A question for men – #2
June 26, 2012
In my kitchen there is an interesting piece I found in an antique shop when I was in my 20s. Its rustic, wooden frame contains a page from a Home Economics book circa 1950. Its title is:
Tips to look after your Husband.
When my daughter was about six and really getting into reading, she stood in front of this and started to read. I was cooking dinner and giggling as she read lines such as:
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs…
….. and would then turn to me and say, “Have you done that?”
Or then there’s this snippet of wisdom:
Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner – count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day…
“Have you done that?”
It sounded ludicrous and that’s why it was so funny to hear, in this day and age.
BUT at the same time, it got me thinking about how women seem to have always been instructed on how to behave towards men – 1950s: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 2012: …I wouldn’t even know what to write here – I imagine it would be very sexual.
As I have said many times over – I was your poster girl for teen-girl feelings, hopes and dreams – I wanted to find the perfect guy.
How was I going to do that? Get advice from Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazines, of course! Haha! Tragic.
These magazines, which I religiously read throughout my university years in the late 80s/early 90s, provided every young woman with everything they needed to know – chock full of advice on how to look, what to wear and most importantly – how to snag a guy…including ENDLESS sexual activity ideas – especially with his penis.
Ironically enough, Jezebel just published a list of Cosmopolitan’s Most Ridiculous Sex Tips article here. Gee, there are some CLASSIC suggestions in this list – and if anyone can remember, it was more of the same – issue after issue.
Instructions for women.
So I just have this question:
Question #62: Where are the instructions for young men about how to treat a woman, in their popular culture?
It’s concerning that girls are continually being groomed to satisfy men – only.
Again, ladies and gentlemen, there ain’t nothing wrong with wanting to satisfy your partner. It’s important to learn what makes them tick and want to please them.
But what are boys being taught about women? What are their magazines (for example) teaching them?
Well, all that seems to be out there for boys are specialty sports magazines and ones like Zoo Magazine – which is basically soft-porn/porn, with sections such as: ‘Booty Bank’ and ‘Strip Search’.
How are boys supposed to have a respectful attitude towards women, when they don’t get an ‘instruction manual’ like women seem to have?
Of course, I KNOW men would cry out collectively and say the manual would look something like this:
Well, it would be a start boys…it would be a start.
Deep Breath.
x
Fashion + A small Feminist Shout Out! #3
June 22, 2012
This isn’t a new story really – when fashion meets with unsightly and disturbing images.
The following article from Jezebel click here, contains the response from the European magazine that published the contentious images, to the outrage expressed.
What do you think?
In the comments, there seems to be (what I see as) the typical, knee-jerk reaction – like ‘the dog ate my homework’ of responses:
“If it were a guy, we wouldn’t think twice…”
Uuuuummm…seeing as it’s statistically women who are victims of domestic violence from men…I’d like to see ANY images with men displaying a slit throat for a fashion shoot – furthermore – we all know that if a man were used for a violent image like a slit throat, he would have, stereotypically, gotten that way by the hands of another man…in something like a war shot. The male gender is more violent than the female.
Please understand that that last comment isn’t against all men. Not at all. I’m simply stating it factually, not personally.
Now to the women.
I need to ask.
What are the women agreeing to be shot this way, all about?
…and this question also applies to women who have their photo taken on all-fours for a t-shirt or those who play football in lingerie…just to name a few.
Why aren’t women saying, “No, I’m not doing that. It’s not good for the sisterhood”?
I understand that there is the freedom of expression.
I cherish it.
About me – I looooove fashion. The only magazine I’ve ever subscribed to (and still do), is InStyle magazine. Showing edgy and strong beauty in the women they depict, has a positive influence on us. It’s wonderful and, I believe, empowering. Surely there are some of you out there who know what I mean! It’s simply stunning images of women, showcasing the inventive and unique ways they wear their fashion. Their expression. I can’t afford any of the clothes – but I get ideas on how to play with my limited, cheapy versions! Haha!
Love, love, love!
Question #61:…so WHY does the fashion industry need to use images of women as victims of violence to sell their products, when it ultimately does more harm than good?
Is there no compassion for women who have suffered such atrocities? Especially from the women who agree to be shot this way?
Deep Breath.
x
If you had any doubt…
June 18, 2012
I’m appealing to all the good guys out there because at the end of the day, this topic – which has reared its ugly head again – is really for you.
If there were any doubt about how low Mitch Mortaza, the founder of the Lingerie Football League, can stoop – well, he has.
Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson’s daughter – aged 13, has been approached to be a spokesperson for the LFL. Article here.
In the letter that Mitch wrote to Paris, it outlined that she:
“…will be introducing youth clinics across the country to introduce the game of football to young ladies at an earlier stage in life.”
Introducing young ladies at an earlier stage in life?
How bloody early?
This is why things like the LFL need to be scrutinised and assessed – because once we become (or already have become) a society which just keeps accepting things as they come – without question – then the ‘line’ just gets moved further and further back until…what?
Question #59: When will we say, ‘enough?’ When we have Tweens playing Lingerie Football?
Will the men who may attend such a sporting event, hope the ‘nudity clause’ will stay in place? Maybe catch sight of a pre-teen hairless pubic area?
If you’re thinking that’s sick – well, YES! It is.
Paris is 13…just entering her teens and Mitch thinks it’s a good idea to have her endorse this and create a culture of acceptance – especially with our vulnerable girls.
Needless to say that Paris has declined the offer and the family is completely outraged with it all. Fantastic! These are small mercies which give some hope.
BUT there is a man out there who’s not only created the LFL and (of course) found a market, but is now after our daughters – just to make HIMSELF rich.
Question #60: Does Mitch Mortaza deserve this wealth – just because he can?
I’m pretty sure I could make a lot of money, by crossing some hideous line…and seeing as women are the main consumers on the planet, I’m actually positive I could.
But I won’t…and that’s the difference.
Shame on you, Mitch. And shame on the men and women who perpetuate it all.
…and good on you, Paris!! (seen below, smashing the opposing team, holding up her hands in victory…fully dressed).
I reckon she felt pretty awesome, pumped and confident at that moment. Don’t we want the same for our girls?
Deep Breath.
x
Chinese abortion.
June 17, 2012
The Illegal Chinese Abortion has caused an outrage – and with complete and absolute reason. A seven-month foetus, illegally aborted, whilst restraining the hysterical mother and putting a pillow slip over her face. Even through the pixellated image – you can see it was the same size as many babies we’ve seen born a little early, but easily survive. It was a baby.
Now I’m sure we’re all on the same page. This was so very, very wrong. I found myself quietly crying, imagining such a horrific experience and feeling my whole heart ache for this woman.
I don’t know about you, but this sort of story just fills me with a deep despair. A despair that opens the flood gates of the countless, actual countless, and endless atrocities that are happening at this very moment ALL around the world.
So I have to ask:
Question #58: Why doesn’t the human race appear to improve and evolve as time goes by?
So much misery in the world – with a select few making ‘power’ decisions that menace and devastate.
How is it that there was noone – not one person – who stopped this woman’s baby from being executed?
The worst part of it is – that there are always so many who are ready to do the unthinkable. Twenty staff from the family planning department went to arrest the seven-month pregnant woman. Twenty.
So sad.
*Shaking my head in disillusioned dismay*
Deep, deep Breath.
x
Truck Stop.
June 13, 2012
I took my Year 10 Drama students to the theatre today and saw a play that was simply fantastic – captivating…
…and terrifying to watch, all at once!
It’s called Truck Stop.
The play was written based on true events – about a few 14 yr old girls who would sneak out of school at lunch time, hang out at a truck stop and prostitute themselves. The bulk of the play, however, looks at how these young girls reach a point like that in their lives – looking at their social circumstances, coupled with current, cultural pressures. So it’s practically at the end of the play, where we finally see them arrive at that unavoidable end result.
It was hypnotic – like watching a car crash about to happen…except you can’t turn away.
Why am I writing about this? Because how the girls talked, what they did, how they felt, the songs they listened to, all of it – was holding a mirror to what a lot of girls today are living. Breathing.
I found myself actually fighting back strong emotions as I watched, wondering how girls today navigate through such a barrage of feelings, sometimes rendering them impotent to fight against doing ‘whatever it takes’ to attain the one thing they truly want;
To have someone.
That’s the crust of it and has been since the birth of time. We all want someone.
But girls today are bombarded with such powerful emotions – urging them to stand out or be left behind – that (some) succumb to the pressure of what ‘today’ tells them is acceptable and they find themselves making choices that do nothing for them. Time and time again, it seems like the only ‘winner’ is the guy.
This production did a superior job – not just showing the main ‘easy’ girl and her best friend, but also the new innocent Indian student, who joins those girls and is quickly ‘corrupted’ to their ways…until she’s on the outer again. Nothing surprising really, but ladened in pace and emotion. Whenever these girls discussed any activity, whether it be naughty or plain bland, they likened it to a movie or video clip. So incredible how much they seemed to live their lives through fantasy – after all, it’s all that’s splashed in front of them…
Fantasy.
Question #57: How can we help our girls get through these pressures; that we simply didn’t have growing up?
Now before you all start jumping up and down saying that we did, what I mean is that we didn’t have the reach of imagery, that this photo-shopped, Internet saturated world has today – we certainly didn’t have the ‘instructional’ music videos of the current pop culture, for example. Of course there were times when I felt like boys wouldn’t like me – but there wasn’t a look or behaviour I had to conform to…and in hindsight, I have to say that it overwhelms me with a sense of relief.
Today is a vastly different story, however, and I feel (at times) disheartened for our girls.
This play doesn’t provide any solutions, but it had a great impact on every one of my students – for many different reasons.
If you’re in Sydney, it’s on at The Seymour Centre until June 23. They may tour, so keep an eye out. It’s worth the watch.
Deep Breath.
x
Promotional image from Truck Stop.
Just sayin’ – #6
June 12, 2012
A female friend of mine, who works in a corporate-style office, told me about an interesting analogy that was made.
The group listened to a male colleague ask,
“How is the Economy like a strapless bra?
Half wonder how its being held up, while the other half wait for the collapse, so that they can take full advantage with both hands!”
AAAaaahhahahahaha…aaaahha.ha.ha…hoohoohoohahahaha…oh.oh.oh.hoo.hoo.hoohahaha…
…thigh, slappin’ stuff.
._.
Later, my friend and other female colleagues talked about the inappropriate nature of the ‘joke’ and after some discussion, one of the women said, in a resigned manner, that she had ‘gender fatigue’.
Gender Fatigue.
What a succinct phrase – when you’re just too exhausted to fight every gender-biased comment made because you’re sitting and soaking in a vat of it.
Question #56: Have you been feeling any Gender Fatigue lately, ladies?
As my friend says (and I agree), men will always be men, but can’t they just keep it to themselves?
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath.
x
PS – I don’t have Gender Fatigue…yet! *wink*
Madonna
June 11, 2012
I received a comment recently, which spoke of a person I’ve been wanting to write about for a while:
Madonna.
I was a MASSIVE Madonna fan growing up. I remember being in Year 10 in 1985 (15 Years old) and I was walking to school with my bestie, Katy. We were in deep and serious discussion about the rumours we had heard that Madonna was going to tour Australia. Wooooo Hooooo! We were planning how we were going to obtain the funds to be able to get good tickets, how we were going to sleep overnight at the ticket outlet (yes, no Internet) etc. etc.
Well, she certainly kept us hanging because she didn’t come until 1993 – but Katy and I still went together AND we got really good seats. It was simply awesome.
I’m deviating – back to the point.
When I was 14, Madonna released her song, Like a Virgin. I remember the ‘oohs & aahs’ over the word ‘virgin’ being in the title, but that was about it. The video is basically her strutting around Venice, dancing on a gondola in the Venetian waterways, being stalked by a lion and ending up with a guy with a lion’s head/mask. All very symbolic – haha!
It has ‘touches’ of raunchiness – but, please, it’s pretty tame.
Let’s jump ahead to, what I see as, one of her most empowering songs – Express Yourself. It’s now 1989 and I’m 19. On viewing this video, one can see that Madonna has gone an extra level in demonstrating her sexuality…BUT the thing that I think makes it different to what’s going on today, is her message. I (still) see her as a formidable woman saying,
“Don’t go for second best, baby; Put your love to the test; You know, you know, you’ve got to; make him express how he feels; and maybe then you’ll know your love is real.”
She basically sings that HE has to prove himself to get a girl’s heart and that girls are better off on their own than settling for second best. She sings the chorus in a suit and she raised many an eyebrow because she ‘flashes’ her bra underneath her blazer and grabs at her crotch – Michael Jackson style. Her dancing is one of strength, not one from a strip club.
Then there’s the book – Sex.
I own a copy. I was 22 and it took A LOT to part with the $70 that it cost…that was 20 years ago and a tonne of money (for me anyway). She broke all the rules with this one and in a way it was a “F#ck You” to Warner Bros. who were placing restrictions on her artistic expression. It coincided with the release of her new album, Erotica.
Difference with today? Well, it was certainly NOT advertised on TV – it was something that was more of a ‘word-of-mouth’ thing – and it was sealed in a metallic bag with Madonna’s image on it (as you can see in the picture above). To see it, you had to buy it – so there was no exposure to the wrong set of eyes. Today we are wallpapered with hyper-sexuality.
In a way, my teen years and early 20s had Madonna in my life and I think I did actually learn from her. I saw someone who confidently pushed aside the ‘weaker sex’ image and made us see that we women are sexual beings with sexual desires, but that guys had to (for want of a better word) earn their way to it.
So, the question is:
Question #55: Is Madonna the same or different to today’s female artists?
I say, DIFFERENT!
Why? Because:
1. I absolutely don’t see the message in current female pop artists’ videos, that men have to share a woman’s sexuality. Women, in these clips, are hyper-sexualised in their actions, while men are generally just sitting there, fully clothed, observing the female artist doing everything short of sexual acts themselves (Jennifer Lopez’s latest clip pops into mind). And that’s on Music Video shows – for anyone to see – sometimes in your local KFC restaurant; as I once observed.
Madonna even had the video, Justify My Love, banned by MTV in 1990. Yes, banned! (It had a quick shot of girl kissing girl/looking like a boy and some raunch). We’ve passed the point where a video’s banned in this day and age because our moral compass is off kilter.
2. I think many female artists have tried to copy Madonna and think what they’re doing in their videos (to simply pleasure ‘the man’) is empowering. It’s not. Why? Because nothing is empowering when one objectifies themselves with no equal reciprocal action.
What – exactly – is gained?
3. She was the only one of her time – unique – and she was sending her (I think) empowering message from the start. She may have gone a bit far at times, but on the whole she encapsulated strength and exuded power. Nowadays, it seems that female pop artists have the same type of video. Whatever makes money, right? No sense of being unique in this culture.
Snore.
So, what do I think of Madonna now?
I’m saddened that she’s started to deform her face with surgery and is not ageing gracefully. She could have been, again, such a front-runner for women and show how beauty, strength and power can come from within – but alas, it was not meant to be.
Deep Breath.
x
This is Freedom from Porn Culture‘s post about what happened at the LFL Sydney game last night.
All logic points to this ‘sport’ being shite – simply because of its uniform. That is all.
For those of you who didn’t get an insiders look at the LFL Promo match at Sydney last night, you missed the cause of equality for female athletes being set back, here are the updates…
Grey team player loses her pants, the mostly male crowd goes wild, they replay it ‘close up’ on the big screen and the crowd cheers. Pink team makes a touchdown, player celebrates by slapping her thighs and making hand gesture of a vagina. An athlete in the crowd says “I’m a sports person and I find this so offensive.” LFL players dance for the men, the men go wild, not unlike a strip club (sounds like strip club sport, looks like strip club sport, equals strip club sport). Three male spectators are invited on the field to chase and tackle one of the LFL players (Melinda Tankard Reist – “in no other sport would crowd be…
View original post 410 more words
Just sayin’ – #5
June 8, 2012
I recently saw something about the massive class actions against cigarette companies because smokers claim that they weren’t properly warned about the dangers of smoking.
The numbers of people suing is staggering.
I’ve always found this to be a bit of a gip because since I can remember, we have always been told that cigarettes are bad for you. Here in Australia, we’ve had the most revolting pictures of affected organs from smoking on every pack plus statements saying what they can do to you – for years.
So, it’s pretty much a person’s choice then, right?
Well, it’s also a person’s choice to stuff their face with fast food, like McDonald’s. A former employee has successfully sued McDonald’s for becoming overweight.
We now have many women, from all walks of life, making a choice as to how they present themselves – on porn t-shirts, in music videos, in advertisements, on football fields…
Question #54: When people’s choices start to become a detriment to themselves and possibly the world around them – do we intervene?
There are countless examples of how our ‘developed’ world seems hell-bent on doing as it pleases, pushing boundaries for self gain – until it doesn’t suit them anymore and then want to point the finger of blame…although it was always their choice to start with.
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath.
x
A response – # 3
June 4, 2012
I invite you all to read the SIX comments an American gentleman left as a response to my last post.
I actually don’t know what he’s on about because he only keeps repeating in bold letters: they CANNOT COMPETE WITH THE NFL.
Over and over again…plus a lot of insults.
I think the springboard for his rant, was my question wondering why the women can’t wear protective gear. I meant mainly skin protection, as they’re being brutally tackled onto the ground, with literally nothing on. Fair question, isn’t it?
He also talks about his country’s superiority and how retarded we are in Australia…although I’m sure he just means me.
That’s OK…
…because at least I have a grasp of grammar and know how to clearly make my point – something this gentleman is lacking.
Superior indeed.
Deeeep Breath.
x
PS The following are some more promotional shots for the LFL.
Question #53: Don’t you think these images cross the line? (especially the second one)
There is no male equivalent. If you do have examples – I’d love to see them.
I’m pretty sure you mostly agree with me…so I ask you:
What’s the lesson – what is it teaching?
Questions for Us 