Beauty is an attitude.
July 31, 2012
I found the following on Facebook and I think it’s simply fantastic:
We are the fairer sex. Yes.
And we should enjoy that…but at what price?
Recently I’ve listened to numerous female students feel down about their looks – thinking they’re not beautiful, which always leaves me feeling aghast because I can’t communicate the beauty I see. They think I’m ‘just saying that’. They also don’t know how to accept a compliment because they simply don’t believe it.
I feel a touch of despair for these girls because the feelings of inadequacy they have about themselves, only proves that the grip the false ideals of beauty has on them – has talons.
In a previous post, A response, I put a photo of me in my final year of high school, aged 17, with very alluring short hair. NOT! The year before this photo was taken – when my hair was a little shorter – my, Catholic, all-girls high school took my year group on a three-day camp, with an all-boys high school.
Now, I was your typical teen – someone who wanted to find a dreamy boyfriend, who would adore me forever…
But I didn’t fit the ‘mould’.
On the camp, I experienced two poignant moments – moments long forgotten, that have recently poked their heads out of my cavernous memory. Due to this resurfacing, I have shared the story with a few…so to those of you who have heard this one already, I ask you for your ever-appreciated patience with me repeating myself!
Moment 1. A group of us were walking up to the boys’ cabins, where you had to walk up a few steps to their long verandah. A boy was standing at the top of these steps saying, “Welcome” to every girl as she stepped up. When I got there he said, “You’re not welcome.”
That’s OK. I walked through anyway.
Moment 2. In a group session, we were asked what our first impressions were of each other. There was that awkward silence when everyone is shyly looking around or staring at their hands – when one guy, put his hand up, looking straight at the team leader and said, “I thought Paula was really weird because of her hair.”
I didn’t mind. It kind of felt good – no other girl got mentioned. And I knew I wasn’t weird.
Even though I lay my dream of finding my high school sweetheart at this camp to rest (and felt a little bummed), I knew they’d be another time that would present itself…
…and I ceratinly wasn’t going to start growing my hair long and disappear into the crowd – just because two boys weren’t into my look.
Still girls and boys trying to get one another’s attention – no different to today.
So, what IS the difference between then and now? Well, how about the saturation of EVERYTHING…’on tap’?
For women, there seem to be endless amounts of clothes, shoes, make-up, hair products – electrical and chemical, salon services, manicures, pedicures, facials, diet options, diet shakes, hair removal options (shave, wax, laser), Botox, machines that ‘dissolve’ cellulite, surgical procedures…and ALL THAT;
For basically one. general. look.
No wonder girls are in a whirlpool of self-loathing.
A recent report said that women in Australia spend $100, 000 on razors and $30, 000 on waxing – a year.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m one of the razor buyers (since my teens)…but when you look at numbers like that, doesn’t it seem ridiculous? That’s a lot of money.
Question #78: What price do you pay for ‘beauty’? Are you happy yet?
Don’t buy into it! Not through your mind OR your wallets.
Of course those on the receiving end of your spending, don’t want you to stop – so be the sensible, intelligent woman you are and know:
Beauty is an attitude.
It resonates.
By all means enhance – uniquely – do the best with what you’ve been blessed with.
YES – blessed! Don’t lose sight of the big picture.
You don’t need ‘fixing’…and as it says in the image above – you don’t owe it to anyone!
And the only thing you owe to yourself – is to love your unique ‘take’ on beauty.
Deep Breath.
x
Just look at this image…
July 20, 2012
Lily Munroe – a friend I have made through this blog (and has a like-minded blog herself: freedomfrompornculture) – found the following, A-MAZ-ING image, after reading my last post:
Question #76: Do you think this is what’s happening?
I do…
and I’m finding myself getting a little alarmed.
Deep Breath.
x
Six Months.
July 10, 2012
It seems incredible, but it was six months today – in the very early hours of the morning – that I started writing this blog.
This is my 80th post, yesterday I passed 8,000 hits and asked my 70th question.
Woooo Hoooo!!
When I started, I thought that I’d run out of things to discuss. I had a few things that I definitely wanted to say, enough people in my life had heard it! – Haha! – but I was actually nervous about running out of steam.
But I’ve been proven wrong. It seems there is a plethora of material and actions to question – as we try to navigate through the machine that’s become a monster of consumption and lead our children through it.
There are two main objectives that I want to explore – in my true quest of balance: a) question how society (the village) is raising its children – by mainly asking women what they (we) can do to change our circumstances and b) hold a mirror to the huge amounts of outstanding and wonderful women out there, who are so clear and strong as to who they are and inspirational role models.
On a daily basis, I hear about unique women and all I want to do is write about them!…but then something pops up in the media that I need to discuss and put these lasses on the back-burner. But I promise to focus more on the ‘good’ – for a more balanced perspective, of course! *wink*
The time factor is an issue. Although the school holidays are currently affording me a pause from the crazed, daily routine and giving me the opportunity to write – the end is nigh and it’s back to full-time work on Monday. I’ll write when I can, even though my desire to do so outstrips the pockets of time available. Shorter pieces, maybe…although I can’t seem to stop once I get on a roll!
Thanks to all of you for joining me on this journey. At times I feel a little disheartened about things – will we actually be able to put on the brakes a bit? Not stop, just slow – but there are also other wonderful moments when the comments and insights you give me, fill me with hope – plus the fact that there are many, many other voices starting to be heard. That’s the way!
The picture below is me – now – in the glow of the laptop…literally on my lap!
I look forward to more conversations, comments and perspectives, from both women AND men; young and old. Ideally I would love more teens and young adults throwing in their thoughts…that would be awesome!
Basically, everyone’s welcome – without judgement; only questions and chats.
Tell your friends!
Deep Breath.
x
Feeling the strain, mums and dads?
June 29, 2012
A few months back I wrote a post about the balance (or lack thereof) in our lives called – The strong, but stretched, women around me.
Recently I went through – and to some degree, am still going through – a very rough patch with myself, especially in regards to my daughters.
A lot of tiredness from work – both in my place of employment and at home – coupled with less patience and a shorter fuse, meant that things weren’t good.
And the GUILT.
Every time I faltered, I saw any efforts made to change things around (because it had to start with me), go down the toilet.
But my mind is just SO. FULL. It is a rare moment where there isn’t something to organise…coordinate…remind…do…
…and from talking to friends of mine, of both sexes, there are a lot who are struggling for some meaning to it all because of how hard it seems to be at times.
In these more desperate moments, I have found myself stepping back and looking at how our society is structured and wondering how (or if) it’s contributing to all this.
Our society is pretty archaic. It hasn’t evolved much.
We have, in essence, been living the same sort of life for decades and besides some changes here and there – like there being more women in the workforce now – we are inherently still chasing the same sort of dream or blueprint to ‘happiness’ as past generations – go to school, get a job, buy a car, buy some type of housing, get married, have kids…and start all over again.
Which lends itself to make us question why we keep repeating the same ‘type’ of life, time and time again.
Even our school system, based on the 50s, hasn’t changed. In a YouTube video called Did You Know?, it states that:
“The Top 10 in-demand jobs in 2010…did not exist in 2004. We are currently preparing students for jobs that don’t exist yet…using technologies that haven’t been invented…in order to solve problems we don’t even know are problems yet.”
It’s gobsmacking, when you think about how technology, jobs and skills are growing at the speed of light – while we obsess about whether our child will ever be a success if they struggle with English, Maths and Science. Watch this following clip about our education system – it will blow you away:
So we’re in a circular, Groundhog Day, style of life that we pretty much pass on to our kids, with a few tweeks here and there.
Question #64: Is it possible to gain the right balance for both women and men in the important areas of our lives?
The following article: A Million Women Are Reading This, is absolutely fantastic!
I think it challenges us to think about the issues that affect all men and women, and whether it’s possible to change for the better – a change that matches the world we currently live in, not one from decades ago, when the decisions of ‘how life should be’ were made.
I’ve touched on a lot of the issues in this article, throughout my posts.
What do you think?
Deep Breath.
x
Chinese abortion.
June 17, 2012
The Illegal Chinese Abortion has caused an outrage – and with complete and absolute reason. A seven-month foetus, illegally aborted, whilst restraining the hysterical mother and putting a pillow slip over her face. Even through the pixellated image – you can see it was the same size as many babies we’ve seen born a little early, but easily survive. It was a baby.
Now I’m sure we’re all on the same page. This was so very, very wrong. I found myself quietly crying, imagining such a horrific experience and feeling my whole heart ache for this woman.
I don’t know about you, but this sort of story just fills me with a deep despair. A despair that opens the flood gates of the countless, actual countless, and endless atrocities that are happening at this very moment ALL around the world.
So I have to ask:
Question #58: Why doesn’t the human race appear to improve and evolve as time goes by?
So much misery in the world – with a select few making ‘power’ decisions that menace and devastate.
How is it that there was noone – not one person – who stopped this woman’s baby from being executed?
The worst part of it is – that there are always so many who are ready to do the unthinkable. Twenty staff from the family planning department went to arrest the seven-month pregnant woman. Twenty.
So sad.
*Shaking my head in disillusioned dismay*
Deep, deep Breath.
x
Madonna
June 11, 2012
I received a comment recently, which spoke of a person I’ve been wanting to write about for a while:
Madonna.
I was a MASSIVE Madonna fan growing up. I remember being in Year 10 in 1985 (15 Years old) and I was walking to school with my bestie, Katy. We were in deep and serious discussion about the rumours we had heard that Madonna was going to tour Australia. Wooooo Hooooo! We were planning how we were going to obtain the funds to be able to get good tickets, how we were going to sleep overnight at the ticket outlet (yes, no Internet) etc. etc.
Well, she certainly kept us hanging because she didn’t come until 1993 – but Katy and I still went together AND we got really good seats. It was simply awesome.
I’m deviating – back to the point.
When I was 14, Madonna released her song, Like a Virgin. I remember the ‘oohs & aahs’ over the word ‘virgin’ being in the title, but that was about it. The video is basically her strutting around Venice, dancing on a gondola in the Venetian waterways, being stalked by a lion and ending up with a guy with a lion’s head/mask. All very symbolic – haha!
It has ‘touches’ of raunchiness – but, please, it’s pretty tame.
Let’s jump ahead to, what I see as, one of her most empowering songs – Express Yourself. It’s now 1989 and I’m 19. On viewing this video, one can see that Madonna has gone an extra level in demonstrating her sexuality…BUT the thing that I think makes it different to what’s going on today, is her message. I (still) see her as a formidable woman saying,
“Don’t go for second best, baby; Put your love to the test; You know, you know, you’ve got to; make him express how he feels; and maybe then you’ll know your love is real.”
She basically sings that HE has to prove himself to get a girl’s heart and that girls are better off on their own than settling for second best. She sings the chorus in a suit and she raised many an eyebrow because she ‘flashes’ her bra underneath her blazer and grabs at her crotch – Michael Jackson style. Her dancing is one of strength, not one from a strip club.
Then there’s the book – Sex.
I own a copy. I was 22 and it took A LOT to part with the $70 that it cost…that was 20 years ago and a tonne of money (for me anyway). She broke all the rules with this one and in a way it was a “F#ck You” to Warner Bros. who were placing restrictions on her artistic expression. It coincided with the release of her new album, Erotica.
Difference with today? Well, it was certainly NOT advertised on TV – it was something that was more of a ‘word-of-mouth’ thing – and it was sealed in a metallic bag with Madonna’s image on it (as you can see in the picture above). To see it, you had to buy it – so there was no exposure to the wrong set of eyes. Today we are wallpapered with hyper-sexuality.
In a way, my teen years and early 20s had Madonna in my life and I think I did actually learn from her. I saw someone who confidently pushed aside the ‘weaker sex’ image and made us see that we women are sexual beings with sexual desires, but that guys had to (for want of a better word) earn their way to it.
So, the question is:
Question #55: Is Madonna the same or different to today’s female artists?
I say, DIFFERENT!
Why? Because:
1. I absolutely don’t see the message in current female pop artists’ videos, that men have to share a woman’s sexuality. Women, in these clips, are hyper-sexualised in their actions, while men are generally just sitting there, fully clothed, observing the female artist doing everything short of sexual acts themselves (Jennifer Lopez’s latest clip pops into mind). And that’s on Music Video shows – for anyone to see – sometimes in your local KFC restaurant; as I once observed.
Madonna even had the video, Justify My Love, banned by MTV in 1990. Yes, banned! (It had a quick shot of girl kissing girl/looking like a boy and some raunch). We’ve passed the point where a video’s banned in this day and age because our moral compass is off kilter.
2. I think many female artists have tried to copy Madonna and think what they’re doing in their videos (to simply pleasure ‘the man’) is empowering. It’s not. Why? Because nothing is empowering when one objectifies themselves with no equal reciprocal action.
What – exactly – is gained?
3. She was the only one of her time – unique – and she was sending her (I think) empowering message from the start. She may have gone a bit far at times, but on the whole she encapsulated strength and exuded power. Nowadays, it seems that female pop artists have the same type of video. Whatever makes money, right? No sense of being unique in this culture.
Snore.
So, what do I think of Madonna now?
I’m saddened that she’s started to deform her face with surgery and is not ageing gracefully. She could have been, again, such a front-runner for women and show how beauty, strength and power can come from within – but alas, it was not meant to be.
Deep Breath.
x
Just sayin’ – #5
June 8, 2012
I recently saw something about the massive class actions against cigarette companies because smokers claim that they weren’t properly warned about the dangers of smoking.
The numbers of people suing is staggering.
I’ve always found this to be a bit of a gip because since I can remember, we have always been told that cigarettes are bad for you. Here in Australia, we’ve had the most revolting pictures of affected organs from smoking on every pack plus statements saying what they can do to you – for years.
So, it’s pretty much a person’s choice then, right?
Well, it’s also a person’s choice to stuff their face with fast food, like McDonald’s. A former employee has successfully sued McDonald’s for becoming overweight.
We now have many women, from all walks of life, making a choice as to how they present themselves – on porn t-shirts, in music videos, in advertisements, on football fields…
Question #54: When people’s choices start to become a detriment to themselves and possibly the world around them – do we intervene?
There are countless examples of how our ‘developed’ world seems hell-bent on doing as it pleases, pushing boundaries for self gain – until it doesn’t suit them anymore and then want to point the finger of blame…although it was always their choice to start with.
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath.
x
It’s a long way, to the top…
June 2, 2012
As I was cooking last week, I caught the tail end of the show, The Project. I have to say that one of their last stories drove home some simple truths about women in the work force. I found myself shouting, “YES!” in the kitchen…on my own, haha!
Because what they discussed so simply; so succinctly; is an issue that – I believe – hits the core of how we can possibly make change.
The story discussed the microscopic representation of women in clout positions ‘at the top’ and the glass ceiling women hit – something I’ve been discussing for a while. In a nut shell – we barely a voice in the running of this world.
Statistics they presented:
- In Australia, the percentage of women at the top (Female Chairs and CEOs of ASX 200 companies)… 2.75% less than three percent!
- Australia is equal 1st, in the world, with women’s education AND we’re better educated than men – 87/100 women enrolled in tertiary education compared to 67/100 men. Irony number one.
- Advertising man, Todd Sampson, who was on the panel, said that women represent 5% of top advertising positions, although women constitute 80% of buying power. Massively HUGE bit of irony there.
Natasha Stott Despoja even says, “What’s it going to take?”
I’ve always discussed these issues in the past, with a gargantuan sense of frustration. We’re equally as smart, we have the buying power…and yet…
They said that in Norway (if my hearing over the extractor fan was good), they put a quota on getting women in the boardroom (currently at 11% in Australia) – up to 40% – by law.
Many countries have listened and are already following suit.
It’s huge.
Here in Australia there’s discussion about putting in a temporary quota system, aiming at 40%, to inject women into more clout positions.
I think this is a fantastic idea.
Of course, there is an objection – as one woman said, she didn’t want to get a job because of a quota she wanted to get it on her own merits. There’s one colossal flaw with this…if we have the brains (and then some), why aren’t we there already? As Dr Phil likes to say, “How’s that working for ya?”
Seeing as the current system isn’t remotely representing women adequately:
Question #50: Do you think a quota is the way to go? If not, how?
The following picture is from an article from The Guardian (UK), where the following was written:
Britain’s economic recovery is being held back by a lack of women in the boardroom, David Cameron has warned.
The prime minister said there was clear evidence that ending Britain’s male-dominated business culture would improve performance.
Thoughts?
Deep Breath
x
Just sayin’ – #4
May 30, 2012
Picture this – you have a yearning to do something – something that gives you a real fire in your belly. You’ve been told that being a woman means that there are no boundaries and that you can do anything! GO FOR IT!
Well, some of the women who are involved in the LFL feel that fire and want to feel that sporting challenge.
This week I have heard arguments in favour of the LFL – of genuinely interested women who want to play but have no other avenue to do so…unless they wear ‘the uniform.’
Question #49: What does this say about our unequal world, if the only way these women can play this sport is by looking sexually provocative?
As I’ve heard said, “Why else would anyone go watch women’s sport?” Sad.
I asked why these women don’t just start up a league and play on their own terms… and the answer is – it doesn’t make money.
When the LFL was about to launch in the US, the Chicago Tribune quoted: “For those who have long mulled what would happen if you wedded Victoria’s Secret with professional football, the Lingerie Football League debuts…” it also says, “…the league, billing itself as true fantasy football…”
It is, what it is.
Whatever positive messages this sport has, it’s lost in its packaging – or lack there-of.
Sad.
If my wonderful grandmother were still alive, I wonder what she would think of women being portrayed and SOLD in this manner?
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath.
x
It’s less than a week before the LFL plays in Brisbane and Sydney and I’m going to continue using my voice to oppose it. Go to Change.org and vote!
Barren.
May 20, 2012
Now here’s another post that has been hard to write. It’s funny that when I discuss people I know and love, it becomes difficult to ensure I get it right – to respect them.
I feel a little ashamed about my last post – carrying on about the difficulties of motherhood – when there are SOOO many women who would give anything and everything (and financially, they generally do) to be able to have a baby.
A very close and dear friend of mine, is in a horrible, heart-wrenching, never-ending roundabout – desperately trying to fall pregnant and it’s getting towards the end of ‘trying’ through IVF…and she’s so very, very sad.
She used the word barren.
It’s such a confronting word – like a slap – and it pained me to hear her say it about herself, with such anguish. I didn’t know how to console her. How could I? When I know that if I were in her place, I’d be devastated…just like she is.
My friend is not someone who ‘left it too late’ – although she is 40+ – she just met the perfect, love of her life in her mid-30s. They are a beautiful couple who are so blessed to have found each other; it’s such a cruel irony that they seem unable to conceive and take that natural next step.
In her place, I’d be wallowing in a murky sea of, “Why?” As she put it, on paper everything looks right – but it just isn’t happening and in this day and age of advanced technology – they can’t tell her why.
To add salt to the wound – she is friends with a couple (two males) who have two children, through surrogacy. They are close and my friend is not only delighted for them but is also God Mother to one of the children – but the surrogacy door is closed for her because here in NSW, it’s a criminal act (as of last November) to pay someone to have your child:
“It will impose penalties of two years’ jail, a $110,000 fine, or both on parents who pay for a surrogate here or abroad to carry their child.” *
…unless my friend moves to Victoria – where it’s legal. So we are a divided nation on the topic of surrogacy, it seems.
And what does the future hold for women in this situation? Well, they see a bleak and lonely one – one where they can’t pass on their lessons on life to their child, wrapped in unconditional love. Worse still, they wonder whether they’ll be enough for their partner – not being able to ‘give’ them a child.
Question #45: Are there any of you out there who can bestow some wisdom and support on this matter?
I’ve known quite a few women throughout my life, who have found pregnancy – such a natural and seemingly easy thing to do – skip past them. They’ve had to go through the pain of seeing their period arrive, over and over again, and get that sinking feeling – a hole where hope was bubbling only a moment ago. I felt that stomach plummet sensation twice – once before each one of my girls decided to join me. Each time I thought, “Oh no.”
But if I multiply those two nothing moments in my life, by the countless times these women see their period arrive, before they decide to try IVF and suffer egg extractions, needles, pills…and STILL see their period arrive…well, I can’t know what sort of grief that brings – but I did hear it in my friend’s voice.
It’s an understatement to say that I feel fickle and ungrateful, complaining about my children…simply being children. I know that many women would swap with me in a heartbeat.
My heart goes out to all the women who experience these soul-destroying months.
… and I send out my deepest love to you, dear friend.
Deep Breath.
x
Questions for Us 