Facebook and misogyny – just kidding!
February 21, 2013
I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook.
I love my private page as I have family and friends around the world and this fantastic tool affords me the opportunity to stay in contact, see precious photos, share articles and funny memes etc. etc. etc.
I also love my Questions for Women FB page – I can put up articles and quotes to inspire and give a different perspective to life, as well as put up my blog posts.
What I hate, is how Facebook instills a feeling of insecurity and untrustworthiness.
I do not feel like they have our back.
They are always skulking around for your info – to share or sell to the highest bidder. We’re constantly having to change settings – which have been automatically been set to ‘Public’ as a default – when they reshuffle the way their site works.
Always leaving us none the wiser and exposed.
What I hate the most, however, is that they also do not have our back in protecting us from hateful and misogynistic content being posted. Horrible sites and images just being permitted to spread – their toxic nature infecting; normalising. And why?
Because it’s just a joke, crazy lady! Relax.
Sshhhhhhh….
The thing is, though, who exactly IS the person (or people) who make the final call?
I picture a bunch of young guys in a smoke-filled room, eating fast food, surrounded by empty food wrappers, snorting at all the crazy things that are being posted.
Haawww Haawww Haawww!
The reason I say that is because they don’t permit photos of breastfeeding mothers (eeewww – gross!) – but allow pages called ’12 year old slut memes’, which I wrote about in a previous post – That’s not misogyny. THIS is misogyny.
Yesterday Karen Pickering posted the following passionate rant about Facebook:
She writes about an abhorrent image she saw on FB (it’s in there *Trigger Warning*), which she reported – twice – but was ultimately deemed appropriate for viewing, by FB.
Karen wrote the following, which struck a chord with what I feel:
I reported it despite being fully aware of a number of truths:
- that the internet is full of this shit
- that the world is full of this shit
- that this shit really happens
- that we can’t stop it from happening
- that we can’t stop people joking about it
- that people laugh because they’re conditioned to dehumanise women to the extent that they do
- that the people posting it feed off the persecution complex they get that feminists are out to get them
- that you’ll get one taken down and an even more hideous image will take its place
- etcetera ad nauseum
Yes, yes and YES! to all the points above…etcetera ad nauseum.
The image, as of today, has FINALLY been removed – but as Karen says, the world is full of it.
It’s hate. It’s misogyny. And Facebook thinks it’s OK.
Facebook must be a man.
So, if women are labelled as a bunch of hysterical banshees, who need to chill-out when they protest misogyny and violence against women, then –
Question #145: What label do the men inherit?
Let me know what you think of the quote below. My interpretation below.
In what way do I think men are stupid?
By seeing what’s happening and keeping silent.
That makes me crazy.
Deep Breath.
x
PS I know many of you would suggest that we all get off Facebook and be done with it. I think that’s easier said than done due to established connections…but if everyone I know and love switches to Google, I’m IN!
The three-to-one formula
February 13, 2013
This issue has been truly bugging me for quite some time.
Have you ever noticed the three-to-one formula on TV?
Sometimes it’s even four-to-one, but basically it’s a group of men, with a token female to fill in the gender gap. The thing is, however, that these programs seek the expert advice of a panel, which (unfairly) only ever has one female in the mix.
1.The Voice:
Here are the promotional photos of the big three – USA, Australia & England.
Pattern much?
It’s interesting to note that the men are free to look however they please – covered in tattoos; casual, relaxed clothing; physical differences such as very overweight…even old. (It would be a frozen day in Hell before we saw the female equivalents on our screen). And the females that do appear? Well, they’ve been preened and primed to within an inch of their lives.
*I never realised men were the authority in singing.
2. The Doctors:
This is an American program, which gives advice on everything medical – including episodes on what women can do to improve themselves through things like plastic surgery. I came across it on a sick day, channel-surfing.
*It came as a shock to learn that male doctors are the experts in medicine.
3. The Living Room:
This is an Aussie show where the men get out there and report on areas such as adventure activities, cooking and DIY. Amanda Keller – an intelligent and funny woman – merely compères the show…from the couch.
*Women just mustn’t be up for all the fun and travel…or capable.
4. Masterchef Australia:
The curious thing about this show, is that only the first season used Sarah Wilson ((below) as the host. She was quickly given the flick and the three male chefs remained…to this day.
*It is quite the morsel to digest – knowing the best mentors in the kitchen are male.
Question #143: Isn’t it time we had 50/50 representation on our screens, when it comes to giving advice?
More often than not – we seem to be a society that hangs on every word, when men speak with authority.
I find this extremely and increasingly frustrating – not because men can’t be experts (I’m not saying that at all) – but because we’re being taught that women can’t. We are merely conditioning the upcoming generation to only hear reason through the male voice…
…but that’s a whole other post.
Until then; Deep Breath.
x
It’s a girl! #3
February 3, 2013
A few months ago I saw the disturbing documentary about the femicide of girls in India and China called it’s a girl!
I wrote about the film and its disturbing statistics in the post: it’s a girl.
The following song is written and performed by Omekongo Dibinga. He felt compelled to say something about what is occurring in these countries.
The music may not be your cup of tea, but I love that Omekongo chose to speak up – on this very important and horrific practice.
Below is the link to the it’s a girl! site with the article about this song:
It’s a Girl Inspires Music Video by Hip Hop Artist Omekongo Dibinga
Watching this video and listening to the lyrics have made me feel very, very microscopically small…again.
What can I (we) do to help??
Deep Breath
x
Why doesn’t HE just get in there then?
January 28, 2013
Tonight I read the following article by Richard Hinds in the SMH, about women’s tennis:
Women offer volume for money, but it’s Tsonga counting cost
Putting aside that it drips in contempt – about pretty much every aspect of women’s tennis – I find myself thinking rather peevedly…(yes, I’ve decided that it’s an adverb):
“Why don’t you get down to a court and play against Victoria Azarenka?
I bet you she would play rings around you”.
I know it also talks about cost and emotion etc. etc. but all of that diminishes these athletes’ worth.
Since when does women’s tennis have to be like men’s tennis to be valued?
It’s still two people of equal stature, battling it out.
It seems like Australians are becoming a bunch of judgemental whingers.
Sitting from lofty towers of perfection, looking down their noses at every crevice and every action of what and who surrounds them.
*****
The above was written last night before I fell asleep with the laptop on my lap.
I’m back now because a few things have popped up today, that have confirmed the feelings I had last night.
1. Due to Azarenka taking a 10 minute medical break in the semi of the Australian Open, the media (and in turn a good proportion of the general public) decided that that, was WRONG.
She was struggling before those 10 minutes, but then came back out and won.
Was it in the spirit of how that time should be utilised? Maybe not.
Can we say for sure that she was doomed to lose, had she not done it? Who knows.
Maybe she would have won anyway.
Well, today she won the Australian Open – in spite of mistakes being cheered and winning points being booed, throughout the entire final.
Who do those audience members think they are?
I wonder if they would have done the same to Federer? Or Djokovic? Booed them.
Food for thought…
2. My friend Kim (@ allconsuming.com.au) said she watched the Brene Brown TedX presentations on vulnerability and shame and that Brene mentions Roosevelt’s speech about the man in the arena.
This quote is magnificent:
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
“Citizenship in a Republic,”
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
Man AND woman – in the arena.
Question #141: Can women finally be counted as also being in the arena?
But as women, with our own unique strengths, not pretend-men.
Such high horses.
Please. Give us all a break.
Deep Breath.
x
A MUST watch – especially for teen girls and young women.
January 26, 2013
Dr Caroline Heldman (who appeared in Missrepresentation) spoke at the TEDx Youth Conference, for twelve or so minutes – without pause. Amazing.
It’s a bloody brilliant presentation that encapsulates everything that is wrong with our current paradigm – delivered with clear-cut explanations, facts, research and solutions.
She looks at what sexual objectification is and whether it’s empowering.
An absolutely fantastic and succinct discourse.
Question #140: So, ladies – are we going to put an end to this self-destructive behaviour, once and for all?
Deep Breath.
x
The Male Privilege Checklist.
January 23, 2013
The following is a list compiled by a blogger named Barry Deutsch.
His list looks at how men are the privileged gender of our world. In his preface he states:
“Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.
In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.”
Whenever there are arguments about equality, there are always men who talk about how many men get the short end of the stick (a comment in response to this list does this).
We know that it’s true. But the (sometimes mortifying) obstacles women face – especially the more exposed or on-show they are – far, far outweigh those of men. Most times the injustices men face…come from other men.
So here it is:
Of course, I’m sure, there will be some points you may not agree with, but I have personally experienced quite a few of the inequalities listed because of my gender.
No longer is it some unspoken, secret boys’ club – feeding the dog of sexism under the table – it’s now infiltrated into our representation in all corners of the media; teaching a whole new ‘connected’ generation, with a reach that has, up until now, been unfathomable.
…and it’s working very, very, well.
Just look around. It’s an emergency.
Question #139: How do we turn around such entrenched perceptions and practices?
Guys?
Deep Breath.
x
To the good men who need to speak up.
January 16, 2013
I have been amazed at the number of men in internet debates (albeit small) who still insist on irrational arguments – such as that rape is a woman-made epidemic, saturated with finger-pointers who have changed their mind about having sex with some poor man.
As much as I know that this occurs from time to time, I find it truly astounding that these men insist on this kind of discourse, against the statistically devastating evidence of rape and violence against women.
The frustration I feel, however, with all the fiery discussions that are igniting the internet at the moment, is how the predominant male voices – who are responding to what an abundance of women are saying – seem to be men with the above perspectives. Even if you label them as ‘trolls’, it doesn’t take away from the fact that the conversation is between women and these few men.
Where are the good guys’ voices?
It’s the lack of empathy that seems to be rife amongst these types of men who seem to want to stand up for their gender, however shameful its behaviour is. This is where my logical brain AND heart begin to ache because I can’t understand how so. many. of these types of men, fail to stop and think, “This could have happened to someone I dearly love.”
They can’t think it can happen to them, because statistically it’s microscopically low. Is this where their lack of empathy stems from?
If a fellow male (a good guy) does venture into the conversation to make a comment about the grim state of affairs with women, he is generally greeted with insults. I thought this cartoon by Gabby’s Playhouse is spot on:
Question #136: Is this why the good guys are silent?
I have seen MANY comments from men who demean another man for suggesting things need to change – as if the ‘brotherhood’ has now attained a weak link – who must be pounced upon and destroyed, in a similar vein to how the women are addressed.
I came across this following clip that is from a few years ago, showing how a panel of men – although it’s one alpha male voice who’s in control – must decide a woman’s fate in regards to her calling out a highly stationed man to being sexually inappropriate.
This scenario, in my opinion, encapsulates the battle all women have with being heard and BELIEVED, when the stakes are high – in other words, when it’s her word against his.
Of course, there are men present who attempted to help this woman, but they are immediately shot down by the alpha male – as he loudly claims to be offended by them questioning his methods – and they quietly slink back and remain silent.
What hope do women have to be believed and gain justice, when even fellow men are shot down into silence?
Until we realise that there is no ‘him’ or ‘her’, that a woman seeking justice is only doing just that, not waging war on the male gender – we have no hope of evolving.
We are simply people. People who suffer from the hands of other people and if someone has done the wrong thing, regardless of gender, then they should do the time for the crime.
Deep Breath.
x
Bringing up daughters.
January 11, 2013
The following article has resonated with me deeply.
It’s fantastic.
I connected with this piece as a mother, as a mother of daughters, as a teacher of young women and as a girl who grew up with the same social ideals – just not as intense as they are now.
As a mum, I’ve often felt this and written about it:
Most girls lack a grasp of basic feminism to help them understand that many of their experiences are the result of growing up in a profoundly unequal world, and therefore not their own fault. Parents can only do so much.
I’ve heard the cliché often – that if they’ve good morals at home, the kids will be right.
Well, that would mean that my girls will be great – but am I enough against the ever-infiltrating, predatory world around them?
As a teacher I have always said the following to my teen students:
And I see how so many young women still assume that their needs come behind those of the boys they form relationships with, absorbing the message that they are lucky to have been chosen at all, when they are the ones who should be doing the choosing.
Young women and teenage girls have lost that power – it’s been given away and only women can get it back – the right to choose. They seem quite chuffed with merely being chosen and then work really hard to maintain being the chosen one.
I know. I’ve been there many times before.
Read this article. See if there are any entrenched ideals that can be shifted within you.
Imagine the profound effect on the world, if we just let our daughters, sisters, wives, girlfriends, aunts and grandmothers be their true selves.
One that doesn’t just revolve around looks and sex – or more to the point nowadays:
Looking sexy (no age restrictions).
The perils and pitfalls of bringing up daughters
Question #133: What passions do the women/girls in your life have?
Ask them. Then encourage them.
Deep Breath.
x
PS The book Raising Girls by Steve Buddulph looks pretty awesome.
“Raising Girls is a beautiful new book written as a response to the crisis in the mental health of girls. Girls are under assault from an exploitive, harsh culture, and need our help to become stronger and freer. This book is a guidebook for your own daughter at every age, and a call to arms in the wider culture. ITS EASY TO READ, HAS MANY POWERFUL STORIES, AND COVERS BABYHOOD RIGHT THROUGH TO ADULTHOOD.”
I’m going to get one.
Birthday #1 – A sum up of 2012.
January 10, 2013
To start with a cliché – if I may – I can’t believe how this past year decided to get really serious with us and hit that turbo button. It felt like it was jammed, through every crevice, with work, responsibility, the pursuit of balance, mixed with pockets of frenzy.
Relief in sight? I’m not really seeing how – society, on the whole, appears to want to give us a run for our money…literally.
A year ago today I started this blog in the early hours of the morning. My intention was to start in on the 9th, but it took me so long to write and re-write that first post, that it tipped me into the 10th.
As I took that first tentative but excited step into the blogging world – already preceded by three women friends of mine, with well established, fantastic and unique blogs (shitonyourplay.blogspot.com, www.allconsuming.com.au, bumpyroadtobubba.com) – I wondered two things:
1. Will ANYONE read it? (every blogger’s primary fear, I assume)
2. Will I run out of things to write about?
Well, I’m happy to say that although I only have a small following, a following it is. I’m not sure if my stats are ‘good’ but I have engaged in some wonderful debate and perspective changing conversations.
In terms of point 2 – there’s no way that I can possibly run out of issues that need to be discussed – investigating the infinite tapestry of actions and viewpoints that make up the human condition. In fact I have so many posts in draft mode (29) – I’m not sure I’ll ever get to some of them, as another morsel of importance invariably pops up.
So after the last year, what are the primary questions that are racing through my mind? The following is the nutshell (if you can call it that):
1. Why do women earn less than men?
This is the first and fundamental question. Women have to work approx. 60 days more a year – that’s two months – to earn the same as men. Why? This MUST be the first step of change if we want to even presume we live in a fair, balanced and just society.
2. Why do women not share the equal balance of power and decision-making?
We all have brains and women have incredible, and repeatedly proven, intelligent ones. Pity men don’t see it that way – they are stopping the chance of equilibrium and a more harmonised existence to maintain the status quo.
97% males in positions of power in publishing, communications, marketing…how can that be considered good, by anyone?
3. How are women’s attributes perceived?
No one wants to be a girl/woman – as who we are and what we have to offer is not considered valuable – emotional, weak etc. (unless it’s to be a ‘mother’ in some form or another), so we’re all encouraged to be like boys/men to get to the top, as it’s the ONLY way things can ‘work’.
4. How are women represented in the current popular culture?
We are represented as being grossly and obsessively insecure, vain, fickle and hyper sexualised. TV shows, movies, video clips and Reality TV shows, like The Shire, have played a huge role in this. In terms of advertising, we have always been force-fed the phrase, “Sex Sells” and taken it as law. The only problem is that it’s only our sex that’s being sold.
5. Why are women being exploited for money? Worse still, why do women play into it?
Women are instilled (soon to be from birth – the final frontier) with a sense of massive insecurity. We are painted an ever unattainable picture of what we have to aspire to, to be considered beautiful. To say the perception of beauty is a constricted one, is an understatement. The only way to ‘get there’ is to shell out insane amounts of money, as well as revere those who can afford it…who look like plastic. (???)
My logical brain cannot compute how women allow themselves to be duped in this manner. All of this only sets women up to fail, hate themselves and, in turn, spend more money. We pay more for EVERYTHING – clothes, shoes, haircuts etc. – and yet, look back at point 1.
What about our boys/men?
6. Is the internet teaching our youth about sex in a detrimental manner?
I think so. Especially for boys as it’s in their nature to view porn. As I’ve always said, I don’t think the feelings and hormones have changed since the days of yore – but the internet and its reach did not exist in the past. Porn is much more explicit now. How are boys going to establish loving and respectful relationships with women when they’ve seen woman after woman dehumanised as merely a sexual object? Sex…education?
7. Why do we have a culture actually named, Rape Culture?
Rape everywhere. In every corner of the globe.
8. Why are men’s responses to these issues so defensive?
I find it a tad frustrating that many men take comments made about their gender personally and some even start to actually argue for the (right??) to perpetuate the derogative labels lumped on women: Bitches, Sluts etc… at home, in jokes, in games, in shows, on drinks’ menus…
9. Where are the voices, and faces, of all the good men?
We know you’re there, but we can’t hear you!
So this is the big 10th question for my first birthday blog:
Question #132: What is our legacy going to be?
What can we do to look back and feel proud of how we, as a village, raised our children by moulding a more balanced world for them?
The pivotal word there is BALANCED.
We have to stop looking at the typical cliché, “That’s the way it’s always been and nothing’s going to change.” In terms of how we feel inside – yes, that’s true – but we are in a critical state of denial if we think that the information that is available to everyone, of every age, as they sit at their computer, is not having a detrimental effect.
I believe, wholeheartedly, that we can create change – but it must start with the individual.
Thank you SO much for joining me this year. I eagerly look forward to more passionate debates, discussions and fiery conversations with you.
Deep Breath.
x
Michael Moore.
January 6, 2013
Michael Moore wrote the following article about his perspective on the United States and its history with violence.
The point titled ‘The ME Society’, is spot on. I think it’s the root of all that’s wrong in our insatiably, money-hungry and lustful paradigm.
Yes, it’s about the States and we may even feel a tinge of superiority – like we’re somehow ‘better’ – but don’t be so complacent and cocky. We’re going to get there really soon, if we don’t pull on the reigns.
Michael Moore: Celebrating the Prince of Peace in the Land of Guns.
Question #131: What do you think of Michael Moore’s insights?
The issue of ‘men with guns’ is a VERY serious one but shouldn’t we also be looking at the even more serious and destructive issue of ‘men who rape’?
As Michael wrote:
“…we rape and beat and kill our women without mercy and at a staggering rate: every three hours a women is murdered in the USA (half the time by an ex or a current); every three minutes a woman is raped in the USA; and every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the USA.”
Deep Breath.
x
- Michael Moore
Questions for Us 