Deep Breath
March 10, 2012
Looks like the last post hit a nerve with a lot of you…and there’s still so much more to explore.
A few years ago I set up a business (now on the back burner) and named it, “Deep Breath.” It was aimed at helping teens find more of an inner calm about the curve balls they (we) all pretty much get, throughout our lives. But we can respond, instead of react, to these obstacles. Something that’s easier said than done – with a lot of us – due to deeply entrenched behaviours and beliefs.
Many years ago, I went to one of those motivational courses and was amazed at how they got everyone SO ‘hyped’ up, chopping boards with your hands etc etc; where you find yourself leaving, full of adrenaline and ideas of how you’re going to turn things around in your life – to then arrive home, step through the door aaand straight back into ‘same-old, same-old.’ It was not long after that, that I started my small venture, with the opposite as its title – Deep Breath.
When you take a deep breath, you calm yourself. It’s a teeny, mini-meditation. Every time. There’s a saying – ‘When emotion goes up; Intelligence goes down.’ A lot of us are living in our emotions and we’re not stopping, taking a deep breath and thinking.
We are so intelligent, so why are we stuck?
A few of you left some comments from the last posting (these are some snippets):
Joy wrote: We live at levels beyond our years and possibly our means. We are geared to lives that have no let up. A return to less in everything is the key hard though it is.
Michelle wrote: (haven’t written because of) additional and unsustainable load of chaos for the last 2 months.
Christine wrote: how ridiculous I was….doing three things at once…. Trying to cram it all in while I had the chance.
We seem to be feeling this pressure, mainly at home, because that’s the time you’re together – as a couple – exploring a relationship and the life that comes with it. This home life should be shared – but generally isn’t. So why isn’t it equal in the home?
Question #23: Are we allowing men to take a back seat?
A colleague of mine is currently teaching her Advanced Yr 11 English class the following poem. I’m not a massive poetry fan (yes, even though I have taught quite a bit of English – it’s my least favourite form), but I did find it incredible that my colleague happened to mention this poem on International Women’s Day – one that so wonderfully encompasses what this post is about. The poem is by Aussie, Bruce Dawe and it was written in 1969…
——————————————————————-
up the wall
The kettle’s plainsong rises to a shriek,
The saucepan milk is always on the boil,
No week-end comes to mark off any week
From any other – something’s sure to spoil
The cloudless day. The talk-back oracle’s suave
Spiel, like the horizon, closes in,
Palming a hidden menace, children carve
The mind up with the scalpels of their din.
She says, “They nearly drove me up the wall!”
She says, “I could have screamed, and then the phone–!”
She says, “There’s no-one round here I can call
If something should go wrong. I’m so alone!”
“It’s a quiet neighbourhood,” he tells his friends.
“Too quiet, almost!” They laugh. The matter ends.
————————————————————————-
Can any of you relate to this poem?
Everything’s going on at once – the weeks and weekends blend together – the children’s noise is like a scalpel to the mind. She loudly voices her concerns.
The man talks of the quiet. He and his friends laugh…and the matter is closed.
I’m not suggesting that this is the only experience women have with their partners and children…but it’s not an uncommon feeling, is it?
To not be listened to or heard?
Deep breath.
If the poem is not your cup of tea (well, even if it is), the following 35 sec link puts a humorous spin to a situation we all know toooo well. *smiling, while shaking my head* (Just ignore the ad at the end – it was the best link I could find):
A writer named Ronna Detrick, has a post which suggests that there are parts of a woman’s life that are lived ambiguity. She says:
“Being a strong woman means that no matter what the ambiguity is about, that we still speak the truth; that we do not temper our words or our deepest emotions just to make someone else feel comfortable. That we speak kindly, graciously, winsomely – and honestly.”
So what can you do, to alleviate the amount of ‘work’ going on in your life – both mentally and physically? Does he need to step up?
Deep breath.
The strong, but stretched, women around me.
March 4, 2012
I found this a hard post to articulate… hence the gap since the last one.
When I first began this blog journey, I was SO nervous about this new world I’d entered and was questioning its dynamic at every turn – How many times a week should I be doing this? Will people drop off if I do less than two or three times a week? Are my stats good? Is anyone commenting? (finding it curious that the spam messages are about to overtake the number of messages sent to me!). All in all, a tad nervous.
I’m a full-time high school teacher – holding down four specific roles within the school – and a mother of two young girls. On a ‘normal’ week night, whether I cook or not, the ‘Me Time’ part of the evening doesn’t start until the chores – such as, cleaning up after dinner, getting everyone sorted for the next day (lunches for all, uniform, notes, sports clothes etc) and the never ending, girls’ bedtime routine, concludes – this is normally around 9pm. On some evenings, I would hop on the computer and start writing – shamefully admitting that I was more preoccupied with the blog than hanging with the Hubby. I then (always) get to bed late – around midnight (whether I write or not, for some reason, regardless of good intentions, I get to bed that late) – just to start over again at 6.30am. I find myself always telling my daughters how tired I am.
As I’m looking at my inability to ‘fit it all in’, I hear a few sobering stories from numerous girlfriends of mine and learn of their situations. All in the one week. It made me take a deep breath and conclude that we needed to strike a balance towards all this – and life in general.
BALANCE. It’s the key to everything.
Which brings me to the reason for writing this post. I hope that it gives justice to the women I want to write about……
Part two – Our Lot
Friend #1: I have a very close friend who confided in me – telling me how the pressures of her life are deeply affecting her. As she’s talking to me, I can see that, due to her wonderful sense of duty towards her family, she finds herself doing everything in her power to not let their problems affect her children (most importantly) and husband. Even as she’s talking to me, I can see how she doesn’t want me to worry either, as she speaks in an accepting, almost matter-of-factly manner, about her situation – even though it’s a gloomy one. I simply don’t know how she does it, holding her husband and three young children together.
But she does – and her family are so incredibly blessed to have such an inspirational and strong mother – however, it is affecting one person – her. She’s stretched to the limit.
Friend #2: In the same week, I spoke to another friend, who wakes up in tears every morning, due to a legal issue involving her husband. They’re a lovely family who stumbled onto some bad luck, and now find themselves facing a possible outcome, unimaginable a while ago, that would impact their family deeply, if it were to occur. This has been going on since last year and she – also – found herself holding it all together for everyone, especially her husband – but is now finding that she needs support too – she’s fraying at the seams.
Although these may seem, to some of you, as extreme stories, I know of SO many women – actual friends, not “I heard about this person, who’s a friend of a friend” – who are in a daily struggle to not only find balance for their families, but balance for themselves. It seems, however, that the pressure of finding that balance for the ones they love, means that many women are short changing theirs.
In this new, modern age of marriage and motherhood, women – AGAIN – seem to be taking the bigger piece of the responsibilities. If one is lucky enough to have a supportive partner in crime, one is also (hopefully) going to have a partner who shares the ‘chore’ load. Most times, however, even when the mother works full-time, the chores are still heavier on the female side. BUT let’s say, there’s equality on that front – it still appears the partner falls way short of equally sharing all the ‘worry’ that comes with their life.
As I mentioned earlier, my mind never seems to stop ticking with the million things that are bouncing around…well, there’s nowhere to bounce, actually – it’s all tightly crammed in there and ‘lo and behold!’, some things get forgotten. And don’t we feel a little guilt when we do? The pressure women find themselves under in retaining EVERYTHING that has to do with family and work can be suffocating at times because it’s unbalanced.
Question #22: Are women capable of finding balance in their lives?
Up until recently, I did both the washing for the family and the weekly shopping. As a full-time worker, the only time I could do it, was the weekend. As you can imagine, I started to become a little resentful at the fact that I wasn’t getting any break from work – whether it be a school or at home – because these two chores HAD to be done every weekend. I also didn’t want to ‘ask’ Hubby for help, at the risk of sounding like a nag – but if you don’t ask, how do you get the help?
This is why (I think) we are, where we are. Our lot.
But a few months ago I walked up to my husband and said, “Shopping or washing?” He chose shopping – again. See, we tried it a few years ago, but it still felt like I was in charge of it all, just not actually going to the shop, so we quickly reverted back to the old ‘system’. So I said, “But this time you’re the boss of it” and he accepted.
I tell you, it’s been great. It’s incredible how difficult it was at the start, to ‘let go’ (when you’ve always been in control…) – but relinquishing that big chore was just the ticket. I got a bit of the weekend back – a bit more balance to it all. *worth it*
Baby steps, right? Then BIG ONES!
PS Due to this reflection, I’ve decided to simply post once a week. Just the ticket *big smile*
This is how much of a girl I am…
February 27, 2012
What a weekend of mixed emotions I just had. Two unique experiences with myself and some of the women who were around me, which I’ll cover over two postings.
First up – The Silly Female Conundrum
I actually got to go to a party on Saturday Night. A 30th party. With my husband. And NO children! Yipeeeeeee!
The dress code was formalish, so we had to dress up. Cocktail dress was on standby.
There was one hurdle in my bid to look faaabulous…well, a small hurdle.
About ten days ago, I was with my year group (Yr 11) on our camp. We were hiking down a very steep ‘trail’ (if you could call it that), in the bush of the Blue Mountains – when I proceeded to sprain my ankle – stacked it – and fell like a sack of potatoes onto my front. It was a tad embarrassing in front of the kids. *Awkwaaaard* They were great, actually – but I reckon that my friends, however, would have CACKED, if they were there. It was not graceful. I have a giggle when I picture how I must have looked.
Joking aside, I did hurt my ankle, quite a bit. It’s now starting to dawn on me, that in my increasingly aging body *cough, cough*, injuries will take longer to heal – as this one is.
So on this night of glamour, I took off the strapping the physio had put on it, so that I could wear some sort of footwear that didn’t include thongs. The bummer was that I couldn’t wear heels – I had to wear flats with my cocktail dress. Noice.
What’s the big deal, right? Well, yes – it wasn’t a big deal at all – there was just that silly part of me that just thought, “Bum.”
OK, so all is good on the shoe front…well, as good as it can be – it looked a teeny weird – but, oh well – I get started on the hair and makeup.
“Why isn’t my hair sitting properly? Every time I do it, it sits right, why isn’t it sitting right now? I know, I’ll give it just a teeny sprinkle of hair spray. Yep, that’ll do the trick.”
We’re running late. I hurry things up. I survey the finished product – “Yes….yes….wait – why’s my hair gone flat? Bloody hairspray!”
Too late, we have to go.
Finally we’re in the car and on our way! Wooo Hooooo!! Just one final face check and I’ll be sweet. *Look in mirror* “Oh maaan – why did it not cross my mind to check my eyebrows before we left??”
You know that I’ve got another couple of ‘observations’ – but you well and truly get the idea. *Hanging my head in shame*
When we arrived, I scanned the room for the dear friend I was mainly going to see. I saw her and she was looking stunning (as usual) and I kept commenting to my hubby – what a gorgeous girl she is. Her smile lights up the room – just beautiful. When I told her I thought she looked great, she said, “Thanks, BUT…..”
And there she added her personal flaws.
Question #21: Why, oh why, do we do this to ourselves?
I honestly don’t notice other people’s ‘flaws’ because I see something brighter that overshadows everything; something deeper. That’s how I feel about all my women friends.
And I’m sure my friends feel the same with me. So if that’s true…why do we do it?
At the end of the day – with my unshaped eyebrows and gammy foot – I scrubbed up alright (and so did Hubby). All that silliness for what?
So, what sort of ‘feminist’ am I?
February 24, 2012
Yes, there’s that word again.
I was extremely grateful for my first male comment – expressing an opinion about how off-putting the word ‘feminist’ can be – especially to male. I want to include males in the conversation (and encourage them to join). The comment got me thinking about how our perceptions influence everything we experience in life. After all, your perceptions and perspective become your reality.
So, what is feminism?
1. the doctrine advocating social, political and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. an organised movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
So why is there such a negative connection to this movement?
The more important question is:
Question #19: Why is there STILL a movement?
I digress.
Maybe the negativity towards feminism is due to that common stereotype of angry, male-hating, bra burning females with hairy armpits. As much as I kind of understand not having to wear a bra (wouldn’t that be nice? Without the ‘girls’ quickly heading south and resting on our stomachs?) or shaving one’s legs and armpits, I think the key word there is angry. That’s what turns people off, I suppose.
But why shouldn’t there be anger, when it’s a question of equal rights?
Equal…not be judged on how similar we are, or should be, to males – but equal.
Equally needed. Equally valued. The yin to the yang.
I am a warrior for BALANCE.
Yes, I’m a [recent] feminist – I started to see. What I see is a world in trouble; tipping badly out of balance.
Yes, I feel a sting of anger towards the unequal place that females hold in our world.
My goal is to use a steady, but strong voice, hoping females join me in exercising their intelligence, to start shifting the current paradigm. I want to use this blog to make females – and males – aware of the saturation of images and stereotypes (in our ‘developed’ world) as well as the horrors inflicted on females in other parts of the world – due solely on their (our) gender.
All adults need to truly teach their daughters and sons – our future – how to navigate through the objectification and violence against females.
We need to empower girls in a diversity of ways – looks and weight being the least important – her mind being the most important.
Our boys and young males are in real danger as well – following a more misogynistic view of women due to the same images and stereotypes splashed everywhere they look. And now, on average, boys are starting to watch violent porn at 11 years of age.
Boys need to be taught to see it as abhorrent to see and treat females in the way they are currently; as anything less than equal.
I do not fight for me. I fight for any human being that is suffering injustice – it just so happens that statistically females are the predominant victims worldwide.
As a female, are you equal in EVERY aspect in your life? If you are, can you say the same for others? How can those sisters be helped? What about the way in which females are being portrayed in popular culture?
Bitch – Nag – Dumb – Useless – Slut – Fickle – Vain – Objectified Sex Kittens.
It’s easy to make females feel down about themselves by labelling them and keeping them in their place.
Question #20: What place do you hold?
I DO NOT hate males. I believe they are important and pivotal in creating a shift of perspective and change in our world – but they are currently running the joint…their way.
One gender in control = inequality.
We need BALANCE to make things right and just. Females ‘ruling the world’ would pose an equally, problematic existence.
50/50 should be the equation of males to females in any room on this planet, making a decision for their people. Nothing more; nothing less.
It’s the only way.
So, that’s the type of feminist I am – a calm and steady warrior, using her voice to get some balance in this wonderful, but absurd world.
Deep Breath
x
Feminist Shout Out! #1
February 17, 2012
I’m going to announce a Feminist Shout Out every time I put an observation that I think may not be your cup of tea…but I’m going to QUESTION it, anyway. I really hope you can let me know your thoughts – whatever they may be. Let’s talk. We can’t rely on our male-run governments to make all the decisions. Let’s make some here.
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-California) is sending around this photo from the hearing on birth control today. She writes: “At @GOPOversight hearing right now 5 men are testifying on women’s health: http://yfrog.com/10wg35j #WhereAreTheWomen?”
Yes, WHERE? ? ?
Tonight, I walked in to find a movie on the TV about the Bra Boys (a surfing gang). I’m not really watching, but I look up and see violence – boys fighting boys, men fighting men. And it’s not Hollywood fighting, where the injuries don’t reflect what’s been done to them, but ugly, bloody, VICIOUS fighting. It was shocking to watch actual footage of the fights – because they were real. A 14 yr old member tells how he had a gun put down his throat, over him selling Ecstasy and other horrific accounts. 14.
AND THIS IS WHAT OUR WORLD IS.
Men fighting men. Men being violent with each other, demonstrating what seems to be the ONLY way to globally solve problems thus far – except they’re NEVER solved and create SUCH devastation – and they’re violent towards women. Most of us are lucky enough to have loving male partners, but look at how women are being violently treated by the MILLIONS every single day.
As Dr Phil says, “How’s that workin’ for ya?”
We vote men in. WHY? We need a different dynamic in our governments – we need A LOT more women in government, girls MUST be educated worldwide – they will tip the world back into balance. Instead of financing wars, let’s finance education.
But it’s still just about being in power and making an astronomical amount of money. Qantas will axe jobs to keep their SHAREHOLDERS happy. One man has a family to feed and has just lost his job – while the other makes a mint….but he’ll just make less of a mint. Yep, let’s side with the guy that already HAS a lot of money.
Our world is a boys’ club.
Is this OK with you?
We still don’t have equal pay, all the major corporations in the world are run by men, and our young girls AND boys are being corrupted to satisfy the male fantasy – to make money. More people are becoming morally corrupted and we’re allowing this lesson to be present in our children’s pop culture. They’re becoming consuming monsters and they’re consuming over-sexualised girls, violent, bullying boys – with girls who think that’s ok etc. etc…and this is just in the developed world.
The women in the developing countries are suffering atrocities we can barely imagine and they NEED OUR HELP. We need to educate their girls so they can STAND UP and start to create change.
We need to create change – from our end. We must get women into government. It starts here – in Australia. It’s inconceivable that we continue to follow The US. That place is a cesspool of greed, gluttony and porn. And men run that country. That’s not saying there aren’t good people there – I’m sure they’ll follow us once we take the lead! We start here because we are intelligent and we know that it’s time to make our calm but persistent voice heard.
Calm and Persistent Voice.
Stop buying from shops, like City Beach, for selling pornographic products aimed at children (for example). Let them know you’re not shopping there anymore through their Facebook page – most have them. Money talks. Sometimes they listen – because they’re losing money. Let’s put our money to good use, rather than feed the monster, and be happy.
Get women into government.
I have a proposal: Vote women in from the party of your choice. There’s always going to be debate – but our current parliament meetings are run like men – fighting and insulting each other. WHAT IS THE POINT? Let’s just do it!
What have we got to lose?
Question #17: WHAT SAY YOU?
Please pass this on. With much hope. x
Some funny self reflection…
February 17, 2012
I want you to come on a small journey and see some of the ‘demons’ I face with my appearance – being a woman.
Sometimes when I’m on the phone, I have to escape the kids and hide away in my bedroom – to be able to have a conversation in peace –“Muuuuumm”. Many times, I catch sight of myself in my bedroom mirror, and when the lighting is juuust right…I see a crone. Yep, a crone. *recoil and scrunch up face – stop it, that’s more lines!*
When did I get so old? Let’s see what other things I see…
Now, I have good legs – but what’s that droopy sort of skin above each knee that seems to want to start heading south all of a sudden? Is there any such thing as a knee lift? *smirk* I would never get one – but was actually wondering…
I’ve had humans exit my body – as most women I know have – and we all have to carry around that lovely added extra around the stomach. Like growing said human and have it come out, wasn’t ‘reward’ enough! And who can forget that charming phrase “muffin top”, that seemed to be a regular word tossed around at Mothers’ Group. Are guys refered to as having muffin tops?
“Nine months to put on, nine months to take off, ladies!” Jeez, the pressure! I always felt a secret resentment of any article that pointed out how quickly a star took off the baby weight, 10 minutes after giving birth, stating the marvels of breast feeding. What-EVA! She who has a personal trainer and chef at their disposal. My first baby sucked my milk like a crazy person and it actually made me eat MORE, than when I was actually pregnant…couldn’t help it…my body thought I was still eating for two. I felt jipped.
There’s the little flap of skin that’s appeared under my chin. Has anyone else got that? How quickly is that one going to progress? I don’t want to look like turkey anytime soon, thank you very much…and yet – there it is.
Boobs. What can I say. I remember watching the series, ‘Mad About You’ (loved that show) and there was this great sequence of scenes, when the lead character, Jamie, was in labour. All the women in her life were sitting in her hospital room with her, as her husband wasn’t there yet. They were giving out advice when the issue of breasts came up. Her mother said to her, “You’ll be fuller breasted, dear.” She nods. Her sister-in-law then states factually, “Yes, but eventually they look like a couple of empty gym socks.” Hahaha! Classic. Well, I won’t say mine are a couple of empty gym socks just yet, but they do like to look at my feet more often – when ‘unassisted’. *wink*
Finally, my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole adult life, but an accident at the hairdressers saw that change a few months ago. I went in for a trim with a few long layers. What actually happened was my hair ended up being hacked with a plethora of instruments, including a razor, and ended up looking like Carol Brady with a mullet. So bad. The only solution was to cut off the mullet – and ended up with short hair. I don’t mind it BUT I didn’t want to look like a woman who had made that, “Oh, I’m over forty now, so I better cut a mummy haircut”, decision. Plus it looks the same every day. I miss my ponytail. But then, everyone has long hair. Do I grow it?
So here’s my comparison with guys – I’m pretty sure they don’t agonise over their appearance as much as we do, because we love them anyway. They can put on weight, lose their hair, get very wrinkley – it’s the common image in the media – men can look however they like and will always be accepted.
And our guys love us too, when we start to get out of shape and grow older – don’t they? I guess that on the whole they do, BUT I know of a few stories within my circle of friends where the male partner has left, for a younger woman. If I know a few – surely you know a few. Therefore, is it more common than we think? Can we say the same of women who leave their men for younger versions? Probably not. I think that, even though I can look good for my age – a younger guy would see the middle-aged oldie I really am.
Hey, that’s OK – I don’t need that validation from younger men – as I’m sure you don’t either (only women in the public eye seem to be butchering themselves to look ‘younger’) – but what is it with us?
Question #16: Why are women SO obsessed with looking younger? Can’t we just reward each other for looking the best we can for our age?
Defending the undefendable.
February 14, 2012
Just a short post.
I hope everybody had a lovely Valentines’ Day, but more importantly, I hope some of you remembered that today was V-Day; a day when we remember our less fortunate sisters from around the globe, experiencing violence and the loss of their human rights – and not just in war-torn countries in Africa, but in our very own ‘developed’ world too.
I find it amazing that there will always be a defence for violence against women. I ‘m sure we’re all on the same page, when I say that I’m raising my daughters to understand that there’s NEVER a reason to hit. Ever.
So the male excuse, “She asked for it”, makes me livid. “Thank you sir, may I have another.” I don’t think so.
Here is a post about Chris Brown (who hit Rhianna). Now I’m not a massive fan of hers – but that is irrelevant. Noone, NOONE deserves to be hit.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/entertainment/chris-brown-performing-at-the-grammys-is-not-okay/
Question #15: Why do women, as well as men, defend male inflicted violence against women?
A night with Eve Ensler.
February 13, 2012
On a whim, a colleague of mine and I found ourselves getting tickets to see Eve Ensler speak about human rights – more specifically, women’s rights.
She’s an American playwright who most famously wrote, ‘The Vagina Monologues’ but more importantly, she’s an activist for women’s human rights world-wide.
She was introduced as a warrior. How wonderful.
And she was. The horrific statistics and stories that she told about the raping, assaulting, stoning, burning, sex trafficking, genital mutilating and so on, of women around the world, right now, left us stunned – it was like the audience was holding its breath. As I listened, I knew that women were suffering worldwide, but not at this catastrophic level – a place we’ve never been at before. A sense of hopelessness took hold.
Nevertheless, I left inspired and with a fire in my belly – because there was also joy in some of her stories…and FIGHT. *Just look a deep breath*
She talked about having a voice. And that’s the answer. Women need to learn, observe, express and QUESTION the world around them – a world where women are not exploited and are equal in Every. Single. Way.
This is impossible without women using their voice. This blog is my voice.
The icing on the cake, for me, is that Eve’s a playwright, who has seen how healing it is when women watch theatre and learn the wonder of free expression. She inspires women who have been through the unimaginable, to start to create change by saying and doing what they can – to stop it from happening to anybody else. And they succeed.
Eve started V-Day, which is actually tomorrow – Valentines’ Day. V- Day is to finally STOP violence against women. Clink on the link below and join the movement because 1 in 3 women worldwide will be beaten or raped in their lifetime. That’s worldwide and it’s a deeply embedded practice.
http://www.vday.org/onebillionrisingpage.html
This movement also knows that there are countless men, who want to stand together with their daughters, sisters, aunts, mothers and grandmothers and join the ‘choir’.
She also opened ‘The City of Joy’ – a place for countless women to go to, who have been victims of rape in the Republic of Congo.
Eve not only walks the walk, she talks the talk. We need to follow suit.
Eve’s latest book is a collection of stories about young women from around the world. Some are fictitious and others aren’t – but they represent a rainbow of young women. It’s called, ‘I’m an Emotional Creature’ and this is an excerpt from Eve’s introduction:
When I was your age, I didn’t know how to live as an emotional creature. I felt like an alien. I still do a lot of the time. I don’t think it has much to do with the country I grew up in or the language I speak. In this book you will meet girls from everywhere.
Some live in remote villages, others in huge cities or posh suburbs. Some worrying about whether they will be able to afford the latest purple UGGs, some worrying if they’ll ever get home after two years of being held as a sex slave. Some deciding whether they are able to kill a supposed enemy, some on the brink of killing themselves, some desperate for the next meal, some unable to stop starving themselves.
Girls from Cairo, Kwai Yong, Sofia, Ramallah, Bukavu, Narok, Westchester, Jerusalem, Manhattan, Paris. All of them, all of you, live on the planet right now. I think whatever country or town or village you physically live in, you inhabit a similar emotional landscape. You all come from girl land. There you get born with this awakeness, this open-hearted, have to eat it, taste it, know it, defy it.
Then the ‘grown-ups’ come with their rules, their directions. They teach you how to make yourselves less, so everyone feels more comfortable. They teach you not to stand out. They get you to behave.
I am older now. I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay withe being different, with being this alive, this intense. I just don’t want you to have to wait that long.
Love, Eve
Question #14: Are you with me ladies? Do you have something to say?
Beautiful new icon
February 12, 2012
Hey gorgeous girls *grinning*
I have a new image for this blog, that I think reflects how I see it all:
It’s mother-earthy; it’s peaceful; it’s all women and it’s simply beautiful. It’s called ‘Hope II’ and the artist is Gustav Klimt.
I recently got a notebook, where I now jot down any ideas and observations I have for this blog. I bought it in a quirky shop in Katoomba, The Blue Mountains.
The cover is a Klimt painting – the image is of two faces – a mother holding her nestling child; both breathing each other in.
I was drawn to it because, not only is it stunning, the child looks like my eldest girl when she was a baby (lots of dark hair when she was born) AND my youngest, because she’s fair and looks like the cover babe when she sleeps.
I love it.
I first learned about Klimt (and his gold paint) through my sister, an amazing artist herself, because one of her favourite paintings was always, ‘The Kiss’.
I was busting to know the name of the painting on my beautiful notebook…and there I made a very poignant discovery. The image of my slumbering mother and babe were only part of a bigger picture – a painting called, ‘The Three Stages of Woman’.
How poignant indeed.
Look at the image of the third stage? Next to the vibrance of the first two stages, what a depressing and bleak view of the old woman – something that appears sadly inevitable and unavoidable – and also encapsulates what we women seem to feel about getting older.
Klimt captured this perception in 1905 – what was he seeing? Better question is:
Question #13: Is this painting a representation of how men see us when we’re old or is it how we see ourselves?
1905.
Let’s start at the very beginning…*Black Comedy included…
February 10, 2012
Where does it begin?
In my Year 7 class yesterday, we were discussing the different ways in which we communicate. In relation to their writing, I was explaining that if their brain gets used to typing ur instead of your, they’ll occasionally slip and write it the wrong way when they’re at school. A female student explained that when you’re chatting you need to do it quickly so that the other person doesn’t think you’ve left the conversation. At this point, a boy in the class calls out, “Or maybe they just think you’re fat.”
I was momentarily speechless (and for those who know me, that’s an uncommon occurrence).
There were a few things that didn’t sit right with me. The obvious one was that he managed to slip that irrelevant comment in, without thought for the girl he was talking to, but the most surprising part was that nobody in the class flinched or seemed to be overly concerned.
How did our kids become so desensitised at such a young age?
I made it very clear to this boy and the rest of the class, that that sort of comment is completely unacceptable.
So, how early are girls being initiated into the world classroom, where the lesson taught is, “Your worth is in your looks”?
I know that this is not the experience of every girl – but there’s a TV show (of course) that they can watch, where the subliminal messaging begins.
Three words: Toddlers. And. Tiaras.
The fact that the word ‘Toddler’ is in the title, just disturbs my core.
Now, I have only ever seen part of an episode, which I used for one of my Drama classes, and all I have to say is,
I – don’t – get – it.
Granted, I don’t know how it all works – for example, does every girl get a trophy? (there seem to be a lot). If that’s the case, then that would make it a pointless competition
….and there it is – the word COMPETITION.
Looks are fleeting. One day one may be deemed beautiful, the next one is not.
Then what?
What does a little 5 yr old feel when she’s told she’s not the prettiest?
Enter her again? And again?
What lesson is she gaining? That people will only truly love her when she’s dressed up and spray tanned to within an inch of her life? Dancing provocatively to adults?
I don’t get it.
Isn’t this a win for paedophiles? Seriously, they can access images like the following off Google. Why are parents (especially mothers) encouraging and exposing their babies in this way?
This most famous toddler star (who I saw doing pelvic thrusts on Sunrise when she was in Australia) is also being Photoshopped. Photoshopped! I found some other images of different girls, where the eyes have been made MUCH bigger, and together with the airbrushed skin, it made them look weird.
Why does the image on the left (below) need to be Photoshopped in the first place?
I have so many questions because there is no logic to this madness. I can’t even fathom the damage this would do to a person of ANY age – being told in a beauty pageant that they’re not beautiful – let alone with these young developing minds.
FUNNY PART
Let’s watch some satire.
The following link is very funny.
It’s Tom Hanks giving a satirical look at the ridiculousness of all this.
Now that you’ve had a laugh – riddle me this:
Question #12: What do mothers hope their daughters gain, from being subjected to this kind of ‘competition’?
Questions for Us 