My response to a comment. Abortion #2.
September 8, 2012
In a comment responding to my last post, Harley wrote the following – an analogy on abortion:
“An embryo is a blueprint for a human, but is not yet a human. Comparing the removal of such an unwanted blueprint, to murder, is like comparing tearing up a plan for a beautiful house, to taking a wrecking ball to a beautiful house.”
I think that’s perfect.
It’s opened a need for me to write the following:
I wrote an essay at uni, when I took up a unit of Philosophy – this comment has just reminded me of it! It was a paper about abortion and I had to argue for or against it. Pity it was written in the time of typewriters, because it’s long gone and I’d love to be able to read what I wrote…
Whilst at uni – the birthplace of my first serious relationship – I always reasoned that, should I accidentally fall pregnant (even though I was taking precautions), I would NOT have an abortion. But whilst writing my essay, I couldn’t – in my soul – feel I could ‘take sides’ and judge a woman’s reason for having to have one, by being ‘anti-abortion’.
I respect life – but I was leaning more towards the woman, than the foetus. Why? Because with all my well thought out, good intentions about abortion…what if one day I DID need to have one? I knew that if I did have to come to that decision, it would be the hardest, most gut-wrenching and heartbreaking decision I would ever have to make. And would be still.
Women don’t casually go and get one done, like a pedicure. In their lunch hour. If there WERE women who took the whole thing a little more casually (the rest being psychologically affected in some way – however small) – they would be the minority. But even THEY risk the possibility of terminating their chance to have children ever again.
Noone wins in this situation…I would even go on the line and say, no woman EVER wins.
So in my essay, I sided with women – siting that whilst the foetus cannot survive outside the womb, it’s not truly a person – especially as a teeny tiny one. The blueprint.
Today, as always, women are being immorally shortchanged by the men in power – the law makers. Because not giving women the freedom and right of choice, is wrong. It’s not fair.
There’s a simple, unjust reason for this (amongst many) – TWO people make a baby, but the person being judged and forced to have it and raise the child alone (in too many instances), is the woman – regardless of circumstance. One rule.
BUT…the man can walk away.
Question #90: How can men in government, knowing the freedom that their gender affords them, doom women to stick to the birth – and all the complications that come with the baby – and pass laws without women’s voices being heard and taken into account?
Where’s the rule that forces the man – by law – to be obligated to stick around and be an emotional and financial support? If the argument is that the foetus is a real person, then shouldn’t the father be obliged to begin that support from conception?
It’s only fair.
We should send this idea on!
Deep, frustrated breath for my sisters.
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A serious double whammy.
September 8, 2012
The United States continues to be in the throes of debate…and all over women’s bodies. Again. With men in politics voicing their opinions about women’s bodies. Again.
They seem to be in a political fervour and the latest CORKER comes from a Republican named Todd Akin.
In the article Todd Akin, what exactly is ‘legitimate’ rape?”, Akin is quoted, in his attempt to fortify his anti-abortion stance, as saying:
“It seems to me first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
Speechless.
When we find ourselves turning to a panel consisting of a majority of men, to determine the rules as to what women are allowed to do with their bodies – there’s something terribly wrong.
At the start of the year, I went to see Eve Ensler speak and she had this to say to Akin:
Dear Mr Akin, I want you to imagine…
If I can add a little spin of black humour to all this, watch the following clip:
Although we may laugh – it simply allows us to cover over how despondent we truly feel.
Now. What do I think about rape.
I know that the majority of women have either experienced rape, sexual assault, inappropriate touching and a gazillion other situations. The fact that the stories are literally ENDLESS has to say something about our culture. OK, so it’s not a new phenomenon, BUT you cannot deny that the representation of sex in the media and the saturation of porn, is having an ever more detrimental effect on our developing youth. The cases of rape to girls under the age of 12 is staggering – the film Miss Representation put the percentage at 15%.
I recently spoke to a male parent I know and he said he had to throw out a game his teenage son was playing (which he attained from another male friend) – where you got bonus points for rape.
BONUS POINTS FOR RAPE. It made me feel sick when he told me…as well as so helpless for our kids. I’ll be honest, there’s a tinge of despair as well.
1 in 6 have experienced rape or attempted rape. I am one of the 1 in 6 (attempted).
I had a guy I had not even spoken to at a university party, follow me to my college room – chit-chatting on the way. I used to collect Coke bottles and memorabilia and he feigned an interest, walked into my room and locked the door behind him. He told me that it would just take a second and that he didn’t want to have to get rough. I knew that I wasn’t a match physically, so I acted like it would be great, but that I wasn’t feeling up to it. He pushed me down on my bed by the neck a few times as well as try to take off my top. Luckily for me, I managed to get out into the corridor where he got (verbally) very angry, but we were out in the open, so I was spared.
I have never been more terrified. Just because he didn’t actually rape me, doesn’t mean that I didn’t experience pure panic inside.
But you know what? When word got around, people started to take sides – because he was a ‘nice guy’. I hadn’t even spoken to him at the college party – not a word. And yet, judgement was made against me.
ENOUGH!
Enough judgement.
Question #88: Why isn’t more being done to STOP rape – rather than working out what is or isn’t classified as rape; or what the woman did or didn’t do?
I read a phrase that says – “Don’t compare your life to others; you have no idea what their journey is all about.”
Which brings me to other point in this debate – abortion.
It’s none of my business what a woman decides for herself. I DONT KNOW HER STORY OR SITUATION. If we are so naive as to think that the majority of women take the decision lightly – then we’re believing an illusion that’s been fabricated.
The majority of women who have abortions are already mothers, who simply cannot support another child.
I have seen teen girls overseas begging on the streets because they can’t afford the child they (may) have been forced to keep. Is this child really going to be the next Einstein? Or is it more likely that it will live a life of misery, abuse and/or poverty?
“Every woman should be empowered and have the right to determine when she wants to have a child. The right to own her future and provide for her children’s futures. The right to participate freely and equally in society.” (via UPWORTHY)
The bottom line for me is this:
Question #89: What about the WOMAN’S life? (the one that’s already established)
But in terms of The United States and their heavy anti-abortion stance, it’s curious – as my friend Jane said to me – that for a country that’s so pro-life, they are also pro-guns and pro-war. (Not ALL of course, it just how they’re perceived). I’ve always seen it as absurd and surreal, that anti-abortionists, want – and do at times – kill doctors…
*shaking my lowered, saddened head*
Deep Breath.
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Miss Representation Screening
September 3, 2012
I held the screening for Miss Representation tonight and it was simply fantastic.
SO much food for thought – so many issues I’ve already discussed in previous posts and will continue to talk about – more than ever.
I want to thank those that came along to support a teacher who took a chance. I am totally chuffed. I also had the giddy honour to have Melinda Tankard-Reist from Collective Shout come along.
This is just a quick post to show a few images taken by a friend. I was all geared up to take an awesome shot of the audience – nearly 100 – but I was so nervous that I completely forgot!
I introduced the movie…(knot in my throat)
…and had a post movie chat after the show where a few people made some comments – if I let them get a word in edgewise! Haha!
Thanks again. And I hope that together we can start to make the changes in our lives with the young people developing around us, create a ripple effect and start to make some fantastic and positive change.
Love to you all.
Deep Breath
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Just vote. Sign your name. It’s simple.
September 2, 2012
In light of my last few posts – if you want to start making that change, sign the following petition to Cleo Magazine – strongly urging them to stop altering the images of women they use.
Following a US teenager’s successful petition calling on 17 Magazine to publish one unaltered photo spread per month, Melbourne woman Jessica Barlow has created a petition calling on Australian Cleo Magazine to do the same.
The petition reads:
Reality is beautiful. Stop using Photoshop to alter appearances.
In high school, not a day would go by without hearing another girl complain about her weight or appearance. I saw girls get severely bullied and excluded because they didn’t live up to the beauty ideals of women in magazines.And it made me want to doctor my own appearance even more.
My friends and I looked up to the models in Cleo magazine. It was one of the most popular among my classmates. But what I think many of us didn’t know is that Cleo was altering the images of women to make them skinny and blemish free.
The altered pictures make readers question their weight, appearance and self-worth. I know this much first hand. They teach us that to be “pretty” you have to be thin and have perfect skin. Studies now show that these damaging images can lead to eating disorders, dieting and depression.
Distorting and editing the appearances of models in magazines is distorting the mental health of girls who read magazines that engage in these practices.
Public pressure is building across the world for magazines to stop altering images of girls. In the US a teenager convinced Seventeen Magazine to publish one unaltered spread a month after thousands joined her petition. I think Cleo should do the same for their readers.
I want Cleo to stop selling images that hurt girls and break our self-esteem. Let us see real faces and real shapes in at least one photo spread a month — and always put a warning symbol on any image that has been altered.
It’s time to put an end to the digitally enhanced, unrealistic beauty we see in the pages of magazines. Please sign my petition to Cleo Magazine editors calling on them to give us images of real girls in their magazines.
PLEASE sign. It’s quick and it’s the first step in having a voice:
You can also tell them what you think, by writing a rational, intelligent comment on their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/CLEOAustralia?filter=2
Lastly, you can check out the following page:
https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/440832622636296/445479898838235/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity
Let’s do this thing!
Deep Breath and sign against covers like the following cartoon:
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DON’T buy into it. Yep – it’s a Shout Out. #4.
September 2, 2012
I’ve had an epiphany – a bit of an ‘a-ha’ moment. Well, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t know it before, but more that I was hit with a simple and succinct realisation.
It’s the simplicity of it that is both liberating and equally terrifying – because regardless of its clarity – we are trapped.
You know all the famous modern icons? – I can’t believe what we call them ‘icons’ for – icons like Kim Kardashian?
We’re paying them.
In turn, they spend the money we give them on ‘perfecting’ themselves:
On make-up – THEY DON’T PAY FOR.
On clothes – THEY DON’T PAY FOR.
On ‘procedures’ – THEY DON’T PAY FOR.
Cars – Technology – ‘Gift Bags’ – EVERYTHING!…they don’t pay.
We do.
And then we worship them for creating the image we can never have (as I wrote in my penultimate post Why it’s worse now) and buy more beauty products, clothes, ‘procedures’ to try to replicate it. In turn, we keep fattening their pay packets, as the beauty industry uses them over and over again – making them icons.
THIS IS PURE INSANITY!
This vicious cycle is not only never-ending – its predatory qualities and hunger appear to be insatiable.
OK, here comes a Shout Out.
We are intelligent beings, ladies – VERY intelligent:
Question #87: So why are we doing it to ourselves? WHY?
And we are doing it from both sides – one side (the majority of us) perpetuate it by BUYING into this mono; limiting; ‘hot’ look, while on the other side, we also have the women who agree to represent us so poorly and participate in our exploitation that way.
It’s a trap.
As a fly is digested slowly in the Venus Fly Trap, so are we.
I don’t know about you, but that’s why this clarity is a tad terrifying to me – because its EFFECTS are devastating. Statistics are showing girls and women spiralling into a world of depression and worse. I even know many mothers who loathe their bodies after growing a human being in them – instead of wearing their shape with a pure sense of pride – of the miracles their bodies are.
But, as I said in response to a comment from the above-mentioned post, EVERYTHING IS TAUGHT. Everything.
So it’s time. Regardless of what’s happened in the past – the only way to move forward is to say, “OK, yes, we used to do it like that or accept things as they are – but not any more.
Do not pay any attention to women like Lara Bingle, who so graciously had the following picture of herself taken (which has also been photoshopped to an inch of its life):
…because as I’ve said to my students at school – ANYONE CAN DO THAT! Anyone can have sex. Anyone can take their clothes off. It’s not a difficult thing to do…and yet we end up rewarding women for doing just that??
The challenging and hard thing is NOT doing it the easy way – through shortcuts – as there’s always a price to pay…
…and ain’t we paying for it now!
The irony being that the money from our pockets, provides the funding for more.
I repeat: Why are we doing it to ourselves?
Deep Breath everyone – it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
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Why it’s worse now.
September 2, 2012
I was cooking and my 9 year old daughter was keeping me company, chatting. It was great.
Yesterday, when I let her play on the computer, which is normally some sort of simple game, I went in to find her doing a ‘make-over’ on some cartoon girl. I told her to get off it. She didn’t make a fuss. Bless her.
So we were chatting about that tonight. I said that, in a way, that game was training her to become a girl who grooms herself in a particular way. I said that there was nothing wrong with wearing makeup when she’s older, but that girls and women nowadays were spending A LOT of money to look a particular way.
I said to her that when I was younger, I loved going through women’s magazines but that ‘back then’ the images were of the women as they were. Don’t get me wrong, we were being sold a particular image – thin, glamorous, in the latest looks…thin – BUT they were fairly real. No airbrushing…lots of make-up – but no airbrushing.
Throughout these modern times – since mid-last century – women have always been sold a look; in line with the fashion of the time. And we have always jumped on that wagon, hoping to mirror that look and belong. That’s cool. We are the fairer sex and we like to groom ourselves.
But it’s worse now.
Why? Because the looks and bodies we’re trying to mirror – are altered and unattainable ones.
Simple, isn’t it?
The logic of it is striking and obvious – and yet…
…here we are ladies – watching women on our screens, posters, ads – depicting the shangri-las of looks – that we can’t have because they are simply. not. real.
Question #85: Why is the unaltered image above, not considered beautiful?
Because there are some rolls…like the ones we all have? Because she has a tummy…like most women?
God forbid we represent the general female population in our media!
Now look at the women around you – your friends – your family.
Do you think they’re all ugly?
They must be if they’re not thin, ‘hot’ and sexy…with no wrinkles etc. etc. etc.
But the majority of women DO NOT fit that tiny mould and I’m also pretty sure that you don’t think any such thing about the women in your life. So, if we think the ordinary and remarkable women around us are beautiful:
Question #86: Why are we being passive and tolerate what the media is doing to the representation of women?
And we are being passive.
Just look at what’s been done to the images of the women below – for magazines that women buy:
Even Barbie – or any doll for that matter (Bratz, anyone?) – sells a look to girls from a young age.
It’s up to us to change this. Noone else can do it – certainly not men. That would be as futile as women changing men’s perspectives.
It’s up to us.
Deep Breath.
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Without women…Just sayin’ – #8
August 11, 2012
A short post…although I’ve had trouble posting it. Sorry if it keeps reappearing – this should be it.
Now to the issue at hand…
I can’t believe a woman agreed to pose for this shot.
This shot.
Being violently grabbed – violence being represented in three ways – by a fully dressed man.
Dominated.
She’s nobody. Nothing. Invisible.
Inferior.
So demeaning.
…and yet it’s glamorised with her smoking!
A casual way to spend the evening, perhaps?
What exactly does she get out of this?
Money?
At what price?
More importantly, what did she teach him?
So it comes down to this:
Question #81: How are we supposed to rise above our situation, when women like this continue to participate in promoting our exploitation?
Worse still, they’re becoming more and more mainstream. Just look at your TV. Or your Facebook Timeline. The following is an ad that appeared on a female friend’s Timeline:
Without women…(you complete the sentence).
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath
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Screening of ‘Miss Representation’
August 2, 2012
I know that there are possibly only a small number of you who actually live in Sydney or thereabouts, but I’ve secured the license to screen the documentary:
Miss Representation
It’s on Monday 3rd September at 6.30pm and it will only cost $20 pp. This covers the cost of the license and the wonderful venue, Dendy Cinema Opera Quays – near the Opera House!
A pretty amazing deal, I think!
This is a great opportunity for parents to see the effects popular culture is having on both our girls AND boys. It also explores the under-representation of women in positions of power and influence in America, and challenges the media’s limited portrayal of what it means to be a powerful woman.
Spread the word!
If you, or any people you know, are interested in coming along, just look at the comments to this post, as it tells you how to pay to secure a seat.
I hope to see you there!
Paula
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Beauty is an attitude.
July 31, 2012
I found the following on Facebook and I think it’s simply fantastic:
We are the fairer sex. Yes.
And we should enjoy that…but at what price?
Recently I’ve listened to numerous female students feel down about their looks – thinking they’re not beautiful, which always leaves me feeling aghast because I can’t communicate the beauty I see. They think I’m ‘just saying that’. They also don’t know how to accept a compliment because they simply don’t believe it.
I feel a touch of despair for these girls because the feelings of inadequacy they have about themselves, only proves that the grip the false ideals of beauty has on them – has talons.
In a previous post, A response, I put a photo of me in my final year of high school, aged 17, with very alluring short hair. NOT! The year before this photo was taken – when my hair was a little shorter – my, Catholic, all-girls high school took my year group on a three-day camp, with an all-boys high school.
Now, I was your typical teen – someone who wanted to find a dreamy boyfriend, who would adore me forever…
But I didn’t fit the ‘mould’.
On the camp, I experienced two poignant moments – moments long forgotten, that have recently poked their heads out of my cavernous memory. Due to this resurfacing, I have shared the story with a few…so to those of you who have heard this one already, I ask you for your ever-appreciated patience with me repeating myself!
Moment 1. A group of us were walking up to the boys’ cabins, where you had to walk up a few steps to their long verandah. A boy was standing at the top of these steps saying, “Welcome” to every girl as she stepped up. When I got there he said, “You’re not welcome.”
That’s OK. I walked through anyway.
Moment 2. In a group session, we were asked what our first impressions were of each other. There was that awkward silence when everyone is shyly looking around or staring at their hands – when one guy, put his hand up, looking straight at the team leader and said, “I thought Paula was really weird because of her hair.”
I didn’t mind. It kind of felt good – no other girl got mentioned. And I knew I wasn’t weird.
Even though I lay my dream of finding my high school sweetheart at this camp to rest (and felt a little bummed), I knew they’d be another time that would present itself…
…and I ceratinly wasn’t going to start growing my hair long and disappear into the crowd – just because two boys weren’t into my look.
Still girls and boys trying to get one another’s attention – no different to today.
So, what IS the difference between then and now? Well, how about the saturation of EVERYTHING…’on tap’?
For women, there seem to be endless amounts of clothes, shoes, make-up, hair products – electrical and chemical, salon services, manicures, pedicures, facials, diet options, diet shakes, hair removal options (shave, wax, laser), Botox, machines that ‘dissolve’ cellulite, surgical procedures…and ALL THAT;
For basically one. general. look.
No wonder girls are in a whirlpool of self-loathing.
A recent report said that women in Australia spend $100, 000 on razors and $30, 000 on waxing – a year.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m one of the razor buyers (since my teens)…but when you look at numbers like that, doesn’t it seem ridiculous? That’s a lot of money.
Question #78: What price do you pay for ‘beauty’? Are you happy yet?
Don’t buy into it! Not through your mind OR your wallets.
Of course those on the receiving end of your spending, don’t want you to stop – so be the sensible, intelligent woman you are and know:
Beauty is an attitude.
It resonates.
By all means enhance – uniquely – do the best with what you’ve been blessed with.
YES – blessed! Don’t lose sight of the big picture.
You don’t need ‘fixing’…and as it says in the image above – you don’t owe it to anyone!
And the only thing you owe to yourself – is to love your unique ‘take’ on beauty.
Deep Breath.
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Just look at this image…
July 20, 2012
Lily Munroe – a friend I have made through this blog (and has a like-minded blog herself: freedomfrompornculture) – found the following, A-MAZ-ING image, after reading my last post:
Question #76: Do you think this is what’s happening?
I do…
and I’m finding myself getting a little alarmed.
Deep Breath.
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Questions for Us 