I really hope so.
Although, this is for women too – of course. I’m sure there are many who will disagree with me.

I apologise for my absence of late – it seems the strains of life as a full-time working mum have pockets when they take their toll. I’m sure many working mums can give me an exhausted ‘amen’ there.

This bit’s for the guys. (You can listen in, though, gals)

Last week, I escaped with Hubby and the girls to a National Park for three days, with zero phone reception and no Net. It was sublime and enormously relaxing – which was just the ticket, as I think I was heading toward a ‘system overload’ situation.
Having access to the world would have rendered the whole mini-break pointless, as the crappy things that are going on profoundly affect me.

So, my first ‘me’ activity on the first day, was to pluck the hairs off my legs.

Mmmmmm – I hear ya – exciting stuff.

Now I know that I said in my last post on this issue – A hairy moment – that my only manner of removing leg hair was through shaving, BUT I had purchased a new ‘machine’ and after recently slicing the top off a toe knuckle with a razor (infuriating and bloody painful), as I attempted to balance in the shower to shave, I thought I’d give the ‘hair yank’  another shot.
Exfoliation and cream galore will be needed to stop the usual ingrown hairs.

So as my legs started to welt – Exhibit A:

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– my daughters entered the room, looking quite perplexed, and asked why I was doing that. Like I was a crazy person.

At that moment, guys, what am I to say?

The truth? – that less than a hundred years ago, this became the ‘fashion’ and sealed our doomed fate to constantly undo what nature has given us?

Or our truth? – that they simply have to and will spend a truck load of money in the process?

I sat there – blinking (with the sounds of crickets) – and just looked at them.

Blank.

Question # 184: Do you see the conundrum we’re in as women?

At every turn – it’s JUST about our looks.
And that attitude permeates everything to do with women.

I want to instil in my girls – in ALL girls (and dare I dream it; boys and men) – that beauty absolutely comes in all shapes, colours…and (heaven forbid) hairiness.

But how can I teach that when I’m sitting there – intentionally – ripping the hair off my legs, leaving them in welts?

I felt a bit like a fraud.

So, I’m still a feminist who will not let my leg and armpit hair grow, because it’s entrenched in my views of beauty  – BUT can you understand the frustration?

Before some of you guys say you have an equal problem because you have to shave your faces – I’ll respond with. ‘But by beauty standards you don’t have to.’ Exhibit B:

kinopoisk.ruHugh Jackman sports a scruffy beard while greeting fans outside the 'Late Show with David Letterman' in NYC7402119_f520

We have to…and it’s a bummer.

OK gals, this part is for you AS WELL. (Don’t go anywhere yet, fellas)

No, hair removal is not the number one issue that women face – by a long shot – women have much graver and more horrifying problems to face and deal with, on a global scale.

I wrote about this because I needed to explain the simple frustration of women (with the means – like myself) choosing to shave their legs, at the expense of all our wallets – men’s and women’s – AND the environment.

Imagine the plastic (as an example) we’d have saved from being produced, if this weren’t the fashion for women?
And the resources to MAKE that plastic? It’s mind-boggling when hair removal is a billion dollar industry.

All for what? Hair?

Sadly, the logic doesn’t translate to the already converted – like me – but:

Question #185: Should we really be doing this to ourselves and imparting it onto our kids?

It’s like men can be as hairy as they want to be and are steered away from their feminine aspects (which balances them out) – being ridiculed for being a ‘girl/woman’ in any way.

Whilst women have to rid themselves (preferably) of all body hair – except for the hair on the head, of course, which has to be long and cascading locks. (Another extreme beauty expense, BTW)
Women are being steered away from their wonderful, rugged strength (which balances them out) because those masculine traits – whether they be physical (looks) or in attitude – deem them ‘unladylike’.

We’re missing out on the best of ourselves.

We’re a bunch of idiots.

Deep Breath.

x

Stay tuned.

September 9, 2013

I have been very absent from here of late.

I have to say, it has been quite hectic this last month.

Due to work, I was away from school for two weeks and away from my family for one of those.

Although the two weeks away were hard work, it’s the return to full-time work after that absence that’s hectic. Full ON.
Add to that the cold I collected at the end (and four days with absolutely no voice – yes, my family was happy! Hahaha!), meant that after working all day, doing the after-school routine, either cooking dinner or cleaning up…or both, bedtime for the girls (you all know my pain) – I just wanted to slump into a chair and was only able to interact on Facebook.

For now, everything else has dropped off a bit including my newish relationship with Twitter…and this blog.

However, there’s another reason.

A much deeper and sadder one.

Australia just elected in a new government two days ago and I’m deeply, deeply disappointed by the result.

We all ‘knew it was coming’ (a phrase that was bounced around SO much, it passive-agressively directing the gaze of the masses), as we were inundated with biased reporting during the excruciating period of the pre-election campaign.

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In my heart I think the wrong government won.

I was very saddened to hear that 4.5 billion dollars will be cut from Foreign Aid.
It makes my heart heavy.

All I want is a better world for everyone who’s on it because, quite frankly, who am I to get more than any other person on this planet?

Who is Rupert Murdoch to get more?
Why did Australia vote for one of the richest men on the planet to influence these elections (see above image), have his way with the NBN – AND get richer from it?

What has he ever done for us? Foxtel?

You pay him for that too.

Isn’t he lucky that Australia was so compliant?

I think everyone who voted Liberal, should all get a cash handout for it, don’t you think?
A special thanks from Rupert. He can afford it.
He won’t though. He’ll keep it in his pocket as will the new government, whilst others languish in starvation, are immersed in violence and have no. way. out.

They do actually – Australia.
Umm…actually no. Not welcome here. At all.

In fact we’ll pay the people smugglers money for their boats.
(???????)

Yes, Australia voted for THAT.

There are so many more issues, but I simply can’t.

BUT – it’s a democracy and here we are.

So today I find myself wondering, “Now what?”

Together with a group of extraordinary activist women, mainly from Collective Shout – I am helping organise the campaign I mentioned a little while back; taking on the need to get rid of misogynistic magazines like ZOO, off the shelves of ‘family friendly’ locations like the Newsagency, Coles, etc.

We all know the furore there would be if there were even ONE magazine of this type found in a child care centre – but noone really bats an eyelid to the fact that:
1. they’re everywhere,
2. have no age restriction for purchasing and
3. that kids of too young an age are being exploited, with the hyper-sexalised, objectified and misogynistic images and DISCUSSIONS of women.

Here’s a shot I took at a petrol station.
As we can see there’s ZOO, at the entrance of the store, flanked by Woman’s Day and New Idea:

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Oh, so that’s where they’re positioning it now. Always at pram height too.

Question #181: Does this worry you?

I’m starting to feel that with the majority of this country, the answer is ‘No’.

Maybe it’s because they see the logic of having a woman whose underwear is falling off her, seductively showing how ‘hot’ she is – burning for it – placed at the entrance, because it makes more money.

Maybe it just doesn’t matter to them that it’s someone else’s 11 year old son buying it.
That’s their problem.

I know there are people out there – many good people I’ve met through this blog – who will be standing with us.

But we’ll be the minority.

This election just handed me that most disappointing and depressing lesson.

But – I’m here – I’m not going anywhere – I have about 2 million more things to say and DO (one of them being this upcoming campaign) – so please, stay tuned.

Deep Breath.

x

**IMPORTANT***

A journalist I know is looking for parents who have had to deal with the inappropriate exposure of child to porn.
PLEASE email: melissagjacob@gmail.com

I’m going to be interviewed for this article. Chuffed!

It would be FANTASTIC to get some stories. They can be anonymous, if that is what you wish.

The effects of porn on our children is a very real and horrible reality. We must continue to have a conversation about this.

xxx

shh-porn

Crying #2

August 9, 2013

An experience I had has resurfaced, after having a conversation with a friend about crying. This is an issue I have always battled with, which I unpacked in the post: What is so wrong with crying?

It’s a driving story.
But before I begin, I would just like to say that I am an awesome driver and if at some point in my life there were ever the opportunity to attain skills in race car driving, I would have taken it…in a heartbeat.

I was on my way to a meeting, but was driving down a road I wasn’t entirely familiar with.
I was momentarily distracted when coming up to a round-about. I looked to my right and saw a car approaching. I was going slower than usual, due to my momentary disorientation, but I was still going to reach the round-about first, so I proceeded.

This car came in fast – I didn’t realise how fast until he was on top of me in the round-about, beeping his horn.

I was startled and raised my hand in apology – although all I had done was be a tad slow. I was in the round-about first and technically I had right of way. But we had both contributed to this moment occurring.
Just 100m ahead we both had to stop due to a red light.

This is when it started to get a wee bit alarming.
He started to blow his horn at me, whilst slamming his hands on his steering wheel, swearing and looking VERY angry. I was watching intently in my rearview mirror.
I started to think that I was pretty much trapped there, if he were to get out of his car and approach me.

Then it got worse.
His window was rolled down and he threw something out of his window and it landed on my roof. It landed with a loud bang – sounding like a full can of soft drink. I never saw what it was.

At this point I started to cry.
His aggression was scaring the living hell out of me.

To my relief, the lights had changed and the traffic started to move. This entire time, he had continued to beep his horn and act slightly unhinged.

I turned left – where there was only one lane on each side of the road – and so did he.
I was shaken, so I pulled over into a parking spot to calm my nerves a bit.

Instead of driving past, he stopped next to me – in the middle of the road – banking up the traffic behind him.

He aggressively started to insult me, saying we could have had an accident.

I replied (with tears), “Yes, OK – but why are you so angry?”

He said because he could have run into me.
I agreed again saying, “Yes, I understand that you could have run into me, but why are you so angry?”

He started to puff up again, but paused and looked out his windscreen.

He spat out, “Sorry” and drove off.

I then released the tears of relief, composed myself and proceeded to my meeting.

I looked a sight when I arrived and believe it or not, I felt a bit ashamed at the fact that I had cried. I even ‘listened to my story’ as I relayed it, hoping it would be deemed that the crying was warranted.

Question #177: Why does it seem like it’s the crying that is judged of its worthiness first – before the aggression?

The encouraging part is that he did apologise in the end –  but –  how would it have unravelled, if I had responded in an aggressive manner in return?

Deep Breath.

x

The_Aggression__by_Uribaani

Let the battle begin.

July 15, 2013

In the UK, Kat Banyard – founder of UK Feminista – started a campaign to Lose the Lads’ Mags.

She has signatures from lawyers supporting her push to have leading businesses, like Tesco, cease to continue stocking magazines – such as ZOO – in their stores.

As it states in the linked article (whilst looking through a ZOO magazine):

Banyard points to one advertising sex line workers who are “just 18” and a bigger ad, on the facing page, promising “Asian Dolls: find your perfect Oriental escort NOW!”. She winces slightly. “I find it staggering that high street retailers sell these magazines mean, they’ve been on their shelves for years, but I still find it staggering that they expect customers and employees to be exposed to this and also that they think it’s OK to profit from them.”

I think this drive is fantastic.

I want to do it here in Australia – and this is why…

A few days ago, my 10 yr old daughter needed a few simple stationary items, so I said we’ll pop into our local newsagency – a family friendly place, right?

This is the same location where I had ‘words’ with the owner, a few months ago, about how he positioned his copies of ZOO magazine on a stand, so that you could see it from outside the shop as you walk by…or your son…or daughter…or grandparents…
He also had very provocative magazines in the same location – down the front of the store – near the newspapers.

When I challenged him about a magazine cover showing a naked lady sitting on a push bike, in plain view from where you get the newspapers, he simply told me I had good eyes. (?)
He also argued that ‘children never go there’.

He ended up removing the ZOO magazine stand – which was a positive step – but alas, it stopped there. He left the other magazines as they were.

It had been a long time since I had gone in there, so you can understand how livid I was when I saw my daughter head to the stationary section and noticed it is located directly opposite the Lads’ magazines.

The current cover of ZOO is this:

IMG_5564

Below are the magazines ready for visual perusal, by anyone wanting to buy stationary in this newsagency – where ‘children never go’:
Bulging breasts, spread legs; titles such as ‘Six feet of Sex’ and ‘Hot Stuff’…oh and a naked woman.
Above these are the hard-core mags which have the majority of the cover shrouded in dark plastic.

If this is what’s ‘allowed’ to be shown – what the hell are on the other covers?

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Where I was standing, as I took the photo below, is where they sell the newspapers and women’s gossip magazines. Stationary wall to the left and lads’ magazines just opposite.

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Question #175: Does this incense you as it does me?

I spoke up.
The only person in the shop was a woman who I have regularly seen over the years and I told her I thought that it was completely inappropriate to have these magazines where children could see these pornographic photos – where anyone could see.

She shrugged, said she just worked there and it had nothing to do with her.
A fairly predictable and typical response and yet still deeply disappoints.
I always wonder if the day will ever come, when someone I’ve spoken to says, “Yeah! That’s true.” (A girl can dream).

She also offered an alternative place of business – Officeworks – to buy stationary.
I was surprised by that – proposing we spend our money elsewhere – and I said to her that sadly,  for newsagents, it may just have to be the way.

At that point I directed my girls out of the shop and we did, in fact, go elsewhere.

There seems to be no thought for anyone except heterosexual boys and men to get titillated (and conditioned) everywhere they go, perpetuating this ever-invasive porn culture …and then profit from that.

Of course, we have the equally unsettling issue of the girls and women participating in this paradigm – who feel somehow empowered to be told by men they look ‘hot’ when nearly naked…and then profit from that.
It’s aaall OK, as long as someone’s getting rich – regardless of what ethical lines are being crossed.

Well, I am done.

So is my friend Lily Munroe and we’ve started research for our own campaign.
So stay tuned.

Question #176: Are you with us??

Deeeeeeep (nervous but pumped) breath.

x

The Man Box

July 10, 2013

I had a chat with my husband the other night about how I write about men, if men are the focus of that particular post. It came up because I asked him why men seemed hard to get through to – the good ones – because the first reaction is to somehow take it personally.

My husband was saying that I can’t bundle every man into the same box – which I completely agree with. I explained that in my mind, I absolutely don’t – but that it’s hard not to when I’m writing of the problems we face, based on statistics that come with with men’s actions.

How else can it be done?
It’s important to also understand that I hover the magnifying glass over women just as closely – if not more so. Therefore crying misandry is a mute point here.

I know – I really do – that the good men (like my husband) find the act of rape abhorrent, for example, and I also know they would never lay a violent hand on a woman – just as my husband has never laid a hand on me or on our two daughters.
They want the best for the women in their lives.

I’m afraid, though, that it’s no longer enough.
The fight has to spread beyond the walls of our home; as the horrifying outside world encroaches ever so much closer to touching our own lives – especially our girls.

How am I to express to you good males – from my/our perspective (because it counts) – the effect the male gender is having on its partner?

Partner, not enemy.

The Yang to its Yin:

Yin and Yang

‘Yin and yang are in pairs, such as the moon and the sun, female and male, dark and bright, cold and hot, passive and active, etc. But yin and yang are not static or just two separated things. The nature of yinyang lies in interchange and interplay of the two components. The alternation of day and night is such an example.’ *              

Statistically – in the BIG scheme of things – it’s a mean, sad and violent union with females:
* Personally: domestic violence + rape + VAW
* Politically: low % of women represented in government + legislation on women (only) and their bodies and
* Economically: >10% of women in clout positions in all top areas of media, publishing & business + lower pay (77c to a male’s $1).

When you step back and read the above statistics – logically – it doesn’t resonate well.

It’s unfair.
It looks like a bit of a boys’ club.

Don’t the good men feel that women and girls deserve a fairer shake of the stick?

I have often recognised and asked for the assistance of the good men on this blog.
I reach out for advice.

Sadly to deaf ears it seems, as I never actually receive suggestions of what approaches might be taken that may work on the men doing their gender a MASSIVE disservice or on the young boys who are suckling on a teat which teaches them, from an early age, to objectify women and therefore see them as less.

You live in the male realm – I don’t.

* Is it all the fault of males? No.
* Are women to blame for contributing to the imbalance? Of course they are.
You can’t have a porn t-shirt, showing a woman’s objectified body, without the woman’s participation. But we are still, ultimately, comparing apples to oranges.

The following video is a Ted Talk called MAN BOX by Tony Porter.
This is a good man, speaking up about the traits boys are raised on and how that has affected HIM personally. Boys need to see more of this.

So back to you good men.

Question # 174: Do you permit the imbalance to continue, through your silence?

I feel there are good men/bad men; good women/bad women.
I imagine a bell curve where the big, bulging, bell part is full of goodness.
But the voice, the shout, the outrage; predominantly bellows out of women. Men at times agree, of course, but where are the EQUALLY loud male voices and blogs calling out for a transformation to this paradigm?
Careful not to stumble on and trip over all the Facebook pages about sluts…

Using the Nanny State excuse leaves us hopeless because there must be a moment where the line is crossed.

Haven’t we already crossed it?

I thought I’d leave you with this collection of comments left on people’s Twitter accounts about the Female Wimbledon Champion Marion Bartoli.

THIS is hatred.
Many of the comments were left by men with images that suggest they’re in a relationship.

How do we change this, guys?

Deep Breath

x

h79Rd

* chineseculture.about.com

Yes, I had to go again. A friend of mine can’t drive, so I picked her and her daughter up and, together with my girls, we went to see Despicable Me 2. I have to say that I got quite a few giggles from that one.

I told my friend about the pole-dancing ad and we went in to ensure we saw all the advertising from the beginning. I had written to the cinema a few days earlier and wanted to see if some miracle was going to occur and see the ad had been pulled. So again, the curtain was drawn and the screen was blank when we went in.

This time the ad was first up.

As the curtains were opening, there’s all this ‘welcome to the cinema’ fanfare – ensuring everyone is watching. My 6 yr old mentioned her excitement that it was all starting. My 10 yr old said that they were just the ads. Ms 6 replied, “I know, but at least it’s on.” (My kids are obsessed with anything on a screen – regardless of time and place – Aaargh!)…and then BAM! – a woman in stiletto heels, hanging off a pole, is donning the screen. Again.

So it’s not bad enough that they design the fanfare to catch everyone’s attention – they decide to put that particular ad up FIRST? Livid.

A couple (with their two children between them) in the row in front of me looked at each other. I watched with interest, wondering if they were going to communicate to each other the disgust I felt. But the man simply raised his eyebrows at her, smiling – like saying, ‘That looks like a go-er’. She smiled back. Their children, however, were just soaking in those images.
*sigh*

The good news is that the Advertising Standards’ Board has contacted me via letter yesterday and they are taking my complaint to the next meeting. Woooo Hoooo!!

In terms of what we’re seeing at the movies – in my last post I discussed how children are always seeing boy characters fulfil their destinies and dreams.

It’s no different for adults. We only really get immersed in the man’s world.

I took some photos of what’s on offer for us. The first two images came from April when I took similar shots of the predominantly advertised movies.

You get the idea, though…IMG_4967

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From yesterday:

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Question #173: Isn’t anyone else feeling gender fatigue? 

I have been to the movies three times in the last few months. Once in April and twice this week.
In April my husband and I celebrated our anniversary by seeing Jurassic Park in 3D with the girls because my 10 yr old daughter is obsessed with dinosaurs.
The ads for the upcoming movies at the time were, Star Trek 2 (I think there’s only one main-ish female role – the rest are ALL men), Ironman 3 and Superman 72. 

So regardless of age, the movies being made seem to only provide the wonderful world of man as its backdrop, with a peppering of woman here and there.

Am I saying – don’t make these movies?
Anyone who has really followed me knows that that is never what I’m about.

But a more balanced representation of this life – which harbours 51% of women?

YES! Yes to more about us, please.

We are fairly awesome, after all.

Deep Breath

x

 

The fear I feel.

June 28, 2013

Recently I went to a small, two-hour course – which was quite a way away – so I decided to park at the station and catch the train in.

It was about 9.00pm when I started my trek home.
It was dark and the going-home crowds had drastically thinned out.

This may seem irrational, but a teeny fear factor starts to kick in when I’m alone and at night. Not an all out fear – but most definitely a heightened sense of awareness.

Fear

I start to notice men more and I start to evaluate them – their possible danger factor. Stereotypically mostly – their age and/or their dress – but other times it’s if I catch them watching me. They’re the creepiest.

Is that fair? Do men feel insulted by me saying that? I don’t know – but the violent rape culture that has permeated our world dictates to me that it can happen anywhere; anytime; by anyone; TO anyone.

If I don’t do this and something happens, won’t the first point of the discussion be the judgment against me for putting myself in a ‘bad situation’? Or the fact I was wearing leggings and have nice legs? Victim blaming is rife in our culture.

I had to alight a practically empty train – I was the only one in my carriage when I got off (a little unnerving) – and had to walk in the dark to my car. I kept turning around to check noone was behind me, as I saw a young man dressed in rapper clothes also get off the train at my stop.

When I got in my car, I needed to turn on the wipers and didn’t see the slug that subsequently got smeared across my windscreen. Slug goo everywhere – yuck. I pulled into a petrol station to clean it off.

There was a gang of young men wearing hoodies at the paying window of the service station. Just them and me. I thought – there’s three of them and I’m alone but the chances of something happening are low…or are they?

That’s the conundrum and it feels like crap to live like this.

Let me tell you that my heightened state was compounded by the fact that slug goo is NOT easy to get off – I kept getting in my car, to have to get out again and give it another go – all the while keeping my eye on the young men.

Question #171: Can men truly understand how this feels?

Now, I consider myself quite strong in character and can stand up for myself in many situations, but I can’t help but feel a sense of uneasiness when I’m alone – especially at night – in this evermore dangerous world.

I often tell my students that FEAR is – False Evidence Appearing Real – as a way to help them navigate through fears that stunt their ability to forge their way forward.
In this case, however, I’m not sure if it is false evidence.
Statistically it’s not false.

Deep Breath.

x

IMG_5622

This blog is dying and I’m not quite sure what to do.
Maybe blogging itself is past its due date and noone has time to read.
Maybe I jumped on the ship too late.

Since my last post went up yesterday, I’ve only had 36 views on my site and of those, only 8 people – on the whole planet – read that last post, 24 hrs after putting it up.

I am so bummed.

The most depressing part is that most of those views came from people (men) searching for porn.

When a person clicks onto my blog, I receive statistics such as, what country they’re from and what their search term was. In the last seven days, these have been the most common type of search engine terms that have been used to get to my blog:

12 year old sluts
little teen boys speedos cock
naked preteen girls vaginas
highschool breeding slut pic
twelve year old sluts
facebook twelvies
16 year old sluts
12 facebook sluts
14 year old sluts
twelve year old slut memes
15 year old sluts
lfl pussy (lfl is Lingerie Football League)
lfl porno
12 yr old slut
12 year old looking slutty
12 year slut

So, over the last few months, the majority of people who have clicked on my blog are looking for porn – not reading my commentary of the issues that are affecting me (us).

It would be an understatement to say that this has disheartened me a great deal.

Where are my sisters? Where are the good men?

I feel like a batty lady, talking to myself.

This is not to make anyone feel guilty. Truly.
It is what it is and everyone’s lives are busy. I know. Believe me!

Sometimes the topics are heavy and one doesn’t always need to read about the bad stuff in the world. I understand.

It’s just a colossal bummer that everything I’ve been writing about lately, seems to have all become a bit ineffectual.

I was hoping to be a voice in some of this turmoil – but my statistics seem to be proving that the machine of porn is an out-of-control beast, devouring everything in its path – and my voice is a mere teeny squeak.

Oh well, better take some of my own medicine and advice – take a deep breath and soldier on.

And to the few who keep reading – thank you. So much.

Deep breath.

x

life-before-death

This is a question I have battled to answer my entire life.

Well, battled may be too strong a word – but it has certainly plagued me throughout my youth and was not until about six years ago that I started to understand my personal love/hate relationship with this mode of expression – mainly due to the stigma that’s attached to it, by the ever-watchful eyes of society.

It fills me with indignation.

As I child, I grew up being a ‘wog’ in a predominantly Anglo location. On many occasions I was bullied because, even though when you looked at me you didn’t see an ethnic girl, I spoke Spanish with my grandmother when she picked me up from my primary school. This, in turn, meant I was fair game to all those who hated themselves and needed to feel better by picking on someone – me.

Although I know NOW, as an adult, why bullies are bullies, what this did to me as a child was to start me on the path of being very, very insecure – desperate for acceptance and belonging. It also awakened the ‘cry-baby’ in me.

This was compounded at home whenever my parents, especially my father, expressed anger towards me when I was a teenager. Although it was probably no different to any other parent/child relationship, whenever I heard that particular unsatisfied tone, I would instantly feel the knot shoot up into my throat, as I desperately tried to hold back the tears – knowing that their arrival would open a new kettle of fish.

Weakness.
Society tells us it’s a sign of weakness.

WHY?

I wonder whether it’s because men are were seen as ‘strong’ and the ‘providers’ – Me Tarzan; You Jane – and men DON’T cry. Well, if being a male is the benchmark of existence and crying is seen as a negative weakness, then what is the males’ counter-balance? How do they let off their feelings of disappointment, frustration and, dare I say, vulnerability?

Violence?
It certainly appears to be a (too) common, ‘manly’ way to express emotion.

Question #160: So if we’re not supposed to cry – what then?

Laughter is considered an important and essential part of our emotional well-being and if balance is to be achieved, surely crying must play an equally paramount role. It’s greatly concerning that this is marred by the ridiculous notion that crying is a no-no and that we all need to ‘man up’.

Man up? No thanks.

Men should cry more.

Crying can represent a myriad of positive things – compassion, empathy, sympathy, joy – why must these traits be snuffed out?
And before people start arguing that they’re not, please understand that females (the predominant criers, due to the conditioning that says it’s a part of our DNA – bollocks!) are always being told to be the ‘compassionate and sensitive ones’ – UNTIL WE ARE – then it’s criticism all the way.

Tori Amos said the following:

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My epiphany (six years ago) happened when I experienced some difficulties with work, coupled with some post-natal depression. I was crying a lot.

My doctor referred me to a psychologist, whom I only saw three times. In that last session, I had decided that I was only rehashing the negative feelings about my issues and that I simply wanted to take some action.
The only problem was that as strong as I am on the inside – and I am – I always ended up having tears in my eyes when discussing frustrating issues with people and was crippled by the thought of being perceived as weak, even though I knew I wasn’t.

She said to me, “Maybe deep down, you think they’re right.”
A-HA moment. Right there.

Due to the decades of entrenched perceptions about what crying entails, I ended up in a Catch-22 state of affairs – believing the hype about what it communicated about me to those I was talking to…which ended up the crux of why I cried in those situations.
Great.

Well, now I’m happy to say that I’m still a crier (just not like before) and that it’s always done wonders for my skin!
I let it out when I need to, purge myself of the toxins and am not ashamed of it.

Not one bit

I cry for injustice, for hurting fellow human beings, for our dying planet, for loved ones and I also cry tears of joy.

Better than punching a wall, I say.

Deep breath…and let it aaalllll out. You too, boys.

x

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