about him when this performance is being discussed.
A married man, singing about the ‘blurred lines’ of a woman’s consent, whilst a young woman half his age is bent over in front of him, twerking up against his crotch.
Lesson #2: Male is sexually dominant.
Miley has just received Honours in the club – the club with many members:
Brittany Spears
Christina Aguilera
Selena Gomez
Vanessa Hudgens…
etc. etc. etc.
Snore
Snore
Snore
Question #180: When is a bit of class going to come back into how young women express their healthy sexuality?
One that’s balanced to their male counterpart’s…
Now THAT would be cutting edge.
Deep Breath.
x
Question #179: So, what is it about the penis exactly?
August 25, 2013
I have to say that this is one of those conundrums for me.
In my quest to continually question the imbalance of our existence – I wanted to explore why we continue to shroud this illusive appendage in such an opposing way to women’s objectification.
I was listening to Triple J the other morning and comedian Wil Anderson was on the radio.
He was discussing the rule with men – that you never look at another man’s penis whilst at the urinal.
OK I get that. It would be an invasion of privacy.
But it just made me wonder – what’s the big hoo-ha about the penis, anyway?
Why all the mystery?
At the beach last summer, I saw quite a few three-quarter length board shorts being worn – protecting its owners from exposing even the hint of a bulge.
No more speedos anymore. No sir-ee.
Why?
Is it to hide its size?
Or protect boys and men from the gaze of other men?
Is that something that’s feared?
Surely if it were for the gaze of women, there wouldn’t be a problem…right?
I know it’s the fashion at the beach – but you can’t disagree with the juxtaposition; that men seem to be more and more covered, whilst women are more and more exposed.
And not just on the beach.
In the movies – for example – we NEVER see the penis.
Why are men afforded such privacy?
Why are women not?
We have fully naked women on the screens (the big screen as well as the smallest) and yet it doesn’t matter how much time passes – how much we ‘evolve’ – the penis remains mystically cloaked from human gaze.
It must be nice to know – if you’re male and in the movie industry – that you’ll never have to make that choice, whether to have your penis filmed or not.
Ever.
Men are not vulnerable; like women are vulnerable.
And a man’s vulnerability – it seems – is his penis.
A woman’s? Her near or complete nudity.
The second issue I have with the penis, is its massive (no un intended) irony.
As much as it is used and wielded as a weapon throughout the world and is seen as the symbol of manhood – it is also a man’s Achilles Heel, so to speak – is it not?
As Betty White says:
“Why do people say,
‘Grow some balls’?
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough,
Grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.”
Is this post an attack on manhood?
No – it is not.
Do I want to see penises plastered all over our screens?
No – but there shouldn’t be a Holier-than-thou style, cover-up either.
A penis is just a penis.
Or is it?
So, I ask again – what’s the big deal?
Questions for Us 