Women are the supply; Men are the demand.
November 10, 2013
Here in Australia we have a t-shirt company named Nena & Pasadena.
The t-shirts they sell show degrading images of women – generally with their faces cut out of the image so that their value only lies in their breasts, buttocks and the all-important pose.
Example:
You get the idea.
A few months ago, this company started an all-ages ’Casting Call’ on Instagram #npcasting – calling out for men and women (boys and girls) to post photos of themselves, to then be judged by a group of privileged lads – deeming them the ‘hottest’.
To the truly tiresome argument that men are objectifying themselves too, I reply with the obvious – it’s not the same. Men have their shirts off, flexing chest muscles. Strength. That’s it. They’re not sexually posing with their legs spread or bending over with their butts in a g-string (thong).
Simply – the males are not vulnerable. And that’s the glaring difference.
There is also the fact that there are far more females posting up their ‘selfies’. I’m sure you don’t need to go over to the site to verify you’ll see predominantly women and teen girls in hyper-sexualised, or sexy-kitten, or innocent-young-girl-ready-to-be-deflowered etc., looks and poses.
I took the following images off the actual competition page:
So here is my perspective on this pandemic:
Yes, women are doing it.
But WHY?
This is not empowerment.
And there’s a very simple reason for it – it’s done for validation from a vulnerable position, not one of power. Once someone seeks validation, they are in a submissive position to the person they’re awaiting judgement from.
Period. And this obviously gives the ‘judge’ ultimate power and places them in a dominant position.
This is not what we want for our girls and we don’t want our sons to see and judge girls and women this way. And yet…
What we also seem to forget – but shouldn’t – is how these girls and women will be spoken about. It won’t be about their sunny disposition, it will be crass, degrading, demeaning and more – calling them bitches, sluts, whores, gangas (girls who like gang rape; a term used by teens) and so on.
We know that.
Question #190: So, why do we continue to act so blind and ‘unaware’ of the effect this is having on our psyche?
- That women are being collectively objectified and seen as submissive (by BOTH sexes), in everyday life;
- That our youth’s perspective on gender is becoming alarmingly skewed and toxic;
- That there is no equal modelling on what healthy and loving relationships look like.
All of this is for the male gaze – one that’s becoming insatiable.
As a tiny example, this ‘casting call’ is evidence of that.
Why does Nena & Pasadena need to incite this behaviour? It’s a win/win for them – they get the benefit of seeing to what levels women will go to be validated in this way and get wonderful material for men everywhere (including predators) to masturbate over.
Simple truth.
Sadly the images are posted up by a large contingent of girls and women who have been brainwashed to think their value lies only in the collective sum of their body features; although the differentiation in their ‘hottness’ is miniscule – they all look the same. The fact that women’s faces are absent (like on many N & P t-shirts) just confirms this.
Why doesn’t that annoy women enough to stick two big fingers up at it all?
These t-shirts are just a cog in the machine; the machine that includes porn magazines in newsagencies and petrol stations all the way through to the infinite collection of violent and degrading porn on the Internet.
I recently featured in the article Too much, too soon – in the Sydney Morning Herald magazine, Sunday Life. This is a succinct and illuminating piece by Melissa Jacob, about the toxic relationship our kids are having with Internet porn.
This is an emergency.
These women are the supply; Men are the demand.
And we all know that when demand is strong – and supply is waning – extreme measures, like trafficking, are taken to keep the demand happy. That road leads to a desensitised world – one that will stoop to anything, while the rest turn a blind eye.
Are we there yet?
Deep Breath…and make a stand!!
x
PS Want to take action?
1. Nena & Pasadena is owned by AFL player Buddy Franklin (who joined the Sydney Swans in 2014). The AFL has a policy regarding respect for women that this ‘business’ does not comply with. You can write to the AFL or the Sydney Swans and let them know your thoughts – especially from you good males.
2. With some friends and the gals from Collective Shout, we’ve been posting our own memes on the competition page.
Why not do your own? It’s as easy as writing a sign, taking a photo of it and posting it on #npcasting on Instagram.
I put up the following one:
and this one:
GO FOR IT!!
Question for men – #6: If I put it this way, will you understand?
September 26, 2013
I really hope so.
Although, this is for women too – of course. I’m sure there are many who will disagree with me.
I apologise for my absence of late – it seems the strains of life as a full-time working mum have pockets when they take their toll. I’m sure many working mums can give me an exhausted ‘amen’ there.
This bit’s for the guys. (You can listen in, though, gals)
Last week, I escaped with Hubby and the girls to a National Park for three days, with zero phone reception and no Net. It was sublime and enormously relaxing – which was just the ticket, as I think I was heading toward a ‘system overload’ situation.
Having access to the world would have rendered the whole mini-break pointless, as the crappy things that are going on profoundly affect me.
So, my first ‘me’ activity on the first day, was to pluck the hairs off my legs.
Mmmmmm – I hear ya – exciting stuff.
Now I know that I said in my last post on this issue – A hairy moment – that my only manner of removing leg hair was through shaving, BUT I had purchased a new ‘machine’ and after recently slicing the top off a toe knuckle with a razor (infuriating and bloody painful), as I attempted to balance in the shower to shave, I thought I’d give the ‘hair yank’ another shot.
Exfoliation and cream galore will be needed to stop the usual ingrown hairs.
So as my legs started to welt – Exhibit A:
– my daughters entered the room, looking quite perplexed, and asked why I was doing that. Like I was a crazy person.
At that moment, guys, what am I to say?
The truth? – that less than a hundred years ago, this became the ‘fashion’ and sealed our doomed fate to constantly undo what nature has given us?
Or our truth? – that they simply have to and will spend a truck load of money in the process?
I sat there – blinking (with the sounds of crickets) – and just looked at them.
Blank.
Question # 184: Do you see the conundrum we’re in as women?
At every turn – it’s JUST about our looks.
And that attitude permeates everything to do with women.
I want to instil in my girls – in ALL girls (and dare I dream it; boys and men) – that beauty absolutely comes in all shapes, colours…and (heaven forbid) hairiness.
But how can I teach that when I’m sitting there – intentionally – ripping the hair off my legs, leaving them in welts?
I felt a bit like a fraud.
So, I’m still a feminist who will not let my leg and armpit hair grow, because it’s entrenched in my views of beauty – BUT can you understand the frustration?
Before some of you guys say you have an equal problem because you have to shave your faces – I’ll respond with. ‘But by beauty standards you don’t have to.’ Exhibit B:
We have to…and it’s a bummer.
OK gals, this part is for you AS WELL. (Don’t go anywhere yet, fellas)
No, hair removal is not the number one issue that women face – by a long shot – women have much graver and more horrifying problems to face and deal with, on a global scale.
I wrote about this because I needed to explain the simple frustration of women (with the means – like myself) choosing to shave their legs, at the expense of all our wallets – men’s and women’s – AND the environment.
Imagine the plastic (as an example) we’d have saved from being produced, if this weren’t the fashion for women?
And the resources to MAKE that plastic? It’s mind-boggling when hair removal is a billion dollar industry.
All for what? Hair?
Sadly, the logic doesn’t translate to the already converted – like me – but:
Question #185: Should we really be doing this to ourselves and imparting it onto our kids?
It’s like men can be as hairy as they want to be and are steered away from their feminine aspects (which balances them out) – being ridiculed for being a ‘girl/woman’ in any way.
Whilst women have to rid themselves (preferably) of all body hair – except for the hair on the head, of course, which has to be long and cascading locks. (Another extreme beauty expense, BTW)
Women are being steered away from their wonderful, rugged strength (which balances them out) because those masculine traits – whether they be physical (looks) or in attitude – deem them ‘unladylike’.
We’re missing out on the best of ourselves.
We’re a bunch of idiots.
Deep Breath.
x
Question #179: So, what is it about the penis exactly?
August 25, 2013
I have to say that this is one of those conundrums for me.
In my quest to continually question the imbalance of our existence – I wanted to explore why we continue to shroud this illusive appendage in such an opposing way to women’s objectification.
I was listening to Triple J the other morning and comedian Wil Anderson was on the radio.
He was discussing the rule with men – that you never look at another man’s penis whilst at the urinal.
OK I get that. It would be an invasion of privacy.
But it just made me wonder – what’s the big hoo-ha about the penis, anyway?
Why all the mystery?
At the beach last summer, I saw quite a few three-quarter length board shorts being worn – protecting its owners from exposing even the hint of a bulge.
No more speedos anymore. No sir-ee.
Why?
Is it to hide its size?
Or protect boys and men from the gaze of other men?
Is that something that’s feared?
Surely if it were for the gaze of women, there wouldn’t be a problem…right?
I know it’s the fashion at the beach – but you can’t disagree with the juxtaposition; that men seem to be more and more covered, whilst women are more and more exposed.
And not just on the beach.
In the movies – for example – we NEVER see the penis.
Why are men afforded such privacy?
Why are women not?
We have fully naked women on the screens (the big screen as well as the smallest) and yet it doesn’t matter how much time passes – how much we ‘evolve’ – the penis remains mystically cloaked from human gaze.
It must be nice to know – if you’re male and in the movie industry – that you’ll never have to make that choice, whether to have your penis filmed or not.
Ever.
Men are not vulnerable; like women are vulnerable.
And a man’s vulnerability – it seems – is his penis.
A woman’s? Her near or complete nudity.
The second issue I have with the penis, is its massive (no un intended) irony.
As much as it is used and wielded as a weapon throughout the world and is seen as the symbol of manhood – it is also a man’s Achilles Heel, so to speak – is it not?
As Betty White says:
“Why do people say,
‘Grow some balls’?
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough,
Grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.”
Is this post an attack on manhood?
No – it is not.
Do I want to see penises plastered all over our screens?
No – but there shouldn’t be a Holier-than-thou style, cover-up either.
A penis is just a penis.
Or is it?
So, I ask again – what’s the big deal?
Crying #2
August 9, 2013
An experience I had has resurfaced, after having a conversation with a friend about crying. This is an issue I have always battled with, which I unpacked in the post: What is so wrong with crying?
It’s a driving story.
But before I begin, I would just like to say that I am an awesome driver and if at some point in my life there were ever the opportunity to attain skills in race car driving, I would have taken it…in a heartbeat.
I was on my way to a meeting, but was driving down a road I wasn’t entirely familiar with.
I was momentarily distracted when coming up to a round-about. I looked to my right and saw a car approaching. I was going slower than usual, due to my momentary disorientation, but I was still going to reach the round-about first, so I proceeded.
This car came in fast – I didn’t realise how fast until he was on top of me in the round-about, beeping his horn.
I was startled and raised my hand in apology – although all I had done was be a tad slow. I was in the round-about first and technically I had right of way. But we had both contributed to this moment occurring.
Just 100m ahead we both had to stop due to a red light.
This is when it started to get a wee bit alarming.
He started to blow his horn at me, whilst slamming his hands on his steering wheel, swearing and looking VERY angry. I was watching intently in my rearview mirror.
I started to think that I was pretty much trapped there, if he were to get out of his car and approach me.
Then it got worse.
His window was rolled down and he threw something out of his window and it landed on my roof. It landed with a loud bang – sounding like a full can of soft drink. I never saw what it was.
At this point I started to cry.
His aggression was scaring the living hell out of me.
To my relief, the lights had changed and the traffic started to move. This entire time, he had continued to beep his horn and act slightly unhinged.
I turned left – where there was only one lane on each side of the road – and so did he.
I was shaken, so I pulled over into a parking spot to calm my nerves a bit.
Instead of driving past, he stopped next to me – in the middle of the road – banking up the traffic behind him.
He aggressively started to insult me, saying we could have had an accident.
I replied (with tears), “Yes, OK – but why are you so angry?”
He said because he could have run into me.
I agreed again saying, “Yes, I understand that you could have run into me, but why are you so angry?”
He started to puff up again, but paused and looked out his windscreen.
He spat out, “Sorry” and drove off.
I then released the tears of relief, composed myself and proceeded to my meeting.
I looked a sight when I arrived and believe it or not, I felt a bit ashamed at the fact that I had cried. I even ‘listened to my story’ as I relayed it, hoping it would be deemed that the crying was warranted.
Question #177: Why does it seem like it’s the crying that is judged of its worthiness first – before the aggression?
The encouraging part is that he did apologise in the end – but – how would it have unravelled, if I had responded in an aggressive manner in return?
Deep Breath.
x
Another day at the movies. #2
July 5, 2013
Yes, I had to go again. A friend of mine can’t drive, so I picked her and her daughter up and, together with my girls, we went to see Despicable Me 2. I have to say that I got quite a few giggles from that one.
I told my friend about the pole-dancing ad and we went in to ensure we saw all the advertising from the beginning. I had written to the cinema a few days earlier and wanted to see if some miracle was going to occur and see the ad had been pulled. So again, the curtain was drawn and the screen was blank when we went in.
This time the ad was first up.
As the curtains were opening, there’s all this ‘welcome to the cinema’ fanfare – ensuring everyone is watching. My 6 yr old mentioned her excitement that it was all starting. My 10 yr old said that they were just the ads. Ms 6 replied, “I know, but at least it’s on.” (My kids are obsessed with anything on a screen – regardless of time and place – Aaargh!)…and then BAM! – a woman in stiletto heels, hanging off a pole, is donning the screen. Again.
So it’s not bad enough that they design the fanfare to catch everyone’s attention – they decide to put that particular ad up FIRST? Livid.
A couple (with their two children between them) in the row in front of me looked at each other. I watched with interest, wondering if they were going to communicate to each other the disgust I felt. But the man simply raised his eyebrows at her, smiling – like saying, ‘That looks like a go-er’. She smiled back. Their children, however, were just soaking in those images.
*sigh*
The good news is that the Advertising Standards’ Board has contacted me via letter yesterday and they are taking my complaint to the next meeting. Woooo Hoooo!!
In terms of what we’re seeing at the movies – in my last post I discussed how children are always seeing boy characters fulfil their destinies and dreams.
It’s no different for adults. We only really get immersed in the man’s world.
I took some photos of what’s on offer for us. The first two images came from April when I took similar shots of the predominantly advertised movies.
You get the idea, though…
From yesterday:
Question #173: Isn’t anyone else feeling gender fatigue?
I have been to the movies three times in the last few months. Once in April and twice this week.
In April my husband and I celebrated our anniversary by seeing Jurassic Park in 3D with the girls because my 10 yr old daughter is obsessed with dinosaurs.
The ads for the upcoming movies at the time were, Star Trek 2 (I think there’s only one main-ish female role – the rest are ALL men), Ironman 3 and Superman 72.
So regardless of age, the movies being made seem to only provide the wonderful world of man as its backdrop, with a peppering of woman here and there.
Am I saying – don’t make these movies?
Anyone who has really followed me knows that that is never what I’m about.
But a more balanced representation of this life – which harbours 51% of women?
YES! Yes to more about us, please.
We are fairly awesome, after all.
Deep Breath
x
A day at the movies.
July 3, 2013
As I stepped into the cinema complex – it was utter chaos.
School holidays. What a nightmare. Kids everywhere – excited – and asking for everything.
I took my 10 yr old, her school friend and my 6 yr old, for a stint at the movies, to see Monsters’ University.
The cinema was full to the brim of super-energized children and their parents.
Nothing was on the screen at this stage.
It’s funny that when you go to a kids’ movie, you tend to get there early.
Why is that? So loud. Kids kicking into the back of your seat…
The first ads started to roll out – the still-photograph ones – promoting the local area.
To my horror, one of these ads was for pole dancing classes, with images of women dressed as strippers – one hanging upside own with her legs completely spread apart.
Behind me, two 7ish yr old-looking boys exclaimed, “Whoa!”
All the while girls and women are being told, it’s great exercise!
So why not in sports’ gear?
Bollocks.
It’s grooming girls and boys. It’s Porn Culture.
So that was Gender Studies Lesson #1 for a lot of the children in that cinema.
Did they all see it? Or get it?
Who cares.
The two, 7 yr olds behind me certainly felt a reaction that their brains computed and filed somewhere, and I know my daughters saw it.
I was gobsmacked. It almost feels like they’re taking the piss.
Then we came to the ads for future kids’ movies. Coming soon!
- Planes (from the makers of Cars) – animated scenes from Top Gun in the ad. Boy planes talking about other boy planes.
- One about a snail (a boy) who wants to be fast and his dream comes true (fancy that). That one’s called Turbo.
- Smurfs 2 with ONE female – who needs rescuing from all the men.
- And a behind-the-scenes movie following One Direction around their world tour.
This leads us to Gender Studies Lesson #2: Almost all children’s movies will be about boys, leading boys fulfilling their destinies and boy worship.
Not girls or women. They can only (generally) be a support to helping him.
Yes – we did have Merida from Brave and what a wonderful, sassy, girl she was. I say ‘was’ because Disney are now remodelling her to look more ‘princess’ like, with a smaller waist, big doughy, cat-like eyes with long eyelashes…see below *sigh*
Left = After – – – – – – – – Right = Before.
It feels hopeless. They give us a wonderful story about a brave girl and her relationship with her mother (of all things) and then take it away again by wrapping her up in Barbie.
And then there was the actual movie, Monsters’ University. It was good in parts – it was about boys, boys, mateship, boys, boys, brotherhood, boys, boys, teachers…and one dominant female role – the meanie Dean of the University. Witchy like, but who was the best ‘scarer’ of her time. Can’t have it all (be the best AND nice), like the boys.
When we left the cinema, I did chat to the girls about why we keep seeing children’s movies that are SO male heavy and what ‘type’ of women/girls we all – boys included – soaked in.
In the few hours of our cinematic journey, the female representation we observed, was as follows:
- Ad: Stripper – sexual pleasure machine
- Upcoming movies: The only substantial amount of girls seen, in only one of four trailers aired, were screaming out their undying love (male worship) for the cookie-cutter boys of One Direction – the other needed rescuing.
- Movie: A secondary role of a mean, witch-like Dean of the University
- Movie: An even lesser role of a mother, in curlers, a mu-mu and doing the laundry
- Movie: There were some all-girl frat houses, but collectively were on-screen for about a minute.
That’s it.
I honestly can’t convey my disappointment.
Boys are so fortunate to see the same positive reinforcement over and over again – showing them how to tackle problems with the brotherhood…
Question #172: Where are the movies for our girls? Where are their role models?
And another thing – even though it could be done without it, they didn’t use the opportunity to use the plural possessive apostrophe after Monsters in the title. The perfect chance to teach everyone its use – like for Mothers’ Day.
So no grammar lesson for the kiddies either.
Deep Breath
x
PS I lodged a complaint with the cinema and the Advertising Standards’ Board. I’ll keep you posted.
I’m just pointing it out – in pictures.
June 19, 2013
I feel it’s very convenient to say that by objecting to issues of complete unfairness, women become *shrill, too sensitive, irrational! Can’t be counted on for anything – just listen to them? What? Equal pay? Just calm the hell down. Can’t you take a joke?*
It’s usually how it rolls off the tongue – regardless of the seriousness of the problem, that seems to be falling on deaf ears.
Females are equal to males
Again (I’ll repeat) – not the same – but equal.
Women respect men. Men respect Women.
That’s the only way it can work.
Without equilibrium, NOTHING works.
Some processes are slower than others, but at the moment there seems to be little respect for women in any other realm – other than sexually or in the home…even though the statistics of domestic violence towards women and children makes one start to wonder…
Question #169: What the hell is going on?
A picture posted on FB led me to a page called The LAD Bible.
I’m going to post a small selection of the screen-printed images, memes and photos that appear on that page. They have other ‘blokey’ type humour (covering sleeping man’s face with food pieces – haw haw), but it’s not hateful like the following.
So as you look through these, I just want to know one thing:
Is this it?
Is this the type of man on offer for us now?
Lucky us, hey?
Underneath each image, I’ll write the tagline the site provided for each photo:
1. Good point well made.
Pity we can’t get help from guys about guys. Wouldn’t want to break the bro-code.
Although this is a sexist cliché, I was just curious as to whether we can ask for help in any way.
I have asked for men’s insight in the past on this blog, only to have been rewarded with the sound of crickets.
***
2. All a LAD needs.
So that’s it? Pizza, beer and tits?
How silly of us to feel like we’re worth more than just objectification, like have an identity…
Why is this girl allowing herself to be photographed in this objectified way?
Who she is as a person is irrelevant.
Who wants to feel like that?
Sadly. There’s an abundance of images like this. So very troubling for both genders.
***
3. DadLAD
A father’s advice to his son…in her gob.
***
This has been cleverly written, but don’t let it overshadow what it’s saying:
4. AdviceLAD
This drips in disrespect.
A woman’s ‘characteristics’ appear to be deserving of cheating and deception. Others are sluts. Clichés are also used, like that classic where women just want to marry men for their money. Really? I know a lot of married women and
a) many are the main breadwinners
b) I personally know of only a small number of separations within the large number of couples I know – but in all but one of those cases, it ended because the husband left the wife (and children) for another woman. That’s the more common scenario.
When I posted an article titled, A Shameful Week to be a Man on my FB Questions for Women page this afternoon, a man responded to the part about Nigella Lawson being grabbed around the neck by her partner with:
‘What about all the thieving bitches making a living out of marrying rich men only to divorce them for their money? You think this woman married this monster for love, the same fuckwit husband who offered visiting six year old cigarettes. It’s called karma bitch, marry for love and not money then you might have the right to call yourself something other than a prostitute and then you might find yourself a decent man who would treat you with love and respect. For the record I love having a cock and I’m not ashamed to be a man.’
Thieving bitches? Marry for love not money?
Even when the facts prove glaringly otherwise, this corker always seems to pop up in defence of male violence.
***
5. A little teaser from the up-coming book.
A book?
It’s not bad enough that our perfection entails cooking, cleaning, sex and a ‘perfect body’ – but we weren’t worth the price and now men bitch about what they got.
Charming.
Worst part is that a boy who looks about 10 years old in his photo, commented: ‘So true’, to the description above. Already an army of young experts in the wings.
***
6. PoetryLAD
This is hatred of women. I know it’s an exaggeration – but at the same time it’s not.
It’s hatred because women have no other place or role, than to please man – the way HE wants.
***
HATE.
And it’s everywhere.
How can we NOT call out Enough!?
Question #170: Don’t women deserve better?
Blurred Lines – I have something to say.
June 2, 2013
The current number one song in Australia – and I assume world-wide – is Blurred Lines by Thicke.
I am experiencing a mini-form of anxiety over this song – that I need to purge.
Here is my timeline with the song:
1. My sister played me the start of the song on her phone – it had me instantly hooked – I put it on the dock and we turned up the volume. My daughters were with us, so we were all dancing around the kitchen.
2. Then the lines – “I know you want it / I know you want it…but you’re a good giiirl – I know you want it / I know you want it” – started to echo out of the speakers and I thought, “Mmm…not sure about that for the girls.”
3. I saw a comment from a friend on her FB page – with the video embedded – saying that the feminist in her wasn’t sure about the video, but that she loved the song.
The feminist in her?
Torn moment #1: Do I really want to see it? I didn’t want to hate it.
But at that moment I didn’t have time to click on her link.
4. The following week, I saw the video on the telly. Scantily clad girls, with the fully clothed men, watching the girls walk by, leering at them, smacking their lips. Complete objectification. Still loved how the song made me want to dance, though. And dancing fills me with joy.
Yes it does.
5. I went back to my friend’s comment to tell her I agreed with her – but something she responded to me didn’t make sense, so I clicked on the video she had embedded.
In this unrated version – the women are basically naked.
Only a pair of skin-coloured g-strings (thongs) covering up the front pubic area – which in the first shot appears the girl is naked – with no pubic hair. What they are wearing, however, are a white pair of sandshoes.
The photo below is of the female ‘clothed’ version – but all the naked photos are there for the kiddies:
Look – the perfect man and woman, apparently. Sexy.
Now I am no prude.
I’m quite a fan of the naked female form, actually.
I think it’s stunning – of all shapes. What women’s bodies can do. Simply amazing.
I believe that the naked form – male and female – can communicate a myriad of beautiful messages – but we only see one: The hyper-sexualised woman or girl.
We certainly don’t see the male naked form in terms of saturation and sexual objectification.
I have two enormous problems with this song and video:
1. It’s not with the nudity itself – but the context in which it resides.
These men are fully clothed. As always.
Must we continually be subjected to the same message?
In Nelly’s song, It’s Getting Hot in Herre the chorus says:
Male: “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes”
Female: “I am, getting so hot, I’m gonna take my clothes off.”
The irony – that whilst the women in the video are scantily clad (as the song suggests) some of the men have parkas on – is staggering. And blatant. They’re taking the piss.
Same again with earlier episodes of Big Bang Theory. Leonard would be wearing shirts, long sleeve t-shirts and a jacket – indoors – while Penny would be in a shoe-string, low cut, singlet top and tiny shorts.
And who can forget the visual example of Lana del Rey on the cover of GQ – as the only ‘Woman of the Year’ 2012, amongst the other four ‘Men of the Year’ (including one being pawed by women’s hands):
My point?
That the less dressed you are – the more vulnerable you are.
It may be your (a woman’s) choice, but does it make you any less vulnerable to the eye of the beholder?
Again, I can’t believe the irony that I noticed this last summer – that some boys were wearing board shorts that had three-quarter leg lengths.
Gotta make sure the ‘package’ is well and truly hidden and secure…girls on the other hand…
The Blurred Lines video shows only objectification at its purest.
Are the men on the hunt?
It’s for sexual gratification ONLY and it’s sadly so one-dimensional – for both sexes.
The girls’ value is glorified – for the world to see – in only this one way.
They are nothing more than their sexual, perky breasts.
As nice as they are – really?
Is that it for us women? Our ultimate goal?
And to hate ourselves – actually hate ourselves – for not looking like that AND allow men and other women to make us feel bad too?
Question # 164: Do we want our boys and men to see and treat girls and women this way?
Then we have the following lyrics from the song:
One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Yo, from Malibu, to Paribu
Yeah, had a bitch, but she ain’t bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on, even when you dress casual…
There’s more, but you get the gist.
Couple the female-only (ever) nudity, with what’s being said, and you have dangerous, hyper-sexualised objectification.
The men are not vulnerable and never are.
My second problem?
2. The Arrogance of the men in the video.
So. Arrogant. (See lyrics above)
I saw a comment left by a woman about this video saying that she thought the guys looked hot and wouldn’t mind being paid to grind up against them. (Naked…to fully clothed men…)
I would respond to this woman with, “AND DON’T THEY KNOW IT!”
They know they’re top dogs and they know women will perform naked for them.
Thicke, in particular, is an attractive man (no argument) but he has balloons in the shape of letters which spell out,
‘Robin Thicke has a big dick.’
Arrogant. {Yeah, I’d fuck you, bitch.}
So here I am – liking a song I loathe at the same time – feeling completely gypped that artists who want to tap into a sexual theme, have to continue with this degrading view of women.
And that women comply – whether appearing in the video or wanting to be her.
*sigh*
Still…I really like the beat of that song.
Deep Breath.
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What I asked my husband.
May 25, 2013
What a day.
It has certainly put a fire in my belly.
I took my mum to see Anne Summers talk about her new book, The Misogyny Factor, as a part of the Sydney Writers’ Festival.
Amazing.
I’m busting to write about it and will soon. There’s a lot to digest, however, and I want to make sure I articulate it correctly and give it its due respect. This is a word Anne used a lot and it’s something that’s deeply lacking toward women.
Now we skip to this evening and the news has begun.
The story I saw was the one where a ‘Schoolgirl apologises to ‘heartbroken’ Sydney Swans star‘, Adam Goodes because of her racist taunt – calling him an ‘ape’ – whilst he was playing.
I think racism is revolting and I understand how he felt.
I was treated poorly growing up due to racist attitudes (against Spanish speakers, apparently!), so I know how it feels.
So let me make it clear that I believe that racism is a social toxin that must always be fought.
They even showed a snippet of the ad being televised, encouraging racism to be abolished in sport.
Fantastic.
Now there was another story in the news a few days ago, that also related to sport.
This one has an image of a woman with a black eye (ended up being a broken eye socket) and she alleges she was assaulted by Queensland Origin forward Ben Te’o.
He denies it. Of course.
What incident could possibly warrant that sort of violence?
What?
Against a woman with three men the size of refrigerators, who are part of a football code with a history of violent behaviour against women.
And yet the woman – with a broken eye socket – is being vilified by men AND women (shame on them) for all the reasons that, what, she deserved it in some way?
Would you ever feel you deserved it?
I feel like we’re a world gone mad.
When will our society rally behind women, believe them and find the justice she deserves?
They can’t ALL be liars.
Another disgrace: If not him – who?
Once a ‘celebrity’ is cleared of violence, the case is closed.
So it’s not about finding out who did it and give justice to the victim…
I mean someone did it.
OJ Simpson springs to mind – if not him, WHO?
Who cares, right? As long as it wasn’t the male ‘star’.
When all this whirled through my mind – as I watched the nation stand still and listen, truly listen, to how heartbroken Adam Goodes felt about being on the receiving end of a racist taunt – I turned to my husband and asked:
“Why do men hate women so much?”
I explained my above thoughts on racism – but I simply couldn’t understand how a racist word gets the coverage it should, while a smashed up woman’s face doesn’t. Again.
Like countless before this victim, it’s the women with the serious physical injuries who are still the ones investigated and given the third degree – in 2013.
Why? Because he said, “I didn’t do it.”?
We are the gentler sex. We are.
Why do men want to squash that? Control it? Violate it?
And worse still, why is it defended?
As the news continued – all the negative stories were violent ones – all done by men; including the hacking death of a man in broad daylight on a London street.
This world needs women.
It’s time to make way for us to fill the space that’s been left empty and fill the void that can tip things back into balance.
BALANCE. Not war to take over. Work side by side, FFS.
Equal in participation and respect.
And it starts by doing everything we can to give justice to women, when they have been treated like animals; beneath men – by men.
Question #161: Where’s the ad for that?
Deep Breath
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Question #159: What is so wrong with crying?
May 22, 2013
This is a question I have battled to answer my entire life.
Well, battled may be too strong a word – but it has certainly plagued me throughout my youth and was not until about six years ago that I started to understand my personal love/hate relationship with this mode of expression – mainly due to the stigma that’s attached to it, by the ever-watchful eyes of society.
It fills me with indignation.
As I child, I grew up being a ‘wog’ in a predominantly Anglo location. On many occasions I was bullied because, even though when you looked at me you didn’t see an ethnic girl, I spoke Spanish with my grandmother when she picked me up from my primary school. This, in turn, meant I was fair game to all those who hated themselves and needed to feel better by picking on someone – me.
Although I know NOW, as an adult, why bullies are bullies, what this did to me as a child was to start me on the path of being very, very insecure – desperate for acceptance and belonging. It also awakened the ‘cry-baby’ in me.
This was compounded at home whenever my parents, especially my father, expressed anger towards me when I was a teenager. Although it was probably no different to any other parent/child relationship, whenever I heard that particular unsatisfied tone, I would instantly feel the knot shoot up into my throat, as I desperately tried to hold back the tears – knowing that their arrival would open a new kettle of fish.
Weakness.
Society tells us it’s a sign of weakness.
WHY?
I wonder whether it’s because men are were seen as ‘strong’ and the ‘providers’ – Me Tarzan; You Jane – and men DON’T cry. Well, if being a male is the benchmark of existence and crying is seen as a negative weakness, then what is the males’ counter-balance? How do they let off their feelings of disappointment, frustration and, dare I say, vulnerability?
Violence?
It certainly appears to be a (too) common, ‘manly’ way to express emotion.
Question #160: So if we’re not supposed to cry – what then?
Laughter is considered an important and essential part of our emotional well-being and if balance is to be achieved, surely crying must play an equally paramount role. It’s greatly concerning that this is marred by the ridiculous notion that crying is a no-no and that we all need to ‘man up’.
Man up? No thanks.
Men should cry more.
Crying can represent a myriad of positive things – compassion, empathy, sympathy, joy – why must these traits be snuffed out? And before people start arguing that they’re not, please understand that females (the predominant criers, due to the conditioning that says it’s a part of our DNA – bollocks!) are always being told to be the ‘compassionate and sensitive ones’ – UNTIL WE ARE – then it’s criticism all the way.
Tori Amos said the following:
My epiphany (six years ago) happened when I experienced some difficulties with work, coupled with some post-natal depression. I was crying a lot.
My doctor referred me to a psychologist, whom I only saw three times. In that last session, I had decided that I was only rehashing the negative feelings about my issues and that I simply wanted to take some action. The only problem was that as strong as I am on the inside – and I am – I always ended up having tears in my eyes when discussing frustrating issues with people and was crippled by the thought of being perceived as weak, even though I knew I wasn’t.
She said to me, “Maybe deep down, you think they’re right.”
A-HA moment. Right there.
Due to the decades of entrenched perceptions about what crying entails, I ended up in a Catch-22 state of affairs – believing the hype about what it communicated about me to those I was talking to…which ended up the crux of why I cried in those situations.
Great.
Well, now I’m happy to say that I’m still a crier (just not like before) and that it’s always done wonders for my skin! I let it out when I need to, purge myself of the toxins and am not ashamed of it.
Not one bit
I cry for injustice, for hurting fellow human beings, for our dying planet, for loved ones and I also cry tears of joy.
Better than punching a wall, I say.
Deep breath…and let it aaalllll out. You too, boys.
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Questions for Us 