I’m feeling despondent.
October 28, 2012
Again, it seems I’ve hit another moment where it all feels a smidge overwhelming.
I’m a bit low about it all.
I keep seeing – hearing – absorbing – feeling – more and more examples of horrible behaviour, greedy behaviour, hateful behaviour…
…and I just don’t understand.
I don’t understand why intelligent men and women sit back with a desensitised indifference or, worse still, defend certain elements of our society – making us tip out of balance. I feel like we’re sitting on the side of the balance that’s just started its descent…and it’s going to reach the bottom at an accelerated and unstoppable pace…
Or have we reached that ‘point of no return’ already?
I’d like to think not. I’d LOVE to think not. But am I being naive to think we can put on the brakes?
Because I’m starting to doubt that it’s possible because there seems to be a lot who defend the need for cesspools in different pockets of our existence.
It’s depressing to entertain this thought. It is.
For me, this is the crux of it:
The world is going down a slippery chute – because of money and power.
And it doesn’t matter how you look at it – proven statistically – whatever the culture around the globe, whatever the economic status…
…the true victims of any society, are women.
And the ones who wield the power and dominate, are men.
Not ALL men – but most of those who are in positions of power, are – however they came to be there. They’re the ones ruling this planet. Fact.
But I’m wondering, if there are so many of you out there – and I know in my heart you are out there (regardless of gender) – who feel like a lot of the things being brought to light are wrong:
Question #105: Where are you?
I see women like Melinda Tankard Reist and the phenomenal team at Collective Shout, who are doing wonderful, extraordinary work. They have won so many battles against things that seem inconceivable, to have been allowed to be put in our society in the first place. Inconceivable. They have little money and are flying by the skin of their teeth. But they keep going because it simply has to be done.
Where’s the equivalent loud male voice – a face – who also thinks things are very, very wrong?
Where are the voices of ALL of us, regardless of gender?
In a previous post Feeling a bit ineffectual I listed how women are the victims of this world.
Women are raped by the thousands in places like Africa – used as a weapon of war – DAILY. Women infected with diseases from it.
Women / baby girls around the planet – who are raped, molested, sexually assaulted, trafficked – DAILY
Countless countries forbidding girls from being educated. Shooting a targeted girl, point blank, in the head for wanting one. These are the countries that like war. They have their women – who could stop them if they were in decision-making positions along side them – submissively kept at home.
The poverty, the pain…
And here? In the capitalist world? Here we only reward one thing;
Making money – at whatever cost.
Most of us do it the right and honourable way – with our ethics and morals intact – but the thing I don’t understand is why we actually stand back and let the soulless monster loose in big business – to OUR detriment. OURS.
We are creating a MINDLESS culture by allowing men – yes men – the ones in power who hold 97% of clout positions in Advertising, Publishing, Tele-communications and Entertainment – to feed on all our weakest and most vulnerable points..to make money. To make a LIVING.
With their fellow men it’s done through sex and with women it’s done through vanity.
Except for the men it’s a dominant weakness and for women it’s a submissive one.
Men are happy with their vice – by indulging in the world of hyper-sexuality and porn…but women never are! Which woman actually believes they’re beautiful enough? Good enough?
What the hell’s THAT about ladies? Seriously!
We’re allowing companies to target and condition our youth to become MINDLESS.
Our silence and indifference gives them permission.
WHY are we doing this? Because it’s good business? The more we say that, the more we pave the way for another to push the ethical frontiers. I’m beginning to wonder if there are any left.
Seems like a free-for-all.
The infuriating part is that we could ALL sell-out and make a quid the fast way.
We ALL have the capacity to steal. We ALL have the capacity to cheat. We can be unkind, selfish, greedy, hateful – but for the majority of people – we’re decent.
Question #106: So, why are we letting the men in power dictate how they will feed off ALL of us – men, women and children – in this detrimental way?
All’s fair in love, war…and capitalism, it seems.
I wonder, with a heavy heart, if the line above does encompass the general attitude amongst the masses…
Again, I hope not.
This is a worthy cause, isn’t it?
Deep Breath.
Pass it on. Speak up. Anything to help create change.
Without women…Just sayin’ – #8
August 11, 2012
A short post…although I’ve had trouble posting it. Sorry if it keeps reappearing – this should be it.
Now to the issue at hand…
I can’t believe a woman agreed to pose for this shot.
This shot.
Being violently grabbed – violence being represented in three ways – by a fully dressed man.
Dominated.
She’s nobody. Nothing. Invisible.
Inferior.
So demeaning.
…and yet it’s glamorised with her smoking!
A casual way to spend the evening, perhaps?
What exactly does she get out of this?
Money?
At what price?
More importantly, what did she teach him?
So it comes down to this:
Question #81: How are we supposed to rise above our situation, when women like this continue to participate in promoting our exploitation?
Worse still, they’re becoming more and more mainstream. Just look at your TV. Or your Facebook Timeline. The following is an ad that appeared on a female friend’s Timeline:
Without women…(you complete the sentence).
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath
x
The Shire
July 17, 2012
I will be brief as most of Australia has heard of nothing else but this all day.
Last night The Shire aired its first episode.
I literally have no words to explain the levels of ‘wrong’.
Many people from the area are incensed that it’s not an accurate depiction of ‘how it is’ there and then I have a colleague at work who knows which high school one of the girls went to…and it wasn’t in ‘The Shire.’
Oh well, big deal. So the creators are deceiving us – what’s new?
I only have one MAAAAJOR problem with this show and that is how young women are being portrayed.
One of the ‘duo’ (pictured below) did NOTHING but talk about spray-tans, big lips, being thin and botox – with her sidekick. She also convinces her friend to get botox in her forehead…which we see get done. The response? “Is that it? That didn’t even hurt!”
It was like an ad.
By the way, the breasts she’s so subtly pushing out in the image below, were pretty much ‘in your face’ throughout the episode.
Many people in the public were responding to the show by saying how terrible it is that these girls are being judged for how they look. In general, I tend to agree. There are many women who embody similar attributes and attitudes and many more who don’t and we should all be accepted as we are…BUT…
…how can one NOT judge these women about their looks, when the producers not only picked THREE of the main female characters to appear obsessed with their fake appearances – it was, in fact, ALL they talked about. What else are we going to discuss about them – their witty banter?
We have entered a sad time of ‘entertainment’ when such ineffectual people are being glamorised on the screen, for our children to absorb. And they ARE absorbing everything they see.
Question #74: Aren’t we sick of it yet?
What do our daughters have to look up to, when nowadays women have to look hyper-sexualised and self obsessed to become ‘famous’?
Where’s the balance of the other 95% of wonderful women out there to model for our children?
This show, besides all that, is manufactured tripe and should really be boycotted. Don’t you want money and sponsorship spent on something better to put on the telly?
Deep Breath.
x
Ready, Fire, Aim!
July 16, 2012
I have taken a very deep breath and after my off-loading in the last post, I found the second wind I needed from all the wonderful support and great conversations – both online and with friends and family around me.
I still feel the same way as I did in that last post – but now it’s from a clearer and calmer position – and much less overwhelmed as I did a few days ago.
Let’s get to it.
Ready, Fire, Aim!
I heard these words at a professional development day at my school recently – the words of James Nottingham, an educator from the UK.
Our principal said these words – this formula – as a way to inspire positive change in what we do as teachers and I think they’re awesome.
The idea is that we fire – to just do – see how it goes and then readjust our aim. Otherwise we just keep sitting in the same situations waiting for the perfect solution to manifest itself, without trying it out first.
Nothing effective in that.
How are we supposed to get things right, if we’re not willing to try something different? Again, I can hear the voice of Dr Phil making its way through the haze, imploring us to think…”How’s that working for ya?”
I hear MANY women and mothers complain about the state of certain affairs – in everything, mind you, not just in this feminist realm – but that’s all they do…talk about it to each other.
Well, I’m here to say that we can all make small change in one of two ways (or both!):
- Raise your voice and/or
- Choose who gets the benefit of your money.
Just Fire!
To a lot of you, the story I’m about to tell, may not raise any eyebrows and may put your ‘care factor’ at zero. But I care and I think it’s the subtleties like the following, that most people just accept – and we really shouldn’t.
When lines are tentatively crossed, the perpetrators will see what the reaction is – but when there is no reaction or opposition (which seems to be the way of things) – they just draw another line further along and cross it again.
On Saturday night – at 6.30pm – the wonderful, The Sound of Music was on TV and, although I had seen in a gazillion times throughout my youth, I thought it’d be lovely for the girls to immerse themselves in its legendary and geeky glow. How can we forget Liesl going, “Weeeeeeeeeeee!” after her first kiss! It was also cool to see that they already knew some of the songs, even though they hadn’t seen it before…
…and then the commercial break.
We have a new series that’s about to start in Australia called, The Shire – looking at life on the southern beaches of Sydney – through the eyes of a select few, young (of course) adults. It looks like an attempt to do a tacky, Australian version of, Jersey Shore. For anyone from overseas, these are the sort of shorts we’re seeing in the lead up to its inception – Click here – along with the classy promo shot at the end.
So, now you’re starting to see the full picture – one moment we’re all singing along to,”Doe, a deer, a female deer…”and I’m telling my girls that their aunt has pictures of the actual glass gazebo, where Liesl and Rolf sing and dance – and the next we’re assaulted with the image of a blond, heavily made-up girl, referring to herself as a princess, saying:
“I’m so preeeety.”
Worse still there are two girls with little clothing on, in another version of the ad, describing how they don’t like the natural look – with one of them saying:
“I love looking fake – if you weren’t born with it, buy it.”
Well, as far as I know, NOONE is born ‘with it’ – ‘it’ is manufactured – but thank you for getting in my daughters’ ears with this crap.
If there were a visual of me desperately trying to find the remote and change the channel, you’d have a right laugh. But it was what I had to do – because the brain takes an imprint of everything it sees and I simply don’t want my girls seeing this same image of women, over and over again.
And it’s everywhere. It’s exhausting. Even ‘my choice’ not to watch the show is taken from me because (at least here in Australia), the ads are practically half the episode…a slight exaggeration, but you get the drift.
Simply, what’s been made painfully clear to me, is that my kids literally CANNOT watch anything on TV because these ads were not age appropriate – a family movie coupled with ads of spoilt, fake, over-made up and fickle young adults. It really pissed me off.
So now I fire.
- I am complaining to Channel 10. What will come of it? I don’t exactly know, but I do know that when there are enough complaints, the Advertising Standards Board will investigate the issue it’s being presented with.
- I will boycott this show.
Question #73: Can you imagine the effect if everyone did one or both of the above?
People power.
I know that speaking up is not for everyone – but there are always ways to show you’re not happy…especially through your wallet.
If you don’t buy it – there isn’t a product to sell. If noone’s watching, investors will lose money and hopefully learn that they’ll have to back a different kind of show next time.
Simple really.
So if you don’t like a situation – whatever it is – just Fire! Aim later.
Deep Breath
x
PS Just look at the difference…
An important question for men and women. Equally.
July 9, 2012
I have a two-parter today. Women need to see this – but I really need to get some thoughts from the guys’ end of the fence. Unfortunately, what I’d really like, is to hear some young men’s perspectives, but I doubt they read this blog – so, seeing as you older lads know what’s going on inside a male’s mind, I’d love your opinion AND input as to how we can change things around.
Firstly there is a short going around, similar to Miss Representation, but instead looking at how the sexualisation of the current culture, is developing our future men:
There’s a question in the piece that asks:
“So where do guys get the idea that women are play things, eye candy and sexual objects for our enjoyment?”
As the question is being asked, a scene from a movie is shown, where a stream of attractive women walk in – dressed in lingerie – who then all bend over in front of a male who’s stunned, while the other, Adam Sandler, directs the girls to do it.
So degrading. As a woman, it’s hard to watch.
“The answer is, quite honestly, everywhere.” – they say.
True. It is. It’s at saturation point.
BUT!..and this is where I repeat that I’m not anti-male – you can’t have a stream of women bending over…WITHOUT WOMEN. Without their consent.
So, if our girls are lining up to pander to this heterosexual male fantasy (porn) behaviour and look:
Question #69: What are we, as a society, doing to instigate this?
Can it be changed? Pulled back a notch? Can we (you) stand up and do something to help gain some control of this spiralling problem?
OK – Part two.
A 20-something year old guy started a ‘bed of shame’ idea on Twitter, getting guys to take photos of themselves next to the woman they’ve spent the night with. Click here for article. It was so popular over the weekend – inundated with photos – that he’s doing it again. Filth.
Question #70: What do men think about the accessibility and ease guys have, to be able to do this to women?
I know what I think about all of this – and I’m sure you have a sense of what I think too…but what do YOU think? About any of it.
Is there a solution?
Leaving it with you.
Deep Breath.
x
A response – # 3
June 4, 2012
I invite you all to read the SIX comments an American gentleman left as a response to my last post.
I actually don’t know what he’s on about because he only keeps repeating in bold letters: they CANNOT COMPETE WITH THE NFL.
Over and over again…plus a lot of insults.
I think the springboard for his rant, was my question wondering why the women can’t wear protective gear. I meant mainly skin protection, as they’re being brutally tackled onto the ground, with literally nothing on. Fair question, isn’t it?
He also talks about his country’s superiority and how retarded we are in Australia…although I’m sure he just means me.
That’s OK…
…because at least I have a grasp of grammar and know how to clearly make my point – something this gentleman is lacking.
Superior indeed.
Deeeep Breath.
x
PS The following are some more promotional shots for the LFL.
Question #53: Don’t you think these images cross the line? (especially the second one)
There is no male equivalent. If you do have examples – I’d love to see them.
I’m pretty sure you mostly agree with me…so I ask you:
What’s the lesson – what is it teaching?
Just sayin’ – #4
May 30, 2012
Picture this – you have a yearning to do something – something that gives you a real fire in your belly. You’ve been told that being a woman means that there are no boundaries and that you can do anything! GO FOR IT!
Well, some of the women who are involved in the LFL feel that fire and want to feel that sporting challenge.
This week I have heard arguments in favour of the LFL – of genuinely interested women who want to play but have no other avenue to do so…unless they wear ‘the uniform.’
Question #49: What does this say about our unequal world, if the only way these women can play this sport is by looking sexually provocative?
As I’ve heard said, “Why else would anyone go watch women’s sport?” Sad.
I asked why these women don’t just start up a league and play on their own terms… and the answer is – it doesn’t make money.
When the LFL was about to launch in the US, the Chicago Tribune quoted: “For those who have long mulled what would happen if you wedded Victoria’s Secret with professional football, the Lingerie Football League debuts…” it also says, “…the league, billing itself as true fantasy football…”
It is, what it is.
Whatever positive messages this sport has, it’s lost in its packaging – or lack there-of.
Sad.
If my wonderful grandmother were still alive, I wonder what she would think of women being portrayed and SOLD in this manner?
…Just sayin’
Deep Breath.
x
It’s less than a week before the LFL plays in Brisbane and Sydney and I’m going to continue using my voice to oppose it. Go to Change.org and vote!
With power comes great responsibility.
May 24, 2012
It feels like we’re entering (if not already entered) a paradigm where power is highly sought after – but the ‘responsibility’ that comes with that power, is being neglected.
This issue of the Lingerie Football League (LFL) is getting me quite fired up. I’ve been having a small ‘discussion’ with a man on my Questions for Women Facebook page. My last comment to him is at the end of this post.
His perception, like maaaany, is that we need to take a ‘chill pill’ about the whole thing.
I must admit that my first response to him had some bite because, like many comments I’ve read before, men compare something like the LFL to the uniforms worn by Beach Volleyball players (for example).
They see the difference and that alarms me deeply.
That one is a uniform adequate for the sport and the other is lingerie with garter belts?…and ‘accidental nudity?’ According to an article written by Melinda Tankard Reist:
“Players have to sign contracts agreeing to “accidental nudity”. There’s nothing accidental about it: flesh exposure is virtually guaranteed. The contract states: ” … Performances hereunder may involve accidental nudity. Player knowingly and voluntarily agrees to provide player’s service … and has no objection to providing services involving player’s accidental nudity.”
If they wear any additional items of clothing under the lingerie they will be fined $500. Apart from All Star matches, they are not paid. And they are at serious risk of injury. In fact, the league brags about all the injuries suffered by female players.
It is a mix of voyeurism and violence.”
Now – the most important point or argument put forward:
“But they’re doing it of their own free will.”
Are they? Really?
Well, yes, literally they are – but is the decision an educated one? If you think of the quote, “You can’t be what you can’s see” (Miss Representation), these women are products of what they’ve seen around them, as they’ve grown and developed, and now they’re simply making the image grow, as it tragically becomes ‘fashion’ or worse, the norm. It’s a growing emergency because the more girls and young women are ‘fed’ this image, the more they feel the necessity to join up…
…and don’t the guys just love that they do.
After all, human beings have that uncanny knack for doing things that may not be the best for them – especially it feels good. Right?
And this is where I need to state – quite emphatically – that I don’t begrudge people of their desires. But I need to ask:
Question #46: Where do we draw the line? Where’s the responsibility to our youth?
I believe these young women DO need our help – make it our responsibility, seeing as the men in power are only looking out for themselves – because these women haven’t had much else to model themselves on. They’re insecure of their worth and need validation. They’re told by men that they’re ‘hot’ – paid nothing (in most cases) – and are ultimately exploited.
I continue to be completely (and sadly) gobsmacked that this LFL was permitted to come to Australia. The presentation game is in Sydney in two and a half weeks, so please make sure you vote against this on Change.org:
I think there may even be two different petitions going. Sign them all!
Deep Breath everyone!
x
![US_SOCIE(32)[1]](https://questionsforus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/us_socie321.jpg)
Facebook comment:
This ‘sport’ only exists to exploit women to service men’s desires.
Let’s talk about sex…
March 27, 2012
I need to start this post by saying that I’m SO embarrassed. When I checked the number of hits I’d had on Friday night, I failed to realise that it was a few minutes past midnight…hence why there weren’t any hits. FAIL. I must admit, though, that my brain was in the mushy stage by then, especially after the previous 24 hours. So all is good. *smile*
I also want to give an honourable mention to my BFF (who I met 35 years ago and has been a constant in my life ever since), for joining me on my mini-break. It was just the ticket. In just over a day together, we talked, did some shopping in the quaint, antiquey, Blue Mountains shops, saw The Three Sisters, drank, ate, laughed…and talked. We discussed our kids, our strength as mothers – our flaws – and gave each other support. I came away feeling peaceful and blessed. Thank you, Katy.
Now…
Sex.
As I usually do in discussions like this, I’m going to go ‘back in the day’, as it’s the only benchmark I have.
I remember in the 90’s, when I was in my 20’s, I used to buy Cosmopolitan and Cleo magazines pretty regularly – it seemed to have everything a young and vibrant girl like me needed to know! *insert ‘wow’ face*
It was also designed to confuse the hell out of us, but hey….what’s new. We went from ads with skinny and gorgeous women modelling clothes, makeup and jewellery – to the harrowing story of the girl with anorexia – to “How to lose your tummy in 10 days!” exercise regime – to some story about loving a star’s new curves. Yep. Mixed message central.
And this was the era of no photoshopping! I know – hard to believe or imagine nowadays. If anything, at least they were selling us real women – unlike today where the women are practically digital.
So, yes, the core of what we’ve been ‘sold’ over the decades, hasn’t changed. What has changed, however, is the saturation of the current ‘look’ and the worst part is that our young girls are LAPPING it up.
What does this have to have sex? I hear you ask….
Well, in the same way that us girls have always been sold an image to conform to, now it’s being used to sell a ‘common’ sexual image – for men.
Back to Cleo and Cosmo for a moment. Along with all the above-mentioned features, there was always a section devoted to how to ‘catch a guy’ or ‘please your man’ – generally with ’10 ways’ to do it. Funny – I’m not sure what magazine is out there for the guys, with tips on how to please their woman…
…oh, that’s right, there isn’t.
Question #26: Why are women perpetuating the sexual image, that’s a male fantasy?
With the introduction of the internet, it seems that (again) there is one predominant image being splashed about in everything we see; young girls and women, dressing like they’re ready to go – and a lot of them are. A friend recently said to me that a young, male relative of hers told her how easy it is for a guy to end up with a girl, “without having to do anything.”
But the word that keeps rearing its head, is young.
You have ads, like the following, where child star Dakota Fanning, is looking a little more grown up, a little less innocent – and giving up her ‘flower’ to sell perfume…that’s sitting in her crotch.
This ad was banned in the UK.
Or there’s this 10-year-old in French Vogue…
It’s obviously not enough to target young women in their 20’s, through to teenagers, to make a buck – now, to feed the insatiable lust for making money, we need to start training our girls in Primary School. What leaves me dumbfounded, however, is that there seem to be A LOT of mothers behind the new trainees.
Please watch the following clip. It features Melinda Tankard Reist, the warrior fighting the sexual exploitation of our young girls. This link contains images of a dance show in America called, “Dancing Moms” and how girls as young as eight are doing a burlesque dance – with the ‘appearance’ of being topless.
Besides the disturbing fact that pedophiles just won – AGAIN – these girls are being trained to express themselves in a sexual manner – aged 8 – for ratings. There is nowhere else for these girls to turn, because as they start to grow and watch music videos and movies, there’s just more of the same:
- Girls looking and acting like they’re naughty girls – because that’s what men like,
- Girls who are willing to give sexual favours AND be good at it – because that’s what men like,
- Girls who ‘don’t want a relationship’, just sex – because that’s what men like.
Ever noticed that if there’s a soundtrack to represent sex – it’s just a female voice you hear moaning and panting? Never a man’s – because men don’t like that.
Deep down, girls don’t know how else to behave because they’ve been fed the same story from the start – your validation comes from your looks.
Girls can’t really get validation from their friends because girls/women secretly (deep down) compete with each other. So they turn to the men and in this competitive market, how else are girls/young women going to catch that boy’s eye, if it’s by not by giving him what he wants?
We’ve always been a confused bunch – navigating our way through everything that was thrust in our face – but now it’s a whole new ball game and it’s up to us, ladies, to start turning things around through education and protest.
x
Questions for Us 
