A cocktail drinks’ menu has come to light.
It’s so bad. The malice is two-fold – not only because of the actual names that were chosen for the cocktails, but that not one person got in its way and said, “No, this is wrong.”

With all the horrific, violent and frequent incidences that are occurring around the world, someone ultimately gave the final OK to this declaration of hate.

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What is it? A dare? A challenge?
“We’re not going to stop calling you sluts and you can’t make us!” Is that it?

This is what I wrote on the Spectrum Daiquiri Bar Facebook page:

When you write these horrible terms about women, you write about ALL women – your mother, grandmothers, sisters, daughters and granddaughters. You can’t say, “Oh no, I didn’t mean you” – it doesn’t work that way.
This is hateful – “Shut her up” and “Slut’. These are the reasons men rape.

Even more deplorable still, you make it a poster (condoning rape culture), that young people read as they’re getting drunk – actually helping create a toxic and violent world for women.
Why do you hate so much?
Shame on you.

Condoning rape culture = hate.

I reckon that if you filtered down all the reasons why men rape women, it would probably be because he either sees her as a slut or just wanted to shut her the **** up?

And this bar thought it would be hi-laaaarious to use these contemptuous and patronising labels for women…whilst young people are brainwashed – as they drink their mind stupid.

BUT – we’re not doing enough about this. Yes, things are being said; but not enough is being done.

If we did, this would simply be stopped. WE – the consumer – saying:

“We won’t stand for this. We don’t want it.”

The volume of the good men’s voices needs to be cranked up a few notches. Lots of women have left comments on this bar’s page, but there are barely any from men – showing their dissatisfaction, that is.

C’mon guys! (Spectrum Daiquiri Bar)
Whatever your age – tell them you’re ashamed.

I hope, with all my heart, that everyone simply boycotts this place (in Brisbane).
I’m sure there must be better places to go to, that respect both genders AKA people.
Give them your hard-earned dollars. Invest in something good, which means taking your business elsewhere. Boom.

Question #130: How empowering would that feel?

…plus it would be fun, wouldn’t it? Feeling that use of power for good?

Deep Breath.

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Two women left great comments, in response to the previous post about Rape Culture.

I would like to address two of the points made by these women.

1. lamehousewife was suggesting that the ad on the bus is a reflection of the type of women the priest was talking about.

I agree.

Throughout my posts, I have always made a strong point (I hope) on the massive contribution women are making to the problems they face in this patriarchal society. Ads, like the one on the back of the bus, can only exist with a woman’s consent.

Without women agreeing to normalise this hyper-sexualised, fickle, fake image of womanhood – we have little chance of attaining any sort of equality amongst this man’s world.

However, I AM about balance and the point of my last post was simply that the solution/solving conversations that make the papers, are about what women have to do to stop the Rape Culture.

But what about the guys/men? The ones COMMITTING the crime?

The CRIME.

Most of the time, it has nothing to do with what a woman wears. A lot of the time it can be a family member, raping a daughter/niece…or she didn’t do as she was told…or she looks like his mother and he hates his mother…etc. etc. etc.

I’m sure I (we) could find a gazillion reasons why so many men rape women…but the only common denominator, is that it’s men inflicting violence against women on an unprecedented and global scale.

As I said in my response, there is currently heated discussion at the prevalence of males being behind mass shootings, like the recent ones in the United States. Well, this is MORE prevalent…and also inflicted by men.

Where’s the article on that in mainstream media?

Where are the mental health programs for them? Or is it simply too many men?

More importantly:

Question #128: How are our boys being taught NOT to think of women as useless (except for one thing) and ‘gagging-for-it’?

If we’re not implementing the above, then we are simply stepping aside and allowing the Rape Culture to perpetuate.

You can get it on a t-shirt (this one’s a tame one):

images

Or in a meme:

gt+highschool+girls+they+say+that+they+aren+t+sluts+but+_b4f283e7d2096a3d01adf6118919d190

You get the idea…

2. Kate left a fantastic comment which hits the nail on the head; looking at this from another angle. A part of what she wrote was the following:

“I long for the time women regain their worth, their subtle and centred power, and this can’t happen by drinking as much as men or lowering our sexual standards by removing our sense of love and care and giving, or by trying to ‘be’ like men. We are depth that are women! Yet we seem to be under the stupidity of unawakened ideals that put us ‘beneath’ another gender.”

Exactly, right?

We simply can’t allow ourselves to believe what’s said about us or how we’re portrayed. We are actually short-changing the fantastic, awesome wonderfulness that it is to be a woman and short-changing what we can offer – together with men.

Finally, another reader left the following YouTube clip. It was posted online only a few months ago and it’s your regular, fit, young man giving out some advice to ‘the brotherhood’ about women.
Some of the language used may offend some women.

And this is the type of guy that’s out there…

It’s not all of them – no – but they’re what’s in fashion now.

Any alarm bells ringing yet?

Thank you so much for all the engaging and insightful comments and calm discussion. Keep them coming!

Man or woman.

Deep Breath.

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If you have – you MUST read the following article.

If you haven’t – you MUST read the following article.

It’s so well written and clear. I think it succinctly hits the nail on the head – so this one’s a bit of a Feminist Shout Out #6 to you ladies.

50 Shades of Abuse

I would LOVE to hear from those of you who liked the novel and what it was that appealed to you (no judgement, whatsoever – just honestly curious).

Have you changed your mind, now that you read this article?

Question # 120: Is it just another step in our conditioning?

Let me know what you think.

Deep Breath.

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Screen_shot_2012_12_05_at_121035_PM

A misogynist’s response.

December 8, 2012

Misogynist definition:

a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.

This man was obviously looking for something else when he stumbled onto my post about Zoo Magazine – Go and put the kettle on – and wrote this comment:

“Hey lady its not a dick dont take it so hard now go make me a sandwich”

That’s hate. That’s dislike. That’s mistreatment.

I feel warm and fuzzy knowing there’s so many like him everywhere AND perpetuated in the media.

Question #119: Why not comment back to him? 

Guys too.

Deep Breath.

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header-logo

Watch this one minute ad.

December 7, 2012

Question #118: Thoughts? Do you agree there’s an urgent problem?

If your answer is no – we’re screwed.

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Go and put the kettle on…

November 10, 2012

Are you comfortable?
Because it’s time to have a chat – especially with the Aussie parents out there – about a magazine that’s tapping into the seedy and degrading underbelly of our boys and men’s minds and it’s using a firm and taloned grip.

I should warn you that there are images, with text, in this post that may offend some readers (I was offended…putting it mildly) and if they don’t – I encourage you to step away from your personal perspective and think of the fact that the rest of us (including {and especially} kids, whose minds are absorbing like sponges) can’t avoid them.

They’re everywhere. Shaping.

This Australian magazine’s simple existence, (along with its horrible brethren versions around the planet) – and the manner in which it has evolved and spread over the years – leaves me gobsmacked.

Well, no, I suppose it doesn’t. Once you dangle the proverbial carrot in front of a weak society, anything goes nowadays. Point in case? This magazine.
What does perplex me, however, is the desensitised indifference that society as a whole seems to have towards magazines like this.

Or is it that most people – especially parents – simply don’t know the dangerous and misogynistic reach these types of magazines have?
This magazine is cheap – only a few dollars – with no age restrictions for purchase at your local newsagency and it predominantly exploits women.

Finally, it calls itself Zoo. Are we animals?

In a recent post, Melinda Tankard Reist discusses Zoo Magazine and says:

28000 – That’s the number of boys aged 14-17 estimated to read  Zoo magazine each week.  Despite its pornographic nature Zoo magazine is classified as ‘men’s lifestyle’ and therefore unrestricted – anyone can buy it. Zoo is conveniently positioned and priced for young readers to purchase in convenience stores, service stations and Coles and Woolworths.

It also states that:

“More Australian men buy and read ZOO than any other magazine in the country – that’s a fact.” – ACP Magazines, Zoo Magazine distributor

28000 a week – of teen boys.

Any alarm bells set off yet?

Many years ago, I had my first experience with Zoo – around the time of its inception in 2007. A copy was confiscated from a 12 year old boy at school. I looked through it and was a little stunned – for so many reasons. Amongst its variety of ‘sections’ (including a baby-seal clubbing article with pictures), the standouts in this particular issue were:

1. A multi-paged ‘article’ with photography of raunchy video-clip stills – predominantly breasts and women bending over, mouths open in erotic ecstasy etc.
2. A section where regular, everyday girls (mostly teens) have sent a ‘selfie’ of themselves in underwear or bikini in ‘sexy’ poses, to be ranked by the readers.
3. An advice section, where it’s two women answering the queries in each issue and are photographed with only underpants on, topless but turned to the side.

A 12 year old had it.

So now I’m going to ask you to have a look at Zoo Magazine’s Home Page.

How are those alarm bells going now?

Now envisage the amount of young boys going to this site.

This is the downside of the Internet, I suppose – furthered by the unyielding force that is Facebook.
Zoo Magazine has a Facebook page.

{Of course it does; it’s good business, right? And that’s what’s ultimately respected, after all – making money}

This is the place where parents can see the ease of infiltration, as well as the predatory domination that is occurring. Remember that legally, a person needs to be 13 years old to open an account on Facebook – but we all know parents who open up accounts for their children, as young as their first years of Primary School.

Recently, Zoo put up the following post (question) for its readers on its Facebook page:

“Left or right? But you’ve got to tell us how you came to that decision.”

For those who can’t read the print, the first comment that appears in this image says: “Left…You have the mouth and the tits to fuck.”

Here are some more responses:

Women being discussed as ‘holes’, ‘it’ or the lovely, ‘either end there’s shit coming out’.

Misogyny. Pure misogyny.

And this platform sees them all clapping each other on the back and giving each other high-fives. Aaahh, the Brotherhood is certainly strong in these circles.

It’s grooming our boys and they’re multiplying. How can they not be?

If the way boys and men think about women is ever-changing for the worse (as evidenced by magazines like Zoo, the post above, Facebook pages on 12 year old sluts etc) then:

Question #110: Are we happy to stand back and let these businesses sabotage our youth by only perpetuating sex as disconnected, dirty and now violently dominating?

Some boys will never know the joy of what a loving relationship entails – where a woman’s wants are equal to his. How sad, but it won’t be entirely their fault because Internet porn and businesses like Zoo Magazine, taught them differently.

And learn they do; they’re KIDS.

I can see older men shaking their head as they’re reading this, thinking how you grew up with ‘Playboys stashed underneath your bed’ and that you turned out ‘alright’. Well, your experience and attitude is a cog (and continues to be) in the terrible state of affairs today.

The comments above are hateful. Nothing good comes from hate.

One may have entertained thoughts or ‘jokes’ similar to the ones posted on the Facebook page above but I probably would have never known; now it’s posted online and it’s permanent. Then it feeds, thanks to the unprecedented way sites like Facebook spread information.

Spreading hate.
How can that NOT be damaging our kids?

A task: Want to take some action? You can join us and let the battle begin against the visible stocking of lads’ mags like ZOO.
Next time you fill up at the petrol station or shop at Woolies or Coles, have a look and see where these sorts of magazines are positioned.
Knowing the damage it can do, just from its sexist cover – should it be there?
A friend confronted a petrol station owner who had all these types of magazines above the lollies that kids make a beeline for.

After that, it’s simple. If they listen and change, continue giving them your business. If not, take your business elsewhere and tell them why you’re doing so.

Remember that money talks. It’s the only way.

Deep Breath and go get ‘em!

Question for men – #4

November 4, 2012

More men like this, please.

This is a post by Melbourne writer, Guy Sigley – reposted by Melinda Tankard Reist – reposted by me.

One man’s plea to other men: take a stand against sexism.

Question #108: Is Guy right about men?

He doesn’t seem to be taking it personally – like a lot of men do – when issues of sexism come up.

More men like this…please.

Deep Breath

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Guy Sigley

The following is one of many issues that has me livid – more at the apathetic attitudes of society, than anything else.

There is true misogyny in our culture – and it is malevolent. It has always existed towards women of all ages, but as it steadily moves down the ranks, it just makes me wonder at what point we’re all going to kick-start our protesting voices and do something about it. Misogyny is now targeting our Tweens or, as my high school students inform me, ‘Twelvies’.

Last week the disgusting Facebook Page, 12 yr old Slut Memes – a site that used photos of ‘Twelvies’ already on the net (or sent in by others), to then make degrading and sexist comments – was finally closed by the two 19 year old Queenslander men/boys/creators, studying at QUT.

But not by Facebook – they defended it to stay live and still do. The end truly came for these guys, when reports the Federal Police would investigate were heard. So they pulled the plug (although they vow to be back) – but Facebook still thinks sites like these are just fine and dandy.

This is evidenced by the fact that many copycat pages have sprung up in its place and are not only staying, but spreading – like venom – by supporters and perpetuators of this way of thinking.

It pains me and fills me with despair to see this type of behaviour unfold – with permission. Doesn’t it stir the same indignation in you?

Melinda Tankard Reist wrote this great post covering this atrocious state of affairs. Its title is a quote from the men As long as there are sluts we will put them in their place.

Sluts. That’s misogyny.

Now, last week I heard outrage and FURIOUS anger over the Speaker of the House, Peter Slipper having sent lewd text messages to another bloke. The pitchforks have well and truly been pulled out by our purer-than-driven-snow, holier-than-thou, fellow Australians and they are being kept handy by the front door – but only when it’s connected with politics, it seems.

Question #103: Are you willing to put those pitchforks to good use and stop pages like 12 Yr old Slut Memes, that do SO much more damage than text messages that were sent by one man to one other?

There is a virtual library of photos out there (taken by an obsessed younger generation) – pictures of young girls looking hyper-sexualised – that these men are exploiting because it’s just. so. funny.

But all those girls are someone’s daughter…and more often than not, come from good parents; parents who are fighting a battle against a media campaign that is breeding boys who become men like these 19 year olds…

…and girls, of course, who participate in their own exploitation. This look is the fashion, after all.

How do we do what’s right?

1. We channel our outrage where it’s needed, by stopping misogynistic sites – whatever and wherever they are – that have Internet reach and;

2. Teach our girls that their worth has NOTHING to do with their fervour to look a certain way to gratify boys’ sexual preferences (based more and more on porn), possibly gain their approval and therefore attain some sort of validation.

In terms of the text messages sent by Slipper (which were filth, by the way), I’m pretty sure that if you checked the mobile phones – hell, even just the Facebook Pages and statuses – of maaaany men, you would find much, much worse.

How about fighting them? This Facebook page had over 200,000 ‘likes’ (followers). Surely that’s more damaging and alarming than the texts between two men.

Ironically, last week’s incensed reaction from the public, turned a searing spotlight on those text messages – that were also leaked and given a massive amount of importance, fuelled by the media – messages with content that, should it be heard coming from a band of guys at the pub, would not have made anyone bat an eyelid.

The definition of misogyny is: a hatred of women.

But yesterday, the Macquarie Dictionary added a definition to the word:

a deep prejudice against women.

This article from the Financial Review, Macquarie misogyny definition change reignites gender debate discusses the change.

I believe most men fall somewhere on the sexism spectrum and only men know where they themselves sit on that particular fence.
Wherever it is you sit – guys – will determine whether you think sites like the 12 Yr old Slut Memes deserves your action or whether you think it’s funny.

Do you think it’s funny?

How about channelling some indignation towards helping liberate our world of the endless and ATTAINABLE hatred of females infecting our world – especially on women and young girls like these. It is the sphere in which our kids and teens are developing and it’s an emergency.

Do you think you could rise up against that?

Start writing emails – start taking your business elsewhere – anything.

It worked against Alan Jones…keep going.

Deep Breath.

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Sorry, I’ve felt like a rabbit-in-headlights with what’s gone on over the last 24 (or so) hrs.

I got a great comment that had a nice mix of argument – without delving into the pits of horrible name calling and highly emotional, negative regurgitation.

Gravitar wrote:

I kinda agree. The comments re: Julia’s father are disgraceful that is true. Abbott and Jones have won no friends, nor votes, from it. However, this is politics and it is a dirty, grubby game (don’t forget Alan Jones comes from the political sphere) and you need a thick skin to survive. I can think of other ex-PM’s who have been on the giving and receiving end of unjustifiable sexist, racist and inappropriate comments and while this is not excusable, it is a reality of modern politics. Julia’s speech was largely valid, but she is a smart woman who should have buried Abbott by now based on his policy vacuum. Use theatrics by all means, but her speech themed on “what offends Julia” is not what will make her memorable or electable. Admittedly, Julia has the uncertainty of a hung parliament haunting her which would make it difficult to be an effective leader, however she needs to have a significant policy debate with Abbott and she needs to win… repeatedly. That’s how she will win more support within her own party and with the general public.

My response:

I saw a woman who had simply had enough – and it was invigorating. I didn’t see a politician – I saw a person, a woman, who stood up and said E.NOUGH.

Look at her controlled pacing – she is pissed.

And then to have Abbott put forward a motion to get rid of Mr Slipper, KNOWING that Parliament shouldn’t be influencing the court case that must ultimately pass judgement, was a dirty blow because he knew Julia Gillard was damned either way. The court case is also now completely flawed due to the leaking of those texts. A government can’t sway the court case as that would be grossly unfair. Anyone would feel completely betrayed by the system if they were about to face a court case in the spot Mr Slipper is in now.

So Tony Abbott put her, again, in a very difficult position.

This last point, as to why Julia couldn’t express her great dissatisfaction with Mr Slipper’s sexist behaviour in THAT way, is interestingly ABSENT from popular news reports – so the reaction to Julia’s ‘double-standards’ is based on misinformation.

Do you know what I just noticed as I was writing this? That I keep referring to Mr Slipper – with a Mr, because that’s how he’s continuously been refered as, by the media. This is also true to a lot of comments I’ve read on the Internet about this issue – women included – lots of women, actually. It’s a Mister for the disgusting misogynist – but Julia and ‘her’ (and much, much worse – including ‘cunt’) for our Prime Minister.

Julia Gillard had been set up – and she let rip. Wouldn’t you?
So I say, “You go, girl!”

Julie Bishop said that Julia Gillard had set back the women’s movement by decades.
Shame on her.
When in fact, it is she who has set us back, by standing side by side a sexist boss and turning her spite on the woman on the receiving end, who said, “Enough!”.
So much for the sisterhood.
Why would ANY woman want to go into politics? Where we are so DESPERATELY needed.
The sad part is that a whole lot of women will listen to Julie Bishop.

Our female Prime Minister stood up to the behaviours that were targeted towards her as a woman and she said “No, I’m not having it.”
She just propelled women forward in a wonderful way. Why would it get such global attention if it weren’t?

If people don’t like a leader, don’t vote for them. Speak with intelligent argument about them, not signs that say “Bitch” refering to our PRIME MINISTER.
It’s so pedestrian. Such an unintelligent way to debate…if you can call signs, debating.

Is she perfect? No. Who is?

Did she find herself with her back against the wall with the Carbon Tax? Yes.

What would you have done in her position – male or female?

Do we know deep down that this is a good tax? – that it has its heart in the right place? Yes.

And yet we subject this woman to such venom.

And for who? Abbott?
The man, who as you say (and agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with), has a ‘policy vacuum’?

A man who has demonstrated unprecedented behaviour, that has only reared its ugly head since a woman has been voted in as Prime Minister?

You say you can recall ex-PMs being subjected to unjustifiable sexist comments. I’m only focusing on this one because yes, of course, there have been racist comments made.

But sexist?? I really can’t recall an equivalent – say, a woman opposition leader…oh, there hasn’t been one. OK, ANY female politician of influence standing in front of signs with the word “Prick” or doing an equivalent action. That would have made equally big news because it would have been a rarity…seeing as there’s hardly been any women in upper politics in the past.

The truth is that men have done it to each other because that’s the gender that’s always saturated parliament.

To say Julia ‘should have’ buried him by now, is not a reflection on her – it’s a reflection on our nation – a nation that swallows every bit of sensationalist (and sketchy) reporting, that’s starting to liken our news to a cheap soapy.

I wish Australia could just gain a little more sophistication in its conversation about politics. But the question I pose to everyone is:

Question #102: How did you expect Julia Gillard to respond – as a woman – knowing our daughters are watching?

Funnily enough, the WORLD has noted the significance of her speech. But not the journalists of Australia – ie the anti-Julia bandwagon that’s ‘popular’ with the general populace.

What a pity. Because yesterday, she was a legend.

Here is the transcript of what Ms Gillard said.

Thank you so much for your comment. As always.

Paula

PS This blog is 8 months old today! Woo Hooo!

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I have a two-parter today. Women need to see this  – but I really need to get some thoughts from the guys’ end of the fence. Unfortunately, what I’d really like, is to hear some young men’s perspectives, but I doubt they read this blog – so, seeing as you older lads know what’s going on inside a male’s mind, I’d love your opinion AND input as to how we can change things around.

Firstly there is a short going around, similar to Miss Representation, but instead looking at how the sexualisation of the current culture, is developing our future men:

There’s a question in the piece that asks:

“So where do guys get the idea that women are play things, eye candy and sexual objects for our enjoyment?”

As the question is being asked, a scene from a movie is shown, where a stream of attractive women walk in – dressed in lingerie – who then all bend over in front of a male who’s stunned, while the other, Adam Sandler, directs the girls to do it.

So degrading. As a woman, it’s hard to watch.

“The answer is, quite honestly, everywhere.” – they say.

True. It is. It’s at saturation point.

BUT!..and this is where I repeat that I’m not anti-male – you can’t have a stream of women bending over…WITHOUT WOMEN. Without their consent.

So, if our girls are lining up to pander to this heterosexual male fantasy (porn) behaviour and look:

Question #69: What are we, as a society, doing to instigate this?

Can it be changed? Pulled back a notch? Can we (you) stand up and do something to help gain some control of this spiralling problem?

OK – Part two.

A 20-something year old guy started a ‘bed of shame’ idea on Twitter, getting guys to take photos of themselves next to the woman they’ve spent the night with. Click here for article. It was so popular over the weekend – inundated with photos –  that he’s doing it again. Filth.

Question #70: What do men think about the accessibility and ease guys have, to be able to do this to women?

I know what I think about all of this – and I’m sure you have a sense of what I think too…but what do YOU think? About any of it.

Is there a solution?

Leaving it with you.

Deep Breath.

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