Birthday #1 – A sum up of 2012.
January 10, 2013
To start with a cliché – if I may – I can’t believe how this past year decided to get really serious with us and hit that turbo button. It felt like it was jammed, through every crevice, with work, responsibility, the pursuit of balance, mixed with pockets of frenzy.
Relief in sight? I’m not really seeing how – society, on the whole, appears to want to give us a run for our money…literally.
A year ago today I started this blog in the early hours of the morning. My intention was to start in on the 9th, but it took me so long to write and re-write that first post, that it tipped me into the 10th.
As I took that first tentative but excited step into the blogging world – already preceded by three women friends of mine, with well established, fantastic and unique blogs (shitonyourplay.blogspot.com, www.allconsuming.com.au, bumpyroadtobubba.com) – I wondered two things:
1. Will ANYONE read it? (every blogger’s primary fear, I assume)
2. Will I run out of things to write about?
Well, I’m happy to say that although I only have a small following, a following it is. I’m not sure if my stats are ‘good’ but I have engaged in some wonderful debate and perspective changing conversations.
In terms of point 2 – there’s no way that I can possibly run out of issues that need to be discussed – investigating the infinite tapestry of actions and viewpoints that make up the human condition. In fact I have so many posts in draft mode (29) – I’m not sure I’ll ever get to some of them, as another morsel of importance invariably pops up.
So after the last year, what are the primary questions that are racing through my mind? The following is the nutshell (if you can call it that):
1. Why do women earn less than men?
This is the first and fundamental question. Women have to work approx. 60 days more a year – that’s two months – to earn the same as men. Why? This MUST be the first step of change if we want to even presume we live in a fair, balanced and just society.
2. Why do women not share the equal balance of power and decision-making?
We all have brains and women have incredible, and repeatedly proven, intelligent ones. Pity men don’t see it that way – they are stopping the chance of equilibrium and a more harmonised existence to maintain the status quo.
97% males in positions of power in publishing, communications, marketing…how can that be considered good, by anyone?
3. How are women’s attributes perceived?
No one wants to be a girl/woman – as who we are and what we have to offer is not considered valuable – emotional, weak etc. (unless it’s to be a ‘mother’ in some form or another), so we’re all encouraged to be like boys/men to get to the top, as it’s the ONLY way things can ‘work’.
4. How are women represented in the current popular culture?
We are represented as being grossly and obsessively insecure, vain, fickle and hyper sexualised. TV shows, movies, video clips and Reality TV shows, like The Shire, have played a huge role in this. In terms of advertising, we have always been force-fed the phrase, “Sex Sells” and taken it as law. The only problem is that it’s only our sex that’s being sold.
5. Why are women being exploited for money? Worse still, why do women play into it?
Women are instilled (soon to be from birth – the final frontier) with a sense of massive insecurity. We are painted an ever unattainable picture of what we have to aspire to, to be considered beautiful. To say the perception of beauty is a constricted one, is an understatement. The only way to ‘get there’ is to shell out insane amounts of money, as well as revere those who can afford it…who look like plastic. (???)
My logical brain cannot compute how women allow themselves to be duped in this manner. All of this only sets women up to fail, hate themselves and, in turn, spend more money. We pay more for EVERYTHING – clothes, shoes, haircuts etc. – and yet, look back at point 1.
What about our boys/men?
6. Is the internet teaching our youth about sex in a detrimental manner?
I think so. Especially for boys as it’s in their nature to view porn. As I’ve always said, I don’t think the feelings and hormones have changed since the days of yore – but the internet and its reach did not exist in the past. Porn is much more explicit now. How are boys going to establish loving and respectful relationships with women when they’ve seen woman after woman dehumanised as merely a sexual object? Sex…education?
7. Why do we have a culture actually named, Rape Culture?
Rape everywhere. In every corner of the globe.
8. Why are men’s responses to these issues so defensive?
I find it a tad frustrating that many men take comments made about their gender personally and some even start to actually argue for the (right??) to perpetuate the derogative labels lumped on women: Bitches, Sluts etc… at home, in jokes, in games, in shows, on drinks’ menus…
9. Where are the voices, and faces, of all the good men?
We know you’re there, but we can’t hear you!
So this is the big 10th question for my first birthday blog:
Question #132: What is our legacy going to be?
What can we do to look back and feel proud of how we, as a village, raised our children by moulding a more balanced world for them?
The pivotal word there is BALANCED.
We have to stop looking at the typical cliché, “That’s the way it’s always been and nothing’s going to change.” In terms of how we feel inside – yes, that’s true – but we are in a critical state of denial if we think that the information that is available to everyone, of every age, as they sit at their computer, is not having a detrimental effect.
I believe, wholeheartedly, that we can create change – but it must start with the individual.
Thank you SO much for joining me this year. I eagerly look forward to more passionate debates, discussions and fiery conversations with you.
Deep Breath.
x
Rape Culture #3
January 3, 2013
A cell within the group Anonymous, called ‘Knight Sec’ decided to be a voice against the injustice that came of the gang rape of an unconscious, 16 year old girl in Ohio, by members of a football team – who also documented it all. She was unconscious because she was
“intentionally drugged with a ‘date-rape’ intoxicant.”
The community, police and justice system, that rallied behind theses boys (widely known by their nickname, ‘The Rape Crew’) and swept it all under the carpet, were given until the end of 2012 to come forward and apologise – make things right – otherwise Anonymous was going to publish the information they had gathered.
No-one apologised.
So here is the report that was leaked to the public on the 1st Jan.
It includes the following video footage of the boys admitting to the rape.
*WARNING: This Video Is Extremely Disturbing – Viewer Discretion Is Advised.
Michael Colin Nodianos Admiting To Rape from Commander X on Vimeo.
I only have one question (it would be great if guys help me out here with some insight):
Question #129: Knowing what WE were like as teens – is this type of guy more common now?
What terrifies me most is not what they did to her (although it literally makes my stomach somersault and heart ache), it’s what they think of her – as they laugh…and laugh…and laugh…
In this case, these men flaunted their misogyny through sadistic rape and even urinated on this poor girl – who is ruined for life. But this deplorable attitude can manifest in a number of different ways – domestic violence, forced prostitution etc – and it’s seeping through globally.
* Afgan girl shot in the head for ‘being a prostitute’ in front of a cheering crowd of Taliban men who were fighting over her – DIED.
* Pakistani girl, Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head for wanting an education – LIVED.
* Indian girl’s horrific gang rape – DIED.
* This girl – intentionally drugged, sodomised, urinated on, dragged unconscious from party to party – LIVED.
Etc…etc…etc…
And, of course, these are just the ones we hear about – 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime.
I want my daughters to be able to go out and confidently participate in this world – but it chills me to think that these guys are out there.
So – is it worse than before?
Guys/Men? Thoughts?
Deep Breath.
x
PS There are no words to describe what I feel about the guy in the video – making joke, after joke, after joke. Just the manner in which he says the same type of thing over and over again, fills me with a strong and uncharacteristic desire, to smack his smug and idiotic face out. The cameraman laughing at all his jokes and egging him to keep going, would be next.
The following is what he wrote on Twitter:
Watch this one minute ad.
December 7, 2012
Question #118: Thoughts? Do you agree there’s an urgent problem?
If your answer is no – we’re screwed.
Feminist Shout Out #5. Please watch this, guys.
December 5, 2012
I haven’t got time – I’m about to go to our School’s presentation evening.
BUT…I have to share this with you.
This video is made by a young man who has used his voice – and it’s wonderful.
Spot on.
Question #116: What can we, men and women, do to change things around?
Boys/guys/men: stop pushing your adult sexual urges and fantasies onto our kids (surely it can be interpreted that doing nothing is giving consent to it). Have some decency.
Toddlers in tiaras/sluts/crazy nut-jobs:
WAKE UP!
Look at how you’re being represented.
Question for women #117: Why are we even in the ads/shows/movies/music videos etc. etc. etc. to start with? Perpetuating it?
Women (as a gender) are helping – in a BIG way – to sell ourselves short. We are CONFIRMING everything that’s portrayed about us.
So that’s why we think it’s reality – but it’s not.
I’m not like that!
I find it gobsmacking that I’ve already had a sex talk with my 9 year old daughter – a while ago, actually – because that ‘slut’ representation is everywhere. Some queried whether she was too young for that chat and I thought, “Too young? My talk as a mother to her daughter, answering her questions, is more scrutinised than what we’re allowing them to see, like wallpaper?”
Our lives should have the tag-line: Parental Guidance Recommended.
Come on…what can we do to have a happier, mental world? To help our girls AND boys.
I have to go.
Deep Breath
x
Question for men – #5
November 26, 2012
Yesterday, 25th November, was White Ribbon Day – a male-led campaign to stop violence against women.
The following article is an edited version of a speech given by Ken Lay, the Chief Commissioner of Victoria Police.
It includes some sobering facts and haunting situations. It practically seems unrealistic.
“We create the environment in which these people– who are 95 per cent men – think it is OK to do what they do.”
There must be something that can be done to change this.
Surely.
Not see women as the enemy?
What?
The ugly reality of violence against women
And please guys, don’t take this personally. I’m sure the majority of you reading this have never laid a finger on a woman or girl…BUT it doesn’t take away from the fact that the male gender is doing this.
You (guys) know how men tick – better than I, or any other woman, ever will – so:
Question #114: What’s the solution? How do we start to turn things around in this area?
Deep Breath for all women living violent and violated lives.
x
Question for men – #4
November 4, 2012
More men like this, please.
This is a post by Melbourne writer, Guy Sigley – reposted by Melinda Tankard Reist – reposted by me.
One man’s plea to other men: take a stand against sexism.
Question #108: Is Guy right about men?
He doesn’t seem to be taking it personally – like a lot of men do – when issues of sexism come up.
More men like this…please.
Deep Breath
x
Guy Sigley
I’m feeling despondent.
October 28, 2012
Again, it seems I’ve hit another moment where it all feels a smidge overwhelming.
I’m a bit low about it all.
I keep seeing – hearing – absorbing – feeling – more and more examples of horrible behaviour, greedy behaviour, hateful behaviour…
…and I just don’t understand.
I don’t understand why intelligent men and women sit back with a desensitised indifference or, worse still, defend certain elements of our society – making us tip out of balance. I feel like we’re sitting on the side of the balance that’s just started its descent…and it’s going to reach the bottom at an accelerated and unstoppable pace…
Or have we reached that ‘point of no return’ already?
I’d like to think not. I’d LOVE to think not. But am I being naive to think we can put on the brakes?
Because I’m starting to doubt that it’s possible because there seems to be a lot who defend the need for cesspools in different pockets of our existence.
It’s depressing to entertain this thought. It is.
For me, this is the crux of it:
The world is going down a slippery chute – because of money and power.
And it doesn’t matter how you look at it – proven statistically – whatever the culture around the globe, whatever the economic status…
…the true victims of any society, are women.
And the ones who wield the power and dominate, are men.
Not ALL men – but most of those who are in positions of power, are – however they came to be there. They’re the ones ruling this planet. Fact.
But I’m wondering, if there are so many of you out there – and I know in my heart you are out there (regardless of gender) – who feel like a lot of the things being brought to light are wrong:
Question #105: Where are you?
I see women like Melinda Tankard Reist and the phenomenal team at Collective Shout, who are doing wonderful, extraordinary work. They have won so many battles against things that seem inconceivable, to have been allowed to be put in our society in the first place. Inconceivable. They have little money and are flying by the skin of their teeth. But they keep going because it simply has to be done.
Where’s the equivalent loud male voice – a face – who also thinks things are very, very wrong?
Where are the voices of ALL of us, regardless of gender?
In a previous post Feeling a bit ineffectual I listed how women are the victims of this world.
Women are raped by the thousands in places like Africa – used as a weapon of war – DAILY. Women infected with diseases from it.
Women / baby girls around the planet – who are raped, molested, sexually assaulted, trafficked – DAILY
Countless countries forbidding girls from being educated. Shooting a targeted girl, point blank, in the head for wanting one. These are the countries that like war. They have their women – who could stop them if they were in decision-making positions along side them – submissively kept at home.
The poverty, the pain…
And here? In the capitalist world? Here we only reward one thing;
Making money – at whatever cost.
Most of us do it the right and honourable way – with our ethics and morals intact – but the thing I don’t understand is why we actually stand back and let the soulless monster loose in big business – to OUR detriment. OURS.
We are creating a MINDLESS culture by allowing men – yes men – the ones in power who hold 97% of clout positions in Advertising, Publishing, Tele-communications and Entertainment – to feed on all our weakest and most vulnerable points..to make money. To make a LIVING.
With their fellow men it’s done through sex and with women it’s done through vanity.
Except for the men it’s a dominant weakness and for women it’s a submissive one.
Men are happy with their vice – by indulging in the world of hyper-sexuality and porn…but women never are! Which woman actually believes they’re beautiful enough? Good enough?
What the hell’s THAT about ladies? Seriously!
We’re allowing companies to target and condition our youth to become MINDLESS.
Our silence and indifference gives them permission.
WHY are we doing this? Because it’s good business? The more we say that, the more we pave the way for another to push the ethical frontiers. I’m beginning to wonder if there are any left.
Seems like a free-for-all.
The infuriating part is that we could ALL sell-out and make a quid the fast way.
We ALL have the capacity to steal. We ALL have the capacity to cheat. We can be unkind, selfish, greedy, hateful – but for the majority of people – we’re decent.
Question #106: So, why are we letting the men in power dictate how they will feed off ALL of us – men, women and children – in this detrimental way?
All’s fair in love, war…and capitalism, it seems.
I wonder, with a heavy heart, if the line above does encompass the general attitude amongst the masses…
Again, I hope not.
This is a worthy cause, isn’t it?
Deep Breath.
Pass it on. Speak up. Anything to help create change.
I see a gender issue.
September 19, 2012
There have been serious clashes worldwide over this anti-Islamic movie, that by most accounts, is of bad quality and is now notorious and has been made VERY important – because all those protesting have ‘blessed’ it with that honour.
The thing that I simply can’t fathom, from a humanitarian point of view, is why these protesters have placed SUCH significance and attention on something that could have quite as easily gone through undetected.
All of this for WHAT? Wanting to change how people think? Do they think violence is the way to change people’s minds?
We all seem to be on the same page about the obvious feelings that the Sydney protest (that turned violent) has stirred. Despite living in a huge melting pot, most people have been positively forging connections with other cultures. This last weekend’s events, however, have set this back substantially – giving those less tolerant the fuel they need to validate their feelings of racial hatred.
An absolute pity.
As I watched (stunned), I found myself disconnecting to what was being said – pressed mute, if you will – and just observed the images before me.
And I saw a sea of men. Men inciting violence.
Of course, there were women in the mix, but for the most part, you must agree that the reaction is a masculine one. Heated and violent.
I found it interesting that the one person in the Sydney riots who received the most singular attention, was a woman. A mother who was photographed taking a picture of her child with a placard calling for the beheading of those who insult the prophet Mohammed (one copy of a gazillion of the same placard).
The photo was an horrific sight. Truly. No argument from me. The fact that the next generation of children – from both sides (let’s not forget the Cronulla riots) – are being groomed to hate, is terrifying. The boy, however, is not old enough to read – so here’s hoping that he was oblivious to its writings…
The part that intrigued me, however, is that this woman handed herself in to Police the next day, to sort things out.
Any of the men do the same? The violent and destructive ones?
Remember that I’m observing – like a David Attenborough from another planet – having a peek.
So, I looked at what was happening around the world – and yes, it’s more of the same.
“This insult touched off the second wave of Islamic awakening and we hope that this wave would grow into a tsunami which would annihilate the US,” Ayatollah Ahmad Khatami, the top member of the Assembly of Experts, told thousands of clerics in the holy city of Qom on Sunday.
Sea of men.
Question #98: Can we ever achieve a peaceful existence, when the predominant masculine reaction is paving the way?
I’m not implying that ALL men are this way – in the same way that I would never profess that women are incapable of violent acts.
You all know what I mean.
Deep Breath…
(Maybe a lot of these people should have started with a deep breath and this issue could have been rationalised logically – that an idiot made a video.)
What about the following?
Maybe I’m naive, but I like the cartoon.
A girl can dream, can’t she?
x
An important question for men and women. Equally.
July 9, 2012
I have a two-parter today. Women need to see this – but I really need to get some thoughts from the guys’ end of the fence. Unfortunately, what I’d really like, is to hear some young men’s perspectives, but I doubt they read this blog – so, seeing as you older lads know what’s going on inside a male’s mind, I’d love your opinion AND input as to how we can change things around.
Firstly there is a short going around, similar to Miss Representation, but instead looking at how the sexualisation of the current culture, is developing our future men:
There’s a question in the piece that asks:
“So where do guys get the idea that women are play things, eye candy and sexual objects for our enjoyment?”
As the question is being asked, a scene from a movie is shown, where a stream of attractive women walk in – dressed in lingerie – who then all bend over in front of a male who’s stunned, while the other, Adam Sandler, directs the girls to do it.
So degrading. As a woman, it’s hard to watch.
“The answer is, quite honestly, everywhere.” – they say.
True. It is. It’s at saturation point.
BUT!..and this is where I repeat that I’m not anti-male – you can’t have a stream of women bending over…WITHOUT WOMEN. Without their consent.
So, if our girls are lining up to pander to this heterosexual male fantasy (porn) behaviour and look:
Question #69: What are we, as a society, doing to instigate this?
Can it be changed? Pulled back a notch? Can we (you) stand up and do something to help gain some control of this spiralling problem?
OK – Part two.
A 20-something year old guy started a ‘bed of shame’ idea on Twitter, getting guys to take photos of themselves next to the woman they’ve spent the night with. Click here for article. It was so popular over the weekend – inundated with photos – that he’s doing it again. Filth.
Question #70: What do men think about the accessibility and ease guys have, to be able to do this to women?
I know what I think about all of this – and I’m sure you have a sense of what I think too…but what do YOU think? About any of it.
Is there a solution?
Leaving it with you.
Deep Breath.
x
A question for men – #3
July 3, 2012
Just a quick observation.
I was watching The Project last night and one of the stories was about an annual competition here on the east coast of Australia:
The Face of Origin…
…for The State of Origin, of course.
As usual, the women all looked the same – long hair, lots of make-up and fake tan, little amount of clothing etc. etc. Snore. Snore.
I actually wonder how the guys pick the ‘winner’ out of the bunch…eeny, meeny, miney, mo?
Anyhoo, that’s just one angle – the obvious one – but here’s my question to you:
Question #65: Why can’t the ‘Face of Origin’ be a guy?
It’s a $20,000 prize.
Twenty THOUSAND dollars!!
So why can’t it be a guy? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have a guy represent the ‘face’ of Rugby League?
With that sort of money – I was curious as to what you thought…
Deep Breath.
x
Questions for Us 
